mykdsmomy Posted November 12, 2011 Share Posted November 12, 2011 We have gone through more chore charts, family chore meetings, chore lists, chore diagrams, chore etc, etc etc!!!! My house is still in constant disarray! Dd16 and DD12 were taking turns with dishes each week (our dishwasher broke) The switch day was Sunday...but if one dd left a dish in the sink on Sat. night, the other dd would refuse to do any dishes until those dishes were done :glare: Also, both dd's would let the dishes pile up in the sink all day and when they did them, they would half acidly (my mom's version of the other phrase ;) ) wash them and stack them (no drying or putting away)....plus they don't wash off counters, tables, etc...no matter how many times we've told them, made them charts/graphs/checklists/you name it! I am seriously to the point where I just want to take back all of the chores because I'm sick of them not getting done right. (I'm not picky...I just want the kitchen to be cleaned up without me having to go in and re clean it all!!!) When I was their ages, I was doing dishes, cleaning bathrooms, scrubbing floors, sweeping, vacuuming, etc (and doing it EXACTLY the way my mom told me to or ELSE.) I don't rule with an iron fist like my mom does. I try to be fair and reasonable. I make my expectations very clear yet they are still not doing what is being asked of them. Unless I specifically ask them to do something, they won't lift a finger to help out. Laundry could pile up on the table, dishes could pile up in the sink, trash could overflow and yet they are content to let mom handle it...:glare: (I guess this is turning into more of a vent....sorry) I want to know that I'm not asking too much of them. How many chores do your dc have? How long does it take them each day to do their chores or help out around the house? How much of the housework do you shoulder yourself? We currently have 5 children but we've been averaging 6 (4 kiddos of our own and then two foster babies). We have social worker visits each week, therapies for the boys several times a week, take dd16 to work and back 3x a week, visits with birth families 1x a week, school, dr's visits, etc....so I'm pretty busy! I need the kids to really pitch in...but how much? Ideas? Opinions? Thanks :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaz Posted November 12, 2011 Share Posted November 12, 2011 Can you divide the work by room and give them the total responsibility? One could be in charge of the kitchen, one the bathroom, etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elizabeth in WA Posted November 12, 2011 Share Posted November 12, 2011 Mine do a lot of chores. ChoreWars helps a lot, especially since the virtual gold is currency for nearly all treats in our household. They can't claim a chore as completed until I approve the final product. I try to make the rewards commensurate with the work and/or the level of motivation required to get a particularly hated chore done. When that isn't enough motivation to do particularly hated chores, I insist on them being done immediately and the fact the they do at least get points for it seems to mellow some of the complaining. Still, I had to confiscate a phone and an iPod Touch last night in order to get things done. I do have to insist on dishes a few times throughout the day, and have set up lectures on iPods in our home school lesson plans specifically as "listen to this and do chores" time during the school day for each of my older children. All the same, we are not generally unexpected guest ready. There are only so many hours in a day and I do privilege schoolwork heavily in choosing where to put our time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ereks mom Posted November 12, 2011 Share Posted November 12, 2011 (edited) We have gone through more chore charts, family chore meetings, chore lists, chore diagrams, chore etc, etc etc!!!! My house is still in constant disarray! Dd16 and DD12 were taking turns with dishes each week (our dishwasher broke) The switch day was Sunday...but if one dd left a dish in the sink on Sat. night, the other dd would refuse to do any dishes until those dishes were done :glare: Also, both dd's would let the dishes pile up in the sink all day and when they did them, they would half acidly (my mom's version of the other phrase ;) ) wash them and stack them (no drying or putting away)....plus they don't wash off counters, tables, etc...no matter how many times we've told them, made them charts/graphs/checklists/you name it! I am seriously to the point where I just want to take back all of the chores because I'm sick of them not getting done right. (I'm not picky...I just want the kitchen to be cleaned up without me having to go in and re clean it all!!!) When I was their ages, I was doing dishes, cleaning bathrooms, scrubbing floors, sweeping, vacuuming, etc (and doing it EXACTLY the way my mom told me to or ELSE.) I don't rule with an iron fist like my mom does. I try to be fair and reasonable. I make my expectations very clear yet they are still not doing what is being asked of them. Unless I specifically ask them to do something, they won't lift a finger to help out. Laundry could pile up on the table, dishes could pile up in the sink, trash could overflow and yet they are content to let mom handle it...:glare: (I guess this is turning into more of a vent....sorry) I want to know that I'm not asking too much of them. How many chores do your dc have? How long does it take them each day to do their chores or help out around the house? How much of the housework do you shoulder yourself? We currently have 5 children but we've been averaging 6 (4 kiddos of our own and then two foster babies). We have social worker visits each week, therapies for the boys several times a week, take dd16 to work and back 3x a week, visits with birth families 1x a week, school, dr's visits, etc....so I'm pretty busy! I need the kids to really pitch in...but how much? Ideas? Opinions? Thanks :) I made a chore chart that I used to divide the chores up between ER, EK, and me when ER was still at home. I put a copy of the chart on the refrigerator, and I also I copied & pasted each child's daily chores onto their school assignment sheet each week. They checked off their chores the same way they checked off their school assignments. They had to complete each day's schoolwork & chores in order to get phone/television/computer/free time. Now that ER is away at college, I revised the chart, and the chores are divided between the EK & me so that we each have a couple of chores each weekday. That keeps the housework from piling up and allows us to have our weekends free of housework. Edited November 12, 2011 by ereks mom Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heidi Posted November 12, 2011 Share Posted November 12, 2011 (edited) I need the kids to really pitch in...but how much? Ideas? Opinions? Thanks :) At your kid's ages... ALL of it. Your job is to be the mother, the teacher, the driver, and it looks like you have an outside job where you visit birth families. You have a plate full with all of that already. You also have capable teens that NEED to learn the value of hard work, service, and not entitlement. Dishes, laundry, sweeping, vacuuming, bathrooms, general pick up of all the rooms in the house, and cooking can and should be done by your kids every day, multiple times a day if necessary. Get another chore system and work it. Reward with priviledges, punish by taking priviledges away. It requires your time to make sure it happens. That is part of your job. Your job is also to train them to do it the right way, every time, until they understand. Your job is to follow up on their work every time. Your job is to tell them it's time to clean. It is tough having this job, but it is so important! Something that works really well in our house is I have a large clock displayed and put a sticker on the times to clean. Our clock reminds me to have the kids clean after breakfast, after lunch, before dinner, and before bed. Four times a day the house is cleaned. Of course if you can't afford to spend that much time cleaning, you would adjust it to fit your needs. But it does help to clean more than just once a day if you can. Another tip is to not switch around jobs often. Let them keep the same chore for months. That way they'll begin to get them done quickly and efficiently. That's my opinion. I believe teaching my children the value of work is important, a clean home is important, and to raise teens that don't believe they are entitled to anything they want is important. I was an entitled teen who was given everything and nothing was required. It fostered laziness and a low self-esteem. Learning to work is a blessing I want for my children. Edited November 12, 2011 by hmsmith Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ereks mom Posted November 12, 2011 Share Posted November 12, 2011 (edited) P.S. If you want to see my chore chart, PM me your e-mail address & I'll e-mail it to you. You would have to modify it, of course, but since you have several children, each person should have a much lighter load than EK & I have! ;) Edited November 12, 2011 by ereks mom Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted November 12, 2011 Share Posted November 12, 2011 (edited) 16 and 12? Honestly, they should be running the house by now. And your others are waaaay old enough to be significant help. When ours were younger everyone helped with everything. Everyone worked until it was all done. As they've gotten older the girls and I have fallen into a pattern, I do the cooking and cleaning in the kitchen, one girl is in charge of all the laundry from picking it up to making sure it's clean and in drawers, and the other girl is our "floater" and does room to room stuff like dusting and vaccuming. Our boys don't do a lot of housework because they do hard physical labor on the ranch. But they'll bring in dirty dishes or clothes or whatever, and do lots of favors for mom. If my dds were bickering over something like a dish in the sink they'd catch it from me. Thankfully they both like living in a clean house and do their thing without me asking. It's just a given. When they were very little we'd do rooms together with me organizing and cleaning and all the littles running things to where they belonged, or bringing me what I needed. It was kinda fun. No chore chart here. We've gotten to the point where the house is actually clean all the time. I love it. You live in a family, you help out. ETA- just because the girls and I have our areas of expertise doesn't mean we don't do other things. I don't think any of us would consider walking past a load of clothes that needed folding or dishes needing washing, unless there was something pretty important going on! Edited November 12, 2011 by Remudamom Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mycalling Posted November 12, 2011 Share Posted November 12, 2011 Our system is simple and has been working for years now. We have a pin board with their names on colored index cards across the top. Under each name is one or two of the same 6 chores on index cards getting rotated every Sunday: Dish Duty (my 6yo twins share this when it rotates to them, the 4yo buddies with the 9yo to unload when the 9yo has this chore and DH and I help him and 10yo ds with pots and pans) Sweep Vacuum Counters, table, and chairs (gets added to an older kid's chore if they end up with something easy) Feed Pets (now includes dumping the compost bin from the kitchen out to the chickens) Pickup Downstairs (3yo and 4yo often help and this will be their chore soon) We announce "Chore Time" and it takes about 30min to get everything done. Picking up obviously gets done before vacuuming, so that takes the only planning. I can do any deep cleaning more easily after the basics are taken care of. All the kids clean and vacuum their bedrooms and the playroom, plus scrub the children's bathroom upstairs on Sunday evening. That takes about 1hr with everyone pitching in. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
butterflymommy Posted November 12, 2011 Share Posted November 12, 2011 My 12 and 14 y.o.s (each paid an allowance): load and unload/ put away dishes -- we cook a lot so that's 4-5 loads a day put away all laundry (about 2 loads a day, little ones help) carry laundry up and down from the basement sometimes put in a load of laundry babysit on demand take trash out to cans/ put it on the curb rake leaves cook pizza and desserts all kids (little ones don't get allowance) clean bathrooms, make their beds, pick up floors, scrub spots off the kitchen floor (they do a terrible job much of the time :glare:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rwjx2khsmj Posted November 12, 2011 Share Posted November 12, 2011 (edited) In my house, the key for my dc getting jobs done is me holding them accountable. I have to tell them when I want the job done and then go check it upon completion. They know how to do the jobs but doing it to my satisfaction requires my participation in checking up and requiring a certain standard. I've also found that alernating dish washing daily, one washes, the other loads and unloads the dishwasher, keeps everyone happier.te Daily chores include: 15 minute pick up - all washing dishes dd12/15 loading unloading dishwasher - dd15/12 setting/clearing table - dd7/ds9 sorting recycling - ds9 carrying out compost - dd7 Weekly: bedrooms straighten/dust/vacuum - all assigned rooms straighten/dust/vacuum - all bathrooms - dd12/15 Edited November 12, 2011 by rwjx2khsmj Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lllll Posted November 12, 2011 Share Posted November 12, 2011 .. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trilliums Posted November 12, 2011 Share Posted November 12, 2011 DS 15 and DS 13 alternate weekly between 1) unloading dishwasher/cleaning sliding glass door in kitchen/cleaning front of appliances and 2) pet care duty (feed, water, brush, play)/ sweeping downstairs by door and wiping off their bathroom counter. Dishwasher and pet care have to be done daily, but the others are as needed and I generally say, hey that needs to be done, and they do it. They are expected to help when asked on many things on a regular basis: cooking, laundry, vacuuming, outdoor chores, digging deep holes for mom to plant stuff in, hauling wood chips, digging trenches for bulbs (yay!), mowing, raking, shoveling snow etc. Our house has a fair amount of stuff and, ah books :), but most of the time it is fine for visitors imo. We arrived at this slowly and actually by not having chore requirements. I told them when I need help I'd appreciate it if they helped, and over the years they just do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mykdsmomy Posted November 13, 2011 Author Share Posted November 13, 2011 Thank you everyone, for the encouraging responses! My problem is that I've been too lenient on everyone and I've let feelings of guilt take over. Dd16 will often say to me "well, if we're doing the dishes and laundry, and papa is cooking dinner, then what do YOU do?" Not that I owe dd an explanation of the things that I do around here....but it still bothers me that she doesn't recognize ANYTHING that I do for her...it's all expected. I'm expected to drive her hither tither and yon....I'm expected to take her to book club, to work 3 x a week, to her friends house, etc. I'm expected to buy her the specific facial wash she likes (it's only 5.99 but still...she has a job now...she can buy it, right?) It's all of these expectations that she has and no matter what I do, it's never enough. Her sense of entitlement has grown out of control and I realize I'm to blame...but now I need to reel her in (all of them, really). I'm going to go through the thread again and take some notes :) Thank you all again!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucy in Australia Posted November 13, 2011 Share Posted November 13, 2011 I first made a list of ALL the chores that needed to be done. I asked them to pick the ones they would be willing to take responsability for. The chores they fought over or that were not picked at all were divided out according to my all-knowing motherly wisdom :D I warned them if any chore wasn't done by the agreed time, in an acceptable way, I would do it but would charge them money for my services. Yes, I have carried out my promise in spite of heart-wrenching arguments. I have one very quick learner and one slow learner :glare: I wouldn't have tried this on my kids before they were 11-12, mainly because I would have caved in. As they get older it's easier to be tougher. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donna Posted November 13, 2011 Share Posted November 13, 2011 We do a major cleaning every weekend. I have a list of things that need to be done and everyone picks a job or two depending on how long their choice takes. We can usually all have the house clean and ready for another week in a couple hours. For day-to-day, everyone has to keep their own things put away. Sometimes they help fold laundry or do dishes if I am too busy to get those things done and they are not running to outside activities. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whitestavern Posted November 13, 2011 Share Posted November 13, 2011 We've tried many different chore systems, but what works best for us is just asking the dc to do something when it needs to be done. Often, with daily/weekly chore lists, what's on the list doesn't necessarily need to be done. If I see the bathroom getting dirty, I ask dd to clean it. If garbages need to be emptied, I ask ds to do so. When laundry piles up, same thing. This has worked very well for us. They do have to keep their rooms clean/beds made on a daily basis. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karis Posted November 13, 2011 Share Posted November 13, 2011 Create a list of what you want cleaned. Delegate to the oldest who may outsource to the younger ones. But the oldest is ultimately responsible for being the task master. Add in $$ or some reward IF you choose to. This is contingent upon the chores being done to your standards. Foster teamwork & let the kids talk it out and decide who does what. Some prefer certain tasks. Think of it as teambuilding ha ha (and leadership training) We don't alternate. Example - the kitchen must be cleaned nightly. Work it out, work together but if it's not clean the two of them suffer. It's easier to have a helper than to have to do everything yourself. And you'll be done sooner so you can do the stuff you want to do. Squabbling/ arguing/ playing the blame game is never going to be beneficial. We are stuck together like glue. Your sibling is here and not going away anytime soon (prayerfully) so move on. What is our goal? If Dad and I are assured the kitchen is clean and we see it's not. You get another chance to get it right. If this happens twice, you clean it while being supervised but now hmmm the appliances look like they need some attention. Those baseboards just can not wait til the weekend. ( You see where I'm going with this) and attitude is also important no grumbling/ turning on one another you shouldv'e held each accountable before I had to STOP what I was doing and come down here and by the way... you are "done" for the night. In your room - lights out. Because at that point it has become a character issue. Either lying or laziness or you think you're getting over. Even if we don't see the kitchen til 10 and you are in bed. We will wake you up and you finish your job. All of this requires that I be diligent and on top of it. Some times we are all just tired. Or busy. If it's that kind of day/ night we say "oh well..." and tackle it in the AM. In our home everybody is responsible for keeping it up. It's just easier for everyone to pitch in for 2 - 4 HARD and DEDICATED hours. The main areas people will see stay presentable. If someone needed to be in my whole house... I might have to get rid of stuff. (Less to keep up with) They'd have to accept that "hey, we LIVE here" or I'd get help with organization. a system that works for ME and MY familiy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ester Maria Posted November 13, 2011 Share Posted November 13, 2011 I am seriously to the point where I just want to take back all of the chores because I'm sick of them not getting done right. (I'm not picky...I just want the kitchen to be cleaned up without me having to go in and re clean it all!!!) This is the worst thing you can do in your situation, IMO. Instead of cleaning after they "cleaned" something, you need to have them come back and clean it again, as soon as you notice it, by interrupting them in whatever they are doing at the moment. The key is to NEVER let them get away with a half-done work and NEVER clean after them (and I do mean quite literally never, until it becomes their second nature to do it properly the first time - once it is a habit, there is no need to fuss if they mess up now and then, like we all do, but you want to establish a firm habit first and to do so you may need to rule with an iron fist some months or even years before you can all get relaxed a bit with things still being done). Unless I specifically ask them to do something, they won't lift a finger to help out. Laundry could pile up on the table, dishes could pile up in the sink, trash could overflow and yet they are content to let mom handle it...:glare: I sympathize, my DDs are typically quite unwilling to volunteer their time and effort when it comes to housework. Here is how I handle it: you do not have to volunteer with general work, but you are absolutely responsible for things which pertain to YOU. Your children are old enough to be almost or entirely responsible for whatever pertians to them - doing THEIR dishes, THEIR laundry, putting right away back to their places things THEY used, etc. The key to an organized household is NOT TO ADD WORK TO OTHER PEOPLE - if you use it, put it back; if you make a mess, clean it up, etc. So, that is the first thing - and the second thing is to assign "common" duties (not person-specific) according to whichever order fits the best to you. In such a system, they do not have to volunteer and you can always hold accountable the person whose mess it is. In my experience, that alone helps a ton, along with making it crystal clear who does what regarding common chores and making them redo it (preferably with your presence - and you assume a bad cop attitude :D) if it is not done. As to my kids, they do fairly little regarding "common" tasks, but they are almost entirely responsible for things related to THEM and it helps us all big time. Dd16 will often say to me "well, if we're doing the dishes and laundry, and papa is cooking dinner, then what do YOU do?" Mine are even worse. If in such a situation I say that I take care of the baby, they reply: "Nu, and why would that matter? Your children are your duty, we did not ask for that, and you cannot use your motherly obligations as an excuse to be exempted from common chores, just like we would not use our schoolwork to be. Common chores get equally split." Teach them to reason and that is what happens. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cheryl in NM Posted November 13, 2011 Share Posted November 13, 2011 We have gone through more chore charts, family chore meetings, chore lists, chore diagrams, chore etc, etc etc!!!! My house is still in constant disarray! Dd16 and DD12 were taking turns with dishes each week (our dishwasher broke) The switch day was Sunday...but if one dd left a dish in the sink on Sat. night, the other dd would refuse to do any dishes until those dishes were done :glare: Also, both dd's would let the dishes pile up in the sink all day and when they did them, they would half acidly (my mom's version of the other phrase ;) ) wash them and stack them (no drying or putting away)....plus they don't wash off counters, tables, etc...no matter how many times we've told them, made them charts/graphs/checklists/you name it! I am seriously to the point where I just want to take back all of the chores because I'm sick of them not getting done right. (I'm not picky...I just want the kitchen to be cleaned up without me having to go in and re clean it all!!!) When I was their ages, I was doing dishes, cleaning bathrooms, scrubbing floors, sweeping, vacuuming, etc (and doing it EXACTLY the way my mom told me to or ELSE.) I don't rule with an iron fist like my mom does. I try to be fair and reasonable. I make my expectations very clear yet they are still not doing what is being asked of them. Unless I specifically ask them to do something, they won't lift a finger to help out. Laundry could pile up on the table, dishes could pile up in the sink, trash could overflow and yet they are content to let mom handle it...:glare: (I guess this is turning into more of a vent....sorry) I want to know that I'm not asking too much of them. How many chores do your dc have? How long does it take them each day to do their chores or help out around the house? How much of the housework do you shoulder yourself? We currently have 5 children but we've been averaging 6 (4 kiddos of our own and then two foster babies). We have social worker visits each week, therapies for the boys several times a week, take dd16 to work and back 3x a week, visits with birth families 1x a week, school, dr's visits, etc....so I'm pretty busy! I need the kids to really pitch in...but how much? Ideas? Opinions? Thanks :) I didn't read the other replies so if this is a repeat, then it's worked for more than our family! When I had all 3 kids at home" 1. I made a list of chores on Saturday (all the weekly house cleaning chores). Each week a different kid got to pick first. We each went down the list and around the table picking 1 chore at a time until they were all picked. The first few times someone did a chore I shadowed them to make sure they knew how to do it properly. 2. For daily chores, they were assigned and put on a color coded spreadsheet and hung on the wall in a plastic paper protector. The kids used a Vis-a-Vis marker to check off when done. There was a deadline for when they needed to be done and consequences for when they weren't done on time. The daily chores rotated as well and the kids had the chance to pick what daily chores they wanted for the week. Again, I shadowed the first few times to make sure they knew how I wanted the chore completed. The most important thing I learned with 3 kids in the house: I had to lower my standards. I was raised thinking the house needed to look like a showroom. Before kids and even after baby, I cleaned the house daily so that it sparkled. Dh finally told me that he is uncomfortable in a home like that because he feels that he can't even sit down or touch anything without making a mess. So, I learned to live with a certain amount of disorder and a little dust. After the initial "breaking in" period I found it was less stressful. It's really okay to have dirty dishes on the counter. We live here; I have to work to remember that sometimes! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Excelsior! Academy Posted November 13, 2011 Share Posted November 13, 2011 (edited) Each child is given a room to daily quick clean and Friday heavier clean. Dd14 is given the entry and stairwell, dd 12 is given the living rooms, dd 9 has the dining room, dd 8 the breakfast area, nephew 7 does the upstairs bath and nephew 5 does the downstairs bath. They make sure these areas are quick cleaned and picked up daily. On Fridays they do a more thorough clean like dusting, vacuuming, etc. The boys wipe the bathrooms thoroughly each day. Now, I am not foolish enough to believe that these areas, especially the bathrooms are CLEAN, but it does help keep things under control until Dh or I give it a good scrub down. With us all working we can get the house fairly clean, on Fridays, in about 45 minutes. Dinner clean up, nightly baths, and laundry are divided up separately. I pair an older child with a younger. Each team rotates between the three tasks doing each task twice in a week. The youngest 2 are floaters and given jobs to keep them busy and out of trouble. They are given things like drying dishes and catch and throw wet laundry, transferring from washer to dryer. I do kitchen clean up on Sundays to give everyone a day off. The oldest children really like the arrangement and no one shoulders an unfair amount of work. I do work alongside them through all of these tasks, btw. I want to add the olders do bathe daily, they just help with running water, picking out pj's, cleaning up after baths, etc. on bath nights. Eta: When I have children that don't do a thorough job of the kitchen, they are required to do the next meal. That means if they are scheduled for Thursday night and it doesn't get clean then they get to do it Friday morning instead of the children assigned. This has only happened a couple of times. :) Edited November 13, 2011 by Excelsior! Academy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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