What to do about high school?

[Renee in NC]

What are your kids with LDs doing for high school?

Edited November 11, 2011 by Renee in FL

[Renee in NC]

...

Edited November 11, 2011 by Renee in FL

[Walking-Iris]

Ask him what he does care about---and then do that. Maybe he doesn't like PACES and it's time to change things. IMO we parents have to keep fighting with our kids---sure it's tiring, exhausting and mostly thankless. But if we do it right with an eye toward keeping our relationship with them intact we can push them to try a little farther than they willingly want to go. Special needs kiddos (whatever the issue is) are often afraid of failure on a lot of levels. They struggle more than usual and they know it and that's terrifying for them. It's much easier to save self esteem and not try. You have to keep working on overcoming that mentality.

[Renee in NC]

I realize the other post above this one doesn't make sense since I edited the first one.:tongue_smilie:

 

My 13yo doesn't like anything remotely academic (reading, writing, etc.) He *avoids* it whenever possible - even trying to avoid a youth conference this weekend because they have to go to "classes" - I think his fear is that someone will find out about his LDs.

Edited November 11, 2011 by Renee in FL

[Renee in NC]

The part of the post that I erased that I did want to add back - this kid is a mechanical *genius*! I don't mean just in his mama's eyes, either.

 

Today he spent all day tearing apart dh's motor, replacing the wiring harness on the fuel injectors, replacing the valve cover gasket, and then putting it all back together.:001_huh: At 13. He'll be a mechanic - no doubt in my mind.

 

So, I guess my real question is what do I require? Anything other than basic math/reading? He has to be able to pass the community college placement tests and pass the ASE certification exams!

Edited November 11, 2011 by Renee in FL

[EKS]

The part of the post that I erased that I did want to add back - this kid is a mechanical *genius*! I don't mean just in his mama's eyes, either.

 

Today he spent all day tearing apart dh's motor, replacing the wiring harness on the fuel injectors, replacing the valve cover gasket, and then putting it all back together.:001_huh: At 13. He'll be a mechanic - no doubt in my mind.

 

So, I guess my real question is what do I require? Anything other than basic math/reading? He has to be able to pass the community college placement tests and pass the ASE certification exams!

 

Could you work as intensively as you need to on whatever it takes to get into and have a reasonable chance of success in community college and just do the rest passively? By passively, I mean having him watch videos or listen to read alouds about history and science (or whatever the rest might be).

[8filltheheart]

Does your county not have a vocational high school? I would call and ask the Dept of Ed if they offer a vocational diploma where he can earn some type of engine/small engine certification. A quick google brought up this site:

http://www.dpsnc.net/schools/school-profiles/high-school-list/holton-career-resource-center

[Renee in NC]

Could you work as intensively as you need to on whatever it takes to get into and have a reasonable chance of success in community college and just do the rest passively? By passively, I mean having him watch videos or listen to read alouds about history and science (or whatever the rest might be).

 

The problem is that *he* isn't willing to work intensively. His attitude is in the way of his making progress. I can only hope that by 16 or 17 he pulls it together. Not only that, but his processing speed is incredibly low, which makes learning anything very difficult.

 

I feel guilty because I can't spend enough one-on-one time with him during the school day. If I sat right next to him all day and walked him through each and every problem, question, etc. he would do better. I can't do that though - I have 4 other students, 2 of which have worse issues than the 13yo! I am working hard at getting the 10yo on level - he's come up 3 grade levels in the past year. The 9yo is starting to read some, but he is still on a first grade level across the board.

 

It's difficult for me to give everyone the time they need, but we have no options for this school year.

 

Does your county not have a vocational high school? I would call and ask the Dept of Ed if they offer a vocational diploma where he can earn some type of engine/small engine certification. A quick google brought up this site:

http://www.dpsnc.net/schools/school-profiles/high-school-list/holton-career-resource-center

 

Unfortunately, that is not an option. We are not willing for any of our children to go to Durham Public Schools and especially not Horton. It is located in gang territory and drive-by shootings are not uncommon. Two young children were shot by stray bullets just last week as they sat in their living room! Durham is pretty ugly unless you are in the SW corner of the county (we live in the NW corner, which isn't terrible, but there is definite gang issues at our zoned high school.)

 

There is a vocational school charter school in the next town over that would work, other than the fact that it is 30-40 minutes away and offers no transportation. It is on my list of options, though. I will be putting him in the school's lottery in January and if he gets in we may be able to figure out the logistics.

 

One other thing - our state now requires every student to take a college prep course of study to graduate.:glare: There isn't a vocational diploma anymore, except the Occupational Studies diploma which is for low-functioning students (and will not qualify them for cc admissions.)

 

Other options are sending him to the cc at 16 to take the GED, letting him get a Vocational Diploma through ACE's school, or simply giving him a diploma in what would be his 12th grade year and letting him take the Developmental classes through the cc to get him where he needs to be to start the Automotive classes.

 

I never thought I would be trying to find a "bare minimum" level with any of my dc. My ds is so much like my Dad, who dropped out of school after 10th grade soccer season and went to work hauling mobile homes around the state.:001_huh: I *know* he will be an awesome mechanic, but he has a lot of work to do academically.

[peacefully]

.

[dtsmamtj]

I don't have a 13 yo myself, but I remember when I was teaching how difficult that age was for both my students and their parents. You mentioned his low academic motivation. I've seen some remarkable changes in behavior and motivation when an adolescent develops strong relationships, either to an individual mentor or an organization. Are there sports teams, youth organizations, clubs or something he can join? Is there anyone you know and trust who can take him under his wing? What about getting involved in a robotics team? It sounds like your mechanically-minded son might do great with something like that. I've just seen that when some kids develop some strong motivation for one area of their life, they seem to do better with goal-setting and attitude overall, even if they ultimately don't pursue lofty academic goals. And some kids are better motivated when they get the sense that they belong to something.

 

:iagree: I have seen this in my son - being accepted outside the accademic circle where he struggles has improved my son's accademic abilities.

 

T

[Renee in NC]

I don't have a 13 yo myself, but I remember when I was teaching how difficult that age was for both my students and their parents. You mentioned his low academic motivation. I've seen some remarkable changes in behavior and motivation when an adolescent develops strong relationships, either to an individual mentor or an organization. Are there sports teams, youth organizations, clubs or something he can join? Is there anyone you know and trust who can take him under his wing? What about getting involved in a robotics team? It sounds like your mechanically-minded son might do great with something like that. I've just seen that when some kids develop some strong motivation for one area of their life, they seem to do better with goal-setting and attitude overall, even if they ultimately don't pursue lofty academic goals. And some kids are better motivated when they get the sense that they belong to something.

 

We are trying to get him involved, but it is difficult. He is terrified of going anywhere he doesn't know anyone. He was going to Boy Scouts and I was trying to keep him involved, but he wouldn't go anymore. He has been going to a youth group of a local church, but the social anxiety is causing problems - he would NOT get out of the van this morning at an event. The youth pastor had to calm him down and convince him to get out of the van by talking him step-by step through every detail of the agenda. This is typical behavior.

 

I suggested robotics, but he has no interest in anything that isn't "real" - he wasn't one to play with toys as a child unless they were small versions of real things (like Tonka trucks and equipment.)

 

He has a diagnosis of "probable Aspergers" and I don't know how that plays into things. I love him dearly and I want what is best for him, but I am at a loss as is my dh.

[PeterPan]

Do they do counseling/psychotherapy for the anxiety?

[Renee in NC]

I think I have figured out something. Next year, I will keep records as if he is the 9th grade. However, that doesn't necessarily mean that he will graduate exactly 4 years later. If it takes 5 years, then only that last 4 years will be on his transcript. It will leave his options open without starting the clock, so to speak.

 

I plan to allow him more accomodations on schoolwork than I have given him in the past. I'll let him use a calculator on some things and allow him to use dictionary.com.

 

Thanks for the thoughts. He ended up having a good time at the conference and is looking forward to doing more with the group. I hope that the PP is right and that it will spur him on to more goals in the future.

 

Oh yeah - a conversation with another kid made him realize that he needs to work harder if for no other reason than he doesn't want to have to say, "I can't do that."

[cjbeach]

The part of the post that I erased that I did want to add back - this kid is a mechanical *genius*! I don't mean just in his mama's eyes, either.

 

Today he spent all day tearing apart dh's motor, replacing the wiring harness on the fuel injectors, replacing the valve cover gasket, and then putting it all back together.:001_huh: At 13. He'll be a mechanic - no doubt in my mind.

 

So, I guess my real question is what do I require? Anything other than basic math/reading? He has to be able to pass the community college placement tests and pass the ASE certification exams!

 

Wow Renee... I think you should go with the whole mechanic career and just the academics "done." I think the vocational degree through ACE's school sounds like a good option. It's pretty clear what his career path will be, but I would look at the vo-tech schools in the area for mechanics and see what they require if he wants to get any formal training.

[swellmomma]

wrong spot

[Renee in NC]

Wow Renee... I think you should go with the whole mechanic career and just the academics "done." I think the vocational degree through ACE's school sounds like a good option. It's pretty clear what his career path will be, but I would look at the vo-tech schools in the area for mechanics and see what they require if he wants to get any formal training.

 

Good to see you!:D Wondered if you were still around...

 

I think that may be the way to go. He does tend to make HUGE leaps in ability about every 18 months - I think we are due one soon.:tongue_smilie: I think ACE through the 8th grade level would get him past the reading test and he can always remediate English and Algebra.

 

I did decide to let him use dictionary.com for looking up the words, but I will hold him to a higher standard for answers. I am on the fence about the calculator - he will be able to use one on these tests and he does know how to do the calculations (very slowly.) It would get him through the math faster if he wasn't laboring over the calculations (and getting them wrong because of not being able to read his own handwriting!)

 

Or, he could decide at 16 that he REALLY wants to go to college and work his behind off to get there (like my oldest.):tongue_smilie:

 

Thanks for the help!

[Tokyomarie]

I think I have figured out something. Next year, I will keep records as if he is the 9th grade. However, that doesn't necessarily mean that he will graduate exactly 4 years later. If it takes 5 years, then only that last 4 years will be on his transcript. It will leave his options open without starting the clock, so to speak.

 

I plan to allow him more accomodations on schoolwork than I have given him in the past. I'll let him use a calculator on some things and allow him to use dictionary.com.

 

 

When will your son turn 14yo? If he's going to be a fairly young 14 or turning 14 after the start of the school year, it might make sense to consider having him in high school an additional year.

 

My middle child has a spring birthday, so she was not so young chronologically, but was young developmentally. We ended up making the decision when she was 16yo to extend her high school years by one year because she had taken such a developmental leap that the college options open to her after that leap were much more competitive than I would have imagined when she was 14yo. When she applied to college, we just included the last 4 years of high school on her transcript.

 

I'm seeing somewhat similar changes in my son, though it's happening now at 17yo, rather than at 16yo.

 

In any case, our children with social & academic challenges typically have about a 2-3 year delay in reaching the maturity needed to be self-motivated, able to set goals for the future, and organized enough to pull off the typical demands of high school independently. It's likely that in 3 years, your son's academic profile will look different than it does now. OTOH, it makes sense to give your son time & opportunities to pursue the hands-on mechanical skills for which he shows such great aptitude.

 

As for accommodations, this is absolutely the time to start giving those accommodations! Technology can help him eliminate the struggle with some of the lower level clerical skills so he can concentrate on the higher level thinking skills he needs to develop at this time. As for the calculator- as long as he already has the conceptual understanding of the processes he's using the calculator for, it will be a relief to him to use the calculator to bypass issues with math facts fluency & processing speed. Same thing with spelling & vocabulary while he's writing. If the goal of an assignment is learning the writing process, the ability to use spell-check & thesaurus on Word will eliminate some of the barriers to composition.

[Renee in NC]

When will your son turn 14yo? If he's going to be a fairly young 14 or turning 14 after the start of the school year, it might make sense to consider having him in high school an additional year.

 

My middle child has a spring birthday, so she was not so young chronologically, but was young developmentally. We ended up making the decision when she was 16yo to extend her high school years by one year because she had taken such a developmental leap that the college options open to her after that leap were much more competitive than I would have imagined when she was 14yo. When she applied to college, we just included the last 4 years of high school on her transcript.

 

I'm seeing somewhat similar changes in my son, though it's happening now at 17yo, rather than at 16yo.

 

In any case, our children with social & academic challenges typically have about a 2-3 year delay in reaching the maturity needed to be self-motivated, able to set goals for the future, and organized enough to pull off the typical demands of high school independently. It's likely that in 3 years, your son's academic profile will look different than it does now. OTOH, it makes sense to give your son time & opportunities to pursue the hands-on mechanical skills for which he shows such great aptitude.

 

As for accommodations, this is absolutely the time to start giving those accommodations! Technology can help him eliminate the struggle with some of the lower level clerical skills so he can concentrate on the higher level thinking skills he needs to develop at this time. As for the calculator- as long as he already has the conceptual understanding of the processes he's using the calculator for, it will be a relief to him to use the calculator to bypass issues with math facts fluency & processing speed. Same thing with spelling & vocabulary while he's writing. If the goal of an assignment is learning the writing process, the ability to use spell-check & thesaurus on Word will eliminate some of the barriers to composition.

 

Thank you - lots of good info here! He *is* immature. In many ways, my 10yo is more mature. I hope that we see the same increase in maturity over the next few years as you have. I figure that worse case (if he wants to go to college later) he will have to go to cc for the first two years and transfer.

 

If he lives that long, of course.:001_huh::lol: