Miss Manners advice for Board Members (questions at the end)

[Lang Syne Boardie]

(civic board, not message board) "If a person is of two minds he should consider that one has canceled the other out."

 

That's where I am right now. See not-a-blog trainwreck thread for details. LOL

 

I'm having a definite crisis of faith! I've already left conservative religion for a much more liberal perspective, but now I'm starting to doubt homeschooling and that is even more uncomfortable. I'm going through all the stages of separation: I quit evangelizing about homeschooling two years ago. Now I'm keeping quiet about the fact that we even do it when I meet new people IRL. What's next?

 

At the moment, I doubt public schooling much more, so I'll almost certainly press on for lack of other options. (If I had $9000/yr my son would be in an excellent Catholic school 8 miles away, but I just can't come up with that money.) I just have never been so in need of encouragement to keep homeschooling.

 

Since my double minds are canceling each other out I need to avoid the discouragement and warning threads.

 

With a hat tip to Jean in Newcastle for loaning us this expressive phrase, I have to ask if anyone else has splinters in their butt from fence-sitting? What are you telling yourself to get you through the doubting time? What are your options?

[melissel]

:grouphug: I have a crisis of faith over HSing just about every other week. Like you said, right now, I believe that for our family, HSing is still the better option. And my private school options cost $25K+ (:scared:), so that kind of makes the decision a bit more of a no-brainer. But I hear you about losing faith and starting to doubt :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[texasmama]

With a hat tip to Jean in Newcastle for loaning us this expressive phrase, I have to ask if anyone else has splinters in their butt from fence-sitting? What are you telling yourself to get you through the doubting time? What are your options?

 

:grouphug: (The hug is for the difficult place at which you find yourself in general.)

 

I will answer the bolded question. My options are: a very poor public school for my child with anxiety and learning disabilities, private schools we cannot afford which would not solve the issues my child has (just provide a potentially kinder and gentler place for him to have them) and homeschooling.

 

Homeschooling is not really my best option as much as it is my only real option. When one is faced with one option, it is much more workable. Choices don't really exist for this particular child of mine or my family. So I do what I do and keep doing it even when it is hard, I am overwhelmed, etc.

 

My butt is not on the fence. My circumstances shoved me off the fence a few years back and then the fence was demolished. No fence left for me. Honestly, I like it that way. I hate making decisions. ;) I am better at carrying out decisions already made...and that is what is left for me to do.

 

I don't know if that helps you, but your post seems philosophical so I will just hang swinging in the philosophical wind with you. We can be like windchimes.:D

[Jean in Newcastle]

I've started to focus more and more on my kids. Talking hypothetical problems or even hypothetical successes can't take the place of actually interacting with our own flesh-and-blood kids. I think that it is good to try to be objective in what we see, but I also think that is is good to temper that objectivity with passion for our kids. How many inspirational stories have we read where the person threw out the "objective realistic view" and conquered anyway?! Yes, homeschooling is a lot of work but honestly I haven't seen anything worth doing that wasn't a lot of work.

 

ETA: my butt is not on the fence in the sense that I'm not sure what decision to make about my kid's schooling. My butt is on the fence in the sense that I can see the points of both the homeschool doomsayers and the homeschool Pollyannas.

Edited September 20, 2011 by Jean in Newcastle

[Carol in Cal.]

Nothing is perfect, but homeschooling is often the best possible choice.

 

You know, private tutoring is always the default suggestion when school isn't going well. Maybe you could reposition your homeschooling 'feeling' by considering it 'private tutoring'. The next time someone asks you where you DC go to school, you can just say, "They are privately tutored," and change the subject. Doesn't that have a nice ring to it?

[Lang Syne Boardie]

 

ETA: my butt is not on the fence in the sense that I'm not sure what decision to make about my kid's schooling. My butt is on the fence in the sense that I can see the points of both the homeschool doomsayers and the homeschool Pollyannas.

 

I wasn't clear about that, was I? My butt is on the same fence that yours is on. I'm definitely homeschooling.

 

Texasmama, thanks for being a windchime with me!

 

Thanks Melissel and Carol, too. :grouphug: BBL. I should get in another hour of private tutoring before DH gets home.

[Old Dominion Heather]

 

I'm having a definite crisis of faith! I've already left conservative religion for a much more liberal perspective, but now I'm starting to doubt homeschooling and that is even more uncomfortable. I'm going through all the stages of separation: I quit evangelizing about homeschooling two years ago. Now I'm keeping quiet about the fact that we even do it when I meet new people IRL. What's next?

 

I have a crisis of faith about homeschooling (not to mention other things) at least once a month, if not more often. I think it makes you a better teacher. Here is my situation:

 

PS: not bad, but in VA, EVERYTHING is tied to high stakes testing. EVERYTHING. We know two fifth grade students who are in counseling for anxiety issues over school. Highschool may work out for us, but it is doubtful. There are very few AP classes.

 

Private: One classical school with tuition of 7K a year which is totally out of the question for us. Even if it weren't, the math and science there are laughable. One Catholic school with similar tuition, but better math and science. One private Episcopal school with tuition of about $12K a year.

 

Homeschool: Working fine for now, kids are social, ahead of grade level when compared to the local average. Lots of contact with lots of different types of people. Oldest two help monthly to organize a food bank, have interaction with the head of a respected college's biology dept, access to career exploration in nuclear industry which is what my oldest wishes to pursue.

 

I just can't say that we will always do this, but for now, I think I am at least holding my own with public school. I am not intimidated by teaching most highschool level courses since I have tutored through hs math, English, history, and taught hs science.

 

I'm outsourcing Latin as of this year for oldest DS. He passed me sometime last spring.

 

We take things year by year. Ultimately my goal is NOT to "homeschool through high school," it is to have my boys get the very best education that they can, wherever that may be.

[justamouse]

I don't question homeschooling all the time, I'm just always questioning it-if that makes any sense. It's always there. I'm always weighing my options, which is why I always have moments of clarity that solidify my choices rather than make me question my course.

 

If I could afford it, I have an awesome Catholic school right down the street-but I have SO MANY kids...so I'm kind of like Texasmama, I have no fence.

 

And, as I said in that thread, I was at an event last night that depressed me. All of these kids came rushing out, and after listening to their mother's complain about harder subjects, watching them flow out of the building was the capper.

 

The attitudes-you could see it on their faces, hear it in their voices.

 

Now, my kids are probably the kind that COULD succeed despite what public school threw against them, but that's not what I want for them. I don't want what they have chipped away at. I don't want it weakened.

 

They have, we have, a culture of education. THAT is the difference.

 

Every choice has its drawbacks-prep schools have a culture of education, but they also have a culture of superiority, of materialism, of relativism. Catholic schools have some of the same problems because whenever you have a large gathering of a certain age of peers, you're going to have those problems.

 

Just having large groups of kids means your going to have classroom management that takes precedence over individual education.

 

Those drawbacks, to me, are not worth the certain skills that my kids may or may not learn within the system, I'll just work doubly hard to make sure they get what they need.

 

Read this thread/article! http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/showthread.php?t=311939

Edited September 20, 2011 by justamouse

[Merry]

but I agree with what Jean said about focusing more on the kids. Look at them as people. Talk with them. That puts things in perspective for me. They are not abstract theories to accept or discard. They are breathing, living, human beings. That's the trouble with utopias and even some homeschooling leaders who forget the human factor. Same with huge institutions like public schools and private schools who tend to ignore the individual human being and think in terms of the collective.

I am aware that we need to prepare our children for the impersonal institutions that they will have to deal with eventually but our kids also need to have experienced a real, humane, and personalized learning culture throughout their school years first.

[Audrey]

If I could afford it, I have an awesome Catholic school right down the street-but I have SO MANY kids...so I'm kind of like Texasmama, I have no fence.

 

 

Now, my kids are probably the kind that COULD succeed despite what public school threw against them, but that's not what I want for them. I don't want what they have chipped away at. I don't want it weakened.

 

They have, we have, a culture of education. THAT is the difference.

 

 

 

 

I don't have a fence either. I feel that I don't have options. The school in town is quite sad. They would have to dig upwards several feet to meet the least of my expectations for education. It is not an option.

 

I have no doubt that ds could do well there, but at what cost? I would hate for him to lose a zest for learning. I would hate for him to have lowered expectations for himself. I would hate for him to adopt many of the attitudes that come out of that school.

 

I know we'll be homeschooling through high school. Sometimes, I wish I had other options. It would be easier than homeschooling. Homeschooling is a responsibility I take very, very seriously which, to me, means that I accept that it takes a lot of work.

[Paisley Hedgehog]

nm

[dhudson]

I keep the reasons I homeschool readily available so that I can go to them regularly. I also keep a list of the goals that we have for our kids available so that I can consult them whenever I question whether what we are doing is the right thing.

 

I go down the lists and re-evaluate and end up with a renewed determination that what we are doing for our kids is the right thing.

[....]

I don't have a fence either. I feel that I don't have options. The school in town is quite sad. They would have to dig upwards several feet to meet the least of my expectations for education. It is not an option.

 

I have no doubt that ds could do well there, but at what cost? I would hate for him to lose a zest for learning. I would hate for him to have lowered expectations for himself. I would hate for him to adopt many of the attitudes that come out of that school.

 

I know we'll be homeschooling through high school. Sometimes, I wish I had other options. It would be easier than homeschooling. Homeschooling is a responsibility I take very, very seriously which, to me, means that I accept that it takes a lot of work.

 

 

:cheers2: I agree with you 300 gazillion percent.

[TheReader]

Lack of options is an excellent motivator to make the best of what situation we're in. Be that homeschooling or whatever.

 

When the choice is removed (for me, it is) due to outside circumstances, the only choice left is to make the best of it. So I am.

 

What that looks like for me in practical terms is to decide what aspects I'm most doubting at the moment. Lack of socialization? Lack of peer interaction? Lack of support for higher level courses? Identify the things that I personally see as problem areas in my situation (obviously these will be different for everyone). Okay, done that. Now, identify ways to meet that need, solve that problem, whatever without changing the actual school situation. Scouts? Church? Volunteering? Hire a tutor for things that I would have used the community college for? On-line courses?

 

Find a way to tackle the problems within the confines of what's available to me. That's what I do, am doing. It's not easy. It's not fun. It's not always pretty. But it's working out okay and mostly I can get up and do this job without too much regret. It's a whole lot harder work for me now than it ever was, but as I have even fewer options at this particular moment than ever before, too, I just have to keep on.

 

Probably not the sort of answer you were looking for, but the best I have right now.