church wwyd?

[jplain]

In your shoes, I'd go by myself for now. Assuming your church has a religious ed program, once the baby is old enough and ready to separate from you for class, I'd enroll her and see if she likes it.

 

FWIW, here's how it works in my family. Caveats: both DH and I are atheists. We believe that religious practice is an intensely personal decision, and within our family it will never be forced on anyone.

 

I wanted to start going to a Unitarian Universalist church. DH wasn't interested, but had no objection to myself and our kids attending a UU church. The kids were enthusiastic, because they already knew several other homeschoolers who attend the same church. So the kids and I attend services & religious education while DH goes bowling (yes, bowling! :tongue_smilie:). DH is happy to attend church social events, like potlucks and fundraisers, if I ask him to come. Everyone's happy. :D

 

If either of the kids ever say they no longer want to attend, they are allowed to stop immediately. If I want to stop attending, but the kids decide they want to stay...well, that'll be trickier. I suppose it would depend on why I wanted to stop going.

[ktgrok]

Ok, I talked to both dh and ds, and both seem to want to go back to our old church. Go figure! So, that is what we will do. I love Rev. Sarah anyway, and she baptized my daughter, so I'm happy to go back. We are also going to try the 5pm service, which is rite I, and easier to follow along with. My husband says he feels lost in the service if I'm not there to help him find what page we should be on, etc. So Rite I should be easier for him and my son. I can pace in the back with the baby, lol. And some weeks hubby will stay home and just the boy and I will go.

 

I'm also going to make a priority of making sure they both understand the service better. Maybe get one of the books for kids but have dh sit in too.

 

As for my aspie, I've got to realize that he is not going to come to the church via people. Finding a church with kids is not the way to do it for him. He needs logic. We actually started reading Mere Christianity together last week and so far he really is enjoying it. Very logically laid out, and more his speed. I think that, and a focus on how the service works, learning the prayers, etc would be better for us this year than just doing Bible study.

 

Thanks everyone!

[Aubrey]

Ok, I talked to both dh and ds, and both seem to want to go back to our old church. Go figure! So, that is what we will do. I love Rev. Sarah anyway, and she baptized my daughter, so I'm happy to go back. We are also going to try the 5pm service, which is rite I, and easier to follow along with. My husband says he feels lost in the service if I'm not there to help him find what page we should be on, etc. So Rite I should be easier for him and my son. I can pace in the back with the baby, lol. And some weeks hubby will stay home and just the boy and I will go.

 

I'm also going to make a priority of making sure they both understand the service better. Maybe get one of the books for kids but have dh sit in too.

 

As for my aspie, I've got to realize that he is not going to come to the church via people. Finding a church with kids is not the way to do it for him. He needs logic. We actually started reading Mere Christianity together last week and so far he really is enjoying it. Very logically laid out, and more his speed. I think that, and a focus on how the service works, learning the prayers, etc would be better for us this year than just doing Bible study.

 

Thanks everyone!

 

Oh, I hope this works for you! I grew up in a family where dad didn't go to church, & it was a huge sore spot for mom.

 

Now that I'm grown, *I* am the spouse who doesn't want to go. Dh has been SO understanding. He takes the kids w/out me sometimes, waits for me when I change my mind, is patient through my ranting on the way home.

 

We've tried everything from home churches to Greek & Roman Catholic & lots of nondenom/Baptist in between. It's beginning to look like we're not likely to worship together...I don't know. He feels most at home on one end of the spectrum, me at another, but...we seem to have mutual respect for the differences that have developed since we married, & I think as long as we've got that, we're good.

 

His patience w/ me, understanding of my feelings/struggles, have done more than anything to help me along. I know how much he must hate sitting in that pew by himself, & it means so much to me that for his sake, mine, the kids...he will.

[Starr]

Ok, I talked to both dh and ds, and both seem to want to go back to our old church. Go figure! So, that is what we will do. I love Rev. Sarah anyway, and she baptized my daughter, so I'm happy to go back. We are also going to try the 5pm service, which is rite I, and easier to follow along with. My husband says he feels lost in the service if I'm not there to help him find what page we should be on, etc. So Rite I should be easier for him and my son. I can pace in the back with the baby, lol. And some weeks hubby will stay home and just the boy and I will go.

 

I'm also going to make a priority of making sure they both understand the service better. Maybe get one of the books for kids but have dh sit in too.

 

As for my aspie, I've got to realize that he is not going to come to the church via people. Finding a church with kids is not the way to do it for him. He needs logic. We actually started reading Mere Christianity together last week and so far he really is enjoying it. Very logically laid out, and more his speed. I think that, and a focus on how the service works, learning the prayers, etc would be better for us this year than just doing Bible study.

 

Thanks everyone!

 

 

I'm glad you were able to make a plan together! Getting your son his own prayer book and learning from it sounds great!

[nowimscrappin]

My husband isn't the biggest fan of going to church either, unfortunately. I don't make him go, but we had a big huge fight about a year ago, and I told him a number of things he was doing that was teaching the children very negative things. He kept saying that "he practiced religion long enough that he didn't need to anymore". He said he wanted the kids to choose for himself, but didn't understand that they can't choose if they aren't exposed to it. Finally I told him that it was important for them to see him going to church. After that fight, not another word was said about it, but about a month later, the first Sunday that I wasn't helping out in a class and was actually attending service, he got up on his own, showered and came with us.

 

My kids were over the moon - they were so excited that Daddy was coming with them.

 

What I told him is that sometimes when you become a parent, you have to do things that you would rather not because its the right thing to do for the kids. In my opinion, I believe his attending church even though he would rather not fell into that category - I feel its important for the kids to see him participating.

 

I even caught him singing once.

 

But, for those who ask why one might "force" their husband to go. I didn't force him to go, but I explained to him why as parents of these children, I felt it was important for him to go. and he made the right decision.

[ktgrok]

Oh, I hope this works for you! I grew up in a family where dad didn't go to church, & it was a huge sore spot for mom.

 

Now that I'm grown, *I* am the spouse who doesn't want to go. Dh has been SO understanding. He takes the kids w/out me sometimes, waits for me when I change my mind, is patient through my ranting on the way home.

 

We've tried everything from home churches to Greek & Roman Catholic & lots of nondenom/Baptist in between. It's beginning to look like we're not likely to worship together...I don't know. He feels most at home on one end of the spectrum, me at another, but...we seem to have mutual respect for the differences that have developed since we married, & I think as long as we've got that, we're good.

 

His patience w/ me, understanding of my feelings/struggles, have done more than anything to help me along. I know how much he must hate sitting in that pew by himself, & it means so much to me that for his sake, mine, the kids...he will.

 

Have you been able to find a church with different kinds of services at different times? Many Lutheran will have a more traditional service at one time of morning, and a praise and worship style another time of the day. You could alternate which service you went to each week, but with the continuity of the same church home.

[Little Nyssa]

:grouphug:

Can you leave DH at home and take just one of your kids each week?

[MamaSheep]

Ok, I talked to both dh and ds, and both seem to want to go back to our old church. Go figure! So, that is what we will do. I love Rev. Sarah anyway, and she baptized my daughter, so I'm happy to go back. We are also going to try the 5pm service, which is rite I, and easier to follow along with. My husband says he feels lost in the service if I'm not there to help him find what page we should be on, etc. So Rite I should be easier for him and my son. I can pace in the back with the baby, lol. And some weeks hubby will stay home and just the boy and I will go.

 

I'm also going to make a priority of making sure they both understand the service better. Maybe get one of the books for kids but have dh sit in too.

 

As for my aspie, I've got to realize that he is not going to come to the church via people. Finding a church with kids is not the way to do it for him. He needs logic. We actually started reading Mere Christianity together last week and so far he really is enjoying it. Very logically laid out, and more his speed. I think that, and a focus on how the service works, learning the prayers, etc would be better for us this year than just doing Bible study.

 

Thanks everyone!

 

I think you're definitely on to something with the bolded bits. My aspie is often quite interested in the finer points of church teachings, but would really rather avoid "fellowshipping" with other believers at all costs. So I hear ya there. And since the church is really about Christ and not just about making friends, I guess there could be worse attitudes for him to have.

[Grover]

One of the things that started my journey away from the church was the hypocrisy (as I saw it then) of my father getting out of bed on a Sunday morning to help my mother force my sister and I to go to church as teenagers, and then going back to bed himself. Plenty of other things keep me away from any sort of religion now, but as a young teen it surely started the cracks.

[simka2]

I would forgo the bagels and go to IHOP afterwards. Bring smal treats for baby. M&M's always worked good for me. For your aspie I would definetly try something with a more liturgical style.

Dh is a different situation. I would probably ask mine what it will take for us to become a team on this, or if he should just stay home. :grouphug:

[ktgrok]

I would forgo the bagels and go to IHOP afterwards. Bring smal treats for baby. M&M's always worked good for me. For your aspie I would definetly try something with a more liturgical style.

Dh is a different situation. I would probably ask mine what it will take for us to become a team on this, or if he should just stay home. :grouphug:

 

We definitely do a liturgical church, Episcopal :)

 

Dh seems to be grumpy about this church in particular, for reasons I hadn't understood. we will go back to the old one, and he will watch his attitude.

[lionfamily1999]

:grouphug: In our church we've all noticed that rebellion is strongest Sunday morning. Some days I leave the slouchers home, because I need to go to church, I enjoy church, and I come home to find them just as grumpy and unsatisfied while I'm bouncing off the walls joyfully :p If I were you and dh wanted to stay home, I'd leave the baby too (for sure).

 

:grouphug:

[butterflymommy]

If my children or husband didn't enjoy church I wouldn't make them go. My husband doesn't want to go to the church I've been bringing the kids to so I haven't even suggested he try it out. My oldest son is on the fence, so far I've left it up to him, but I might try semi-bribing him to go (I'll give you five bucks if you help me watch the little one during service... something like that). My daughters love church because there is a separate children's service which is games, singing, they get to make friends, and so on. I don't think they'd tolerate an anglican service (even though I think those services are short, 45 minutes?). Maybe look for a church that has a children's service or caters more to the kids?

[simka2]

We definitely do a liturgical church, Episcopal :)

 

Dh seems to be grumpy about this church in particular, for reasons I hadn't understood. we will go back to the old one, and he will watch his attitude.

 

I hadn't read that far in the thread when I responded. :D Sorry! You are a good mom and wife!

[Tammyla]

:iagree: And the boys could look after the baby.

 

I'd go alone for now.

[ktgrok]

If my children or husband didn't enjoy church I wouldn't make them go. My husband doesn't want to go to the church I've been bringing the kids to so I haven't even suggested he try it out. My oldest son is on the fence, so far I've left it up to him, but I might try semi-bribing him to go (I'll give you five bucks if you help me watch the little one during service... something like that). My daughters love church because there is a separate children's service which is games, singing, they get to make friends, and so on. I don't think they'd tolerate an anglican service (even though I think those services are short, 45 minutes?). Maybe look for a church that has a children's service or caters more to the kids?

 

Here there is a children's sunday school/children's chapel during the family service. They go for the first part of the church service to do their own thing, then come back as a group and rejoin their families for the last part of the service. I love that, because they get the message of the sermon on their own terms, but get practice sitting in church during the second part, the communion part. It works well for most kids. My son is not most kids, lol. He's too old now anyway, but he always preferred to sit with me than to go with the kids...probably the Asperger's issue. The baby is too young yet, but I imagine she will love it when she is older.

 

And the new church we have been going to does have more kids, but he likes it less. Turns out that trying to use people to get an Aspie to like something is a silly idea. Wish I'd realized that earlier! So we are going back to the smaller church we had attended before, and are working on understanding the reason for church, for faith, etc from a more philosophical mindset.

 

And I WISH sometimes the services were that short! They are all over an hour, generally 1 1/2 hours from start to finish. I admit to guiltily missing the 50 minute R.C. services I used to attend.

[Aubrey]

Have you been able to find a church with different kinds of services at different times? Many Lutheran will have a more traditional service at one time of morning, and a praise and worship style another time of the day. You could alternate which service you went to each week, but with the continuity of the same church home.

 

We've never looked for such. It's only been recently that I've been looking at the other end. You know--the 2 ends don't talk much. ;)

 

And...I don't see dh going for a simple "praise & worship style" meeting. His parents' church (presby) experimented w/ that, & it's...not the same as a nondenom. The difference in the spectrum really isn't *just* style or music, iykwim.