Rjmakmom Posted August 26, 2011 Share Posted August 26, 2011 feels like I am living with a roommate more than a spouse? Between meeting the needs of 5 kids, 2 dogs, 3 cats, 18 chickens, homeschooling, chores, meals, extracurricular activities, and everything else that requires my attention, I feel like by the time the evening quiets down the only thing I want to do is collapse like a heap on the sofa. My DH works 5 10 hour shifts, and has to be up for work at 3:45am. He is home by 4pm each day, but that seems to be the lull before the storm. By the time the kids are settled for the night, he has already fallen asleep somewhere. I feel like somewhere we inadvertently shifted from a married couple to roommates. Suggestions?? Or it this just a season we will work through as the kids grow? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted August 26, 2011 Share Posted August 26, 2011 Sunday Afternoon TeA. yes, it will get better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AngelBee Posted August 26, 2011 Share Posted August 26, 2011 :grouphug: no advice but wanted to let you know you are not alone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted August 26, 2011 Share Posted August 26, 2011 Well, I think it's the tadpoles and python that are the straw breaking your back. :D :grouphug: It gets better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
i.love.lucy Posted August 26, 2011 Share Posted August 26, 2011 Not alone. All these responsibilities don't make you feel particularly s@xy! I agree about the Sunday afternoon thing. He doesn't have to know you have planned it. It helps me to plan so that I make sure I have some alone time, get the kids occupied elsewhere, etc. Can you carve out any time for a date at all? My dh mentioned a new restaurant he wants to try, so recently when it popped up on Groupon I grabbed it. I will get my kids to Grandma and we will attempt to have a little date. I do think its a season. I think you also have to enjoy other things about the season too. Someday the kids won't be so young. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tree House Academy Posted August 26, 2011 Share Posted August 26, 2011 I 3rd the Sunday thing...heck...we make sure to fit it in on both days of the weekend. Even if it is just as little as taking a shower at the same time - being physically close is a vital part of a marriage - far beyond the "having babies" stage. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oldskool Posted August 26, 2011 Share Posted August 26, 2011 We have for sure had the roommate conversation. There are times where it seems so more than others. One solution that we did do, and now sadly have fallen out of habit of, is to designate a movie night just for us. We got the kids to bed and then would watch a movie together even if it was really late. My dh works long days as well and normally is exhausted by bedtime and also needs to get up early. It is just hard. I am hoping that times will get better, but life just continues to stay crazy busy. Hence, we often have a status of "living as roommates". So I guess no real solution from me, but you are not alone. Lesley Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AK_Mom4 Posted August 26, 2011 Share Posted August 26, 2011 You gotta make time to "make time", ya know? Intimacy doesn't just happen in a busy household. You have to carve out time for it. Even if it's just to sit next to him on the couch. It's a place to start, anyway.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Running the race Posted August 26, 2011 Share Posted August 26, 2011 Not the only one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KidsHappen Posted August 26, 2011 Share Posted August 26, 2011 My hubby travels five days a week so we always fit in some time on weekend afternoons. It is a season of life thing though. There will come a day when you look up and realize that all the kids happen to be gone at the same time. Then it starts to happen more and more frequently as they get older. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaxMom Posted August 26, 2011 Share Posted August 26, 2011 I also support the Sunday afternoon teA idea. Frankly, even if you don't get to it, having the discussion about it so you're both cognizant of the situation can go a long way to helping. Yes, I think this is one of the seasons we go through in marriage. But I also think the space between you can become so ingrained that you don't meet back up when this season changes to the next, unless there is some kind of acknowledgement. KWIM? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Live2Ride Posted August 26, 2011 Share Posted August 26, 2011 Yeah sometimes....my husband is normally a night person for 'ahem' :lol:...I'm a day person because by night I'm exhausted, lol. Sundays are always perfect for tea parties though, :D. Plus hubby works shift. So nights and days sometimes within the same week. That makes it hard for him to be involved in a lot of things and when he is home, he's normally fairly tired or trying to switch back over to another shift...ugh. But that should change shortly as he's about to head back to liscense class and they work 4 day weeks on day shift only for almost the first half. The class is 15 months long :D. We must make efforts though. It's important Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Marple Posted August 26, 2011 Share Posted August 26, 2011 It is a season. As the kids age and become more self-sufficient it gets easier. I now have 2 out of the house and I have a lot more energy to give my dh. I often joke that even though we've been married 28 years that we are probably at the same place as couples married 14 years. He was in residency and starting a practice for so many years that I really didn't see him that often. There were times he would be gone for 72 hours at a stretch during residency. Thankfully we didn't have children during that time which made it easier on us than on those with families. Even though it is a season, work to make time together as best you can. That way you still have a foundation for the time when the kiddos are moving on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BakersDozen Posted August 26, 2011 Share Posted August 26, 2011 (edited) My dh and I are more roommates. We eat dinner together with the dc and have our evening family devotion but that is about it as far as spending time together. We do chat before he goes to bed for a few minutes and honestly, I'm really good with this arrangement. I need/want my quiet time after the dc go to bed and teA is most definitely not a part of that quiet time. I guess Sunday afternoons would be fine for spending time with my dh but if that just meant talking or going out to lunch I'd be fine, I don't want it to always mean intimacy. In fact, I rather think I avoid my dh because I'm so tired of "spending time" equaling "putting out"; sitting together on the couch I'm good with but if it has to lead to intimacy, I'm not so good with that. We have a weekly date night that involves parenting class then a stop at Wildflower. It's something, I suppose. Edited August 26, 2011 by LuvnMySvn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rjmakmom Posted August 27, 2011 Author Share Posted August 27, 2011 "In fact, I rather think I avoid my dh because I'm so tired of "spending time" equaling "putting out"; sitting together on the couch I'm good with but if it has to lead to intimacy, I'm not so good with that." :iagree: I agree! After a whole week of living with a roommate, the last thing I want to do is feel like I have to "put out". I guess I am being selfish, or maybe I just don't have the need for...teA time...but it's frustrating to me that the only way we connect is the occasional times we are both in the bed at the same time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Food4Thought Posted August 27, 2011 Share Posted August 27, 2011 I had the "I feel like we're roommates" talk with DH back in March, and it had been a long time coming. We came up with an idea which has really brought some life back into our relationship in the last few months. We have a designated date night (every Wednesday night). Since we can't afford babysitters, it's almost always at home. The trick is, we alternate who plans it, and the rule is that it has to be different from week to week. Besides listening to music or watching movies, we have also done art/sketches, played video games, played board games, drank sake, read books, played guitars. Whatever goes. It's been really good for us, and even if it's just watching a movie, we know it's special time just for us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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