s/o My "unsocialized homeschooler".......

[mothergooseof4]

After all of the responses to Tina's thread it seems that most people automatically assume that our kids will be unsocialized. I posted in that thread about my sis who is considering hs and her socialization concerns. It is a REAL concern for others and often for new hsers.

 

I once saw a shirt at a hs conference that said, "WARNING unsocialized homeschooler, communicate with at your own risk." I loved it and it would be soooo ironic on my dd. But, I think it comes off as sarcastic.

 

I have come to the conclusion that my kids are different and it is a good thing. However, their socialization skills are probably much better than their mother's. It has taken years and lots of maturity for me to progress beyond the damage done in ps to my self confidence. Yet, I am still naturally an introvert and happy that way. One of the many reasons late dh and I decided to start hsing my stepdd many years ago was due to socialization. She was a follower at seven and our opinions had already lost value in her eyes. Plus, after being ridiculed in ps for my naturally curly hair, big books, and lack of expensive clothing I loved the way that the hsers in our church seemed to get their value because they knew who God said their were.

 

This thread is about what your "unsocialized homeschooler" has done to prove that the socialization issue is not an issue. Each of my dc have their own personalities and their own bent when it comes to socialization, just like any other aspect of their lives. So here are some recent examples of what they each have done:

 

ds 12, spends a couple of days per month with new dh's parents. This week he stayed with just MIL who is mid-50s. They had a great time and ds helped her pick out an ipod, download itunes to her computer, put all of her cds on her ipod, and showed her how to use itunes gift cards to purchase her music. They also enjoyed lunch out and a movie. Sounds normal huh? But, he was enjoying being with someone much older than him, with different life experiences, and he is comfortable teaching someone much older than him something that he has mastered. She also enjoys spending time with him and comments on how much company he is to her. Plus, he was impressive when dealing with the sales person during the ipod purchase.

 

Ds 9yo and I spent yesterday out on the town. I received so many comments on how much of a gentleman he is as he held the door for others, politely asked for what he needed at various businesses, etc. Plus, while I was trying on clothing at a store he and another boy started talking and knew each other's life stories before we left. This is actually a little out of character for ds since he tends to be more introverted like myself, but he did not shy away when the other boy approached him and that is how I still handle such situations. I don't talk to strangers too much. When asked what school he attended he even told the boy all about hsing.

 

And, then we have dd, well, she will walk right up to anyone and tell them all of our private business. I actually need to work on her socialization skills for different reasons than most would think. She has got to learn what is appropriate to share and what is not. But, she is polite and well behaved.

 

I often have elderly people comment on how well behaved, polite, gentlemanly, lady-like, easy to talk with, and capable of handling themselves my dc are when we are in public. Trust me they can be rude, selfish, hard to deal with, etc. as well. But, they know how to handle themselves around others.

 

I agree with someone on here that once said that when others bring up the "socialization" issue, they actually mean "socializing." We actually get more of that than I prefer with all of our church activities, scouts, and neighborhood kids.

 

So, share what your "unsocialized homeschooler" has done lately!

[Chelli]

DD7 is naturally very extroverted, but where I see her "unsocialization" most is at church. Before services start, she goes around and talks to the elderly people in our congregation. There is one gentleman in particular whose wife died a few years ago. She goes up to him and talks his ear off for about 5 minutes. He never says much back to her, but he just sits and listens to her rattle on and on about what we did at home that day, ballet class, etc. Because of her willingness to do this, we get soooo many compliments on our dc from the elderly in our congregation about what good children they are. I NEVER see the ps kids at our church talk to anyone other than their own peer group.

 

The downside, though, is that when dd7 is in a group of ps kids she doesn't know (like at the park), she will walk up to them and say, "Hi, my name is xxxxx. Let's go play." They look at her like she has 3 heads most of the time and ignore her. This really hurts her feelings because she doesn't understand what she did wrong. She hasn't learned the ps code of not intruding on a group of kids who've already established their clique. :sad: Over time this has made her more shy around kids her own age, but she will talk the ear off of anyone older than her.

[NanceXToo]

My 10 year old daughter goes to Girl Scouts once a week over every school year. She goes to Judo lessons once a week at the Y year round. She attended a library book club every few weeks last year and will do so again over this coming school year. She is going to start weekly guitar lessons next week. Over the winter, she participates in a homeschool bowling league for a couple of months. She takes swimming lessons and various art classes or summer Montessori camp programs over the summer. She accompanies me on outings and errands, field trips and so on, and we are active with our homeschool group. After school hours, on weekends, over the summer etc, she plays with neighborhood friends and cousins. She had a Fresh Air Fund friend come and stay with us for the past two summers.

 

She's VERY active and sociable, makes friends easily, and we definitely DO have more time and energy for this kind of thing now that we are homeschooling. Oh, and she doesn't care if you're her age, years younger, or an elderly neighbor- she'll happily chat with you for as long as you'll let her.

 

My almost 6 year old son played teeball this past season, and is now playing soccer. He too took swimming lessons over the summer, and went to a Montessori summer camp program for three weeks over the summer (half days). He also participates in the homeschool bowling league in the winter and accompanies me on outings, field trips, errands and so on. He too is active in our homeschool group and plays with cousins or neighborhood kids outside of public school hours. He too had a Fresh Air Fund friend come stay with us this summer.

 

I compare all this to the way it was when my daughter DID attend public school- in Kindergarten and first grade she constantly lost some or all of her meager 15 minutes of recess for "talking too much in the classroom." Our school had a rule instituting "silent lunches" so the kids would eat and not goof off. The rest of the day was pretty much just deskwork. THAT'S socializing? Okaaaay.

[Forget-Me-Not]

Mine are 8 and 6 and seem to have no problem just joining in and playing with kids wherever we go.

 

We were staying in a hotel over 4th of July weekend. I was lounging in the hot tub and watching my 8 yo son in the pool. He had joined in with a couple of girls about his age and their dad and was playing some sort of invented pool/ball game. I turned to my sister and said, "And they say homeschooled kids are unsocialized". (of course some other woman sitting there had to start yammering on about the HS kids SHE knew. . . whatever). I've seen my 6 yo daughter do similar things with kids she's never met before.

[9763653]

I once saw a shirt at a hs conference that said, "WARNING unsocialized homeschooler, communicate with at your own risk." I loved it and it would be soooo ironic on my dd. But, I think it comes off as sarcastic.

 

It comes off as sarcastic? I should hope that is a sarcastic message :D.

 

I had my very first conversation about socialization recently. I guess I am a "real homeschooler" now :001_smile:. The question was, "But don't you want your kids to be normal and fit in?"

 

Actually, after being the weird kid through public school, I know that PS doesn't "cure" weirdness. In my case, that meant enjoying politics and reading the great philosophers for fun. What homeschooling does is allowing the child to be themselves even if they are "weird"... eh, even if they actually enjoy academics.

 

DD loves socializing with people all ages, for the record. I have no idea how to answer the socialization question, because it is actually a total non-issue.

[amsunshine]

I sometimes wonder what people are talking about when they refer to the "socialization" that comes from being in ps -- is it a positive or negative term? My girls were only in ps a very short time, and I love that they are friendly, happy and outgoing with everyone they meet. We often run into some of their old friends from preschool who have now been at ps for the past 4 years. My girls are naturally chatty with them and their parents, but their friends are the opposite -- they are untalkative and appear uninterested in speaking with dds or me much at all. It could be just a fluke, but my own experiences so far have been that my girls seem to be much more "socialized" than their peers at ps. (Whatever "socialized" means....)

[bekawolf]

Ever since I started hsing my inlaws have been concerned about my kids "socialization." But like most of you, in my opinion, my kids are have better social skills than the ps kids I know. They will talk to anyone of any age group, have no trouble making new friends and are able to have intelligent conversations about a wide range of topics.

 

My father inlaw actually told me that I needed to put my oldest in ps so he'd get "knocked around a bit and learn that his opinion isn't the only one." :001_huh: How they consider that to be "socialization" I'll never understand. One of my hsing friends said I should have told him that I aim to provide a well-rounded education and I'd get right on that. Ha!

 

I agree that my oldest tends to be a know-it-all, and we do need to help him realize that he doesn't know it all, but I think that's a personality issue, not a social issue. I'm pretty sure he'd be like that even in ps, only he'd get made fun of a lot and probably develop self esteem issues. I really don't understand why so many people think that the best people to teach my kids social skills are other kids their age who don't yet have the best social skills.

[Chelli]

My father inlaw actually told me that I needed to put my oldest in ps so he'd get "knocked around a bit and learn that his opinion isn't the only one." :001_huh: How they consider that to be "socialization" I'll never understand.

 

I will never understand this mentality :confused: People who think that kids need to be in ps so that they can learn how to deal with bullies and being teased. Really? Because when you are an adult, you don't deal with these things. There are laws called harrassment and assault to deal with these things when you are an adult, but for some reason we feel like our CHILDREN should be able to handle it!!!!

:rant:

 

BTW--My mom suggested that I put my oldest dd in ps so that she could be teased into changing a behavior. Totally NOT acceptable.

[creekster519]

The downside, though, is that when dd7 is in a group of ps kids she doesn't know (like at the park), she will walk up to them and say, "Hi, my name is xxxxx. Let's go play." They look at her like she has 3 heads most of the time and ignore her. This really hurts her feelings because she doesn't understand what she did wrong. She hasn't learned the ps code of not intruding on a group of kids who've already established their clique. :sad: Over time this has made her more shy around kids her own age, but she will talk the ear off of anyone older than her.

 

My ds8 has had similar trouble at the playground. Very sad.

[creekster519]

I really don't understand why so many people think that the best people to teach my kids social skills are other kids their age who don't yet have the best social skills.

 

:iagree:

[2_girls_mommy]

I have similar experiences to the rest. My kids talk to everyone in church. When the older ladies ask them about something, they tell a story with relish, laughing and smiling. Other kids barely whisper to adults, or even just stare at the floor. (Not that my youngest doesn't do that sometimes, but not as much as others.)

 

My kids love younger kids and play with babies and toddlers too. They just love them.

 

They often find kids at playgrounds to join them in games. They are not too shy to ask them to join in. My kids are natural leaders and usually are the ones to get a game going.

 

I think some big things they have accomplished this past year are these:

 

1. They both participate in the church Christmas pageant, singing and doing lines every year.

 

2. They both participated in a hs science fair at a local college. Parents were not allowed in the room for 2 hrs during the competition. Each child was interviewed and had to give their presentation three times during that period and each judge gave a report. Both of mine recieved comments on how well spoken they were. My youngest was TERRIFIED before she went in that room, and I wasn't even sure if she was going to do it when she found out I couldn't be there. But she did, and received good marks.

 

3. Odd spoke at an event at the state capitol. She was the only child who spoke and recited poetry among adults and senators even! They had to get a chair and put behind the podium for her. I was a very proud mama!

 

4. Both perform and recite in talent show with scouts ceremonies twice a year.

 

5. We have met our state senator and representative several times to discuss hsing issues and bills. My Odd wrote a bill for a writing assignment once, and we gave a copy of it to our rep who then had it typed up as a real bill. It was so cool! The next year when we visited him, she spoke to him and thanked him and read him a story that she has been working on. Both girls told them about the art that we were looking at in the hall and what they knew about it.

 

I am sure if I thought about it I could come up with more. But I think these accomplishments show that my hs kids are well 'socialized' and are not sheltered. They are already facing the world and becoming leaders, not followers. They do this because they are with involved caring adults who guide them each day as opposed to other children their ages who are not fully mature yet, not in spite of it.

[johnandtinagilbert]

We belong to an African Methodist Episcopal Church...yup, we're white...even have 2 sets of blue eyes amongst the children. Not only do my dc show up, but as they say at church, they also "show out for God." (that means "showing off" in a good way).

 

My eldest, nearly 16yo son, stood up in TEEN WORD (youth bible study) and spoke about never even kissing a girl and his desire to stay pure for his wife. He leads the youth group; plays guitar for the church regularly; recently Won the high school bible bowl (probably the first caucasin to do so in AME church history); runs track and cross country for the local high school; spends bible study time with the grown men at church; leads a classroom for younger children; is respected as a leader at Boy Scouts and has already received letters of rec. for camp counselor positions next summer. Geez...for an unsocialized home schooler, he sure does handle social situations of size, color, and activity in a wide variety.

 

#2...King of Style. This kid is super cute and loved by all the girls. He has that pop star handsomeness about him. He's attacked by girls wherever we go. He smiles at them, even let's one of them call him, "Boo." but he still fits right in, not acting on physical impulse, but enjoys all his friends at youth. Gosh, this unsocialized home schooler even talks on the phone to friends from Boy Scouts. Golly, he sure talks a lot for an unsocialized home schooler. Oh, and his favorite ladies at church are 2 old women..one in her late 70s and the other in early 80s. He talks with them, carries their things, and helps me make pumpkin bread for them. He also spends a lot of time with my pastor....I think he's in training by the Lord to be a pastor (shhh don't tell him that). He's thinking about attending a black college. How's that for being social...he can handle a culture outside of his own. Last week he decided to write an essay about the cambrian explosion. My neighbor read it and said (really) "How do you teach him to write like that." She was blown away at the content and structure of his essay. He's 14. *I* found it to be appropriate for him, she was blown away. She was an honors student locally, with AP and DE classes, yet she confesses she couldn't express herself like he did. It really blew her mind.

 

#3 My shy girl is the kindest girl I know. She is a true and faithful friend. If you saw all the help she gives me and then saw the lack of help other girls her age offer, you'd know she was not like all the other girls.

 

#4. DD said...."I'm a nerd and I'm proud of it!" She LOVES books and wants to study in school for a long time. She's not sure what she wants to be when she grows up, but it will involve a doctorate. This girl has more self-confidence than any person I know (too much sometimes :tongue_smilie:). NOT the shy and unable home school stereotype AT ALL.

 

#5. Spoiled baby and current momma's boy. He still wants hugs and kisses from me all day. Is that normal for 9yo boys? He's so much like most 9yo boys that other than his general knowledge, curious spirit, and playful nature (which I have found are all plucked out of most active boys by age 9), one would never know anything academic about it...he's all about activities.

 

Whomever wants to plays sports (all of them currently), they do drama at church, and each have a group of some sort (scouts, craft, bible, book club).

 

ALL of them articulate better than their PS peers. You can honestly tell the difference in my children and others and the differences are Positive. They are respected by their peers and offer respect in return (very unusual for teens). Not perfect (we Surely have some issues), but overall, they stay out of serious trouble and make good choices. I heart them. I'm proud of their boldness for Christ...it is not easy being the cream in a large pot of coffee (we sometimes are targets for racial hate), but they stand tall in who they are and that speaks for itself.

Edited August 19, 2011 by johnandtinagilbert

[sagira]

Gosh, all of you must be so proud. I get compliments on ds7 all the time, but my introverted dd4 gets scrutinized (even though she's just like her ps schooled father when he was a child :glare:). Never mind that she's sweet and helpful. She is blossoming a bit more (showing off her true colors), but I don't want her to be someone she's not just because she's pressured to do so. I'm curious to see how three hours of Montessori a day will do. I know they do get to "socialize" in a very controlled environment, with a very nice teacher who likes her a lot (called her the poster child for a Montessori class), and she won't get to experience recess. As is, though, she was already the subject of bullying and harrassment (at the tender ages of 3 and 4), so we'll see.. I'll be keeping an eye on it. She's sweet, but also a strong personality. I want her to keep that strength of self.

[FriedClams]

My "unsocialized homeschoolers" jumped out of the car yesterday to run over and help my elderly next door neighbor with his yard work. Awful, I tell you. Awful. Who would want kids like that??;)

[huntchaos]

This may have been posted here and that is why I found it but... I love this article called,"Yes, My Grown Homeschooled Children Are Odd — And Yours Will Be Too!" http://www.homeschoolnewslink.com/blog/?p=629

[Jim]

We're so proud of both our children. They are experts at making new friends, even if it's just for a few minutes to play on the slide at a fast food place. There is no way on earth that eithre of us would have done that. Both of us still struggle with interacting with people we don't know.

 

One example sticks out since it came at the earliest point in our hsing venture. We attended a curr. fair. Walking in we werre overwhelmed with the size of the display floor. We had been to this venue many times, but the number of vendors easily dwarfed the home shows we attended.

 

Anyway, as we're standing there and I'm suggesting we stick to the big names (listed in TWTM, which I had read) ds wanders off with another boy and starts drooling over a microscope display. They browsed all through the stand, together, chatting about whatever 7yo boys chat about. We know there was nothing to worry about, not that it was ever a concern of ours. We know our boys.

 

Just yesterday, at a golf lesson, a mom mentioned to me how well ds interacted with all the folks standing around, young and older. Her boys attend ps but she saw the difference right away.

 

And at home, after the ps bus drops off the kids where do they gravitate toward? Yes, to our house and ds. According to the other parents on the street he's a "rock star."

 

All of that is great. But, he will slide at times and follow along. This is common at scouts. I thought scouts would be the better behaved but that's not true in our pack. As the Cub Master I can say that. We work on it but the boys have a long way to go. I mention it because even with his social skills he is a young boy and will act accordingly at times.

 

 

Jim

[Pink]

The downside, though, is that when dd7 is in a group of ps kids she doesn't know (like at the park), she will walk up to them and say, "Hi, my name is xxxxx. Let's go play." They look at her like she has 3 heads most of the time and ignore her. This really hurts her feelings because she doesn't understand what she did wrong. She hasn't learned the ps code of not intruding on a group of kids who've already established their clique. :sad: Over time this has made her more shy around kids her own age, but she will talk the ear off of anyone older than her.

 

My older DD is the same way and she goes up to ps kids like that. There are 3 girls in our neighborhood, who go to PS and they are not very nice to DD. They laugh at her and hide from her whenever we drive by. It breaks my heart but I make sure she has a lot of hs friends (which she does.) We have never had issues with her interacting with hs kids.

[Pink]

Another thing I love about DD is she doesn't judge people on their appearance or disability. One of her best friends has cerebal palsy and uses a walker. DD never batted an eye or asked her friend why she used a walker.

[Marsha SC]

I have to say when I am actually confronted, with the question directly, I laugh. I'm not really laughing at the person but at the absurdity of the question.

 

My girls, 10 and 8, are full of life (and some days other things too). They are both Jr. Taekwodo instructors. They both audition/perform in plays for a local children's theatre.

 

I sometimes wonder if people think we keep them locked inside in a closet. We seem to be constantly with people between Nature Class, Taekwondo classes, Book Buddies and just meeting up with friends. I think those in the PS world are so tied to what they know they have a difficult time seeing the real picture of homeschoolers.

 

Monday we took our girls in to have their eyes checked. My oldest now needs glasses. While we were putting everything into the computer, the lady helping us asked her how old she was. She was shocked to hear 10. My daughter replied she is told she looks eleven. The woman smiled. I told my dd, "I believe she means you appear older. Your attitude makes you seem older." The woman agreed, then promptly asked if we homeschool. Looks like the word is getting around. ;)

[Jim]

Just to add to my prior post, when we're out I let ds do all the talking for himself. At Six Flags or DW he asks whether we can sit in the front or back row when riding the coasters. At the bank he makes his own deposits. He asked questions at the video game store (actually had to return a game yesterday after comparing prices). He orders his own meals, veggies on the side over fries, which always makes the person taking the order take a second look at him.

 

He knows, if he really wants something we're there for him but he'll do the talking.

[ChristusG]

Actually, people probably view my children as "those unsocialized homeschoolers." But honestly, they would be this way whether they were homeschooled or not. My girls are both very shy. DD7 was diagnosed with selective mutism. She will gladly participate in activities with a group of children she doesn't know, she just won't say a word to them. My DD4 still cries whenever she goes into her Sunday School class each week.

 

But my kids come from a family of shy people. I'm very shy and I went to public school each and every year. I was the kid who sat in the class and didn't talk to anyone. I'm still very shy. DH is quiet....I wouldn't say he's shy. My parents and both sisters are pretty shy and quiet. So I wouldn't expect my girls to be any different.

 

So I guess we're probably the ones that people look at and think "Wow, those kids need socialization."