Impish Posted August 2, 2011 Share Posted August 2, 2011 This is going to sound odd, but... My parents are due to arrive in my city tomorrow. My mom made a comment about looking forward to rubbing my belly, etc. *shudder* First off, she's never been touchy feely with me. Ever. She never did the belly rub thing when I was expecting Diva. Second, I've become a lot more jumpy about my personal space since developing RSD. A simple brushing up against my arm = increasing pain for hours. I tolerate the kids swarming me to feel baby move. The idea of my mother groping my belly makes me want to run screaming into the streets. Heck, I barely manage the hello and goodbye hug without flinching...the announcement that she intends to paw my belly really doesn't make me happy. At all. We don't have a typical relationship. Generally, its very strained. I honestly believe that she, like my MIL, is NPD. There is absolutely nothing in my life, in my sibling's lives, that somehow isn't about her. She even stated that it was b/c of her that I didn't end up with a csection w/Diva. And is dead serious. There are a million and three reasons why I've come to the NPD conclusion, that's just one very small example. So, expecting her to realize that I'm uncomfortable and being considerate of that just isn't going to happen. So, any ideas on how to preserve my personal space without coming across as a raving ____? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted August 2, 2011 Share Posted August 2, 2011 Yes. Keep a counter or piece of furniture between you and your mom at all times.;) If that fails, use a child as a human shield. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
********* Posted August 2, 2011 Share Posted August 2, 2011 I have a new baby niece. While my sister in law was pregnant, I touched her belly before I even realized what I was doing. I felt SO silly afterwards. I kept apologizing. SIL just laughed. But really, I don't know why I did it, except that I was so happy for her, and we can't have anymore, and I just love babies. But that's no excuse. SIL and I are friendly and all, but stomachs are still personal space. :D I even *knew* better, because I had people do that do me when I was pregnant, and I HATED it. So, all that to say, sometimes it happens and the person who did it really just had a momentary lapse of manners. However, if your mother's PLANNING AHEAD to do it, well then, you may just have to be blunt and tell her you don't like it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted August 2, 2011 Share Posted August 2, 2011 I have a new baby niece. While my sister in law was pregnant, I touched her belly before I even realized what I was doing. I felt SO silly afterwards. I kept apologizing. SIL just laughed. But really, I don't know why I did it, except that I was so happy for her, and we can't have anymore, and I just love babies. But that's no excuse. SIL and I are friendly and all, but stomachs are still personal space. :D I even *knew* better, because I had people do that do me when I was pregnant, and I HATED it. So, all that to say, sometimes it happens and the person who did it really just had a momentary lapse of manners. However, if your mother's PLANNING AHEAD to do it, well then, you may just have to be blunt and tell her you don't like it. T/J....not all women hate being touched when they are pregnant. So maybe your SIL didn't mind at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted August 2, 2011 Author Share Posted August 2, 2011 Thanks for the giggles! I know personal history has a big impact on this issue. Her *announcing* that she'll be doing this is a problem as well. SpecialMama is a very near and dear friend. Other than Wolf and the kids, she's honestly the one person I can think of that can be in my personal space without me flinching. That being said, I don't think it would even *occur* to her to even ask to touch my belly. There's a huge trust issue. I know SpecialMama is care-full with me, aware of RSD, and comes from the perspective of what does the other person need? My mother can't even begin to fathom that other ppl have any needs at all. Its always about what she wants. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alicia64 Posted August 2, 2011 Share Posted August 2, 2011 I also have an NPD mom (and dad). For your own sake, I would make up a fake excuse in the beginning of the trip that you don't like anyone touching your stomach. That way, she won't take it personally. You might even add, "This pregnancy has made me weird." (They love to think it's about you and not about them, right?) I'll be honest, I don't even bother going through the flinching thing when I hug goodbye/hello. I don't do it anymore. A couple of years ago I just thought why keep up the pretenses? This is silly. The kids hug/kiss them and love them. For now. Alley Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theYoungerMrsWarde Posted August 2, 2011 Share Posted August 2, 2011 http://www.zazzle.com/im_not_buddha_dont_rub_my_belly_tshirt-235479949238753288 http://www.cafepress.com/maternity.146599610 Or you can make your own :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted August 2, 2011 Share Posted August 2, 2011 So, any ideas on how to preserve my personal space without coming across as a raving ____? :grouphug: How about a chain mail top with outward facing barbed spikes? that'll give her something to 'grab onto'. other than staying out of her reach, or handing things to her to keep both hands busy . . . . no ideas. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted August 2, 2011 Author Share Posted August 2, 2011 :grouphug: How about a chain mail top with outward facing spikes? other than staying out of her reach, or handing things to her to keep both hands busy . . . . no ideas. I thought of barbed wire :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theYoungerMrsWarde Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 So, how did it go? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 So, how did it go? I think she's in the thick of it right now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
theYoungerMrsWarde Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 I think she's in the thick of it right now. I guess I meant the initial contact, whether or not positive communication happened at the beginning of the visit. I also have a problem with hugs and people touching me, though not as bad as Impish described. I was hopping for her that good boundaries could be set right away. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted August 4, 2011 Author Share Posted August 4, 2011 Thanks for asking, we just got back. The initial communication yesterday was just a phone call. I was far too wiped and hurting to get together. Today went ok. Unfortunately, neither of my parents is used to me being disabled, and by that I mean they hug me full on, and pat my shoulder without thinking. Owie. I've gotten better about not howling when ppl do that, smile with gritted teeth, simply b/c I find it embarrassing to react otherwise. Its not their fault, kwim? And I hate making ppl feel guilty or bad when they're trying to just be nice. Generally I just position myself so it doesn't happen for the most part, angle my body so that its not easily accessed. They're coming back for a bbq, and Mom wants to take Diva and I to the movies. I don't know if there's really anything worth seeing right now, but we'll see. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mama Geek Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 I don't know if your dd is a Winnie the Pooh fan or if it is still out but I heard on the radio that it is like the old Winnie the Pooh and so it is pretty good. Since I have a 1 yo I haven't been able to see it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted August 4, 2011 Author Share Posted August 4, 2011 Diva will be 13 this Nov, so no, I don't think Winnie the Pooh would work. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hedgehog Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 Today went ok. Unfortunately, neither of my parents is used to me being disabled, and by that I mean they hug me full on, and pat my shoulder without thinking. Owie. I've gotten better about not howling when ppl do that, smile with gritted teeth, simply b/c I find it embarrassing to react otherwise. Its not their fault, kwim? And I hate making ppl feel guilty or bad when they're trying to just be nice. Generally I just position myself so it doesn't happen for the most part, angle my body so that its not easily accessed. I'm sorry.. you'd think they'd remember that about their dd. I think I might do the banshee howl a few times.. just to make the point.. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WishboneDawn Posted August 4, 2011 Share Posted August 4, 2011 Couldn't Wolf whittle you a pointy stick? Anytime the parents got too close...Poke! I'm sure they'd get the...er...Point. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted August 4, 2011 Author Share Posted August 4, 2011 I'm sorry.. you'd think they'd remember that about their dd. I think I might do the banshee howl a few times.. just to make the point.. ;) They don't see me but a few days a year. Its not their 'norm', me being disabled, if that makes any sense. At least they don't deliberately yank the carp out of me. Couldn't Wolf whittle you a pointy stick? Anytime the parents got too close...Poke! I'm sure they'd get the...er...Point. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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