leeannpal Posted July 17, 2011 Share Posted July 17, 2011 I'm sure I'm not the only one here whose has some family members who are against homeschooling. How do you deal with the negativity other than just not talking to them at all? Our situation is a little different. Dh, DD ad I are moving to China next year. I will homeschool and Dh will teach at a university. My parents are not in favor of the move or of me homeschooling. One of my sisters reactions was that what we are planning to do, "sounds horrifying!" It is not that I expect them to be on board with all our decisions. I just don't understand why they feel the need to tell us how wrong we are. Fwiw, I think my sister is making some choices right now that are not the best for her family, but I don't feel it is any of my business. I just wish I could get the same consideration. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted July 17, 2011 Share Posted July 17, 2011 If you don't want to say "I know you don't approve, so why are you telling me again?" you could try "You know, you should talk to the man of the house about that. No, really. If you disapprove of his choices for his family, you should talk to him about it. I think his sense of adventure is pretty sexy, actually." They probably keep nagging at you because they are concerned, which is pretty natural since what you are doing is a bit out of the standard Wonderbread box of existence. It is a good thing that they care, it's not a good thing they are verbalising it so much. :tongue_smilie: Rosie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Homeschooling Again Posted July 17, 2011 Share Posted July 17, 2011 First of all, WOW, China?! What an amazing opportunity for your family. How fun. Most of us will never, ever have that sort of exposure to another culture. Congratulations and kudos on taking the plunge. That seriously takes a lot of guts in my book. Second, I've just got to know what your sis thinks is so nuts. Is is that your kids will have one-on-one tuturing, or that they'll be learning grammar and history and science? Is she shocked that they'll be exposed to art and language. Is she offended that they'll be reading great literature instead of Diary of a Wimpy Kid (my son and I LOVE those books, BTW)? How horrifying!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kewb Posted July 17, 2011 Share Posted July 17, 2011 China sounds like a wonderful opportunity for your family. I will admit to a twinge of envy. As for negative family members I find this very effective "I appreciate your concern. Please pass the bean dip." I absolutely refuse to engage in any negative conversation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heidi Posted July 17, 2011 Share Posted July 17, 2011 My mother, step-dad, real dad, sister, and MIL all were against us homeschooling, as well as most of my friends, and expressed their opinions to me about it. Now, they either never bring it up, praise us for choosing to homeschool, or have started implementing more education into their own families and have asked me for my advice. Usually it just takes time to overcome their pre-conceived notions of homeschooling. Just keep on keepin' on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted July 17, 2011 Share Posted July 17, 2011 http://goybparenting.com/?page_id=28 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mama Geek Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 Most of our family does not approve of how we live our lives. Dh is a contractor which requires going where the work is when there is work and it also means that he doesn't always work. The thing we have the most success with is making our decisions without telling anyone and then waiting until the last possible minute before letting anyone know. We did that when we quit direct jobs and went to work in Alaska. Man you would have thought the world was ending. Don't you know there is nothing there but snow, ice, polar bears and igloos? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovemyblessings Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 If you don't want to say "I know you don't approve, so why are you telling me again?" you could try "You know, you should talk to the man of the house about that. No, really. If you disapprove of his choices for his family, you should talk to him about it. I think his sense of adventure is pretty sexy, actually." They probably keep nagging at you because they are concerned, which is pretty natural since what you are doing is a bit out of the standard Wonderbread box of existence. It is a good thing that they care, it's not a good thing they are verbalising it so much. :tongue_smilie: Rosie I LOVE This! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ginevra Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 I'm sure I'm not the only one here whose has some family members who are against homeschooling. How do you deal with the negativity other than just not talking to them at all? Our situation is a little different. Dh, DD ad I are moving to China next year. I will homeschool and Dh will teach at a university. My parents are not in favor of the move or of me homeschooling. One of my sisters reactions was that what we are planning to do, "sounds horrifying!" It is not that I expect them to be on board with all our decisions. I just don't understand why they feel the need to tell us how wrong we are. Fwiw, I think my sister is making some choices right now that are not the best for her family, but I don't feel it is any of my business. I just wish I could get the same consideration. You just move confidently forward in the direction you have chosen. I agree it hurts when sisters or MILs are forcefully horrified at your choices, but they are not the ones who have been given the responsibility of raising your children. It's not for them to say. I think my peaceful resolve did more to tame tempers over the long run than if I would have tried to make a convincing case for homeschooling. The two people who were most harsh towards me later ate crow about it, so it all came out fair in the end. But even if that positive result had never come around, I still would move confidently forward in the direction I have chosen. I don't need the approval of my family members, though it would have been nice to have. I really do think peaceful confidence is the most productive attitude. I said my share of, "I'm sorry you feel that way, but this is what we're doing" and it wasn't altogether pleasant, but it gave them nothing to argue back about. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 There are a lot of family members who don't approve of the way we live our lives. I have come to terms with it and often fight the urge to respond with, "Really? I see the way your kids are/have grown to be/whatever and you have the nerve to tell ME how to parent?" ;) Dawn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 Where are you going in China? I am envious! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 I LOVE This! In my experience, any mention of what you think is sexy about your husband is almost certain to kill conversation... Rosie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tarreymere Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 In my experience, any mention of what you think is sexy about your husband is almost certain to kill conversation... Rosie :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 I was going to say what Rosie said. I'm going to make the assumption that they love you and want the best for you, but don't understand your decision. They're scared that it's a bad decision and they're trying to look out for you. I'd give them that benefit of the doubt. But at the same time, you do have to live your own life, and I'm assuming that you know what's best for yourself, so I agree with the others who've told you to keep doing what you're doing and redirect the conversation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosy Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 I agree with the others. You're not likely to convince them unless they are truly interested in having an open mind, and that is usually apparent. Until then, I would keep any conversation about homeschooling to a minimum and be willing to walk away/hang up if they don't respect your boundaries. And it's possible that they will come around when they realize how much your DD has benefited from homeschooling. My mom was disapproving at best (and openly hostile at times) for years. I stopped bringing it up for a while, and then at one day she was at my house and I showed her SOTW, it seriously changed everything. I think up until that point she thought I was a religious nut who truly didn't care what my kids were learning as long as it wasn't evolution and homosexuality. Since then I wouldn't say she has become an advocate of homeschooling and most of the time doesn't really want to talk about it, but she no longer seems to think I'm screwing up her grandkids. I really do think peaceful confidence is the most productive attitude. I said my share of, "I'm sorry you feel that way, but this is what we're doing" and it wasn't altogether pleasant, but it gave them nothing to argue back about. :iagree: In my experience, any mention of what you think is sexy about your husband is almost certain to kill conversation... Rosie :lol::lol::lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
leeannpal Posted July 18, 2011 Author Share Posted July 18, 2011 Thanks everyone! Rosie, I do like your way of handling things:D. I should have added that my familoy has known for a while that we plan to go overseas. My husband's seminary program requires that he work ousde the U.S. for a while. He also feels strongly about living overseas, and so do I. We have both spent seveal years living in other countries. This isn't new for us. What is new is going with a child and homeschooling. DawnM, we don't know where we will be full-time yet, but my husband will spend a month in training in Beijing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BlsdMama Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 I think it's best to avoid the conversations as much as possible as in, "Can you pass the bean dip?" and refuse to participate. I was an activist at one time but it never won them over. What has at least won over their silence is the fact that the children are thriving. But it's taken close to ten years to get to this place. No amount of positive spin, statistics, etc. did it... Just time. And they STILL feel the need to throw in an occasional comment. But, honestly? I don't know why people feel the need to critique anything out of the norm. But I'm a little worn down from it and I've learned to nod and smile and then walk away pleasantly. They just don't understand and that's really a loss... for all involved. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted July 18, 2011 Share Posted July 18, 2011 That sounds like an absolutely amazing opportunity for you! I'm completely jealous. I'm trying to convince my husband an overseas stint would be great. Anyway, I'd just consistently shut them down and hopefully they'll give up. Something like "I appreciate your concern, but we think this is a great opportunity for us and we're comfortable with our decision.". Oh yeah "pass the bean dip". :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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