Help: Space Cadet Daughter. Advice Needed.

[Sahamamama]

Okay, that sounds like a "Help Wanted" ad. It is.

 

One of my three girls is deteriorating in her ability (willingness?) to hear and follow simple directions. She is now 6.5 years old. Honestly, she followed directions better when she was 2 years old.

 

For example, if we are all doing morning chores after breakfast -- I'm washing the dishes, Child M (4.5 yo) is drying them, Child H (4.5 yo) is emptying the small trash cans, and THIS child (6.5 yo) is sweeping the kitchen floor -- everyone else is done in about 5 minutes, but THIS child will daydream and sweep and sweep and sing to herself.... but miss all the crumbs and dirt on the floor.

 

Her 4.5 yo sisters do a better job of sweeping... or anything else, actually. She seems to "not hear" directions. I give them quite clearly, thank you very much. Her hearing is fine with anything that matters to her.

 

She does all sorts of multiple-step projects on her own, if it interests her. Attitude? On the surface, she seems happy. She seems compliant, at least initially, but then she just doesn't focus.

 

Is this normal for 6? :bigear:

[OrganicAnn]

You might check into "ADHD Inattentiveness" which used to be called ADD.

 

ETA: Not saying she has this, but it is always good to rule things out.

Edited July 6, 2011 by OrganicAnn

[LibraryLover]

I'd be loathe to call a 6 yr old a space cadet, or assume she has neuro issues(ADD) because she doesn't want to sweep. lol

 

I don't want to sweep! Is there a drug to make one want to sweep? :D If so, I want some!

 

Imagine my clean house! Imagine finding picking up after others each day exciting!

 

:)

[Sahamamama]

You might check into "ADHD Inattentiveness" which used to be called ADD.

 

ETA: Not saying she has this, but it is always good to rule things out.

I copied this from Wiki:

 

Failing to pay close attention to details or making careless mistakes when doing school-work or other activities Not schoolwork, only chores

Trouble keeping attention focused during play or tasks Never has trouble focusing on play, LOL, only on chores

Appearing not to listen when spoken to (often being accused of "daydreaming") Actually, that's what bewilders me -- she does APPEAR to have heard us, then she just goes and does her own thing

Failing to follow instructions or finish tasks Yes, this part is applicable to her

Avoiding tasks that require a high amount of mental effort and organization, such as school projects No, not at all applicable, this kid is willing and able to think, she reads half the day (her choice), in fact I think she is a bit too bookish, actually

Frequently losing items required to facilitate tasks or activities, such as school supplies She never loses anything, she is highly organized for a six year old

Excessive distractibility Not exactly, just "spacy"

Forgetfulness I'm not sure she's forgetting... if you know what I mean....

Procrastination, inability to begin an activity She starts whens she's told to, but then she drifts off into doing her own thing

Difficulties completing household chores YES, this! Yes!

 

Why? That's what I'm wondering. Do you really think she might have wiring issues?

[Sahamamama]

I'd be loathe to call a 6 yr old a space cadet, or assume she has neuro issues(ADD) because she doesn't want to sweep. lol

 

I don't want to sweep! Is there a drug to make one want to sweep? :D If so, I want some!

 

Imagine my clean house! Imagine finding picking up after others each day exciting!

 

:)

 

So you think that the twins (4.5 yo) do well with simple chores because the novelty of doing them hasn't worn off yet, but with the 6.5 yo it has?

 

It's more than that, in a way. She does well with her school work, she has hours and hours to play. She is creative and imaginative and resourceful with all THAT, but...

 

Well, here's an example, I suppose. Today we were cleaning up a Science activity. I said to Child M, "Please put away ______." To Child H, "Please put away _______." To THIS child, Child S, "Please put away all of ______."

 

So all the instructions were pretty evenly handed out, all rather equal. Child H and Child M -- no problem, WHIP, it was done.

 

Child S... puts away part of _________. Reminder. Puts away another piece of _______. Second reminder... Puts away the remainder of ___.

 

Sheesh. REALLY? It takes that NOW? When she was 2 and 3 years old she could easily follow 4-part directions, now I am loathe ;) to give her one step at a time?

 

My husband says it's because (A) she thinks she knows better, and (B) she doesn't put her heart into helping/pitching in.

 

I'm not her maid, and I don't treat her like she's mine. Just a part of the family and all...

[Jen in PA]

You might check into "ADHD Inattentiveness" which used to be called ADD.

 

ETA: Not saying she has this, but it is always good to rule things out.

 

:iagree: You just described my just-turned 6yo. He is bright, he can sometimes follow multi-step directions, but much of the time he just has such severe executive function issues that follow the ADHD pattern. It is much worse if he is at all tired, hungry, or otherwise dealing with physical things, as if his mind just can't handle more than one thing at a time. By bedtime I have to be careful because if I say something like "get dressed for bed and then bring me the book" he will stand there frozen, dripping wet, because he can't decide if he should dry off from the bath before choosing pajamas or do it in the opposite order. It is actually very stressful for him (and me!). Right now we are not medicating, although I don't rule out taking that route in the future. I find that I sometimes need to go back to single-step directions with extra supervision, lots of praise for a job well done, lots of making sure I get eye contact from him when I give instructions, etc. I do have to make an effort not to compare him to his sister, who is just much more adept at following through with things independently.

[LittleIzumi]

I copied this from Wiki:

 

Failing to pay close attention to details or making careless mistakes when doing school-work or other activities Not schoolwork, only chores

Trouble keeping attention focused during play or tasks Never has trouble focusing on play, LOL, only on chores

Appearing not to listen when spoken to (often being accused of "daydreaming") Actually, that's what bewilders me -- she does APPEAR to have heard us, then she just goes and does her own thing

Failing to follow instructions or finish tasks Yes, this part is applicable to her

Avoiding tasks that require a high amount of mental effort and organization, such as school projects No, not at all applicable, this kid is willing and able to think, she reads half the day (her choice), in fact I think she is a bit too bookish, actually

Frequently losing items required to facilitate tasks or activities, such as school supplies She never loses anything, she is highly organized for a six year old

Excessive distractibility Not exactly, just "spacy"

Forgetfulness I'm not sure she's forgetting... if you know what I mean....

Procrastination, inability to begin an activity She starts whens she's told to, but then she drifts off into doing her own thing

Difficulties completing household chores YES, this! Yes!

 

Why? That's what I'm wondering. Do you really think she might have wiring issues?

 

Sounds like a 6-year-old then. Whistle while you work, remember? :lol:

 

Now if I were to go over this list with dd 5.5, who seems to have her daddy's ADD, it would go:

Failing to pay close attention to details or making careless mistakes when doing school-work or other activities Yes. She does very well at school but also makes ridiculous mistakes on things she knows backwards & forwards, flying through & not really focusing.

Trouble keeping attention focused during play or tasks Quite often during tasks. Quite often during play, too!

Appearing not to listen when spoken to (often being accused of "daydreaming") Yep. Dd. Dd? DD?! Did you hear what I just said? (I actually just used that line a minute ago.)

Failing to follow instructions or finish tasks Yup. She needs constant one-on-one mommy-ness to keep her on top of tasks.

Avoiding tasks that require a high amount of mental effort and organization, such as school projects Yes. She is naturally good at several subjects & loves them, but does NOT like doing the school that actually takes work.

Frequently losing items required to facilitate tasks or activities, such as school supplies All. The. Time. Also her shoes, her hair clips, her brush, etc.

Excessive distractibility Yes. Yes. Yes.

Forgetfulness Yesssssssssss.

Procrastination, inability to begin an activity Sometimes. Depends on the activity.

Difficulties completing household chores Yes.

[Embassy]

I have one of those :) He has an amazing imagination and takes boring tasks like sweeping and goes off into dreamland where everything is interesting and has many different thoughts going 100 miles an hour. He doesn't intentionally not sweep well. It isn't a lack of focus in general, but a lack of focus on an uninteresting activity. It isn't inattentiveness. My son is quite attentive to the busyness going on in his brain.

 

I would try not to compare your children. They are likely made from different molds. I have another child who is opposite and will respond quickly and do tasks satisfactory. But he doesn't have the same strengths as my other child. He doesn't have the depth of imagination for the games they play. He isn't the one who initiates the creative play. Different kids will respond to life in different ways. They are both great kids and I've discovered in the last year that my ds wasn't doing things intentionally. I've grown in my appreciation for the amazing little guy he was made to be. Some things happen that make me shake my head. That happens quite often. Common sense isn't always common with him. But he brings so much laughter to our life.

 

But practically a child does need to learn to follow instructions no matter how boring they may be. Sometimes redirection helps. My son becomes very focused on a boring activity when under pressure (time limit).

[OrganicAnn]

My DD is 7 and we believe she has this. So, you know it sounded a little too familiar to me. Our DD seems to be borderline ADD. Doesn't fit all the categories. We did a questionnaire and she fell within this diagnosis (which it look a long time for us to accept). We are actually having more formal testing later this week.

 

What I couldn't wrap my head around was that she could concentrate on things she was interested in, but not on other things. She could sit for hours and listen to read alouds - no hyperactivity. But was squirm when she didn't like something like she had ants in her pants.

 

I found one website that talked about how this look in girls (which is a little different from boys).

 

But just because she fits a few of the categories, don't freak out. Just start observing more. If you continue to be concerned, talk to your pediatrician about some testing.

[LaxMom]

I have one of those 6 year olds. He "forgets" the directive to brush his teeth walking, literally, five feet into the bathroom. He "forgets" at least half his clothing on the floor/couch/wherever when he is told to bring it to the hamper. He is also the sloooooooooooooowest eater ever.

 

He is not ADD (or whatever we're calling it now). He is simply not interested enough in the task at hand to do a good job. He is also the only one doesn't offer to help. (and then is mad when his twin brother is doing something helpful.)

 

I have no advice, but I feel your pain. It's infuriating.

[LibraryLover]

I think some kids needs more focused directions. Everyone is different. Keep an eye, but don't hit the panic button. If you have concerns, you can request a neurological workup. What might you do differently if she were to be diagnosed ADD at age 6?

[Sahamamama]

I think some kids needs more focused directions. Everyone is different. Keep an eye, but don't hit the panic button. If you have concerns, you can request a neurological workup. What might you do differently if she were to be diagnosed ADD at age 6?

 

I would seriously doubt the diagnosis, in her case. I just don't think that shoe fits, but then again, there is no harm in looking at the information.

 

But if, in fact, she did fit the diagnosis, then I would adjust my directions to her ability to process them. I would minimize or try to overcome distractions (as much as possible). I might have her restate the instructions (have been doing this, it seems to help her understand that I do mean for her to follow through).

 

My concern is that she seems to be regressing, from having heard/understood/carried out more complex directives at a younger age. It's as though, the older she gets, the less she follows through. :001_huh:

 

Honestly, though, my gut feeling is that it's attitude. But I'd hate to just assume that, KWIM?

 

Of course, a friend of mine who is a first grade PS teacher says this is perfectly normal for 6 or 7 year olds.

[Peela]

It sounds really normal to me.

I wouldn't pathologise a 6 year old's lack of focusing on chores. You only have a comparison with 4 year olds- and as a pp said, it might still be novel to them. They might also have very different personalities.

Maybe you have had a good run, but in my experience, kids find many amazing techniques for stalling or avoiding chores. It doesn't mean they have something wrong with them. But I like what you are doing- getting them to help alongside you. I think you just need to be very patient and gently bring the daydreamer back to focus a few times.

[Starr]

"Ds what are you doing?"

"Thinking thoughts."

:lol:

 

I wish I could say that it's gotten better the last 10 years. :D

[LittleIzumi]

My DD is 7 and we believe she has this. So, you know it sounded a little too familiar to me. Our DD seems to be borderline ADD. Doesn't fit all the categories. We did a questionnaire and she fell within this diagnosis (which it look a long time for us to accept). We are actually having more formal testing later this week.

 

What I couldn't wrap my head around was that she could concentrate on things she was interested in, but not on other things. She could sit for hours and listen to read alouds - no hyperactivity. But was squirm when she didn't like something like she had ants in her pants.

 

It's called "hyper-focusing." :)

[Stacie Leigh]

My 4 yo DD has been like this since birth, I think, lol. We refer to her as our little flake. She's such a space cadet... Sometimes she literally just looks off into nothing!

 

I have to remind her to do everything so.many.times. I honestly can't tell if she's just smart and doesn't want to do what I say so she's being a little passive aggressive or if she just can't focus?!

[kchara]

My 10 yo DD is like this. I'm convinced she's ADD, no hyperactivity, though. We use vitamins and fish oil supplements, and they help somewhat, but, honestly, she's got to find her own system. At 6, I'd just expect to keep up the reminders for a long time. With my DD, we're working on giving her organizational skills and helping her find her own "groove," to still keep her individuality and imagination and everything that makes her, her, but still be able to function in the real world.

[5LittleMonkeys]

Dd12 is almost definitely ADHD Inattentive (not diagnosed but based on my research and talking with those with ADHD Inattentive dc, it is highly likely). What you describe regarding loosing focus during chores does not sound like my dd. Her condition affects every aspect of her life, not just chores.

 

Now, dd8 behaves just like what you describe when it comes to pitching in or doing chores and there is nothing wrong with her. She has just moved beyond the age that pleasing me is still really important and she has a HUGE imagination that seems to use up most of her brain functions.

 

Some things that help: setting the timer for her to try to "beat the time", reminders to stay focused, being close by to continue directing her..."you've missed some crumbs under the chair", asking her to set the timer for how long she thinks it will take her. Most of all, just being patient and trying to keep a sense of humor about her daydreaming. Oddly enough though, these are the same methods that I use for the daughter that probably does have ADHD Inattentive too.:tongue_smilie: If you do a search for methods to help ADHD they will probably help with your dd too.

 

Hang in there!