Holding child back a grade

[mamato4girls]

How do you know if you should or not? I think my rising 8th grader, should probably repeat 8th grade, but what if I'm wrong, I don't want to make the wrong decision.

A little background.. she screwed around a lot this year, I feel like a failure for letting it happen. But there is only so much fighting, nagging, etc., that I could do. We took away her phone, facebook, etc, and still she slacked off, big time.

 

She is a smart kid, and has always done great up until this past school year. So, do I push her into high school level classes that I don't think she's ready for, or hold her back?

 

Thank you!

[Whereneverever]

So, do I push her into high school level classes that I don't think she's ready for, or hold her back?

 

Thank you!

This sentence would answer it for me- high school isn't the time to be pushed if not ready.

 

Do you have to turn in something with her grade level? Could you decide part way into the year once you see if she's ready to work?

[Ellie]

I don't believe in holding homeschooled dc back a grade. Let her start high school-level classes; if she goofs off and doesn't get passing grades, well, such is life, and she has to live with the consequences. IMHO, that's better than saying she failed 8th grade. JMHO.

[mamato4girls]

The problem is, I have her taking high school level Co-op classes, and I hate to be stuck paying for something that she is not ready for. And my husband will not stand for her graduating with bad grades, so not an option. Ugh!

 

I don't believe in holding homeschooled dc back a grade. Let her start high school-level classes; if she goofs off and doesn't get passing grades, well, such is life, and she has to live with the consequences. IMHO, that's better than saying she failed 8th grade. JMHO.

[theYoungerMrsWarde]

I went to public school (mostly.) And I did a lot of "screwing around." Mostly reading books instead of doing homework :001_rolleyes: I depeneded on the inclass work and the tests that I passed with A's and B's to be enough to pass the class. But I failed enough classes my freshman year to still be considered a freshman the next year, and I had to re-take the classes with younger kids (the shame of it!) And I had to do extra periods for the rest of high school so that I could catch up and graduate with my class. It was a wake up call! I got serious after that. I didn't fail another class after that, and I steadily improved until my senior year I got all A's.

 

This could be the wake-up she needs. I am reminded of the Laura Ingels Wilder story when she was teaching in the one-room school with 5 kids. The oldest guy just messed around, didn't do his stuff. So she slowed down his pace, had him doing 1/2 the work the younger kids were doing, asking "Is this too much for you?" After about a week of that, he told her that she could quiz him at the same level as the others his age. He caught up on his own.

[twoforjoy]

The problem is, I have her taking high school level Co-op classes, and I hate to be stuck paying for something that she is not ready for.

 

Would the alternative be her re-taking coop classes she took this year?

[wapiti]

Questions to ask yourself (these don't require a response here ;), just thoughtful consideration): Not ready due to issues about her foundation of knowledge, or not having the necessary discipline to perform the work? Would an extra year change that all by itself, or not? How, specifically, would the problem be addressed? Unless there are specific changes you would make that would "fix" the "problem," and the foundation of knowledge would be improved as a result, then I probably would not hold back.

 

I might attempt some sort of disciplinary "fix" now, and see what more work can be finished before the fall classes start. Then go forward with 9th grade and see what happens. Some kids may rise to the occasion due to the presence of peers (peer pressure). You could then wait until the end of the year to decide whether it was a repeat of 8th.

 

For a "smart kid," I'd lean toward not holding back, while enforcing some other sort of strict consequences. Was the work too boring? If that were the case, holding back could exacerbate the problem.

 

In any case, I'd keep schooling full time over the summer.

[Anne]

Questions to ask yourself (these don't require a response here ;), just thoughtful consideration): Not ready due to issues about her foundation of knowledge, or not having the necessary discipline to perform the work? Would an extra year change that all by itself, or not? How, specifically, would the problem be addressed? Unless there are specific changes you would make that would "fix" the "problem," and the foundation of knowledge would be improved as a result, then I probably would not hold back.

 

I might attempt some sort of disciplinary "fix" now, and see what more work can be finished before the fall classes start. Then go forward with 9th grade and see what happens. Some kids may rise to the occasion due to the presence of peers (peer pressure). You could then wait until the end of the year to decide whether it was a repeat of 8th.

 

For a "smart kid," I'd lean toward not holding back, while enforcing some other sort of strict consequences. Was the work too boring? If that were the case, holding back could exacerbate the problem.

 

In any case, I'd keep schooling full time over the summer.

 

:iagree:

 

Anne

[Pamela H in Texas]

When I saw your title, I said, "don't." For little kids, it makes no sense to try to push ahead or hold back. Simply do the level of work they need to do at the time and they'll fluctuate over the years to some degree.

 

However, for an older child, if she isn't ready, she isn't. By 7th and 8th grades, we know. High school is not the time to be behind the eight ball so to speak. That extra year of maturity can really make a difference.

 

Then there is just the normal 13yr old syndrome. LOTS of kids have an off year or two in middle school and early high school. Ask any 6th-9th grade teacher how kids behave. They all have their moments in those years. It's normal. So you wouldn't want to hold back a young teen for being a typical young teen.

 

One idea would be to just do what you planned to do for the year (or even two years) then later decide what grades they were. We just kept going and then decided what year each thing was later.

[OnTheBrink]

My dd is 13 and starting 9th grade. However, she's a young 13, meaning, we did K when she was 4, said she was in 1st at 5, etc. If she were in ps, she'd be going into 8th grade. So, I've told her that when she gets through her senior year, if I feel she's not emotionally ready for college, I reserve the right to do a "bridge" year with her. As it stands now, she'll be barely 17 when she graduates. I don't want to push her into college but I don't want to hold her back a grade, either, as that would make her feel terrible, hence my "bridge" year option.

 

In retrospect, I should have never called her K year a K year; I should have called it Pre-K even though she was doing K and 1st grade work. Hindsight is 20/20.

[Ellie]

The problem is, I have her taking high school level Co-op classes, and I hate to be stuck paying for something that she is not ready for. And my husband will not stand for her graduating with bad grades, so not an option. Ugh!

She might surprise you. :-)

 

I would still not hold her back a *whole grade* just because in some subjects you think she isn't ready, KWIM?

[angela in ohio]

How old is she? Is she a true 8th grade age, or is she young?

[mamato4girls]

She was 14 in January. I'm thinking of possibly having her re-do just the subjects she has struggled with, then having her play catch up over summers?

[angela in ohio]

She was 14 in January. I'm thinking of possibly having her re-do just the subjects she has struggled with, then having her play catch up over summers?

 

I definitely wouldn't hold her back then. I thin it's a good idea to do some work over the summer and let her proceed next year.

[wapiti]

She was 14 in January. I'm thinking of possibly having her re-do just the subjects she has struggled with, then having her play catch up over summers?

 

What are the weak subjects? This may be a good question for the HS board - what subjects are essential to have down pat coming out of 8th. I'd guess (a) writing skills/outlining/note taking, and (b) math. I probably wouldn't bother worrying about the rest; maybe any other weaknesses could be dealt with concurrent to the rest of her high school classes.

 

How long it would take to get caught up now would depend on how far "behind" she is, how much effort is put toward catching up, and in what timeframe. Depending on when the co-op starts, you probably have a good 6-8 weeks of summer left (if she complains, remind her that "summer school" is the only thing standing between her and being held back). I wouldn't simply re-do something like math; instead I'd attempt to pinpoint the specific weak areas first, maybe by going through chapter reviews, something like that...

Edited July 5, 2011 by wapiti

[KatieJ]

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One idea would be to just do what you planned to do for the year (or even two years) then later decide what grades they were. .

 

:iagree: We did this with our oldest son who was a delayed learner. It doesn't necessarily apply to your situation in that he repeated Kindergarten, we just called the first year preschool.

However this part does. When he was in 7th grade he decided to get serious about moving ahead and ultimately he skipped what I had planned for 8th grade and became a freshman. I just reshuffled the grade books. His motivation was the neighbor boy who was a couple months younger but due to graduate a year ahead of our son. My son was not about to let that happen and came to me and said he wanted to graduate with the neighbor. I outlined everything he needed to do to make that happen and he kicked it in gear and got it done.

 

Have you thought about asking her to pay you back if she fails the Co-Op classes?

[Laurie4b]

FWIW, "screwing around" can go with the territory (not always) of the early teen years whatever the school choice is: homeschool, private school, public school, whatever.

 

I would not "hold her back". I would evaluate the big picture. If there are any reasonable options in your area, I would seriously entertain the question as to how much being homeschooled had to do with her "screwing around." Sometimes older kids need the accountability of outside classes. Sometimes a total change of school setting. I know that for some on this board, that is a heretical thing to say. I'm of the "take each kid as an individual" mindset and do what's best for the kid, not for your dreams, but for your kid, realistically and in line with your values. Something didn't work this year. You'll need to figure out what that was exactly. How will next year be different if you homeschool? Because you're right: you can't nag enough to make it happen. She's got to cooperate. If she is in another school setting and gets behind, oh well, sweetie. She deals with her own choices and consequences. A lot of kids perk right up under that scenario and buckle down. Others don't. You'll need to guess about your kid.

 

Secondly, what long term goals are appropriate for her? Is she headed for college? For a selective college? She needs to be at grade level in reading, writing, and math going into high school. If she is at grade level in those subjects, move on. She should be able to write an essay or report with a coherent introduction, body, and conclusion at this point. Minimally, if she's college bound, she needs to be ready for Algebra I this coming year. For selective colleges, you're more likely looking at having the student be finished with Algebra I and ready for Geometry, though doing Algebra and Geometry both in a year is feasible.

 

I would sit down with her and talk about long term goals. Look up the colleges she might be interested in and what their requirements are. Talk to her about where she is. Ask her what kept her from staying on task and how you might change things for next year. But I would not hold her back. I would remediate any of the 3 R's she's behind on and move forward.

 

I have 4 kids: a rising college freshman who got into the selective college of his choice (we homeschooled through 11th grade; he would have finished in homeschool except there was a better opportunity for his educational goals); a rising high school senior (lots of screwing around in the first two years of high school homeschool. Brilliant kid. Put him in a competitive school environment and totally stayed out of it and let him learn his lessons. He's shining-- alive with a love for learning when he had been the opposite in homeschool. He had taken outside classes, but having me in charge made it too easy to cut corners. Plus, I think he needs competition--something to pit himself against. It was the right decision for him. ) Rising 8th and 9th grader, both being homeschooled next year.