Character Development & Discipline in my young students...

[Stacie Leigh]

I have been agonizing over curriculum choices for this coming term but I really believe that it won't matter much if they don't have the character to apply it and honestly, if they can't behave well enough to have a productive school day, it greatly diminishes the value of our choice to homeschool.

 

Granted my kids are little (2, 4, 6, 8) so there will be distractions and misbehavior but my oldest in particular is really struggling with impulse control and he tends to take the whole train off the tracks.

 

What are some creative (or simple!) ways you're developing character and discipline in your young students?

[morosophe]

Oh, that's easy. All you have to do is be patient, gentle, firm, and consistent. Unfortunately, that requires discipline and a well-developed character on my part, so I've never been quite able to manage it. Parenting is haaaaard! (This is why I'm so glad that my sons' Father is perfect, even when their father and I are not.)

 

Since this is a curriculum board, let me link you to a resource that I've been drooling over: The Christian Gentleman's Series Lessons in Responsibility for Boys. My favorite part is that they recommend having Daddy go over the (once-a-week) lessons with his son(s). (They also have gender-neutral "character-building" Kingdom Stories, which I find less interesting. But if you think it may be worthwhile, they have one for free!) Of course, I don't actually own anything from this publisher, so I have no idea what sort of doctrinal/interpretational positions their books take, or how that would match up with what your family believes.

 

May I add, I love your signature!

[Stacie Leigh]

Oh, that's easy. All you have to do is be patient, gentle, firm, and consistent. Unfortunately, that requires discipline and a well-developed character on my part, so I've never been quite able to manage it. Parenting is haaaaard! (This is why I'm so glad that my sons' Father is perfect, even when their father and I are not.)

 

Since this is a curriculum board, let me link you to a resource that I've been drooling over: The Christian Gentleman's Series Lessons in Responsibility for Boys. My favorite part is that they recommend having Daddy go over the (once-a-week) lessons with his son(s). (They also have gender-neutral "character-building" Kingdom Stories, which I find less interesting. But if you think it may be worthwhile, they have one for free!) Of course, I don't actually own anything from this publisher, so I have no idea what sort of doctrinal/interpretational positions their books take, or how that would match up with what your family believes.

 

May I add, I love your signature!

 

 

Haha, thank you... :) It is hard, eh?

 

I should have posted on the "General" board... oops!

 

The resource looks great. I'll have to email it to DH and see what he thinks!

[simka2]

Okay, I am starting to feel like a broken record here :D. This has really been working for us!

 

It is called Acountable Kids http://www.accountablekids.com/ It is so much more than a chore program. It is teaching my kids to be responsible for their actions and choices. That there are consequences and privledges attached to how diligently one works.

 

At my blog there are a couple photo's of how I tweaked things. I got this because I saw that it would be a great tool for my ds who has an impulse disorder.

I also like that it is very easy to use in a secular/non-christian religious way.

 

Hope that helps!

[kengjw]

I have been agonizing over curriculum choices for this coming term but I really believe that it won't matter much if they don't have the character to apply it and honestly, if they can't behave well enough to have a productive school day, it greatly diminishes the value of our choice to homeschool.

 

Granted my kids are little (2, 4, 6, 8) so there will be distractions and misbehavior but my oldest in particular is really struggling with impulse control and he tends to take the whole train off the tracks.

 

What are some creative (or simple!) ways you're developing character and discipline in your young students?

 

My dd (10) is the impulsive one but in her case, as she matures her self-control also matures. I am pretty sure many people used to think that I didn't "train" her but she is just one of those people who needs a longer time to mature in the area of self-control. She is still impulsive at times (I do sometimes too) but she is starting to think of the consequences of her actions before she takes an action. She is also more aware of her surroundings and how her actions might affect other people.

 

We spent a lot of time role-playing and lots of heart-to-heart talk and finally help her experience real life situations (small or big) that comes up daily. We analyze, talk, discuss whenever needed. It was a constant guidance and being able to spend time together most of the time is such a blessing for us.

 

We all have "issues", some are more obvious than the other. It's all apart of who we are. Many times I have to remind myself to be patience and understanding as things that are easy for me are hard for my dd. Many times, all she needs is time...time to grow and mature. A lot of hand-holding in some weak areas and lots of encouragement. She may always be impulsive from time to time but hopefully she won't be discourage by it.

 

This week, she is at a week long camp 2 hours away from me for the first time. Dh and I think she is ready for it eventhough at times, I feel like I am not...lol. I am proud of her...she has come a long way :0)

 

I don't know what to tell you except to share my experience with you. Hopefully we can be an encouragement to each other :0)

 

Julia

[Lovedtodeath]

Okay, I am starting to feel like a broken record here :D. This has really been working for us!

 

It is called Acountable Kids http://www.accountablekids.com/ It is so much more than a chore program. It is teaching my kids to be responsible for their actions and choices. That there are consequences and privledges attached to how diligently one works.

 

At my blog there are a couple photo's of how I tweaked things. I got this because I saw that it would be a great tool for my ds who has an impulse disorder.

I also like that it is very easy to use in a secular/non-christian religious way.

 

Hope that helps!

I am glad I saw this just now for the first time, so you just keep on repeating it!:grouphug:

[NorCalMom]

Okay, I am starting to feel like a broken record here :D. This has really been working for us!

 

It is called Acountable Kids http://www.accountablekids.com/ It is so much more than a chore program. It is teaching my kids to be responsible for their actions and choices. That there are consequences and privledges attached to how diligently one works.

 

At my blog there are a couple photo's of how I tweaked things. I got this because I saw that it would be a great tool for my ds who has an impulse disorder.

I also like that it is very easy to use in a secular/non-christian religious way.

 

Hope that helps!

 

I am glad I saw this just now for the first time, so you just keep on repeating it!:grouphug:

 

Me too...just watched the demo video. It sure beats my handwritten grids. I think it would work especially well for my "hands-on" ds. Love it - thanks!

[hmschooling]

Here's some ideas ive posted about on my blog:

 

http://thomasschooldays.blogspot.com/2011/05/disciplinea-funny-side.html

Be sure to check out the link from this post that is just above the blue cross picture. Will show you an excellent resource called Wise Words for Moms.

 

And

http://thomasschooldays.blogspot.com/2011/05/we-choose-virtues.html

[MerryAtHope]

One thing that has really helped us here are workboxes. It keeps everything organized, the kids know what's coming up next so they stay on task better (cuts down on some of the distractions), and it makes the goals of the day very concret for them. Here's pictures & description of ours.

 

I also taught my kids a 5-finger rhyme to help them learn what it means to obey--they point to a thumb & then each of their fingers as they say it: Yes Mom/Dad, I'll obey, right away, all the way, the happy way (not complaining or arguing etc...).

 

The first thing we did was train them to come when called--not yell back from another room etc... but come right to us and say, "Yes Mom?" Coming when called gets them started on the track for obeying whatever you say next, and when that's a habit, I found other commands were obeyed much more readily. (Contrast to trying to call a command from another room while a child is playing legos & only half-answering--the conversation doesn't go so well then, LOL!). We made it a game to teach coming when called, with hugs & praise for rewards as mom & dad called them back & forth (or you could give a small treat like an M&M etc...). One or two evenings and most of the kids will be trained & then you can let them know that whenever you call, this is how they are to respond. They'll need reminders from time to time but if you keep up with it consistently, it really helps other areas.

 

Then we taught what the others meant--right away doesn't mean "I'll do it when I feel like it," etc...! But with this one, I'm also careful to be mindful of what they are doing--I don't like to be interrupted and kids don't either. So if I can, I give a 5- minute warning--ie, "You can have 5 more minutes to play legos, and then it's time to clean up." Warnings can help with transitions from one subject to another too. The "right away" one will be difficult at times with your one who is distractible, but teaching this as a concrete example of what it means to obey will help him have a clear understanding of your expectations.

 

All the way--not just half the job! This one requires lots of consistency & making them come back to finish etc...

 

The Happy way--not complaining, arguing, whining, rolling eyes, etc... I tell my kids they don't have to like what I asked them to do, but they can still do it with a good attitude to bless others. If I don't want to do something for my family that needs to be done (laundry, dishes, cooking, shopping...) would it bless them if I stomped my feet, sighed loudly, argued about it etc...? No. So I train them to show a respectful attitude even if they don't love something.

 

Showing them step by step what obedience means can really help kids along. I like to use chores for some of this training, rather than academics--and summer is a great time to teach them some new jobs around the house as you teach each part of what it means to obey.

 

HTH! Merry :-)

 

Hang in there!

[FO4UR]

One thing that has really helped us here are workboxes. It keeps everything organized, the kids know what's coming up next so they stay on task better (cuts down on some of the distractions), and it makes the goals of the day very concret for them. Here's pictures & description of ours.

 

I also taught my kids a 5-finger rhyme to help them learn what it means to obey--they point to a thumb & then each of their fingers as they say it: Yes Mom/Dad, I'll obey, right away, all the way, the happy way (not complaining or arguing etc...).

 

The first thing we did was train them to come when called--not yell back from another room etc... but come right to us and say, "Yes Mom?" Coming when called gets them started on the track for obeying whatever you say next, and when that's a habit, I found other commands were obeyed much more readily. (Contrast to trying to call a command from another room while a child is playing legos & only half-answering--the conversation doesn't go so well then, LOL!). We made it a game to teach coming when called, with hugs & praise for rewards as mom & dad called them back & forth (or you could give a small treat like an M&M etc...). One or two evenings and most of the kids will be trained & then you can let them know that whenever you call, this is how they are to respond. They'll need reminders from time to time but if you keep up with it consistently, it really helps other areas.

 

Then we taught what the others meant--right away doesn't mean "I'll do it when I feel like it," etc...! But with this one, I'm also careful to be mindful of what they are doing--I don't like to be interrupted and kids don't either. So if I can, I give a 5- minute warning--ie, "You can have 5 more minutes to play legos, and then it's time to clean up." Warnings can help with transitions from one subject to another too. The "right away" one will be difficult at times with your one who is distractible, but teaching this as a concrete example of what it means to obey will help him have a clear understanding of your expectations.

 

All the way--not just half the job! This one requires lots of consistency & making them come back to finish etc...

 

The Happy way--not complaining, arguing, whining, rolling eyes, etc... I tell my kids they don't have to like what I asked them to do, but they can still do it with a good attitude to bless others. If I don't want to do something for my family that needs to be done (laundry, dishes, cooking, shopping...) would it bless them if I stomped my feet, sighed loudly, argued about it etc...? No. So I train them to show a respectful attitude even if they don't love something.

 

Showing them step by step what obedience means can really help kids along. I like to use chores for some of this training, rather than academics--and summer is a great time to teach them some new jobs around the house as you teach each part of what it means to obey.

 

HTH! Merry :-)

 

Hang in there!

 

You are a smart momma! I'm using this. Thanks for posting!:001_smile:

[Ellie]

Instruction, correction, remediation, constantly, continually.

 

I just don't believe there is a *curriculum* that can teach it. I think it's something parents *do* as part of parenting.

[Celia]

Also need to put in my .02 for the accountable kids program. It's been great here, especially for my oldest son!

[rjperez1]

This is an encouraging thread! I'm so glad you posted on this board accidentally. Sometimes I spend too much time looking for answers in a box (curriculum). Sometimes a little conversation on "back to basics" can be truly refreshing!

 

Well, I'll weigh in by saying that my impulsive, leader-type, intense oldest can definitely derail the train! Thankfully, we bonded deeply when he was the only one, so he is tender toward me. This helps.

 

Lately, we have been having him take a bit of time alone with Dad for mentoring, training one-on-one. He needs this because this is how he was trained in the formative years (one-on-one). He eats it up. His 2yr younger brother handles it ok, but this is what sets up the firstborn/leader responsibility in our oldest. He rises to it and we nurture the second born in a different way. Birth order is not chosen by us, so we have to go with it. We can't feel sorry for the younger ones because they don't get as much of mom or they will begin to mirror that and feel sorry for themselves (I digress).

 

Anyway, this sets the older one up for positive leading of the youngers as he/she gets her needs met. Careful training, occaisionally, one-on-one gives a needed boost to the older and in our family, which trickles on down to the youngers making mom and dad's job more do-able (we have 5dc 10 and under).

 

Likewise, when our oldest doesn't get the occaisional individual time, he reverts to more childish ways of dealing with life and siblings which derails things again.

 

We try to take time individually with all our kids (a reasonable, manageable amount of time). Look into Rick and Marilyn Boyer's parenting advice. Also, Susannah Wesley used this approach with her 17 (?) children, giving John and Charles each individual time per week.

 

Hope this came across right! It has helped us. With privelege comes responsibility and with resposibility comes privelege. He seems more motivated to responsibility after having a bit of time alone mentoring with one of us (even if it is only a few minutes). It is not a total remedy for trouble, but it helps a lot for us.:001_smile:

[Stacie Leigh]

One thing that has really helped us here are workboxes. It keeps everything organized, the kids know what's coming up next so they stay on task better (cuts down on some of the distractions), and it makes the goals of the day very concret for them. Here's pictures & description of ours.

 

I also taught my kids a 5-finger rhyme to help them learn what it means to obey--they point to a thumb & then each of their fingers as they say it: Yes Mom/Dad, I'll obey, right away, all the way, the happy way (not complaining or arguing etc...).

 

The first thing we did was train them to come when called--not yell back from another room etc... but come right to us and say, "Yes Mom?" Coming when called gets them started on the track for obeying whatever you say next, and when that's a habit, I found other commands were obeyed much more readily. (Contrast to trying to call a command from another room while a child is playing legos & only half-answering--the conversation doesn't go so well then, LOL!). We made it a game to teach coming when called, with hugs & praise for rewards as mom & dad called them back & forth (or you could give a small treat like an M&M etc...). One or two evenings and most of the kids will be trained & then you can let them know that whenever you call, this is how they are to respond. They'll need reminders from time to time but if you keep up with it consistently, it really helps other areas.

 

Then we taught what the others meant--right away doesn't mean "I'll do it when I feel like it," etc...! But with this one, I'm also careful to be mindful of what they are doing--I don't like to be interrupted and kids don't either. So if I can, I give a 5- minute warning--ie, "You can have 5 more minutes to play legos, and then it's time to clean up." Warnings can help with transitions from one subject to another too. The "right away" one will be difficult at times with your one who is distractible, but teaching this as a concrete example of what it means to obey will help him have a clear understanding of your expectations.

 

All the way--not just half the job! This one requires lots of consistency & making them come back to finish etc...

 

The Happy way--not complaining, arguing, whining, rolling eyes, etc... I tell my kids they don't have to like what I asked them to do, but they can still do it with a good attitude to bless others. If I don't want to do something for my family that needs to be done (laundry, dishes, cooking, shopping...) would it bless them if I stomped my feet, sighed loudly, argued about it etc...? No. So I train them to show a respectful attitude even if they don't love something.

 

Showing them step by step what obedience means can really help kids along. I like to use chores for some of this training, rather than academics--and summer is a great time to teach them some new jobs around the house as you teach each part of what it means to obey.

 

HTH! Merry :-)

 

Hang in there!

 

Thank you so much for taking the time to post... such great stuff and really makes me feel we're on the right track! We've been teaching our kids to say "right away, all the way" since they could talk, lol!

 

I saw your workbox pictures the other day and I was already completely inspired by them!! I tried to explain it to my DH and he thought I was crazy, lol, but it makes so much more sense than endless checklists.

 

Part of the reason I homeschool is that my oldest DS has attention/impulse issues and I know at school they might fuss with me to have him on ritalin, etc... so that makes everyday parenting into a tall mountain to climb sometimes! Just now, he was supposed to be brushing his teeth before bed and we went upstairs and he was absentmindedly tearing up a piece of foam and scattering it around the floor. :001_huh: (This is the child who can read the Proverbs and explain the meanings to me without blinking.)

 

Instruction, correction, remediation, constantly, continually.

 

I just don't believe there is a *curriculum* that can teach it. I think it's something parents *do* as part of parenting.

 

I mentioned it earlier in the thread, but I should have posted this in the general area. I was just thinking that it applied to younger students so it ended up here, but that was an error on my part. I don't actually believe there is a curriculum that will fix all of my parenting mistakes and my kids' inappropriate behavior. I was more asking for advice and experience, but as I look at it now, I see how the question wasn't exactly fair.

 

My situation is a lot more complicated than my original question belied and I am very hesitant to get into the details and air my dirty laundry. I'm so excited to be here with all of these amazing facilitators and educators and I felt an open ended question would give me a chance to get the advice and support I need without risking harsh criticism. That either makes me prudent or a big wuss. I'll take either. ;)

 

Again, my apologies for being unclear.

 

 

This is an encouraging thread! I'm so glad you posted on this board accidentally. Sometimes I spend too much time looking for answers in a box (curriculum). Sometimes a little conversation on "back to basics" can be truly refreshing!

 

Well, I'll weigh in by saying that my impulsive, leader-type, intense oldest can definitely derail the train! Thankfully, we bonded deeply when he was the only one, so he is tender toward me. This helps.

 

Lately, we have been having him take a bit of time alone with Dad for mentoring, training one-on-one. He needs this because this is how he was trained in the formative years (one-on-one). He eats it up. His 2yr younger brother handles it ok, but this is what sets up the firstborn/leader responsibility in our oldest. He rises to it and we nurture the second born in a different way. Birth order is not chosen by us, so we have to go with it. We can't feel sorry for the younger ones because they don't get as much of mom or they will begin to mirror that and feel sorry for themselves (I digress).

 

Anyway, this sets the older one up for positive leading of the youngers as he/she gets her needs met. Careful training, occaisionally, one-on-one gives a needed boost to the older and in our family, which trickles on down to the youngers making mom and dad's job more do-able (we have 5dc 10 and under).

 

Likewise, when our oldest doesn't get the occaisional individual time, he reverts to more childish ways of dealing with life and siblings which derails things again.

 

We try to take time individually with all our kids (a reasonable, manageable amount of time). Look into Rick and Marilyn Boyer's parenting advice. Also, Susannah Wesley used this approach with her 17 (?) children, giving John and Charles each individual time per week.

 

Hope this came across right! It has helped us. With privelege comes responsibility and with resposibility comes privelege. He seems more motivated to responsibility after having a bit of time alone mentoring with one of us (even if it is only a few minutes). It is not a total remedy for trouble, but it helps a lot for us.:001_smile:

 

So many good thoughts that I appreciate here! Some of this is within my control to give and I can improve there and some of it I will just have to pray that it will take place before the chance passes. :)

 

Thank you for your post!!

[mamatohaleybug]

One thing that has really helped us here are workboxes. It keeps everything organized, the kids know what's coming up next so they stay on task better (cuts down on some of the distractions), and it makes the goals of the day very concret for them. Here's pictures & description of ours.

 

I also taught my kids a 5-finger rhyme to help them learn what it means to obey--they point to a thumb & then each of their fingers as they say it: Yes Mom/Dad, I'll obey, right away, all the way, the happy way (not complaining or arguing etc...).

 

The first thing we did was train them to come when called--not yell back from another room etc... but come right to us and say, "Yes Mom?" Coming when called gets them started on the track for obeying whatever you say next, and when that's a habit, I found other commands were obeyed much more readily. (Contrast to trying to call a command from another room while a child is playing legos & only half-answering--the conversation doesn't go so well then, LOL!). We made it a game to teach coming when called, with hugs & praise for rewards as mom & dad called them back & forth (or you could give a small treat like an M&M etc...). One or two evenings and most of the kids will be trained & then you can let them know that whenever you call, this is how they are to respond. They'll need reminders from time to time but if you keep up with it consistently, it really helps other areas.

 

Then we taught what the others meant--right away doesn't mean "I'll do it when I feel like it," etc...! But with this one, I'm also careful to be mindful of what they are doing--I don't like to be interrupted and kids don't either. So if I can, I give a 5- minute warning--ie, "You can have 5 more minutes to play legos, and then it's time to clean up." Warnings can help with transitions from one subject to another too. The "right away" one will be difficult at times with your one who is distractible, but teaching this as a concrete example of what it means to obey will help him have a clear understanding of your expectations.

 

All the way--not just half the job! This one requires lots of consistency & making them come back to finish etc...

 

The Happy way--not complaining, arguing, whining, rolling eyes, etc... I tell my kids they don't have to like what I asked them to do, but they can still do it with a good attitude to bless others. If I don't want to do something for my family that needs to be done (laundry, dishes, cooking, shopping...) would it bless them if I stomped my feet, sighed loudly, argued about it etc...? No. So I train them to show a respectful attitude even if they don't love something.

 

Showing them step by step what obedience means can really help kids along. I like to use chores for some of this training, rather than academics--and summer is a great time to teach them some new jobs around the house as you teach each part of what it means to obey.

 

HTH! Merry :-)

 

Hang in there!

 

Brilliant! I am going to start using this idea. Thank you for taking the time to type all of that out.

[2squared]

I have a dc line-up very similar to yours. When I read your initial post, all I could think of was "Charlotte Mason habit training." I am finally focusing on getting our habits into place, and I am finding that I am receiving as much training as the dc. I am loving the results so far....moving forward one habit at a time.

[G5052]

Instruction, correction, remediation, constantly, continually.

 

I just don't believe there is a *curriculum* that can teach it. I think it's something parents *do* as part of parenting.

 

Attentive parenting wins over curriculum hands-down. Curriculum may give you ideas of course, but being involved and addressing things as they come up makes the biggest difference. Even with my teens, they know that I am on task and aware of their attitudes and activities.

 

And yes, little kids are little kids. They have a lot to learn, so expect a lot of problems and frustrations. That is normal.

[nikkid]

I have really gained a lot of ideas and wisdom in character training and discipline from this book.

I heard Kim Doebler speak at our homeschool group night several months ago and was really impressed with how she has thought through parenting, tried to get rid of all yelling, and taught her kids to be obedient. The book has real life examples of kids acting out and how to curb it. There is a lot of scripture brought into the lessons, but if you weren't looking for something scripture based the morals still apply.

 

 

Merry, I LOVED your wisdom. The rewards look great. But what discipline do you use if the child is old enough to obey but flat out ignores you or decides not to obey?

[Lovedtodeath]

Instruction, correction, remediation, constantly, continually.

 

I just don't believe there is a *curriculum* that can teach it. I think it's something parents *do* as part of parenting.

I thought this post was very discouraging. What if we don't know what good parenting looks like? What if we haven't seen an example of that, or we don't know what should be expected of kids at certain ages? I could discipline my 4 year old every time he doesn't do a good job mowing the yard, or my 9 year old every time we are out of bread because she didn't buy it or make it, or my newborn every time she cries... but I would bet that wouldn't get us very far.

 

What if a program adds just enough structure to our home that I can pull this off? Would you deny me that? Other people have help... they have a structured environment outside the home. I don't have that, so why shouldn't I use a program?

Edited June 30, 2011 by Lovedtodeath

[Stacie Leigh]

I thought this post was very discouraging. What if we don't know what good parenting looks like? What if we haven't seen an example of that, or we don't know what should be expected of kids at certain ages? I could discipline my 4 year old every time he doesn't do a good job mowing the yard, or my 9 year old every time we are out of bread because she didn't buy it or make it, or my newborn every time she cries... but I would bet that wouldn't get us very far.

 

What if a program adds just enough structure to our home that I can pull this off? Would you deny me that? Other people have help... they have a structured environment outside the home. I don't have that, so why shouldn't I use a program?

 

 

I took that post as being a little harsh when I first read it as well. I think it can be hard for those who have it all together to understand someone like me.

 

I'm coming at this whole discipline thing with very few tools in my arsenal. Neither of my parents had a father and both their mothers had to work multiple jobs and they were left to their own devices as children. They tried very hard with me and my siblings and I appreciate their efforts, but it was an uphill battle and they were so lost. I find myself with as many hurts and hangups as I have positive examples. My childhood home, to this day, is filled with stress and strife. (Love too, but an overwhelming amount of chaos and frustration.)

Edited June 30, 2011 by Stacie Leigh