Recreational vs. competitive gymnastics -- how to walk the line?

[Doran]

Backstory: Our 11 yo dd is something of a natural at gymnastics, and she really shines in our little homeschool gymnastics class at a local gym. In part, that's because of her inate talent, and in part it's because she happens to be the oldest and most experienced kid in this class. Nevertheless, it's clear that she could be working with more experienced gymnasts and would probably hold her own.

 

Jump ahead to today's class. There is a new "team" being formed which includes skills on the trampoline, double mini-tramp, and tumbling. The instructor for this team is new herself, and I know she is eager to find talented kids who are willing and able to join. For the first time today, she took part in our hs class, thus for the entire class, she had two students (our dd and another talented boy) all to herself, working on the trampoline. After class (well, during class, too, really), she positively RAVED about my dd's skills. To the point that it got a little ridiculous because she was practically ignoring the other boy while she gave dd trick after trick to learn/perform on the trampoline. Of course, dd loved all the praise, and she glowed with the excitement of being told how good she was at this. Immediately, the new coach started encouraging me to have dd join the new team. I told her that we had considered competitive gymnastics before and that, frankly, we felt we couldn't afford to go there. Mostly I meant financially, but time is another factor. The Junior Level 4's must attend practice two days a week from 5-7:00. Wow.

 

Up until now, when asked, dd has not shown interest in competing. But, her increasing skill level partnered with today's zealous reaction from this coach has done a number on her head -- and now she's saying she'd like to compete. The new coach responded to my concerns by saying she wanted to come up with creative fundraising ideas, and that dd wouldn't have to attend all the meets. Ugh, ugh, ugh.

 

Have any of you ever kept your kids from competing in a particular sport due to time and/or financial constraints. It feels a tad unfair to just say "no" outright. But, it also feels imprudent to say yes. What should our next step be?

 

Thanks for any thoughts.

[plansrme]

Well, I should say, "mom of a competitive gymnast."

If you are balking at 2 days a week, this is not the path you want to go down. When my daughter was first invited to be on her gym's equivalent of "pre-team," I wish I had sat down with the training schedule, and the fee expectations, for the groups several levels ahead of where she started. We might still have made the same decision, but I would have gone in with my eyes open. Instead, by the time we realized where we would end up, she (and we) were already sucked in, she loved it, and it was too late to say "no." Don't get me wrong--we love gymnastics, and it's been great for her, but I wish I had known that by the time they get to level 8, they're in the gym 16-18 hours a week, that the monthly fees go up, a lot, every time the girls move up a level, and just how many hidden fees there are--competition leotards, warm-up leos, warm-up suits, meet fees, travel to meets, coaches' gifts, registration fees, medical bills (which are inevitable--we just paid $2000 out of pocket for a badly broken arm). . . You get the idea.

All that to say that I suggest you look at your gym's policies for several levels ahead of where your daughter would start. If you can't conceive of being comfortable with that level of commitment, it's much easier to say "no" now than 2 years down the road.

Hope that helps.

Terri

[HollyDay]

My 11 yr old is also excellent. She loves it and has a natural "fluidity of motion" to quote her previous coach. But, she does not like to compete. She passed her trials to reach competitive level very easily. She enjoys class. But, she hates with a passion competition. Gyms wont take her anymore because she wont compete. They say she has too much talent to "waste" on recreational. One gym will keep her in intermediate but not advanced even though she has easily passed out of advanced.

 

Team responsibilites are great. Pre-team required 4-5 days/week - 10-12 hours/week class time. then there are the fees - team fees, competition fees, travel fees, uniform fees, etc. When the coach looked at dd and said all that, dd looked at me and said "What about soccer?". THe coach laughed and said "There is no soccer or anything else anymore" and walked away. Dd said no. It would be different if she loved it. But she liked it. She also likes soccer, tap, awana, swimming, etc. To quote dd. "I have a rich, full life"

[Tracey in TX]

Level 4 for only 4 hrs/wk is a rec team. I don't think there are any pre-team (or toddler programs filtering into team) for 4 hrs. Consider yourself and DD lucky. My girls were up to 14 hrs at Level 4 (6y/o). They stopped for a year and switched to power tumble/tramp for only 6hr/wk. We consider this a light schedule by comparison. Any competitive sport at this age (IME) is *minimum* 6 hrs/wk, with increased hours during season.

 

OTOH, if DD loves the sport and you can manage the money and hassles that come with it, shouldn't she be ale to spread her proverbial wings? Not ever kid has the gift of strength and flexibility to even make level 4. I believe some kids are actually gifted in this. Eventually she can switch to diving, track, dance, or cheerleading.

 

DH has asked me to cut back on kids' sports spending, but how do you deny a LOVE of sport? My girls are happiest upside down ;)

 

Good luck with your decision,

[Doran]

Level 4 for only 4 hrs/wk is a rec team. I don't think there are any pre-team (or toddler programs filtering into team) for 4 hrs. Consider yourself and DD lucky. My girls were up to 14 hrs at Level 4 (6y/o). They stopped for a year and switched to power tumble/tramp for only 6hr/wk. We consider this a light schedule by comparison. Any competitive sport at this age (IME) is *minimum* 6 hrs/wk, with increased hours during season.

 

[...snip]

 

 

 

This is a Pre-Team summer group. So, you're right -- it's not even "the real deal".

 

How do you manage to school and keep up with the hours required for the levels at which your girls are competing? What does a typical day/week look like for you all?

[cupajoe]

Not gymnasts here, but 13dd and 9dd are competitive figure skaters. Had I known then what I know now, I might have avoided the competitive route. My girls skate 4-5 days per week for 2-3 hours per day. This time commitment will continue to increase each year. Some days I feel we are slaves to the ice rink! And I won't even get into the costs involved in USFS competitive skating (skates, ice time, private coaching, skating dresses, etc...think college tuition each year!)

 

I would suggest taking an honest look at the personal and financial commitment that would be required of YOU, and see if you are able and/or willing to take it on. THEN, have a talk with your daughter. Does your dd exhibit not only a talent, but also a passion for the sport? What level is her commitment?

 

A few months ago, I had a sit down with each of my girls and tried to find whether skating had become "a routine" or "a passion". As a mother, I want to allow my dc to find and pursue their passions and dreams, so long as God has blessed our family with the financial and physical means to do so. Having said that, I know that the day their personal commitment falls short of my financial one, we will cut back. Until then, we continue to move forward.

 

HTH.

Erika

[Mandamom]

here with my dd and on Tuesdays and Thursdays she has class for 2 hours on both nights.

 

In the summer she'll have to attend 4 weeks of 15 hours per week and in the fall she'll have class T/H from 6:00 to 8:30 (I think) and Saturday mornings for two hours or so. Each summer she has has to attend more weeks of sumer camp. It gradually increases from there.

 

My dd is in public school and her homework only takes her 20 minutes or so (plus other reading which she does at bedtime) so for now it isn't a problem. So, she gets off the bus at 4pm; she'll sometimes do her homework or grab something to eat, we go to gym (which takes us about 20 minutes). After class we drive home (about 30 minutes due to avoiding expensive tolls), she does homework or we'll bike for a couple of miles (her choice); eat more and go to bed. It sounds worse than it is but it isn't stressful at all. I enjoy talking to the other moms and dads. She always wants to get there early so I'm definitely not pressuring her to go. Actually the nights we don't have gym I tend to have more behavior problems.

 

My suggestions, find out what to expect for the coming year or so regarding time and financial costs. Find out hidden fees. Realize that she might like it for a while and want to stop == discuss what happens then. If she signs up for this summer team she might not have to/want to continue during the school year.

 

I'm rambling now and forgot my point. If you have any questions you can ask.

[C_l_e_0..Q_c]

I agree with all others who posted before me. in Quebec, gym isn't organised the same way. DD is in a track that could potentially take her to the Eastern National championship, but not higher. She will never go National. She'd need tro train more. But there are other choices. She's in what's called the provincial track, at the most 16hrs per week. Those aiming for nationals start training at 25-30 hours per week. There's no catching up.

 

Anyway, the other point I wanted to bring up is that gymnastics is a sport based on favoritism. Right now, DD is not the coach's favorite. While she scored just as well as another gymnast, only the other gymnast gets pushed. DD is wasting her time, as all other gymnasts in the team so that one little gymnast can get pushed farther and farther away. The irony is that there's an age limit to start competing, and this little gymnast - the favorite - is too young. So she's getting pushed with nowhere to go, while the others on the team get almost no attention. Many many gyms are like this. And we tried hard to find one that would allow for competitions but still realize this is for fun. There's no olympic medal in the future of any of those girls. In essence, it's all for fun. Yet, they still have the 'favorite' approach.

 

Very annoying. DD is only second best. She's being ignored, just like that boy was today.

[tonya in sc]

Now, this is for 2 dd's, one level 7, one level 8:

M-5:30-8:30

T- 6-9

W- 5:30-8:30

Th- 5:30-9

Sat- 8-12

During the summer, they will go 4 hrs., 5 days a week.

 

 

I cannot emphasize enough what a commitment this is for the entire family. Missing gym is frowned upon, to put it mildly. Lots of things get shuffled to account for getting the girls to gym on time. Meets are often in places that require overnight stays, sometimes more than one night.

 

Let's talk money. Our gym is considered quite inexpensive in our state (SC).

tuition-185/mo (200 for level 8 in summer)

booster club fees- 75/quarter

coaches' gifts- 50 (donation, not required)

team leo, warm-up leo, suit, bag, shoes- 420 (most will last 3 yrs before changing)

meet fees- 70 per meet (avg.; many considerably more); we do about 10/yr

getting into your kid's meet- 5-15/person

These numbers are PER KID.

 

All that, and you haven't eaten or driven anywhere yet.

 

Having said all that, my girls love it. My family enjoys it. We clean the gym to pay for our tuition. My dh is making them take a 3 week break right now, and it is most unpleasant around here.

 

Advice: proceed with caution.:confused:

Blessings,

tonya in sc

[Tracey in TX]

This is a Pre-Team summer group. So, you're right -- it's not even "the real deal".

 

How do you manage to school and keep up with the hours required for the levels at which your girls are competing? What does a typical day/week look like for you all?

 

We're only doing 6 hrs/wk, so it's 4-5:30pm M-Th. Summer hours will supposedly move up to 12 hrs but it's not definitive, but will probably be 8am-12n MWTh.

I can tell you that the SERIOUS gymnastics (those Olympic hopefuls) are there 8-11:30am M-F and 3:30-7pm M-F (35 hrs). DD5 is jealous of the hours they spend at the gym.:001_smile: The financial situation is something to consider. For us it's approx $200 per girl/mo, plus team leos (1 per day, competitive leo and sweat suit= approx $500), and competitions. OTOH, it's only slightly more expensive than competitive soccer. We make sacrifices for each DC's sport.

Side note: you may see a jump in gymnastics attendance after the Olympics. A local gym produced last gymnastics' Olympic gold medalist, and their attendance skyrocketed--as did every other gym in the area. Ironically our town has another girl on the gymnastics Olympic team, so it's a fun sport to participate and watch from the sidelines :)

[Brindee]

My dd was doing gymnastics for fun. She loved it, also had a natural ability and advanced quickly. When she was asked to be on the pre-team, she was thrilled! But now kids were trying to be good enough to be on the team, so attitudes changed TOTALLY from our fun homeschool class!

 

DD was blissfully unaware of being best or first, she just loved gymnastics! So when the rudeness, and actual shoving started with the girls, she was very surprised! When the moms SUPPORTED the girls behaviour, with the comment "You have to do what you have to do to get ahead!" dd asked if she could quit. So we did.

 

Not sure if girls are like that where you're dd is, but it's a possibility, so that is also something to think about!

[Linda...inOwasso]

FWIW, I have worn almost every hat in the sport of gymnastics. I was an elite level gymnast myself. I've coached pre-school through Level 10 USA. I owned my own gymnastics facility for 10 years. I currently judge gymnastics meets and coach a recreational team at the local community center. I have 2 dd's (neither of which are the least bit interested in the sport of gymnastics!) LOL

 

It sounds like you are describing a competitive tumbling and trampoline program. Gymnasts compete on the vault, uneven bars, balance beam & floor exercise. Tumbling only, trampoline and mini-tramp are considered tumbling & trampoline competition.

 

Gymnastics is an expensive sport -- more so than most. Many of the costs involved are required to off-set the enormous overhead! Soccer fields, ballparks, etc... are usually community owned and rely on a lot of volunteers. Gymnastics facilities are large (high rent), equipment prices are outrageous and you wouldn't believe the insurance rates! I know the monthly fees, competition fees, etc... can seem like an awful lot to a parent, but trust me... very few people are getting rich off this sport.

 

Gymnastics involves strength, flexibility, stamina, courage and mental toughness. These are not easy skills to achieve without consistent practice. The higher up you go, the more time commitment will be required. Talent certainly helps, but talent will only get you so far. Quality practices are necessary in order to learn more difficult skills.

 

Two things about your post would concern me: first, the coach paid considerably more attention to your dd than the other students and second, the coach is looking for the most talented kids to form a team. This is fairly typical behavior from a novice coach. It's easy to get excited about a child with oodles of natural talent. But, I would prefer the child with a little talent and a TON of desire any day. Coaching involves so much more than just knowing how to do the skills. I'm worried that this coach has a lot of lessons to learn and I wouldn't want them learned on my dd. Let me give you an example:

 

One of my former gymnasts recently won 1st place all-around at level 10 Regionals. I'm sure she'll do just as well at Westerns. She's heading off to college in August on a full-ride gymnastics scholarship. I vividly remember her first gymnastics class at the age of 4. She had some natural talent, but not an abundance. Naturally, I'm very proud of her. On the other hand, there's a little 8 year old gymnast on the rec team I currently coach. She's a little pudgy and nothing comes easy to her in this sport. Last night, for the first time, after working her tail off all season, she did a stride circle on the bars. I am equally as proud of her.

 

Many people can teach your child to tumble. I would look for someone who can teach your child much more than that.

[EarleneW]

Not gymnastics, but my daughter has been involved in competitive cheerleading for going on her 5th season. She's 7 and is at the gym on average of 3-4 days a week for 2-3 hours each time. It's expensive and time consuming, but she loves it and is a very good tumbler so we push on. There are many days though that I wish I could just stay home!

[Doran]

It sounds like you are describing a competitive tumbling and trampoline program. Gymnasts compete on the vault, uneven bars, balance beam & floor exercise. Tumbling only, trampoline and mini-tramp are considered tumbling & trampoline competition.

 

Yes, you are correct (of course) and this is a new team for this gym.

 

Gymnastics is an expensive sport -- more so than most. Many of the costs involved are required to off-set the enormous overhead! Soccer fields, ballparks, etc... are usually community owned and rely on a lot of volunteers. Gymnastics facilities are large (high rent), equipment prices are outrageous and you wouldn't believe the insurance rates! I know the monthly fees, competition fees, etc... can seem like an awful lot to a parent, but trust me... very few people are getting rich off this sport.

 

I have no question in my mind that there are valid reasons for the costs. I don't begrudge the gym(s) or the coach(es) for charging what they do. I simply know that for us, it would be a big financial stretch and one that I'm not sure we are willing to take on. We all do what we *have to* as parents in terms of providing for our children. But, from what I can see, this sport is not the end all and be all for my dd, thus not something we should go into carelessly.

 

 

Two things about your post would concern me: first, the coach paid considerably more attention to your dd than the other students and second, the coach is looking for the most talented kids to form a team. This is fairly typical behavior from a novice coach. It's easy to get excited about a child with oodles of natural talent. But, I would prefer the child with a little talent and a TON of desire any day. Coaching involves so much more than just knowing how to do the skills. I'm worried that this coach has a lot of lessons to learn and I wouldn't want them learned on my dd....Many people can teach your child to tumble. I would look for someone who can teach your child much more than that.

 

 

Bingo! The overzealousness of this new coach is probably the biggest red flag of all in my book. But, you captured the niggling worry that I had about it perfectly by saying we should look for someone who can teach our child much more than to tumble.

 

Thank you so much, Linda.

 

ETA: Is there some way to find a good fit for a child like ours who has a higher ability than many of those she is working alongside while not going whole hog into competition? How would you, as a coach/gym owner construct a challenging program for the child who has a lot of ability but is not a team member? Not sure we have many options given the fact that we live in a small area with only two gyms. Just wondering, though.

[summer]

My DD really started to do well in Ice Skating..but it was a long drive and ionvolved waiting around the ice skating rink for hours twice a week with 2 younger children. I ended up saying no. I felt bad, but it was just not a place I could drop her and leave and it was such a far drive, even if I could do that, I would not.

[readwithem]

My dd does competitive Highland Dance. My only contribution to this conversation is I would not consider doing anything with a new-to-competition coach/teacher. My dd's teachers have taught dancing (and produced world champions) for over 25 years. They have the depth and experience to see the bigger picture, they're more concerned about health/injuries AND respect and manners, than they are about winning trophies.

[PrairieAir]

My 11yodd (level 7) goes 20 hours a week during the school year and has the option of more hours in the summer. During the school year practice runs as follows:

M, T, W, Th - 4-8, Sat. - 8-12

The schedule for summer has run 8-12 M-F in the past, but it's a little weird this year. I'm not happy about the irregular hours. She can opt to go an extra 1 1/2 hours two days a week during the summer and she probably will.

 

Time isn't such a problem. Dd is pretty motivated and gets done with her school work by noon or 1:00 on days when she doesn't have extra or large projects. She often wakes up at 4:30 or 5:00 and does part of her school work in her room and then goes back to sleep for 1/2 an hour or so. She always has plenty of energy unless she's sick. During the summer she will go to gym in the morning and swim or play outside all afternoon and never tire.

 

Money would be a problem except that dd is sponsored by dh's parents and one of his grandmothers. Gymnastics was their idea. They always wanted SIL to go farther than she did with it and when they saw dd's natural bent towards gymnastics and her fearlessness (fear was SIL's problem), they suggested sponsoring her. We are very thankful that they do this because we could not afford $250 a month plus the expense of team uniforms, competitions, and travel. Even what we do contribute is sometimes a bit of a stretch for us. They are blessed to do this for her, though.

 

The thing that gets me the most right now is the travel time and gas to and from gym. It's 25 minutes one way. I can't always stay in town for four hours waiting. We have someone that we carpool with part of the time, but it doesn't always work out since she is a different level.

 

If there is no way to work it out financially and timewise, if it would disrupt your family too much, if your dd does not absolutely love this and want it and NEED it, don't do it. I would drop it in a heartbeat if dd ever did not want to do it. There's more to life than just a single sport. She'll be just fine;)

 

That said, I do think dd gets plenty of time doing other things. We can't be involved with Girl Scouts or 4-H because it doesn't work out with the schedule, but she does other less structured things during her free time. And she does have free time. There are girls who play soccer during the summer and the gym owner works very hard to accomodate their schedules. One of the coaches and her two pre-elite daughters also take taekwondo just down the road from the gym. Several of the girls have dance lessons once or twice a week. You often can work out the schedule if you want it bad enough. Finances are more difficult, but if you have enough family members who are willing to chip in just a little money each month, it could add up quickly.

[Heather in Neverland]

I am reading this with interest as I have boys that are also interested in gymnastics. Dh and I are discussing the possibility but the time commitment is scarier to me than the finances (and the finances are scary!).

 

If you are at the gym Mon-Thur from 4pm-8pm, when do you have dinner as a family? There would be no youth group on Wednesday night, right? Very little time for other interests/sports? No family together time in the evenings to watch a movie, play board games or read books together? Am I right or am I overexaggerating?

 

I gotta be honest, as much as I am interested in gymnastics, it would be difficult for us to give up that much family time to do it. How do those of you who do it also work in family time?

[Linda...inOwasso]

I'm so glad you found my statements helpful Doran! I was in a rush responding and worried that I may have painted the coach in too harsh a light. Bad coaching is a pet peeve of mine and unfortunately, I've seen far too much of it!

 

I recognized your concern because I've often felt it myself.... where something doesn't "feel" right, but you can't exactly put your finger on what's wrong. I mean, here's a coach recognizing your dd's talent, praising her, paying attention to her, encouraging her to pursue her abilities at a higher level etc... On the face of it, that's wonderful! The clue was in the coach's treatment of the boy who wasn't as talented. At some point, that will be your dd and you've been given a valuable glimpse of how the coach will treat her then.

 

As for suggestions, I have a couple. First, find out exactly what your dd is interested in... does she want to focus on tumbling only or does she want to do all 4 events (vault, bars, beam & floor)? If she's primarily interested in tumbling, you can often find classes offered at community and/or recreation centers, dance studios, cheerleading gyms, and private schools. Gymnastics instruction will probably be harder to find, but here are some options I'm familiar with: private gyms often have a recreational team. I had a large one when I owned a gym. This team required less practice time and cost a lot less money. The team members consisted of kids who wanted to play other sports or who chose (for a variety of reasons) not to make such a huge commitment to the sport. My kids competed in a rec league where practice times were limited to 4 hours per week. They did compete (approx. 5-6 meets per year), but they didn't have to live in the gym or take out a line of credit to participate. I even had some girls who practiced with the team, but never went to any competitions. We also offered advanced classes that were 1 1/2 hours in length for kids who wanted/needed more practice time and most clubs have an "open gym" night where a student can come for a couple of hours (at a reasonable rate) and work on the skills of their choice.

 

I hope you find something to meet your needs. Athletics is so valuable for kids. I learned so many lessons from sports and the influence of a good coach is priceless! Best wishes!!

[Aloha2U]

When I was a little girl, I started gymnastics through a Park & Rec program. I loved it! However, I was skilled beyond what the program could teach (not to brag). My mother was told about the local gymnastics center and their programs. I remember begging my mother to allow me to attend at least a few lessons and it was all over from there. I was asked to join the team (compete) and advanced as far as level 8 open (at that time). I was very shy when I was younger so gymnastics really brought me out of my shell and I was good at it.

 

Now, to piggyback on what Linda...inOwasso stated earlier, "Many people can teach your child to tumble. I would look for someone who can teach your child much more than that."

 

I loved gymnastics and although I was not and still am not a real competitive person, a lot of my drive had to do with my coaches... well, actually one coach in particular. She was awesome and I learned ever so much more than just gymnastics from her. She made me want to be the best I could be... as well as all the other girls too (no favoritism). Unfortunately, the cherished coach had to retire and we were assigned a new one. As such, my drive began to fizzle... so much so that it became more routine than anything and I would make excuses to not have to go to practice. My mother realizing the change was none too happy at the thought of paying out all the money for the few lessons I actually made it to.

 

I am ever so thankful that I was blessed with my gymnastic experience even if I didn't take it through to college or beyond. There is a time and season for everything and I believe that the experience and lessons learned contributed to molding me into who I am today.

 

I recall a recent discussion wherein my dh was telling my ds, "Mommy used to be in gymnastics and tumble around like that." My ds eyes lit up and the statement followed, "I want to do that too, can I mommy?" Now being a mother and in my 30's, I wonder... would I allow my ds to do the same, how far shall I let it go and is it worth the sacrifice?!

 

Conclusion... ABSOLUTELY, if that is the activity that interests him, it is a safe environment, a positive experience, it would contribute to his health and well being, we can afford it, and still have family time. (I guess that will apply to any sport / extracurricular activity in the future.) I understand that parents have to make many sacrifices in our lives for the betterment of our children. It is my hope that if I am in a position to allow any such opportunity in the future, and of course God willing, then we will make the necessary sacrifices for the betterment of my ds. I know it is easy for me to say since I only have one child. I think that it would be much harder with multiple children.

[Tracey in TX]

I am reading this with interest as I have boys that are also interested in gymnastics. Dh and I are discussing the possibility but the time commitment is scarier to me than the finances (and the finances are scary!).

 

If you are at the gym Mon-Thur from 4pm-8pm, when do you have dinner as a family? There would be no youth group on Wednesday night, right? Very little time for other interests/sports? No family together time in the evenings to watch a movie, play board games or read books together? Am I right or am I overexaggerating?

 

I gotta be honest, as much as I am interested in gymnastics, it would be difficult for us to give up that much family time to do it. How do those of you who do it also work in family time?

 

Family time? With four in competitive sports we are lucky to eat dinner together on Saturday and Sundays. Seriously. I wish we had traditional family time, but feel that it is our responsibility to offer the opportunity to play a sport (or instrument, etc) if the child has natural ability. That doesn't always fit into schedules. We will occasionally skip a practice (rain out, feeling icky, etc) and make it a special day.

[Nan in Mass]

They made it to regionals this year. They don't particularly like to compete. They work hard when they feel like it, but some years they don't feel like it. They do, however, want to go every day, whether they are working hard this year or not. That means that we need a team that will keep them even if they aren't advancing fast and competing well and are just there having fun. Fortunately, this hasn't been hard to find in our area. You have to be very careful about the coaches. The coaches set the tone for the team. Are the teammates encouraging one another or are they competing against one another? Are they cliquy? Does the coach play favourites? And what about the coachs' morals, education, and attitude about life? If you do competative gymnastics, you will be co-parenting your children together. Coaching at that intensity isn't just about sports; it is about life, too. Also, you have to trust the coach not to do permanant damage to your child.

 

Mine have learned to be strong and work hard through gymnastics, and I'm glad we've done it (3 children!), but... it comes at the sacrifice of lots of family time. Our days look like this:

7:00-2:00 school

2:00-4:00 play, appointments, piano lessons, and some homework for the older one (17)

4:00-5:00 chores, supper, get ready for gym, homework for the younger one

5:00-5:30 drive to gym

5:30-8:30 gym

8:30-9:00 drive home

9:00-9:30 switch gears and eat a huge bowl of icecream, then bed for the younger one

9:30-10:30 homework for the older one

 

It has been years since we regularly ate dinner together as a family. For years, I didn't see my husband much in the evenings because I waited at the gym with the children. At that time, gym was only 3 days a week (we refused to do 4). Now, we do 5 days a week (refusing to do 6) and my husband meets me at the gym, eats his supper in the car (which I've packed for him), we go for a walk, and then we do errands or a crossword puzzle or work or read. Sometimes we go home and do a project, but with the drive, it doesn't seem worth it, usually. Between homeschooling and gym, the housework never gets done. My children have lived for years on hard boiled eggs and little carrots in the car for supper, and I got HUGE amounts of credit amongst the other gym mothers for actually making them something to eat myself rather than feeding them at McDonalds or something on the way. The car time has definately contributed to family closeness. The children are fit and strong and self-disciplined. We think the sacrifice is worth it. I think it works because we homeschool and because all our children do/did it. But it definately not the usual family life.

-Nan

[Heather in Neverland]

They made it to regionals this year. They don't particularly like to compete. They work hard when they feel like it, but some years they don't feel like it. They do, however, want to go every day, whether they are working hard this year or not. That means that we need a team that will keep them even if they aren't advancing fast and competing well and are just there having fun. Fortunately, this hasn't been hard to find in our area. You have to be very careful about the coaches. The coaches set the tone for the team. Are the teammates encouraging one another or are they competing against one another? Are they cliquy? Does the coach play favourites? And what about the coachs' morals, education, and attitude about life? If you do competative gymnastics, you will be co-parenting your children together. Coaching at that intensity isn't just about sports; it is about life, too. Also, you have to trust the coach not to do permanant damage to your child.

 

Mine have learned to be strong and work hard through gymnastics, and I'm glad we've done it (3 children!), but... it comes at the sacrifice of lots of family time. Our days look like this:

7:00-2:00 school

2:00-4:00 play, appointments, piano lessons, and some homework for the older one (17)

4:00-5:00 chores, supper, get ready for gym, homework for the younger one

5:00-5:30 drive to gym

5:30-8:30 gym

8:30-9:00 drive home

9:00-9:30 switch gears and eat a huge bowl of icecream, then bed for the younger one

9:30-10:30 homework for the older one

 

It has been years since we regularly ate dinner together as a family. For years, I didn't see my husband much in the evenings because I waited at the gym with the children. At that time, gym was only 3 days a week (we refused to do 4). Now, we do 5 days a week (refusing to do 6) and my husband meets me at the gym, eats his supper in the car (which I've packed for him), we go for a walk, and then we do errands or a crossword puzzle or work or read. Sometimes we go home and do a project, but with the drive, it doesn't seem worth it, usually. Between homeschooling and gym, the housework never gets done. My children have lived for years on hard boiled eggs and little carrots in the car for supper, and I got HUGE amounts of credit amongst the other gym mothers for actually making them something to eat myself rather than feeding them at McDonalds or something on the way. The car time has definately contributed to family closeness. The children are fit and strong and self-disciplined. We think the sacrifice is worth it. I think it works because we homeschool and because all our children do/did it. But it definately not the usual family life.

-Nan

 

Nan, thank you for giving such an honest assessment of the commitment involved. We will have to think long and hard about this....

[Amy in Orlando]

Lots of good advice here, Doran. I was a competitive gymnast (a million years ago) and looking back I see what a HUGE commitment it was for my family. Money, time (lots of my parents' time), travel and insane hours come to mind now that I have my own kids. It's a wonder my brother and sister even speak to me.

 

I was highly motivated and very diligent about my school work and my practices. On a negative note, I had some serious injuries that ultimately forced me to give up a college scholarship and those injuries still haunt me at 42! This is not the case for every gymnast, but it's rare to meet an old gymnast without some "old injury" issue.

 

I hope you can find a solution that honors your daughter's natural gifts AND is reasonable for your family.

[Doran]

This has been a useful discussion for me/us. I have been reading parts of it to my daughter, in a reality check sort of way, and absorbing the rest myself.

 

Nan, I appreciate the time you took to reply in such detail. That's the kind of concrete stuff that I have found worthy of sharing with my daughter. Even though she thinks (thought?) she was ready to take things to the next level, I don't think she fully appreciates the way it will reshape her life to do so. We still have some talking to do so that she doesn't end up feeling like her dreams have been squashed. But, at this point, my mind is about 95% made up that this could not work for our family. Dh never really entertained the idea at all. Men can be so good like that. ("Absolutely not. End of discussion.":001_rolleyes:)

 

I do hope we can find a way to make recreational gymnastics fulfill our dd's drive and make the most of her natural talents. That seems to be the compromise we need.

 

All in all, a very helpful thread!

[C_l_e_0..Q_c]

Before giving up entirely, do check with your gym if they have a local 'track'.

 

Here, when we sign up, we can limit the level at which the girl will compete. Some parents put them on the regional track, (about 8 gyms that compete against each other). The best girls in that track will train 9 hours per week. Most girls train between 4 hours and 6 hours weekly and don't train over the summer.

 

Then there's the provincial track, that goes up to 16 hours, and trains year-round.

 

Then we have the national track, up to 35 hours weekly!!!!

 

Needless to say, you can't really go 'up' in tracks, you could never catch up to the other girls. But one can always go 'down'.

[Doran]

.

[Nan in Mass]

It's a wonder that my husband and I still have friends, between extended family committments and gymnastics. Our friends appear to be waiting out this stage of our lives. They are very busy, too.

 

We aren't a typical gymnastics family, so this might not apply to you. We take months in the summer and stick the children on a 30 foot boat. This is mega family time. We have refused for years to do Sat. practices. Winter Sun.'s are meets. This is good family time, too. We all go. We have a long car ride together, which is good family time. Although we don't eat dinner together often, we get together almost weekly and eat dinner with my parents or with other extended family members. We skip gym practice for only a few things - illness, a very special event with children's friends (like a birthday party), and family birthday parties. Because there are about 20 people in my family, there is a birthday every few weeks. Put that together with other holidays (which we seem to celebrate together) and you get an almost weekly family gathering of some sort. Everyone tries to schedule those for non-gym nights, but occasionally it doesn't work. Now that the children are older and don't need to get straight into bed after gym, we often will watch a bit of a movie or a Star Trek after gym on Fri. night. On a non-meet weekend, we often stuff the children into the car and go someplace. That is intensive family time. I think the biggest contributer to family time is the fact that all the children do gymnastics. Mine are fairly high (level 7 and level 10) so the gyms we've dealt with have been willing to let them practice together or at least have tried to schedule their practices at the same time. The gyms we've dealt with have often had brother pairs that they needed to accommodate, so this doesn't seem to be as big a deal as you might think. That means that the whole going to gym, doing gym, coming back again has a family-time feeling to it, especially if my husband and I are working out there at the same time. I think the families who suffer are the ones who aren't willing to take their children out for a month here or there (at great expense to their advancement, I might add, but we aren't aiming for the olympics), and the ones who have other children doing other things. Mine have managed to do piano and scouts AND gymnastics for years. We definately sacrifice some of their education to gymnastics, too. We do some school in the evening, but I'm quick to rearrange if I can see that it won't work. For example, if it is a gorgeous day outside, I'll send them out to play and tell them just to do the best they can with whatever night work they have in the car and after gym. Somehow it all works out. It is not the same as having evening after evening at home, though. On the other hand, every other family in town that I know is away in the evening as much as we are, and it feels much more frantic because it isn't a cohesive one thing that all the children are doing every day.

-nan