Advice: How do you work at home and not feeling guilty?

[cellocoffee]

Hi, fairly new member here.

This is the third time I am trying to post this thread. So if somehow one of you find my lost two threads with a similar title, please forgive me.

 

I maintain a cello studio at home. I don't teach until 4 or 5 and I try to be done at 7 or 7:30. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE teaching cello and share my passion about music. On top of homeschooling, teaching cello, I also try to continue performing chamber music regularly in my community.

 

BUT, DD1 is now 8 and she is learning so much quicker than before(last month she asked for cursive, Latin, and more science). With a 2-yr-old acting terribly to her right, it's getting harder to finish all the schooling before I teach. Although it's usually no more than 2 and a half hours a day I spare from the kids to teach, I am feeling more and more guilty and pressure when I am teaching.

 

Besides my passion for teaching, financially I can't quit totally either.

Have any of you hired a tutor or nanny while you work? My husband comes home around 6. So it feels almost silly to hire someone.....

 

Thanks in advance.

[Truscifi]

Can your dd do more of her work on her own? I tutor in the afternoons and so far ds has been able to get everything done before that, but next year we are adding Latin and more logic. I have already started encouraging him to do some things on his own, like math and spelling - he doesn't really need me for those, he just likes me to sit with him. So next year we will do the things he does need me for first and then he will finish the other things on his own.

 

As for feeling guilty...yeah, but I do it so he can do the extra curriculars he wants. I would probably feel even more guilty if I stopped tutoring and stayed home but couldn't pay for art and karate and swimming.

[Garga]

What do your kids do while you are teaching cello?

 

Can your older daughter do any of her work independently, away from the 2yo during the day? Or during the cello lessons?

 

About 1/4-1/3 of my ds8's work could be done independently. It's not a lot, but it helps a little on those days when my ds6 is being needy.

[Peela]

What about starting earlier in the mornings?

[Sara in AZ]

Fellow musician here, feeling your pain! Before I had children I used to think that combining homeschooling and teaching piano would be the best of both worlds since I could stay home with my kids during the day and then teach in the afternoons. But where are hours in the day for all those other things Mom's have to do? It's hard to balance.

 

I taught in a pre-college program at the university until my oldest was ready to start school and then I left that position to maintain a small studio at home...and then babies #3 and #4 came along and now I am mostly teaching my own kids with a couple of others mixed in.

 

It sounds like your problem is getting the kids to work at something productive while you are occupied with teaching, right? Definitely tricky. For me all bets are off when I go in to teach...they might do some school work, but mostly they'll play. If I were in your shoes, I'd continue to do as much as I can with them during the day and try to get my dh to take over a subject or two when he's with the kids in the evening. Or, do you have mom's that sit in on the lessons that might be willing to supervise some schoolwork, perhaps for a small tuition break?

 

I'm sure there is a way to work this out! When you figure it out, let me know the secret... :grouphug:

[cellocoffee]

Can your dd do more of her work on her own?

 

As for feeling guilty...yeah, but I do it so he can do the extra curriculars he wants. I would probably feel even more guilty if I stopped tutoring and stayed home but couldn't pay for art and karate and swimming.

 

Thanks Truscifi,

Yes, DD8 does do work on her own quite well when I ask her to. Recently she even practices cello or piano during my teaching time.

 

The problem is more me...I just feel guilty. But like your situation, it is nice to have spare money for their extra activities. I must remember that.

 

Thanks,:)

[cellocoffee]

What do your kids do while you are teaching cello?

 

 

Thanks, Garga,

During my teaching, DD8 does do her unfinished work. I usually give DD2 some Reader Rabbit time. Sometimes they play house together or just roaming around.

[cellocoffee]

Fellow musician here, feeling your pain!

 

Yay!!! Are you a cellist, too?

 

It sounds like your problem is getting the kids to work at something productive while you are occupied with teaching, right? Definitely tricky. For me all bets are off when I go in to teach...they might do some school work, but mostly they'll play. If I were in your shoes, I'd continue to do as much as I can with them during the day and try to get my dh to take over a subject or two when he's with the kids in the evening. Or, do you have mom's that sit in on the lessons that might be willing to supervise some schoolwork, perhaps for a small tuition break?

 

I'm sure there is a way to work this out! When you figure it out, let me know the secret... :grouphug:

 

Yes, I agree with you totally. I think getting up earlier to finish the heavy duty stuff before I teach will definitely help with my nerves.

 

I am also considering hiring a tutor/sitter now on two of the longer teaching days.

 

Thank you all for listening!! Let's keep in touch Sara in AZ.

[Joanne]

Thanks Truscifi,

Yes, DD8 does do work on her own quite well when I ask her to. Recently she even practices cello or piano during my teaching time.

 

The problem is more me...I just feel guilty. But like your situation, it is nice to have spare money for their extra activities. I must remember that.

 

Thanks,:)

 

Here is my permission to stop feeling guilty. You do not have to be totally engaged with your children 24/7 in order to be a good mom/homeschooler.

 

You don't even have to "need" the money. It is perfectly acceptable for you to work at home (or, even outside the home) just because you want to and it adds to your adult life. You are a woman: wife, mother AND other stuff.

 

My personal experience is that my kids ultimately benefited when I included areas in my life that were apart from them or homeschooling or parenting.

[Sara in AZ]

"My personal experience is that my kids ultimately benefited when I included areas in my life that were apart from them or homeschooling or parenting."

 

 

Yes, this is very true. I think it's good for the kids to see another facet of my life that is me doing something I enjoy. And I find plenty to feel guilty about whether I'm working or not.;) And I have found that the pride I feel watching my students playing well in an end of the year recital definitely compensates for the weeks of unmopped floors preceeding it. And, I am tired and just used a lot of bad grammar probably.

 

So goodnight!

 

PS...I am a pianist, though my son is studying cello. And my first WTM friend request, how exciting!

Edited April 10, 2011 by Sara in AZ
meant to quote!

[GnomeyNewt]

I am a full time WAHM and I feel guilty too, even though I have a full time stay at home dad! Just know that the feeling seems to be typical especially if you used to be a full time SAHM! I was a SAHM for 5 years before we switched our roles, right before we started to homeschool. I still managed to homeschool, but we are splitting the subjects up even more next year as it was stressful for me to try to get them all done + work.

 

I agree with the other posters, that they should see that we are not just Moms only and that we can share our time with others, as well as them. If they are safe and have something to do, than I feel better about the situation. If they were staring at me the whole time, that would be impossible for me!

 

Has your kids said anything about it to make you feel guilty or is it just a gut feeling? Did you just start this new routine recently? Because you may feel less guilty overtime, but it does come back sometimes... but than I read these threads on WAHM and it helps!

[nono]

Don't feel guilty! Use it as a way to teach your children about responsibility with money! Are you as a household saving for anything? Show them how your working adds up and how you can then purchase said item.

 

And you are also giving them some free time in which to exercise their own creativity, without it being entirely adult-directed. I think that's good. A sitter, esp. a young one, won't ruin that dynamic. :)

[laurad1125]

With a 2 year old, I'd hire someone even just for an hour or two. It would be entirely too stressful to me to worry that he/she might interrupt. I've thought about having another child and I know I'd have to do that.

 

BTW - I feel guilty about working at home too. I don't think it's possible not too. I try (try being the operative word) to remind myself that this is better than the other options we have and that they learn important skills from the situation, too. But at the end of the day, I still feel guilty....

[cellocoffee]

Here is my permission to stop feeling guilty. You do not have to be totally engaged with your children 24/7 in order to be a good mom/homeschooler.

 

You don't even have to "need" the money. It is perfectly acceptable for you to work at home (or, even outside the home) just because you want to and it adds to your adult life. You are a woman: wife, mother AND other stuff.

 

My personal experience is that my kids ultimately benefited when I included areas in my life that were apart from them or homeschooling or parenting.

 

:iagree:

I think I should print your thoughts out and read it everyday before I teach.

Thanks!! I am thankful to be able to maintain my career partially while I can still see my girls grow.

[Truscifi]

Here is my permission to stop feeling guilty. You do not have to be totally engaged with your children 24/7 in order to be a good mom/homeschooler.

 

You don't even have to "need" the money. It is perfectly acceptable for you to work at home (or, even outside the home) just because you want to and it adds to your adult life. You are a woman: wife, mother AND other stuff.

 

My personal experience is that my kids ultimately benefited when I included areas in my life that were apart from them or homeschooling or parenting.

 

I agree, it benefits ds to have time away from me. He is learning to be independent, still take care of his responsibilities, entertain himself, etc. And it is good for me to be away from him some as well, to feel like I have worth outside of the home. And I seem to be pretty good at this tutoring thing. :tongue_smilie: I just have to keep reminding myself of that.

 

Don't feel guilty! Use it as a way to teach your children about responsibility with money! Are you as a household saving for anything? Show them how your working adds up and how you can then purchase said item.

 

And you are also giving them some free time in which to exercise their own creativity, without it being entirely adult-directed. I think that's good. A sitter, esp. a young one, won't ruin that dynamic. :)

 

I have done this - occasionally ds will mention that he wishes I could stay with him all day like I used to. We talk about why I work (I missed helping other kids, I enjoy doing things out of the house) and how my working benefits him too - time to himself, it pays for his extracurricular activities (we have talked about how much his various activities cost and how dh's income supports our basic needs and mine covers mostly extras). I think he does understand and he agrees that he doesn't want to give up his extras, but he still wishes I could stay home with him.

[cellocoffee]

And I find plenty to feel guilty about whether I'm working or not.;)

TRUE!! I found myself constantly trying to find DD8 some work to do before I teach to make up for my guilt. That's not a good cycle of interaction. I really should stop worrying.

 

 

h my son is studying cello.

 

Yay!!

[cellocoffee]

I am a full time WAHM and I feel guilty too, even though I have a full time stay at home dad! Just know that the feeling seems to be typical especially if you used to be a full time SAHM! I was a SAHM for 5 years before we switched our roles, right before we started to homeschool. I still managed to homeschool, but we are splitting the subjects up even more next year as it was stressful for me to try to get them all done + work.

I admire your strength. Thanks so much for sharing your experiences!!

 

I agree with the other posters, that they should see that we are not just Moms only and that we can share our time with others, as well as them. If they are safe and have something to do, than I feel better about the situation. If they were staring at me the whole time, that would be impossible for me!

DD8 does see how much I multitask and how devoted I am in teaching. She has learned to greet my students' families, help them get situated and even play with their younger siblings.

 

Has your kids said anything about it to make you feel guilty or is it just a gut feeling? Did you just start this new routine recently? Because you may feel less guilty overtime, but it does come back sometimes... but than I read these threads on WAHM and it helps!

No, they haven't ever complained except my 2-yr-old occasionally wants me to nurse her...:tongue_smilie:

 

I think the main reason I feel the guilt is that I witness DD1 who just turned 8 this week wants to learn a lot more things and do more. I think I need to start our daily routine maybe an hour earlier to try to get all subjects done before I teach. Thanks for listening to me.

[Joy at Home]

Thanks Truscifi,

Yes, DD8 does do work on her own quite well when I ask her to. Recently she even practices cello or piano during my teaching time.

 

The problem is more me...I just feel guilty. But like your situation, it is nice to have spare money for their extra activities. I must remember that.

 

Thanks,:)

 

Oh, honey, I think we all have mommy guilt from time to time:001_smile: You should absolutely teach without guilt, especially if it's something you enjoy.

 

As far as fitting in schoolwork around your work, While going through her schoolwork, I would have her set aside anything that can be done independently, and have her work on that during your teaching time. You're probably doing this already. Sounds like the issue is more guilt.

 

We always have trouble fitting in all in, and I don't sweat it anymore. I roll with it and grab any moment outside typical "school" hours to catch up. This might mean doing math in the evening, or waiting until pesky younger siblings are in bed to sit down and do a writing lesson with older dd.

 

For what it's worth, there are many, many of us who work and homeschool on this board (I'm a nurse, work weekends). There are some times I feel guilty, but have to snap out of it and remember everything I'm doing for my kids.

 

Good luck

Lisa

[SEP]

I would start earlier in the day. I am schooling 3 kiddos and have almost 2 yo twins. We finish by 3 pm every day because otherwise our afternoons are nuts once the twins are up from their naps.

 

We start school at 8:30 am. It's great b/c the twins are usually content to play right after breakfast w/o interaction with us too much.

 

What about finding a 'mother's helper' that you could hire for very little money?

 

Maybe she could 'supervise' the girls and work on prepping dinner for you/your husband/whomever cooks?

 

I agree that i do not believe children need to be directed every minute or it will lessen their ability to self-entertain.

[Tutor]

Here is my permission to stop feeling guilty. You do not have to be totally engaged with your children 24/7 in order to be a good mom/homeschooler.

 

You don't even have to "need" the money. It is perfectly acceptable for you to work at home (or, even outside the home) just because you want to and it adds to your adult life. You are a woman: wife, mother AND other stuff.

 

My personal experience is that my kids ultimately benefited when I included areas in my life that were apart from them or homeschooling or parenting.

 

:iagree:

 

The guilt will still sometimes sneak in for me, but I just try to remind myself that it's evidence that I am still human and love my family and that that prompt for self-evaluation is good for me. :tongue_smilie:

[Pata]

Don't feel guilty!! We do school from 8:30-12 everyday and then I have a play tutor/nanny come in four days a week from 1-4 just so I can get work done. It's good for the children (and me) to have time away. I used to have my dd read and I'd work while ds slept, but this left me frazzled because he'd wake up before I was done or dd would continually interrupt me with questions. So much easier to have someone there that I can trust watching them so I can focus on what I need to get done for work. I've realized that if I can get done what I need to in a none stressful way, I'm a much better mom :).

[cellocoffee]

And you are also giving them some free time in which to exercise their own creativity, without it being entirely adult-directed. I think that's good. A sitter, esp. a young one, won't ruin that dynamic. :)

 

Thanks for your cheering! Yes, when the girls enjoy their free time playing either on their own or together, I feel calm.

 

I have put a help-needed announcement and am interviewing some sitters.

 

BTW, I like your signature. CFO...cool.

[cellocoffee]

With a 2 year old, I'd hire someone even just for an hour or two. It would be entirely too stressful to me to worry that he/she might interrupt. I've thought about having another child and I know I'd have to do that.

:iagree:

Thanks for confirming this. I have been playing tough..thinking I can do it all.

Now I realized I have been too hard on myself and it's bringing stress to the whole family.

 

BTW - I feel guilty about working at home too. I don't think it's possible not too. I try (try being the operative word) to remind myself that this is better than the other options we have and that they learn important skills from the situation, too. But at the end of the day, I still feel guilty....

:bigear:

 

And thanks for listening and sharing!!

[cellocoffee]

But at the end of the day, I still feel guilty....

Are you a musician, too?

[cellocoffee]

As far as fitting in schoolwork around your work, While going through her schoolwork, I would have her set aside anything that can be done independently, and have her work on that during your teaching time. You're probably doing this already. Sounds like the issue is more guilt.

Hi, Lisa, this is a great tip. I do plan DD1's work this way now but not as well paced as I would like it to be.

 

This might mean doing math in the evening, or waiting until pesky younger siblings are in bed to sit down and do a writing lesson with older dd.

This is another great insight. I am glad I am not crazy for moving our school time together around the clock. Although I will keep in mind not turing into a pushy monster mom, I see the more flexible way of time use.

 

Thanks for the encouragement!!!

[cellocoffee]

I would start earlier in the day. I am schooling 3 kiddos and have almost 2 yo twins. We finish by 3 pm every day because otherwise our afternoons are nuts once the twins are up from their naps.

 

We start school at 8:30 am. It's great b/c the twins are usually content to play right after breakfast w/o interaction with us too much.

 

What about finding a 'mother's helper' that you could hire for very little money?

 

Maybe she could 'supervise' the girls and work on prepping dinner for you/your husband/whomever cooks?

 

I agree that i do not believe children need to be directed every minute or it will lessen their ability to self-entertain.

TOTALLY:iagree:

That's what I am going to do.

Thanks for your support!

[cellocoffee]

but I just try to remind myself that it's evidence that I am still human and love my family and that that prompt for self-evaluation is good for me. :tongue_smilie:

Positive! I love it!!

I think this thread will become the Chicken Soup thread for HS working moms!

[cellocoffee]

Don't feel guilty!! We do school from 8:30-12 everyday and then I have a play tutor/nanny come in four days a week from 1-4 just so I can get work done. It's good for the children (and me) to have time away. I used to have my dd read and I'd work while ds slept, but this left me frazzled because he'd wake up before I was done or dd would continually interrupt me with questions. So much easier to have someone there that I can trust watching them so I can focus on what I need to get done for work. I've realized that if I can get done what I need to in a none stressful way, I'm a much better mom :).

Thanks, Pata. (I feel really excited that the author of Elemental Science responded to my question. Celebrity!)

 

 

It is so invaluable to me to know how other working/HS moms deal with this situation. So far I have four sitter/tutor interview lined up.

Thanks again! Y'all are AWESOME!!:thumbup:

[laurad1125]

Are you a musician, too?

 

I am - I play the cello in s local symphony and am teaching ds7 to play the cello as well. There are quite a few musicians here. I started a roll call thread a while back. You can read it here.

 

http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/showthread.php?t=251238

 

Nice to meet you!

[cellocoffee]

Wait?! Where are you in Texas? I am in Austin!!:lol:

[cellocoffee]

http://www.welltrainedmind.com/forums/showthread.php?t=251238

 

Nice to meet you!

I have to admit that is a very MUSICAL thread!! Thanks for sharing, Laura.

[Pata]

Thanks, Pata. (I feel really excited that the author of Elemental Science responded to my question. Celebrity!)

 

 

It is so invaluable to me to know how other working/HS moms deal with this situation. So far I have four sitter/tutor interview lined up.

Thanks again! Y'all are AWESOME!!:thumbup:

 

Ha! So, now I'm a celebrity. I think it's my flannel night pants that really complete my celebrity status :). Good luck finding a sitter!