What are your dc's consequences for being a smart mouth and/or back talking??

[Gamom3]

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[Danestress]

Natural consequences.

 

When a child is rude or ugly to me, I feel insulted. And then he's out of my good graces. THis is natural - it's pretty much the same with neighbors or spouses or friends. If that person then wants to borrow my television or phone or computer, or needs a ride somewhere, naturally I will refuse to do that favor for them.

 

This worked very well for me. Rather than get into a power struggle with a child (an older one especially) I just ignored the rudeness until the child came to remind me it was time to go to soccer practice or started to flick on the television.

 

Once the child has come to me and apologized properly, I usually feel much better:)

[Camy-7 boybarians 1 lady]

This can be a tough issue if it has gotten out of hand.

 

I would assume that your definition of backtalking is similar to mine. I consider issues of disrespect like eye-rolling, lack of eye contact while spoken to, sighs and grunts, stomping, and inappropriate verbal expression as backtalking.

 

Initially, I tell my children that this sort of behavior is not tolerated. My dh then exhorts my sons that he will not tolerate and disprespect towards his wife (me). This will be met with firm consequences from him.

 

I would also consider my relationship w/ my children. I try to think about treating the older ones like coworkers. I give them the benefit of the doubt and treat them respectfully. It is also important to understand when they are frustrated or irritated w/ something. I acknowledge their irritation, yet mention that it is not tolerated.

 

If you have found that backtalking and disrespect are a real issue in your family, I'd read the articles entitled "Jumping Ship" by Michael Pearl. I am not here to debate the writing of this individual nor am I intending to cause flames of offense (that's my disclaimer :o).

 

"Jumping Ship" is basically about parent and child relationships, which are the core of mutual respect, imo.

 

I pray you will find encouragement!

 

Blessings,

 

Camy

[asher]

When my dc's are rude or back talk, I usually say "Try that again" or "Excuse me?" They then usually repeat what they were saying in a more respectful way, or I help by repeating what they have just said in a way I would prefer to hear it.

[Jean in Newcastle]

When my dc's are rude or back talk, I usually say "Try that again" or "Excuse me?" They then usually repeat what they were saying in a more respectful way, or I help by repeating what they have just said in a way I would prefer to hear it.

 

Ditto this. If they refuse or do the repeat still disrespectfully, then it becomes a defiance/disobedience issue and I discipline accordingly. (Most of the time just asking them to repeat works).

[my2kidsmom]

no phone (which she doesn't use anyway),

no TV (she learned to talk smarty from somewhere--certainly not me...I'm sarcastic, not smarty)

no friends over of the day (friends come by almost every afternoon)

 

it's never been much of a problem for us...

 

my advise is nip in in the bud and you will see it go away pretty quickly. Be consistent and you will see it stop (or at least decrease in frequency)..I know that if I got a speeding ticket everytime I speed, I would not speed.

[Pink Fairy]

My 8yods has recently started up with this (?!!!). Like the previous poster, my dh and I are moving fast to nip it in the bud. Yesterday, within a minute, my ds received the following consequenses: no computer time, no playing with his tamagotchi, no desert, and he had to do an extra math assignment. Since he doesn't get much computer or tamagatchi time anyway, and I guess desert isn't a priority, it wasn't until we got to extra math that he realized he'd better hush up or he'd have a miserable day.

 

I can't remember what he said, but he made a snotty remark during breakfast, I corrected him and gave him a consequence, then asked him how he liked them apples, he said "I like it fine," and we continued from there. Maybe I shouldn't have engaged him by being sarcastic myself, but I really feel like he's testing the boundaries right now, and I want him to be absolutely clear that there will be swift action taken for a smart mouth (his-not mine :D).

 

My dh and I agree that although ds seems to be "naturally sarcastic," it will be our fault if he turns into a brat because we allowed his sarcasm free reign.

[summer]

The world stops. Everything stops. I look at them with a very very stern look and say something to the effect of "what did you say?" and then they realize they are in deep do do and suddenly reword what they realize they should have said.

 

That works for now. If they do not correct themselves or argue, I cut them off and send them out of the room.

 

I don't know for sure what I will do when that stops working. But for now, my children realize I am very mad if they talk that way and they are quick to correct.

[teamturner]

The world stops. Everything stops. I look at them with a very very stern look and say something to the effect of "what did you say?" and then they realize they are in deep do do and suddenly reword what they realize they should have said.

 

I do this too. With one of my sons, however, it was not enough and it was becoming a regular pattern of disrespect. He was always remorseful but still kept doing it. A few weeks ago, I started doing "write-offs". The first offense of disrespect, he had to write "I will not be disrespectful to my mother (or father)" five times. The second time it was 10 and the next time it was 15. We haven't had to do it again. He seems to be more careful in this area now. Although, I have to be careful not to ignore the bahavior and respond with consequences every time. :glare:

[nancypants]

The world stops. Everything stops. I look at them with a very very stern look and say something to the effect of "what did you say?" and then they realize they are in deep do do and suddenly reword what they realize they should have said.

 

That works for now. If they do not correct themselves or argue, I cut them off and send them out of the room.

 

I don't know for sure what I will do when that stops working. But for now, my children realize I am very mad if they talk that way and they are quick to correct.

 

This is what I do also. On a rare occasion (and after ample warning and chances to change course) I will actually wash someone's mouth out with soap. Yes, very archaic and "old fashioned", I know... but it sends a loud and clear message and they remember it well. I don't have to do it very often! And when I do have to do it I make sure that they know I don't really think that soap is going to fix the mouth problem since the mouth problem is ultimately connected to a "heart problem" and that is where we hope real change will begin to occur.

[cin]

This is what I do also. On a rare occasion (and after ample warning and chances to change course) I will actually wash someone's mouth out with soap. Yes, very archaic and "old fashioned", I know... but it sends a loud and clear message and they remember it well. I don't have to do it very often! And when I do have to do it I make sure that they know I don't really think that soap is going to fix the mouth problem since the mouth problem is ultimately connected to a "heart problem" and that is where we hope real change will begin to occur.

 

It is memorable. DH still remembers his mom doing this to him. She put the soap in and drug it across his bottom teeth :tongue_smilie: He said he tasted soap for the rest of the day.

[Gamom3]

It becomes more and more an issue every day.

I have mentioned problems with her mouth before on here. I am just so tired of it and she is only 10 and I do see problems in her teen years, if this continues.

Dh has stepped in. She is one that will say "fine" or "okay, I am doing my work!" in a sarcastic tone. This really gets under my skin. I am really considering the soap consequence. I even mentioned it this morning. I have thought about how I punish her and I am not consistent with it. I will bring up, up coming events that are school related and I don't need to do that. She HATES math, which right now is the only work she has to do.

 

Example...when she needs help in math she will ask me for help, but she thinks she knows what she has to do and it is stuck in her mind that, thats it and nothing else will work. So when she comes to me she thinks I do not understand what she is suppose to do and butts in when I am talking. I will tell her she needs to be quite while I explain what she has to do and she gets aggravated. ...Does this make sense???:confused:

 

Example 2..she daydreams a GOOD bit! I will tell her to get busy on her work and she will say. OK, I will do my work! this may not sound snappy, but her attitude and her body language says a lot!

 

I really need to get this nipped in the bud NOW.

[Elaine]

The world stops. Everything stops. I look at them with a very very stern look and say something to the effect of "what did you say?" and then they realize they are in deep do do and suddenly reword what they realize they should have said.

 

That works for now. If they do not correct themselves or argue, I cut them off and send them out of the room.

 

I don't know for sure what I will do when that stops working. But for now, my children realize I am very mad if they talk that way and they are quick to correct.

 

Yes, I have "the look." My BIL once said of "the look" that it could melt paint off of ships and make sailors cry.:lol: "The look" garners an instant apology and what usually happens is after a while, the offending child will come to me with a truly repentant heart and I always forgive them. Restoration is always my goal.:001_smile:

 

Needless to say, it's not a huge issue here as I have never tolerated it. It isn't very often that I have to use "the look" and I am glad because it hurts my face.

[mcconnellboys]

Well..... I'd *like* to make it hanging by the thumbs until too dry-mouthed to speak.... Does that count?

[Harriet Vane]

The first two options often go hand in hand:

 

1--Tell the child how their words or tone can be interpreted. Something like: "When you speak to me with that kind of voice, and when you roll your eyes like that, it makes me feel like you think I am dumb." I find that calmly making statements along this line will often bring the child a sense of shame or embarrassment. I might follow up by calmly asking, "Is that what you are trying to make me feel/think?"

 

2--Asking the child to try communicating again.

 

3--If there was a very deliberate attempt to be mean, or if they are unable to muster up a genuinely respectful re-do, then I become more punitive. The consequences vary based on what we are in conflict about. For example, if my child is disrespectfully objecting to doing chores or doing chores well, that child gets double chores. I say it like this, "In our family we all help keep house. The way you are talking to me right now shows me that you need a little extra practice. In addition to your regular chore of (insert whatever you were arguing about here) I would also like you to (insert additional chore)."

 

If we have gotten to option 3, I usually try to follow up at some later point (when emotions have cooled) with a talk along the lines of, "You know that you can tell me anything you want to IF you can do so respectfully . . ." I also try hard to listen to my kids' grievances so that they know their perspective is valid and is considered.