EmmaNZ Posted April 4, 2011 Share Posted April 4, 2011 So many people with so many crazy family members! So how do you learn to deal with it all so that it doesn't drive you crazy?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gaillardia Posted April 4, 2011 Share Posted April 4, 2011 Move far away. :iagree:This worked for me but wasn't the reason for moving away. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted April 4, 2011 Share Posted April 4, 2011 Moving. Drinking. Slamming one's head repeatedly into a wall in hopes of passing out and/or forgetting. Therapy. Visualizing different scenarios that provide escape routes. All depends on *which* family member it is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan in TN Posted April 4, 2011 Share Posted April 4, 2011 Move far away. This, and keep visits as short as possible. I've found that a 3-day visit with the in-laws (who are pretty mild compared to some) is about the max exposure we should have. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shelly in IL Posted April 4, 2011 Share Posted April 4, 2011 That also makes it hard. No-one seems to understand that a 2-3 day visit to my folks AND a 2-3 day visit to my dh's folks add up to almost a whole week of being gone from home. (They live 1.5 hours away from ea. other). By the time I leave my folks, I'm emotionally spent from all of them. When I get to my in-laws, I have really "gone into my head" just to escape, and am not always very sociable. Sometimes I think living closer would be nice, then I could just "pop in" vs: having to stay there ALL DAY LONG, every day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stacia Posted April 4, 2011 Share Posted April 4, 2011 I know it's hard to do, but trying to find the humor (any humor) in the situation helps... (even if you have to resort to envisioning them on stage w/ Jerry Springer, writing their 'intro' in your head, a stage fight, etc...). ;):lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
secular_mom Posted April 4, 2011 Share Posted April 4, 2011 That also makes it hard. No-one seems to understand that a 2-3 day visit to my folks AND a 2-3 day visit to my dh's folks add up to almost a whole week of being gone from home. (They live 1.5 hours away from ea. other). By the time I leave my folks, I'm emotionally spent from all of them. When I get to my in-laws, I have really "gone into my head" just to escape, and am not always very sociable. Sometimes I think living closer would be nice, then I could just "pop in" vs: having to stay there ALL DAY LONG, every day. I refuse to spend that much time visiting the relatives. My parents are welcome to come and visit with us. We only stay about 3 days when we go to visit them and IL's though. Too many people, too much drama and kids that are too wound up=:willy_nilly: so now we just skip it. Really, one visit with so and so is enough, and if we stay longer than 3 days we'd be guilt tripped into doing at least one more. :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted April 4, 2011 Share Posted April 4, 2011 We haven't gone for visits since moving almost 9 yrs ago now. My parents have visited, but we only saw them a cpl of hours at a time. My MIL, however, stays for a month, 6 wks at a time. Not with us, thank heavens, but she expects everyone to be at her beck and call, blah blah blah. That's where the idea of amnesia becomes appealing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LauraGB Posted April 4, 2011 Share Posted April 4, 2011 I know it's hard to do, but trying to find the humor (any humor) in the situation helps... (even if you have to resort to envisioning them on stage w/ Jerry Springer, writing their 'intro' in your head, a stage fight, etc...). ;):lol: :iagree: And it also helps to consider the lives those people have. For me, I wouldn't trade one single day of my own to walk in their shoes. So, while humor is a big part, so is sympathy. And it helps to know the visits end. I can't remember the last time I spent more than 3 hours with my family (any of them), and for the most part, I like them (now - that wasn't always the case). If I show up at 1p, I know the whole thing will be over by 4p, and I can go back to my own personal life, and if I look at it like that, it doesn't seem so bad in the grand scheme of things. And it's also helpful to remember that they are adults who can shoulder their own crap all by themselves. They don't need to project any of it onto you or me or the neighbor - if you don't let them do it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
secular_mom Posted April 4, 2011 Share Posted April 4, 2011 So many people with so many crazy family members! So how do you learn to deal with it all so that it doesn't drive you crazy?? I've learned to just blatantly ignore the rudeness and have a good laugh about it all when it's over (and inside my head while it's happening). There is one person who is unbelievably rude (okay, with the things that have been posted here I guess it is believable) to me- last time we were home I walked straight to her as soon as we arrived at their house and gave her a great big hug and made chit-chat with her. Normally she is the one who initiates all conversation with people as they enter and pointedly does not say a word to me, and then continues that way the whole time we're there, which is one reason we don't like going to their home. She has always 'supervises' our visits with her husband (hangs out in the room we are in, follows us to the next room if we go somewhere else, but it's obvious she's not interested in visiting with us) which makes us all very uncomfortable and is absolutely ridiculous. This last time she actually just avoided me after the hugging and chit-chat I made, and I don't think we were in the same room at all after that. It was really nice. Now I know what to do next time, LOL. I try to change the subject or just let the dead silence make my statement for me if people are saying something inappropriate. I take something to do, like a book to read or a bag of knitting. I decide I'm going to enjoy myself even if the crazy people are trying to make me crazy. I always have an escape plan such as- "Mom, call me in half an hour to see if I need an excuse to leave." and the fact that we have so many people to go see during our limited time visiting the relatives. I can always say, "well, we really hate to rush but we haven't seen grandpa yet and he's expecting us". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gaillardia Posted April 4, 2011 Share Posted April 4, 2011 Caller id helps too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peela Posted April 4, 2011 Share Posted April 4, 2011 So many people with so many crazy family members! So how do you learn to deal with it all so that it doesn't drive you crazy?? Move far away. Yup. I live a long way away. But then, dh's family have their issues too- his mother lives 15 minutes away and we see her at birthdays and special occasional only. I get on fine with her but she and dh just rub each other other wrong way. We are adults. We choose who we spend our time with and who our kids spend time with. That being said, I do miss my family and wish my kids could have spent more time with them growing up. But maybe it was best this way anyway. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MamaT Posted April 4, 2011 Share Posted April 4, 2011 We also moved far away from family. I miss my family, but I could not live anywhere near dh's mother. She is controlling and manipulating - and sometimes downright mean. The three days I have to spend at her house twice a year I simply bear, knowing it has an end. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hedgehog Posted April 4, 2011 Share Posted April 4, 2011 "After 3 days, both fish and visitors stink." I can do up to three days with any member of my family.. just. After that, we are all snipping at each other. However, the exception to that is my lovely MIL, who usually visits with us for 3 weeks, and we have an awesome time with her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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