Should I (gently) urge my dd to abandon unrealistic plans?

[distancia]

My daughter (18, senior ) is on her THIRD go-round of doing Algebra 2. Last fall I made her do a complete review from fractions on up through Algebra 1. Then she did some Algebra 2 but her 540 Math SAT qualified her to go into College Algebra, which she failed at within the first month and then withdrew from. Now she is 3 weeks into another independent study college class, this time Inter. Algebra using Lial's and already she is having problems.

 

She is on ADD meds which do help her to sit long enough to go through math exercises, but she says her thinking is still jumpy and irregular. She makes careless mistakes often. Her doctor believes she has dyscalculia. But she is phenomenal when it comes to writing and reasoning skills!

 

She has dreams of becoming a scientist. She watches Blue Planet on TV at least once a week and can recite every fact about marine life on the series. She is obsessed with sharks and giant squid. She wants to do underwater exploration and travel around the globe and be like Jeff Corwin and do "cool" field work. She cannot stay in one seat, in one building all day, she needs to be moving quite a bit. She has labored for years with math. She also hates lab work, dissection, and microscopes. She gave up on Apologia Marine Biology after dissecting the starfish, she never got to the dogshark.

 

DD has been accepted by and won multiple merit scholarships to a very prestigious LAC because of her extremely high SAT scores in Reading and Writing and out-of-the-box ECs. She is thrilled to go to this particular college next fall. Because it is a selective LAC students there have a waiver which exempts them from taking any math classes: no math, ever, if they don't want to. However, for those who choose to take math and science courses, the math STARTS at Calc 1, so DD will have to do at least a full year of outside, on-her-own, remedial math work (while carrying an otherwise full courseload) to break even and then catch up with the other students who are STARTING at Calc 1.

 

DD says she is motivated to excel in math, but her actions are quite the opposite. She will not do her math assignments daily (as I have told her to do), she does them a couple of times a week, despite my reminders that math is a daily discipline. When she gets the corrected assignments back she does look at her mistakes, but instead of trying to sit down and work through the entire problem again to master it, she merely reads the teacher's comments and assumes that because she understands what is being said, she knows how to do the problem. When she solves a problem she does check her work, but if the answer doesn't make sense she leaves it incorrect and goes on blissfully to the next problem.

 

She has a math exam coming up on Tuesday and she hasn't done any math for a week, though she is planning to sit down on Sunday night and do a practice test. She knows she has weak areas, but is she here at home mastering her problem areas? No, she's collecting seashells at the beach with her boyfriend!

 

My dd blames my hubby and me for our lack of confidence in her math skills. She says that had we pushed her more when she was younger, she would be doing better now. I tell her that we did encourage her when she was younger, but she showed zero interest in math and just hoped to get by with as little effort as possible. I remind her that this past year of homeschooling was her opportunity to take the bull by the horns and master the subject, but she absolutely resents having to go back and do remedial math because "I already know that stuff, mom!"

 

I do not want to discourage me daughter in her career choice; at the same time, I do not want her to be overwhelmed and struggling towards a goal which is not grounded in reality. I want to tell her that she can succeed in other fields (she loves Anthropology and History) and still travel the globe, and if she feels the desire/need for math, a course like Statistics will be far more advantageous. But she persists in her dream of going into the sciences, which requires all that advanced math (and more).

 

Normally I wouldn't interfere but scholarship money is riding on this!

 

What would you do?

Edited March 19, 2011 by distancia

[FaithManor]

What about something like science journalism? Would the LAC offer something like that? It would be a way that she can continue her discovery of and love of the natural sciences while focusing in her area of strength, writing. She could write for National Geographic and other such type of publications without necessarily having to have a math background so long as she had just enough to understand the basics of what she is writing about. If her focus was in zoology, marine habitats, geology, history of science, etc. she probably wouldn't need to be proficient beyond algebra 2.

 

Faith

[Tarreymere]

Has she thought about being a writer who specializes in popularizing scientific topics? Or a science fiction writer? Much more fun and much less math.

[Guest Dulcimeramy]

This is a little out-of-the-box, but would photography and journalism give her the tools to ride along with marine biologists? Someone has to take the pictures and write the articles, scripts, and reports!

 

She could also be a travel reporter/photographer, giving her more access to the places she loves and more opportunities to work.

[Guest Dulcimeramy]

Oh, that is hilarious! Your first three responders had the identical thought simultaneously. It might be a sign.

[Carol in Cal.]

You do not have to love math to do well or have a career in science. You just have to be able to do it. I'm living proof. I have a chemical engineering degree, and I had a 20 year career in tech and I have never been an A student in math.

 

Yes, she has to pass math, through at least a year of calculus, maybe a little more. No, she doesn't have to love it.

 

For both math and science, she has to ENGAGE with the material. That means that she doesn't just understand it, but knows it well enough to apply it. That is what is lacking, it sounds like, in her math work. It also sounds like she might be pretty good at that in science--if so, you can encourage her to contemplate the math material and mentally practice it the way that she does her science work.

 

But please don't discourage her from studying science at the college level. I can think of many who did who went on to do very cool things without needing to know advanced math on an ongoing basis. There was me. I have never used math beyond algebra since getting out of school. I needed to know more sophisticated math to finish all my coursework, but not afterwards. There was Barbara Kingsolver. She has botany degree, and is now a famous writer whose botany background enhances and brightens her novels and non-fiction. There is every engineer who ended up in management. There is Jane Goodall and every other observationally oriented scientist who uses statistics and algebra but nothing beyond that in their work.

 

It is a fallacy that you have to love and be good at math to study science and engineering. You have to be good enough to pass the science classes, but that's it. Does love of and proficiency in math help? Sure, but it's not a gatekeeper. Math is like Listerine. I hate it, but I use it, but not every single minute. I need to be able to use it. I don't need to love it or be absolutely superior at it to be able to do that.

[Ester Maria]

It depends on the child, really. Some children are quite receptive of such considerations when voiced and willing to modify their paths a bit to suit reality, while some children, no matter how harshly this may sound, need the experience of the failure before they figure out something is not really for them due to the lack of specific talent and/or desire to work on an important weakness which prevents them from going there.

 

If she's not ready to work on higher maths, she can never be a "serious" scientist. She may find an occupation which crosses its path with science - such as some types of journalism (as others suggested) or the like, but pure science... No. She may always try, of course, and if you can afford it and she is one of those people who need to fail at something before they realize it's not for hem, by all means, have her try it even if it means wasting a lot of money on that "experiment" rather than have her being bitter about not having tried. And then again, she can always surprise you and herself, right?

 

And one more thing, with regard to her excuses as to why she is weak and insecure in math... I'm not buying it, and at her age, she's a bit too old to be making those excuses. At that age it's time to pick up your life into your own hands already - I would absolutely not allow her to speak that way or to present to herself the situation with math as, somehow, your and your DH's "fault". I don't even know, at that age, whether you should enter the picture so much any more, I don't have kids there yet, but from what I see with friends' children, it's either kids picking up themselves and facing what they need to do to succeed in a certain field, either no. Just saying this in case you have some vestige of guilt inside when she says that.

 

So, if money is not an issue and you're prepared to the possibility of her losing a year or so, I'd just stay out of the picture and let her learn it the hard way if she's not one of those "receptive" kids - and if she is, I'd try to gently redirect her to other related fields, but which aren't pure science.

 

:grouphug:

[distancia]

Okay, Carol: how does dd motivate herself to do the math, despite the fact that she doesn't like it? She's 18, she shouldn't have me nagging her daily to do her math. And she says, "yeah, yeah, I'll do it after (_____)" and then the next thing you know, she's out the door on another project.

 

I can see if she were 12 or 14 or even 16, but she's off to college in a few months! I won't be there to pester her and literally follow her around like I do here at home. Sometimes I trail behind her carrying her math book and spiral binder, calling her name and waving pencils and calculators at her (and meanwhile she's irritated and raising her voice towards me). I have attempted to show her how to organize her time; I have told her to start math first thing in the morning, I have let her wait until after lunch when her "meds kick in"; how much hand-holding should I do?

 

After all, I don't have to remind her to go to dance rehearsal for her dance troupe; I don't have to get on her case for her history papers or her Spanish assignments or her Astronomy project, all of which are college classes. Why should I bug her about math?

 

Should she not take SOME responsibility for her inaction?

Edited March 19, 2011 by distancia

[Jane in NC]

Question: Admission to college is dependent upon the final transcript. Further, many colleges now require applicants to have three or four years of high school Mathematics. If she were to fail Algebra II, would she fulfill the minimal requirements of applicants? Does that scholarship offer depend upon fulfillment of minimal requirements?

 

Sorry, but there is some disconnect as I read the posts. Most prestigious LACs require several math courses beyond Algebra I even for applicants with high ACT or SAT scores. This would be my immediate concern.

 

ETA another question: Are her scholarships GPA dependent? Can she afford to attend the LAC without them?

Edited March 19, 2011 by Jane in NC
another question

[Carol in Cal.]

Okay, Carol: how does dd motivate herself to do the math, despite the fact that she doesn't like it? She's 18, she shouldn't have me nagging her daily to do her math. And she says, "yeah, yeah, I'll do it after (_____)" and then the next thing you know, she's out the door on another project.

 

Should she not take SOME responsibility for her inaction?

 

I don't know how to motivate her--I don't have a child that age, and I am reluctant to guess--that's what I would be doing if I answered that. And, yes, she should take responsibility. If she were my child, I would be really, really annoyed, and I would probably be feeling resentful and a bit ineffective.

 

My inclination is to say that it sounds like she has excelled enough to get into this college, so she will have to find her own way once she is there. It's hard to get scholarships like that these days, very impressive, good for her! Speaking very gingerly, as, again, my DD is younger and I'm afraid of being presumptuous, my inclination would be to say, "Look, you've really accomplished a tremendous amount here with your EC activities and steller literature and writing accomplishments. I can see your ability and determination in your achievements and also in your love for the natural world. College is a gate keeper for this kind of thing. You need to get through this, this, and that to be able to study science at a college level there. You can either go that way, or just take science breadth requirements now while majoring in something else that is more liberal arts oriented. In order to do the science thing, you have to study math to this level--it's the price of admission into this field. Is that the way that you want to go, and if so, how far can you get before you start in the fall? How can we best support you in this?" and then leave it more or less up to her.

 

This is because, you're right. You're not going to follow her around in college, and the self-discipline that she has to have there must go there with her.

 

Can she do a gap year and catch up in math? Can she take intensive math over the summer? Around here there are summer school programs that purport to cover a year of high school level math in 6 intense weeks. Maybe that is the kind of driven focus that she needs to get over this hump. But more than anything, at this age, I think that SHE needs to be the one who figures this out and commits to it, and you can best help by exploring choices and providing wisdom if asked. (I hasten to add that I say this as someone who yearns to be hands off even at the freshman in high school level, but fails miserably. It's so easy for me to see what my DD should do, and to tell her. When it comes to math, I still have to make her do it. I'm still the one who figures out when she actually 'gets it' or when she is just 'understanding the teacher' but not able to apply it. I can only hope that I can pass this responsibility over to her in the next few years, but I have not done so yet. However, she does go after it on her own. She does her homework without my asking her to or sitting on her head about it. But she is in a brick and mortar high school now, so she has deadlines that are not negotiable.)

[distancia]

Question: Admission to college is dependent upon the final transcript. Further, many colleges now require applicants to have three or four years of high school Mathematics. If she were to fail Algebra II, would she fulfill the minimal requirements of applicants? Does that scholarship offer depend upon fulfillment of minimal requirements?

 

Sorry, but there is some disconnect as I read the posts. Most prestigious LACs require several math courses beyond Algebra I even for applicants with high ACT or SAT scores. This would be my immediate concern.

 

ETA another question: Are her scholarships GPA dependent? Can she afford to attend the LAC without them?

 

1) This Int Algebra (college) Course is the 4th year math class on my dd's homeschool transcript. She has taken Alg 1, Geometry, Algebra 2 in 11 th grade (1/2 year at p/s and a 1/2 here at home) then this past fall she did remedial math, primarily Geometry and Alg 2 all over again, hoping to get high SAT scores to place into College Alg (which she did). Coll Alg was supposed to be her 4th year math class, but she withdrew and changed into Inter Alg at the college level. Personally I think she should have gone into Finite Math/Liberal Arts Math or Statistics at the college level because she is good in those areas. She got ALL Stat problems correct on both SAT exams she took.

 

2) This LAC has no core requirements and only requires a 500 SAT as a criteria for filling state-mandated math courses. In other words, if you have a 510 SAT math score the LAC (and state) waive math requirements. Likewise, there are no core requirements for any areas of study (think Antioch).

 

3) Scholarships are not GPA dependent, per se, but she cannot get any grade lower than a B in any college course. She's an A student in everything but Math.

_____________

 

 

Can she do a gap year and catch up in math? Can she take intensive math over the summer?

 

Great minds think alike! Hubby and I were just talking about that--dd needs some time to mature. After trudging through (and completing) this Inter Alg course, it might be a good idea for her to "wait" for a semester or two on math and get used to being at college, doing the classes that she will excel in. She may mature and then decide that science really is her thing, and she can buckle down and change direction (like summer school), or she can become more honest with herself and follow another path, such as languages (she truly loves teaching herself exotic languages like Xhosa (Bantu click) and Quechua.

Edited March 19, 2011 by distancia

[Jane in NC]

1) This Int Algebra (college) Course is the 4th year math class on my dd's homeschool transcript. She has taken Alg 1, Geometry, Algebra 2 in 11 th grade (1/2 year at p/s and a 1/2 here at home) then this past fall she did remedial math, primarily Geometry and Alg 2 all over again, hoping to get high SAT scores to place into College Alg (which she did). Coll Alg was supposed to be her 4th year math class, but she withdrew and changed into Inter Alg at the college level. Personally I think she should have gone into Finite Math/Liberal Arts Math or Statistics at the college level because she is good in those areas. She got ALL Stat problems correct on both SAT exams she took.

 

2) This LAC has no core requirements and only requires a 500 SAT as a criteria for filling state-mandated math courses. In other words, if you have a 510 SAT math score the LAC (and state) waive math requirements. Likewise, there are no core requirements for any areas of study (think Antioch).

 

3) Scholarships are not GPA dependent, per se, but she cannot get any grade lower than a B in any college course. She's an A student in everything but Math.

_____________

 

 

 

Sorry to be dense. Your first post had said that she was taking Algebra II for the third go-around. I had envisioned that she had only Algebra I and Geometry on her transcript at this point.

[Punks in Ontario]

I'd be letting her motivate herself or fail. At 18, she needs to work out her own priorities. If she fails, she fails and IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. As for college, she'll have to work that out too.

 

Unless you're paying for it. Then I'd just say that your financial support is dependant on her putting in enough effort with a decent 'tude to pass the course. And no, I wouldn't be trying to motivate her, or try to get her to do her work either.

 

FWIW, my girl could be a real pill sometimes. It's scary sometimes watching her fail, but in the long run when we've stepped back and allowed it, she's learned far quicker. (Can you tell I sometimes tried to prevent the disaster coming?)

[laundrycrisis]

Can you get an excellent higher math tutor for her ?

 

I was labeled as having a "learning disability" in math. I was always behind in it. I had to take algebra I twice and only finished high school with Algebra II, with a C. I had a fantastic tutor who got me through that. I saw her twice a week and she kept me on track with my homework and helped prepare me for tests.

 

Then I took algebra again in college; then took a business calculus course; then I had to take a remedial trigonometry course because I didn't get to trig in high school. The trig teacher had a frank talk with me about having low confidence and needing someone to "teach me how to learn math", and so I found a PhD student to tutor me. That was when I "learned how to learn math", and that learning math means working tons of problems, and practicing every day.

 

I went on to earn an A in both calc I and calc II; earn an engineering degree, that was only three hours short of a minor in math, and work as an engineer until I decided to change careers (not due to any math difficulties).

 

If she wants the engineering or science career, it is not impossible. She may need to spend some time with a very good tutor who will show her how math is learned. She will have to be committed to spending time and effort on it though. In some ways it is like learning a foreign language or an instrument. She will have to work and practice it. I did not get how to do this until I had a real "math person" walk me through her own mental process.

[distancia]

That was when I "learned how to learn math", and that learning math means working tons of problems, and practicing every day.

 

Exactly: I tell dd the only way she is going to think like a "math person" is to do what math people do: think about math and practice it, on a daily basis. Math is NOT like History, where you can let it go for awhile and slide into a totally new area (lateral learning). Math is a "use it or lose it" skill.

 

dd hears me but she is not listening. Her response? "...yeah yeah yeah, we've talked about this before, mom..." And my reaction? :banghead:

 

If I had my choice--and another year and unlimited funds--I'd let dd fail the math course and lose the scholarships. Unfortunately, we can't do that. So we have to get down to business here at the HappyFamily residence and make a decision: are we going to work on tackling this bugger, or are we going to put it away and explore other options (like a Liberal Arts math course), at least for now? In either instance, dd is going to have to be honest with herself.

Edited March 20, 2011 by distancia

[Reesegirl]

Here is something else to think about...all 3 of my dd are in or are going into areas of science, dd1 now has a master's in chemistry, but majored in biochemistry, dd2 is a nurse (2009 grad) and youngest dd3 is a college soph. prephysical therapy major. All 3 but especially dd 1 and 3 have had bio and chem classes that had labs. There really isn't any way to be a science major without taking labs. It is all part of the process. I think your dd needs to come to terms with this fact too. If she hate labs, she needs to realize that a lot of her college time will be doing something that she dislikes. I have to say that dd3 in her senior year of high school didn't want to take a college level anatomy class that was offered at the high school, but after one week in physics class with a teacher that couldn't teach she transfered in. She really didn't want to because the class used the second semester to disect a fetal pig. That sounded gross to her. It in the end she found out that she loved disection, excelled in it and is now looking forward to being in a very select group to be chosen at her university to take a human disecting class that prepares the cadavers for use in the biology labs for freshmen and sophomore. I am just telling you this to say that at home when homeschooled, she didn't like science but when put in a class with an excellent teacher, she excelled to the place where she now wants to persue a career in biology. Maybe for your dd with wonderful professors she will excell. (Not to say that you haven't been an excellent teacher!)

 

Also, for my girls, if I remember right, DD1 biochem major had taken college algebra in her senior year and only took calculus 1 in college. DD2 nursing major, only took college algebra and statistics, dd3 needs to take college algebra but doesn't need calculus for her prephysical therapy major. You can look on the univerisity's site to see what classes would be required for any major. This might help your dd realistically decide before she declares a major, what she really wants to set her mind to tackle.

[anne1456]

If she is looking at a biology/wildlife/ecology type major many colleges don't require calculus for that degree. That is what my daughter is majoring in, and about 1/3 of the colleges she applied to only require pre-calc and statistics. Now the college your daughter wants to attend might require it, but it is possible to find one that doesn't. It is also worth noting that she doesn't have to excel at math, she just needs to pass. So if she is determined this is what she wants I'd encourage her to put it off for a year or so to build up a good GPA before taking math, so a C doesn't jeopardize her scholarship.

[laundrycrisis]

She will have to commit to spending the time on it. But for me, it also took some regular time spent with a "math person" for me to understand what that meant and how it was done. Until then, I had not understood what I should spend that hour of study actually doing. Someone had to walk me through it for an hour, and then say "go home and do these problems tomorrow, these the next, these the next, and then read this section, and come back." It took that type of intense hand-holding for me to get it. Once I understood how a math person spends their time and focus when they work on learning and practicing math, I could do it too, and it didn't feel like wasted time or unnecessary drudgery anymore.

[distancia]

She will have to commit to spending the time on it....It took that type of intense hand-holding for me to get it. Once I understood how a math person spends their time and focus when they work on learning and practicing math, I could do it too, and it didn't feel like wasted time or unnecessary drudgery anymore.

 

UPDATE on Sunday morning: I looked through my dd's math notebook with all her practice problems to see where she was going awry, figuring we could start there.

 

Well! It turns out she hasn't been doing the practice problems at all! No wonder she's having troubles. She has pages and pages of notes, all written in tidy script and highlighted with different colors and symbols like stars, arrows, etc...but no actual WORK! Other than what she mailed in to the instructor (about 5 or 6 problems per section) there is nothing else. She started out well in Chapter 1 did all the work but as soon as she hit Chapter 2--"I already know this stuff, mom!"--it appears she stopped doing the practice work.

 

Question is: did she stop doing it because she was bored with it? Or did she stop doing it because she didn't know the material and didn't want to face up to the effort of having to re-learn it?

 

Many, many times she has told me that she loves taking notes. Her strength is in absorbing facts and mentally assimilating data and then reporting back on it. Her weakness is in doing the manual labor to get there. And math is all about grunt work.

 

Now I have to re-think how to handle this so-called adult dd of mine. Suggestions?

[mcconnellboys]

If I had a ton of scholarship money riding on it and knew that she was very science oriented, I'd motivate her with the need for math in order to do what she wants and get her a good tutor to work one on one with her.

[SEP]

this is tricky.

 

if there were some way to let her know that if this $ is lost she is on her own, that might be an option.

 

however as far as informing her to abandon her dreams, i think that is a bad idea.

 

i think that parents should be the 'soft' place to fall. she will discover on her own if her plans will work or not.

 

i think that our children should believe that we believe that they can achieve whatever the Lord has planned for them.

 

i don't think that her failure means you should pick up the pieces, but just be there to support and direct, if she asks.

 

this is just my opinion. obviously you are her parent and you will do your best b/c you know her the best.

[Carol in Cal.]

UPDATE on Sunday morning: I looked through my dd's math notebook with all her practice problems to see where she was going awry, figuring we could start there.

 

Well! It turns out she hasn't been doing the practice problems at all! No wonder she's having troubles. She has pages and pages of notes, all written in tidy script and highlighted with different colors and symbols like stars, arrows, etc...but no actual WORK! Other than what she mailed in to the instructor (about 5 or 6 problems per section) there is nothing else. She started out well in Chapter 1 did all the work but as soon as she hit Chapter 2--"I already know this stuff, mom!"--it appears she stopped doing the practice work.

 

Question is: did she stop doing it because she was bored with it? Or did she stop doing it because she didn't know the material and didn't want to face up to the effort of having to re-learn it?

 

Many, many times she has told me that she loves taking notes. Her strength is in absorbing facts and mentally assimilating data and then reporting back on it. Her weakness is in doing the manual labor to get there. And math is all about grunt work.

 

Now I have to re-think how to handle this so-called adult dd of mine. Suggestions?

 

This is what I mean about ENGAGING with the material. With math, as well as with science calculations, it's not enough to 'understand' it. You have to be able to DO it, and if you don't practice you don't get there.

 

That is what she seems not to understand. It's crucial that she accepts this. There is no way around it. None.

[distancia]

You're right. You can't play a musical instrument or a sport by just reading about it--you have to DO it. Same with math.

 

Now over THAT hurdle, I have to figure out how to approach her without backing her into a corner, a situation she reacts to and very badly, I might add.

[creekland]

You're right. You can't play a musical instrument or a sport by just reading about it--you have to DO it. Same with math.

 

Now over THAT hurdle, I have to figure out how to approach her without backing her into a corner, a situation she reacts to and very badly, I might add.

 

I'd gently ask. I'd ask her (very nicely) if she quit doing the practice problems because she got it or because she was lost. I'd also mention that if she fails this class she MIGHT have her acceptance rescinded, so it's important that the two of you work together to find a solution to pass. Having an acceptance rescinded based on the final transcript has happened in our high school with students who have failed a senior year course (sometimes happens for a D too). Our guidance counselors use these cases as examples/motivators for current seniors. Maybe she'll tell you truthfully if she knows it might, indeed, matter for more than the scholarship?

 

Asking her in a combative or irritated tone is likely to push her further away.

[Carol in Cal.]

You're right. You can't play a musical instrument or a sport by just reading about it--you have to DO it. Same with math.

 

Now over THAT hurdle, I have to figure out how to approach her without backing her into a corner, a situation she reacts to and very badly, I might add.

 

So, my dd is 14. That's why I'm reluctant to comment here.

 

If it were her, I would say, "Look, this is crucial to your goals. How should we make sure that this really happens?" And I would work the conversation veeeery slowly around to: "We need to check in daily and make sure that there is reasonable progress" or "I will help you by double checking that you got the right answers to your problems sets" or "After you have done your problem sets, you can teach me this material--that's really the best way to cement your learning." Any solution that didn't end in her having some reporting structure that makes her do daily math problems would not be enough for me to stop the the discussion or allow it to end. There might also be an element of "Nothing else happens until this is done" or "The internet cable does not get hooked up to your computer until this is finished" or "Check your electronic devices into this basket until math is completed." But she is younger than yours, and I don't think that these are quite right at age 18. I'm mentioning them to give you some food for thought.

[Ellie]

Just some thoughts.

 

I'm thinking you should look her in the eyeball and tell her that if she thinks she's old enough to go to college, she's old enough to take responsibility for her education and quit blaming her parents for what they might or might not have done when she was little. If she wants to go to college with those scholarships she needs to do the work. If she loses the scholarships because she was irresponsible, then it's her bad, not yours.

 

And you should quit nagging her to get her work done.

 

If she feels backed into a corner, well, that's her problem, not yours. Seriously.

 

I know this is easy for me to say because I don't live in your house, but that's how it looks to me.

[K-FL]

You're right. You can't play a musical instrument or a sport by just reading about it--you have to DO it. Same with math.

 

Now over THAT hurdle, I have to figure out how to approach her without backing her into a corner, a situation she reacts to and very badly, I might add.

 

D-- I totally understand & her ADD makes the dance more complicated! Seems you'll have to put the ball in her court--she has to get the work done to be able to move on to her next goal--THE college in August. She's at the point where it's useless to claim you & dh are at fault. After all, she's your only child & you've done all you can to help her succeed. She's got to "man up" now. (Easier said than done, I know, but we all reach the time where we have to take responsibility for our own actions. :glare:)