specialmama Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 My sister is addicted to a role playing game. It's online, with a CD expansion kit. It's very realistic, where she creates her character and builds experience points by helping her friends (other real people around the world) battle these monsters. She's been playing for 3 years. The problem is that she won't come to the phone, she won't return our calls 98% of the time, months go by without hearing from her (we used to chat weekly) and when we do talk, you can tell that she is playing the game as she's quite distracted. She loves the game, denies there is a problem, but refuses to even try a week without it. She claims it takes her away to a fantasy world and she likes that. She has even sent her dh to work, believing that she'd be going to work right after him, then she will call in sick just to play all day! My mom feels just sick about it. She has cried to me and is worried that my sister will one day wake up and realize that she has isolated herself from the real world, perhaps too late, and she will have guilt if her loved ones die and she never spent enough time with them. I'm having a hard time trying to figure out what to say to my mom or what to do (if anything) about my sister. I mean, she doesn't want help, she doesn't see a problem. But how can we just sit idly by and watch her throw her life away? If anyone knows of anything that can help, or any BTDT words of wisdom, I'd greatly appreciate it. I love my sister and I miss her. :sad: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 I imagine the only person who could possibly do anything about it is her husband. What is she hiding from? :grouphug: Rosie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
specialmama Posted March 10, 2011 Author Share Posted March 10, 2011 I imagine the only person who could possibly do anything about it is her husband. What is she hiding from? :grouphug: Rosie Oh brother. He won't do a thing. :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
specialmama Posted March 10, 2011 Author Share Posted March 10, 2011 Sorry Rosie, I missed your question. She's hiding from her weight problem, I think. And the fact that her dh is more like a little girl than anything. What she once found endearing is making her want to scream, so she avoids him. She says she still loves him but just can't be around him much. I don't know. She's not the same as she used to be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LittleIzumi Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 It's absolutely an escapism addiction (while we like those games here we stopped playing because we know just how easily they can suck your life away!! It's like a mini-life you can actually control). If her dh will talk to her & if she wants to stop, they can put on the stuff that turns off access to the Internet at certain times, which would help, and find a new hobby to replace it during key playing times maybe..... :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 Gaming/screen addiction is like other addictions. Those around the addict are mostly powerless unless the addict wants to change. The only real options you might have are to remove any enabling and blocking of consequences. You have limited ability to do that; your BIL has more say in that respect. Unfortunately, with addicts, it doesn't matter how much they *need* to change and how out of control they are. None of that will translate into change unless they want to. I have observed that screen/gaming addiction is often co-morbid wth depression. If you can get her evaluated and treated for depression, some resolution is more likely. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 (edited) Sounds like she's avoiding both marriage and divorce then. :grouphug: Rosie Edited March 10, 2011 by Rosie_0801 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RanchGirl Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 I love my sister and I miss her. :sad: I would write her an email and just say the above, that you miss being close and would love to get together for a weekend at a cabin (or something similar that doesn't have internet access) to reconnect. I wouldn't say you think she is wasting her life or repeat anything your Mom has said. Just let her know she's important to you and you're here for her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maria from IN Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 Gaming/screen addiction is like other addictions. Those around the addict are mostly powerless unless the addict wants to change. The only real options you might have are to remove any enabling and blocking of consequences. You have limited ability to do that; your BIL has more say in that respect. Unfortunately, with addicts, it doesn't matter how much they *need* to change and how out of control they are. None of that will translate into change unless they want to. I have observed that screen/gaming addiction is often co-morbid wth depression. If you can get her evaluated and treated for depression, some resolution is more likely. :iagree: Usually with role playing games, there is a character you have absolute control over...when you order that character to do something, you see the results immediately. That character does exactly what you want it to do, when you want it to do it. When people are depressed it's easy for them to retreat into a world like that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in Neverland Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 Honestly, if her dh is willing to ignore it there isn't much you can do. If it were me I know my dh would have the internet turned off in a heartbeat. Problem solved. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 :grouphug: I am sorry you are going thru this w/your dear sister, karyn. If only addiction were so easy, that we could click a button and our problems would be solved! I remember, as a child, pouring alcohol down this drain and thinking my parents would stop drinking. If only... :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KidsHappen Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 Just to give you hope. Not everyone gets forever lost in these virtual worlds. I have quite a few family members that play on-line interactive games. They sometimes go throught periods of intense play (as in forget to eat, rarely take bathroom breaks, don't sleep) and then have equally long periods of time in which they don't play at all. It is a form of escapism as are places like this forum, FB, reading, watching tv. Granted most of us limit it but sometimes during periods of great stress it is easier to deal with a virtual or pretend world than to deal with the real thing. That doesn't mean it will always be the case though. I have seen many people go from being intense players to giving it up entirely of their own accord. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 One of my acquaintences has a family member who actually left a spouse due to gaming. I don't mean the spouse was the gamer--The family member was gaming, and didn't want to give it up, so the family member moved out to their own apartment so they could game in peace. It's an addiction, all right. Joanne gives perfect perspective. If her dh won't turn off the internet or confront her, and just keeps enabling, there's little hope of change. It won't resolve until she's ready. You could do an intervention, in hopes of helping, but it's up to her to get help, and he would have to be on board. I live with an addicted person, and it's so hard. We are ready now to stop enabling, and it really hurts to let consequences teach, but there's little hope, otherwise, so the risk is worth it--sometimes it feels like it's just barely worth it, but I know the truth is, the addiction is the person's to deal with, and I have to keep myself healthy. Sounds like hubby has a lot to benefit in keeping up the enabling. Until he realizes the cost, the dynamic will continue, probably. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mynyel Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 Gaming/screen addiction is like other addictions. Those around the addict are mostly powerless unless the addict wants to change. The only real options you might have are to remove any enabling and blocking of consequences. You have limited ability to do that; your BIL has more say in that respect. Unfortunately, with addicts, it doesn't matter how much they *need* to change and how out of control they are. None of that will translate into change unless they want to. I have observed that screen/gaming addiction is often co-morbid wth depression. If you can get her evaluated and treated for depression, some resolution is more likely. :iagree: I come from a family of gamers. Mom, dad, sister, BIL, daughter and son and I all play EverQuest II. All of us go through times were all we want to do is play. Then is wears off and we don't play for weeks or just play intermittently. I agree with Joanne about the depression. She is using it as a way to escape. Unfortunately there isn't much to be done until she is ready herself. It is a tough row to hoe having to sit back and watch. I would email her at least weekly, just to let her know you are there. ETA: OK so dd and ds don't go through times of playing all day - they have mom to lay down the law :P However I have at times played all day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mimm Posted March 10, 2011 Share Posted March 10, 2011 My families are gamers too. When you game online you come into contact with people you can tell are true addicts. I know one woman who claims her husband has a signed paper from her stating that she will never again play Everquest. :) I agree that the husband needs to step in but maybe he feels helpless? Is there any way you can approach him and talk to him about taking steps to help her end her addiction? Maybe with support, he'll actually feel more able to tackle this issue. Also, if she's using gaming as a way to avoid dealing with her marriage, they should probably start up counseling for their marriage. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
specialmama Posted March 11, 2011 Author Share Posted March 11, 2011 Thank you all for the replies and the PMs. It is nice to know there is hope. I will reach out to her more too, so thank you. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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