gratefulmother Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 Hi! I mostly just visit here, but whenever I have something important to ask this is where I come! I hope that is okay with those of you who are regulars. Our kids will be 8 and 10 this summer, and we recently found out we are expecting! We have talked and prayed about this forever, so in one sense I know it is the right thing, but now in another sense that I didn't expect, I am having a lot of worries about how this is going to change our family. How are the kids going to react when they find out? Once the baby is here, will they enjoy it or struggle with how it changes our lives? I am 38 now, so the risks of having a child with special needs are higher, what if, what if, what if?? I just need some encouragement that this is going to be okay. I know this is a little bit of an unconventional way to grow your family, but I also know there are lots of others who have BTDT. I also wouldn't mind hearing things that you honestly struggled with in adding another child to your family when your kids were older. I think it will help me feel more prepared. Thanks so much!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Random Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 :grouphug: Congratulations! A new baby is a joyous occasion! I think no matter the age differences in siblings, a new addition in the family changes everyone's relationship with each other. My DH's family has the same spacing as you will have. His younger brother and sister are 8 and 10 yrs younger. His older brother is 2 yrs older. Maybe you will have a 4th as well? :001_smile: Enjoy your pregnancy! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amy g. Posted February 11, 2011 Share Posted February 11, 2011 I had my 4th baby when my 3rd child was 8. It has been so gratifying to see how close they are. My 12 year old took a 4 mile walk this afternoon, and my 4 year old kept asking me to call her because she missed her. I'm chopped liver, but her big sister hung the moon. My 12 year old was the baby long enough to really appreciate her little sisters. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sue in WI Posted February 11, 2011 Share Posted February 11, 2011 Congratulations! As you can see from my signature, we are expecting a new baby as well. Our boys were thrilled when we first told them, and even more so when we found out that she will be a girl. We thought our family was complete as well. I am 44. For the most part this pregnancy is going pretty well, aside from a few aches and pains I didn't have with my other pregnancies. My OBGYN office is watching me a little closer, but that is pretty normal for AMA (advanced maternal age) ( expectant moms over 35).:) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joannqn Posted February 11, 2011 Share Posted February 11, 2011 I have two sets. My oldest two were 9 and 7 when my youngest was born. They both love their little sister dearly. My oldest is like a second mother to her. There are times she wants big sister over daddy and even me sometimes. It will be fine. There is always an adjustment period on the practically day to day stuff (ie. getting school and homemaking done) but relationships should be fine, especially if you make sure to spend one-on-one time with the bigger kids when you can. In our house, one-on-one time means baby under 9 months old comes but not the other siblings. Involve them as much as you can with preparations, too. If they can be present at the birth, that would be ideal. My kids LOVED being there for both their younger siblings. The bond was instantaneous because they were part of it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommyoftwinboys Posted February 11, 2011 Share Posted February 11, 2011 I'm in the same boat. I have twin boys that just turned 9 and we are expecting another boy in May. I FREAKED out at first..even though this was kindof planned. I mean I really FREAKED...now, I still have my moments but it has gotten progressively easier to deal with. It's helped to have friends that have large age ranges(even if they have some sprinkled in the middle) for me to see it's going to be o.k...at least I hope so...it's going to be ok, isn't it? (see I still freak out)...I'll be watching this thread like a hawk... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prairie rose Posted February 11, 2011 Share Posted February 11, 2011 My oldest two were 8 and 10 when our youngest was born. They love their little brother and regularly play with him and include him and take care of him. Sure, they have days where they are at each others throats and the youngest and my second oldest know how to push each others buttons like no one else (ever seen a two year old beat up a 10yo? :P :lol: ) I will say that parenting both older kids and younger kids at the same time as opposed to all the kids being close in age has been quite an experience. It definitely has it's perks to have so many sets of willing and able hands to help care for the baby. and btw, congrats on the new addition Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucy in Australia Posted February 11, 2011 Share Posted February 11, 2011 My boys were 13 and 10 when I found out I was pregnant. I cried for 2 weeks. Our baby is now nearly 16 months old and the love of our lives. You will be surprised at how many unexpected blessings will suddenly pop up :) It did (and still does) get a bit tricky having older kids with all their activities and social life to deal with when you have a little baby, but on the plus side, she learned to nap wherever she was very quickly :D ( I used to be a sleep Nazi when the boys were little and made sure they had their naps in their beds at exactly the right time. Now I've discovered babies sleep perfectly well in their strollers when they have to) I also struggled with tiredness, simply due to the fact that I was so much older, but there again, the fact that the boys were so much older too meant that they could babysit very capably and let me rest when I needed to. As far as the worries due to your age go, I can truly say I've BTDT and had to totally give it over to God. It was certainly a test of our faith but God was good to us :) Feel free to PM me if you want :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted February 11, 2011 Share Posted February 11, 2011 My son was 10 when my daughter was born. He ADORES her!!!! They are so close already, it's such a blessing to him. Your children will do wonderfully! Plus, having olders to help is great. I tell everyone that they should space their kids 10 years apart! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
journeytolily Posted February 11, 2011 Share Posted February 11, 2011 There wasn't quite as big a gap for mine - the two older kids were 7 & 5.5 when baby sister came along. But they ADORE her, even now that she's a fiesty 2 yr old! Can you say..."spoiled"?! I'm sure everything will be fine. Congratulations! Veronica Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NanceXToo Posted February 11, 2011 Share Posted February 11, 2011 My daughters were 14 and 5 when my son was born. It was an adjustment at first because he was SUCH a demanding baby and there was a while there where things were rough, I'm not gonna lie! I was exhausted, my 5 y/o was making wistful comments like "you used to let me sit on your lap" and my special needs teen was chiming in with "yeah and you used to play with us more." But that time was fleeting in the grand scheme of things. He eventually became less clingy and demanding. I eventually became less tired. The girls got used to the new family dynamic, and now of course none of us can imagine things any other way. They are now 19, 10 and 5- and we are working on trying to add one more to the family :) (and I'm almost 38 too)! If it's another demanding baby there might be yet another tough adjustment period, but I know that's temporary. And who knows, it could always be an incredibly easygoing baby like my girls both were, which would help lol. I will say there's a lot to be said for having kids spaced out so the olders are old enough to help out or at least entertain themselves as needed! Congrats on your pregnancy and don't stress too much. Everything falls into place and works itself out :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cortana Posted February 11, 2011 Share Posted February 11, 2011 My oldest two were 8 and 10 when our youngest was born. They love their little brother and regularly play with him and include him and take care of him. Sure, they have days where they are at each others throats and the youngest and my second oldest know how to push each others buttons like no one else (ever seen a two year old beat up a 10yo? :P :lol: ) I will say that parenting both older kids and younger kids at the same time as opposed to all the kids being close in age has been quite an experience. It definitely has it's perks to have so many sets of willing and able hands to help care for the baby. and btw, congrats on the new addition This pretty sums up my feelings. Our boys were 8 and 7 when their little sister was born and she rules the roost, lol! The one thing that made the bond very close between ds#2 and dd is that their birthdays are just 6 days apart, he tells everyone his baby sister is the best birthday present he ever got. They have good days and bad days, but to be honest I don't think anything would be different if the age difference was less. The kids are now 10, 9 and 2. One of the things that was really neat with the age difference was my pregnancy with dd was so much fun getting to share it with the boys, they loved watching my belly grow and "talking" to their little sister and feeling her kick and move. The boys fell head over heals in love with their sister the moment they laid eyes on her and nothing has changed, other than she bosses them around. ;) We aren't sure who spoils her more, her papa or her brothers, lol! Above all, congratulations!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
12Stars Posted February 11, 2011 Share Posted February 11, 2011 First and foremost Congratulations what a blessing. I really worried about that this time around since we do have a son with HFA and his needs are great at times, and his younger brother can run circles around the whole family. I really had to step back and change my perspective. Each child is such a gift and one of the reasons why we homeschool was to create a stronger bond within their siblings at all stages of their lives, from newborn to oldest who will be 15. Yes it is challenging but the benefits and love we have gotten from having the children home has been wonderful. I hope the best for you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elinnea Posted February 11, 2011 Share Posted February 11, 2011 I was in your exact position two years ago. :001_smile: Some things were an adjustment since I was well out of baby mode and the boys weren't used (at first) to having their day interrupted by me needing to take care of little sis's needs BUT we wouldn't change it for anything! My boys LOVE their little sister- it's been great to watch their caring side come out with her. I think they'll make great daddies/ husbands one day. Congratulations! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kamom Posted February 11, 2011 Share Posted February 11, 2011 We have ds10, dd9, and now ds11months. They adore their prayed for little brother! Their was a definite learning curve to get into a workable schedule during those first months. Right from the start I worked with him and got him into a morning nap routine. He still has that so we get a good bit of school done without him around to distract everyone. When he wakes up at 11, usually they are both so eager to see him and get a smile and kiss. It is so nice to have two extra set of hands to help with him! I agree there is a lot to be said about having older kids around when you have littles. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UmMusa Posted February 11, 2011 Share Posted February 11, 2011 Congratulations! I know this is easier said than done, but you're worrying about something that, once it happens, won't be an issue. Once baby is born y'all will continue living and things will fall in place. Keep love and respect amongst you and you'll be fine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jlynn Posted February 11, 2011 Share Posted February 11, 2011 My son and daughter are 10years and 1 month apart and it actually a great mix for us! Yes, school can be challenging and last year I considered going with a dvd school program, but we simply stuck with what has always worked and it has been fine. This year (she's turning 2 next month) has been easier. I've been able to stick to a regular routine with read alouds and such. That first year though, cut yourself some major slack! And your kids too :) They're old enough to do plenty on their own as long as they know you're checking their work and nap times are perfect times to spend with the older ones reading/discussing or even watching a movie :) The thing I had to let go of, was having a perfect looking house. I don't bother cleaning up every toddler mess till bedtime. Enjoy your pregnancy and try not to worry! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gratefulmother Posted February 11, 2011 Author Share Posted February 11, 2011 Thank you so much for all of your encouragement!! It really means so much. I will remind myself of your words each time I start to worry. Sometimes I think it is just the early pregnancy hormones that are making me worry more than anything. My husband hasn't been thinking any of these things at all. I think the first trimester yucky feelings can make me feel less enthusiastic about just about anything. Thanks again for your kind words of encouragement! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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