Do adults sit at the head of your table?

[CarolfromIL]

Of course my husband and I sit at the head of the table, as we are the homeowners and masters of the castle. My husband and I even installed "lifts" on our chairs to raise them higher than our guests, family, and children. This signifies our status at the table.

[helena]

[quote name=redsquirrel;2279502And how is sitting at the top of a table respectful?

 

 

I have to start by saying I've got serious brain fog today' date=' hopefully this makes sense. I've already answered this question the wrong way once and had to erase it. :tongue_smilie:

 

 

Hmm.. blind tradition with a dash of patriarchy isn't enough of a reason? :lol:

 

Well, I'll still start with tradition. (I'm like the dad in Fiddler :))

I mean, it's a big question for a "modern world". On one side everyone seems to be saying "No respect, no manners", and another saying (while sometimes rolling their eyes), "So last century, let it go".

I think formalities are at such an interesting point right now in the US. I've made the decision to do my best to teach my kids formalities in our culture, and those of some others (Muslim, Chinese, etc) which are relevant to our lives. I don't know how handy these skills will be in my kids lives, but at least they'll know how to function in a more formal setting should they need to. At the very least, it never hurts to be prepared. :001_smile:

It's respectful because (for better or worse) we are following a "school of thought" which deems it so. It "elevates" the mother and father to a place that isn't the same as the kids. I know a lot of people hate that kind of thinking... but this is how things run smoothly in our house.

 

Other reasons I can think of right now:

At the head of the table you can see everyone. If mom and dad have worked all day, when I finally sit down to a nice meal I'd like to make eye contact with my family.

More spacious (comfortable) for bigger adults. Daddy has a bad back, I want him comfortable while he's eating. I want my kids to be in tune with others needs as well.

 

FWIW I'm not a formal person, and my husband isn't a "king in his house" type of guy. (Although I know he likes when I "take care of him" like a nice wifey wife...:001_rolleyes:)

[helena]

Of course my husband and I sit at the head of the table, as we are the homeowners and masters of the castle. My husband and I even installed "lifts" on our chairs to raise them higher than our guests, family, and children. This signifies our status at the table.

 

Isn't it enough that the the chairs at the head of the table have arms and the others have none? That seems like overkill to me.

You could always pee a little on the legs to mark your territory.

 

 

 

 

 

 

:001_smile:

[Ellie]

The host and hostess sit at the ends of a rectangle table (or, at a round table, at opposite sides of the table). The female guest of honor sits at the host's right hand, the male guest of honor sits at the hostess's right hand. Yes, that means that couples are not always seated together. In fact, I make it a point not to seat couples together.

 

Furthermore, when we all sit at the table (as opposed to having a potluck with a big crowd of people and we are all sitting on chairs and the sofa and the floor and the table on the patio, or just standing because there are no more seats) I tell each person where to sit.

 

Children do not sit at the head of the table. The end.

Edited December 23, 2010 by Ellie

[IsabelC]

We generally sit where we feel like at the time, and we change positions pretty frequently. For me it would feel ridiculously formal to have "head of the table", a bit like going upstairs and changing into evening clothes and having pre-dinner cocktails in the drawing room until the butler rings the gong and a gentleman escorts me in to dinner. Recently, though, I have asked my 7yo (aspie/hyperactive) not to sit next to my 2yo because he winds her up and they end up behaving really stupidly.

Edited December 23, 2010 by Hotdrink

[beaners]

I think the only time that "heads of the table" mattered when I was growing up was for large family gatherings like Christmas. Unfortunately the two people on the ends were usually both hard of hearing so they needed to shout to make out what the other was saying. It certainly didn't matter for us for everyday eating. Of course, one of the heads of the table was directly in front of a large glass window, and it needed to be replaced more than once because someone backed their chair up into it. That may have had something to do with it.

 

I think for our family this is one of the things that is considered special occasion manners, but not everyday manners. I'd liken it to the fact that you're expected to put your napkin on your lap for a fancy dinner, but you don't need to do that if you're grabbing a PBJ and potato chips. (Eeek, I hope that's not a faux pas too!)

 

It doesn't really matter here because our table is a square.

[IsabelC]

You could always pee a little on the legs to mark your territory.:001_smile:

ROFL

[fairytalemama]

We have both a kitchen and a dining room. Both tables are oblong. There are four of us at most meals. In the kitchen, my husband sits on one side with my daughter and my son sits on the opposite side with me. This just makes it easier so each kid has a grown up to help them cut their food, etc. In the dining room, my son always sits at the head of the table that's closest to the kitchen because it's easier to get him in and out if need be because the space around the table is kind of tight in the dining room. The table is wide too so we tend to all congregate at one end instead of spreading out.

 

When I was growing up, my parents or grandparents always sat at the heads of their tables. I don't know if we'll ever do that though because I think it would feel like we were sitting very far apart from each other.

[AK_Mom4]

For us, it's traditional to have the father at the head of the table, and the wife sitting in the closest seat to him. It's easier to play footsies that way. :)

 

 

We do the same here. Another benefit is that I can actually have a conversation with DH at dinner and hear what he says without talking over children.

[Caitilin]

I sit at one end of the table, and dh sits at the other. I guess I don't know which end is supposed to be the head.:tongue_smilie:Kids are shuffled around the sides. My side is next to the kitchen, but it's also the smaller side, since it's up against the window/wall, and dh just doesn't fit there as well--although on the occasions when I am out of the house at dinner time, he will sit there. So I guess we are co-heads (this is according to dh!). :D

[Melissa in Australia]

Dh sits at the head, I sit at the tail. It is easier for watching the children, plus then dh and I can stare into each other's eyes

[HRAAB]

How do you know which end is the 'head' of the table? I sit at one end because it's closest to the refrigerator, stove, etc., and I'm the one that gets up if someone needs something. Dh sits to my left or right - just depends. The girls sit on the sides. The other end of the table is empty unless one of our older dds is over. I guess I'm at the head? It's just what is most convenient. We've never even discussed this.

[In the Rain]

For special meals in our dining room, dh sits at the head of the table.

 

In our kitchen, dh and I sit in the seats with the best view. I guess I am at the head of that table, because it is the seat with easiest kitchen access. Dh has a great view, but is blocked in. He'd rather sit there than deal with the kids and dishes. :D

 

When used to eat at our dining table all of the time, we put the kids at the head and foot. We were tired of cleaning up their spills from between the leaves. The ends of the table are farthest from the cracks. :lol:

[Suzanne in ABQ]

Nope. 14yodd sits at one end, and nobody sits at the other end. I sit on one side with 5yodd, and dh sits diagonally to me, next to 13yods (who sits across from me).

 

We have just naturally gravitated toward these seats. I'm closest to the kitchen proper, because I'm the one who jumps up and down 10 times during every meal.

[alpidarkomama]

The host and hostess sit at the ends of a rectangle table (or, at a round table, at opposite sides of the table). The female guest of honor sits at the host's right hand, the male guest of honor sits at the hostess's right hand.

 

In a traditional Jewish house it is (usually) the male guest of honor that sits next to the host. His wife sits next to him or next to the hostess. :)

[Laura Corin]

The head of our table has no knee room. A child gets put there if we have guests, but otherwise we sit down the two long sides.

 

Laura

[jld]

Our ds5 usually grabs that spot. We don't care. It's an egalitarian household.:D