Help me let go of school for a while

[plain jane]

I know in my heart that I need to put school on the back burner for a little bit but that is *extremely* difficult for me given my personality. I can justify to myself all the reasons why this is a good thing, but not doing school and knowing we're getting behind (and by this I mean behind the lessons and completely off track for finish curriculum by the end of the year) stresses me out. Makes me very anxious, actually. I don't choose to be this way, I'm just being honest about how it is.

 

Thing is, I have too much going on. I posted a thread last week that didn't even begin to touch on all that I've got going on right now. I'm stressed to the max. And to top it off, I'm coming down with something- just a cold I think- but it's just *not* what I need right now. The thought of being sick stresses me out. :001_huh:

 

I have a child dealing with chronic sickness as well as a plethora of food intolerances in my family unit and this past week this child has been sick, in bed, yet again. It's hard to cope with this- well for me anyways. The meals I can sometimes deal with. The constantly sick child I can sometimes deal with. But both at the same time make me crazy. It's too much.

 

Things are so busy too- dh and I are swamped with work that needs to be done for his side business. It's good stuff, I mean income is coming in and that is helping pay for a nicer Christmas, but it's busy. So busy that this morning I realized that there wasn't a single vegetable in the house. :001_huh: Literally. Zip. We at the last ones at dinner last night. I had to put canned fruit in our smoothie at lunch. :glare: I guess we've been too busy to buy food. :o It's been constant go-go-go for the last few months.

 

So, back to my school thing. I need a break. But, due to my child's illness and my chasing down my 2yo constantly and well, everything, we haven't done a full 100% day of school since Thanksgiving. *But* we didn't take that time off completely so it's not like I feel rested or rejuvenated, kwim? I always tried to get to a full day of schooling but never succeeded. We've done the basics and not much more and then I've stressed about not getting to the stuff like science and history. So there's always been the thought of school and the stress of not being able to walk away from it completely, if that makes any sense.

 

I've not been able to "let go". That sort of thing is hard for me. But for my sanity, I feel I need to for a bit. I just don't know how to not give in to the anxiety that grips me when I take unplanned time off school. I'm not super great about going with the flow- I need structure and plans. And darn it, when those plans go down the toilet, I start to feel :willy_nilly:

 

Thing is, I *REALLY* need to be done school by the end of May at the very latest. I can't afford to take more time off now or we won't get done. Or will we? How to get done those extra weeks? Just skip them? :001_huh: Seriously... how do I pull of taking some much needed mental time for myself without constantly feeling like I'm shortchanging my children's education?

 

Please be gentle, this is hard for me. I'm exasperated and worn out and I really don't want to mess with my kids' education.

 

ETA: I should add that I did try to save this situation a bit by getting educational videos from the library related to our science and history topics as well as extra reading books. My plan was to get the kids to watch the movies and do lots of reading so I know that at least they are learning something and keeping up their skills. Well, that completely backfired when I managed to ring up $15 in library fines this weekend alone. :banghead: UGH!!! (more stress) :svengo: So there went that idea. Clearly, I have way too much going on and trying to add in library usage is not going to work.

Edited December 7, 2010 by plain jane

[AK_Mom4]

December is always a throw-away month here. And I completely understand about the sick kid - DD9 was down again for over a week and no school got done. Unless I can count the Mythbusters marathon she watched for science....

 

But that's why we homeschool - DD9 is chronically ill, too. My advice would be to take off December for everyone to rest and recouperate. Plan on picking up again in January. Oh...and we got Netflix streaming online because it was cheaper than library fines when I forgot to return the videos - again.

[Bird Girl]

I don't know how old your kids are, Jane, but mine are 8 and 5. And I got unexpectedly pregnant in August, and my plans for the whole year have basically changed to whatever-I-can-manage-from-the-couch. And yes, I could spend a lot of time bashing myself about it.

 

But ultimately, it's better for the kids to remember that Mom was always there for them even when things were hectic, and that Mom isn't a shouting maniac 90% of the time. (I'm only speaking for myself here, please don't think I'm casting aspersions.:001_smile:) So I let the negative stuff go. We do math as often as I can, and we do the other stuff when I get to it.

 

If it makes you feel better to set a schedule, do that. Decide that you'll take four weeks off, so to take you through the Christmas holidays. Then decide what you'll start up with in January. Decide you'll stop for summer break in mid-May. Then decide to do a six-week (or five-week, or four week...) summer school session when everyone is getting bored and crabby and blitz through whatever work you have left-over. Whatever doesn't get finished during summer school gets tossed out. Then take the rest of the summer off, and re-start at your regular time. There, all scheduled.

 

You have to re-fill your own tank before you can nurture everyone else--and when you are nurturing sick kids and nurturing through food preparation, then your tank gets awfully low. Let the kids remember a fun holiday time, not a time when mom was so stressed and worn out that nothing seemed very fun. You're worth it!

[Jean in Newcastle]

Jane, what you said on your last thread was that your kids were a couple of years ahead. It's ok if they don't get school done this year. Just cycle the stuff through to the next year. If you want, you might consider year around schooling where you do some school even through the summer. But take the time off when you need it.

[milovany]

Keep in mind that I didn't read all the other thread (although I did read your original post and :grouphug:).

 

May I ask where your sense of "should" comes from? There are some valid senses of should and some invalid ones, and they're different for different people in different situations. I just wonder if your sense of should is something that can be adjusted in light of your very difficult circumstances.

Edited December 7, 2010 by milovaný

[myfunnybunch]

:grouphug:

 

I think it's a hard question: You need time to rest and regroup and find your balance again. You need to make sure that your children are educated. You're feeling torn between the two and something needs to give, but what?

 

How about this....Reframe the question. This plan isn't working. What is the new plan?

 

Instead of anxiety over "unplanned" time off, make a new plan that includes time off to regroup. Plan a break, then plan what must be done, then add in the rest until your time is reasonably full, then add no more.

 

What are your priorities for your children's health?

What are your priorities for your own health and sense of balance?

What are your priorities for school?

What are your priorities for the business?

 

If you start feeling anxious about getting it all done, you have a plan to rely on. You know you've got a plan to get the 3 R's knocked out by May, or you can relax about science because you will do a four-week science study in the summer, or whatever your plan includes. If you need to, make a long-term plan too, one that includes picking up a subject next year or the year after that you may decide to let go this year.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

Hang in there.

 

Cat

[tangomoon]

It's ok to not finish the entire curriculum by the end of May. Really. You cannot be perfect in all areas, and that's a lot of what the "shoulds" are ~ placing unrealistic burdens on yourself and then feeling bad that you don't measure up (hmmm, I think I need to take my own advice!) And I say that from one anxiety-filled "should" person to another. :grouphug:

 

My DH teaches ps, and some years they don't finish the entire book by the time school ends. Life happens. And once the holidays come close? Definitely not as much intensive learning going on, even if the teacher is trying. :D

 

There is probably a lot going on during the day that reinforces the 3Rs, especially during the Christmas season. Writing? Have the oldest write a letter to the relatives. Make lists. Math? Loads of everyday, real life math situations come up. Set the table, help get plates ready and cook some simple recipes. See how time works in real life by helping you set up a schedule for the new year. Work on problem solving skills by helping you figure out some meals that will work around the different food restrictions. Reading? Books, Christmas cards, acting out stories with younger siblings, etc.

 

Even if you take the rest of the month off from the *formal* curriculum, there will still be LOTS of learning taking place. Try taking just a couple minutes to see the past couple weeks through a different lens, and list out some of the things that HAVE been happening.

 

I say this gently, because I need a heft dose of it myself, too, but try to keep in mind that you're teaching them how to handle (or not-handle) tough times in life. By continually measuring yourself against a standard that might be possible in a situation where everything was falling in place perfectly (easy meal prep, no illness, no small toddler distractions, etc.), it sets things up for failure. Even in the best of times, it can be hard to get 100% of school expectations done. I know how hard it is to adjust expectations. It feels like you're settling for second best, or allowing mediocrity. But it's better to set small goals and reach (and possibly exceed) them during the busy times than to constantly operate in a situation of failure. (Ask me how I know ;).)

 

Please give yourself permission to either take a break completely for a while, or cut down to a bare minimum: 20 minutes of each of the 3Rs, for example. Stop to take a couple minutes to enjoy laughing with the kids while they play or sing a silly song. Make a cup of your hot beverage of choice and recharge spiritually for 5 or 10 minutes. :grouphug:

 

Praying that you can find the courage to let go of the "shoulds". :grouphug:

[Sweetbeebie]

This happened to me prior to Thanksgiving. What helped me was to look at what the public school had planned for the whole yr. Not sure about where you live but here in Fla the main focus is state testing...which I believe determines how much funding they will receive?? My oldest who was in public school last yr(3rd) they spent up until dec getting everyone up to the basic reading level...then after the fcat's they did a lot of art projects:( No joke!! She reviewed basic reading,math and the same study of basic matter that she has since k. The only thing that was added was multiplication... sooo with that said....cut yourself some slack! Anything gotta be better than that:)

Take the time off.....it will make all the difference. I did a basic wk of one or 2 worksheets on core skills in math/reading and then took a week off for Thanksgiving. That little gift of free time has reset the yr for me and the girls:)

[Chris in VA]

What's the worst that can happen if you finish up this week, then take off until January 10th (to give you that extra time in January when you will not be as busy)?

You won't have time to finish your plans, but SO WHAT? :001_smile: Make new plans.

You don't have to feel like a failure if your kids don't complete your plans, because it won't BE a failure.

You are still being responsible! You are still being the teacher they deserve! You are still doing the right thing!:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

It's more responsible and right, IMO, to slow down, take a break, and concentrate on what must be done right now (not school), than to try to adhere to plans that aren't working. Let go of the pride you have about being your kids' teacher and those wonderful plans you crafted so carefully to meet all their needs, and realize they are going to be just fine--BETTER, actually--if you give them what they need (a sane, peaceful mother) rather than what you thought you could provide.

 

It is OK to be human. You don't want to raise perfectionists, do you? So don't model perfectionism.

 

All said as gently as I can, but strongly, too, so that you can know it's OK.

 

Wanted to add that I think your plan of extra reading and videos is a great one--maybe just set up a loose schedule of chores and reading for the mornings, so that you can do what you need to do, and your kids still have enough structure to not be totally out there. Maybe they could rotate playing with the 2 year old for 20 minutes at a time, so that you can at least have a few "breaks."

Edited December 7, 2010 by Chris in VA

[kwickimom]

We got a BAD stomach virus on Thanksgiving that lasted 9 days AND then I picked up an upperrespiratory infection that I still have. I am exhausted. I am supposed to fly to NY Thursday a.m.

 

School has been out the window here for 2 weeks. I had a very hard time letting it go because we would have finished week 18 right before Christmas and I wanted to be halfway done :-( But oh well....nothing I can do and we will pick back up in January! It'll be OK

[LibraryLover]

You have legitimate stressors, so I would get rid of the ones that are not worth worrying about. It seems you're putting everything at the same level, when you really need to triage. Like those library fines, hon. Nobody cares. They don't send the police after you or anything. Prioritize and take a break.

[Dana]

I have done days where I tell my son to do things I can record for school and then let him go. I think of the days in public school where we had a sub or where a teacher had a headache and we sat in the dark for much of the day. I allow myself a couple of those :)

 

Netflix works well. I've also done "reading days" where I have my son just read during the day and I make a list of what he's read.

 

If you need to get days in, you can do half days on weekends if you need them. (Or full days.)

 

:grouphug: