How often do you receive help from your extended family?

[texasmama]

I am in the "more than 8 hours a week" category. This is due to my dad keeping my three youngest kids while I work at one of my two part-time jobs. Otherwise, the kids are with us almost all of the time. Dh and I do go out maybe once every two months after they go to bed because we have an older teen here to supervise.

[eternalknot]

I get help every day. I also help (extended family) every day. We're Asian, and I think it's just a very different dynamic. Though to be fair, my husband is caucasian and his family is always willing to help whenever we need it (even though they live several states away). But his family is also an immigrant family, and again - I think it's just a different culture. We both prefer it that way, and hope our children grow up with the same expectations and involvement with extended family (despite being raised in the States).

 

I could do it all alone if I had to, but why would I want to?

 

My family can be annoying, frustrating, and huge pains in my arse -- but the trade-off is still worth it, to me. Not just on an emotional level, but also on a practical level. We live a communal life that benefits all of us, and each of us. Mentally, emotionally, and physically it just works - kinks be ****ed. I notice that a lot of my IRL peers (parents of my kids' friends, especially) feel way more stressed than do I; they're trying to do it all, all alone. I don't get it, the appeal of that. They say they love not having the ties to their extended families, and I always think - gee, I hope their kids don't grow up to feel the same?

[Garga]

The only family we have nearby are my MIL and FIL. They are wonderful people.

 

They will babysit for us every now and then. Sometimes it's planned, "Can you watch the kids for us while we go to this church meeting?"

 

Other times it's unexpected; MIL will call and say, "How about if the kids come over for 3 hours this afternoon?"

 

Some months it's 2 or 3 times. Other months it's not at all. So, maybe 10-12 times a year, they'll watch the kids for us.

[Thea]

I never had help when my dc were little.

[Soror]

My in-laws are our next door neighbors. My fil just retired a few yrs ago but unfortunately had a stroke last Jan. Before then he was fairly consistent with watching the kids once a week, of course for a long while after that he didn't at all. He has picked up watching the kids again some but it is not consistent. It might be 2 weeks in a row but then not again for 3 weeks. Usually he will call me on a Wed or Thurs and offer to take them for a bit- generally after lunch for a few hrs or so.

 

My mom lives 45 min away but she watches my niece and nephew a LOT so is often not available for help for us. We generally do a date night a few times a year maybe and will have the in-laws watch the kid.

 

My husband also helps my in-laws quite a bit, especially now. They work together a lot on various projects and are generally there when we need them. My inlaws watched the 2 older kids for a couple of days after baby #3 and that was a big help.

[ecj98]

My mom watches my kids 6 hours a week while I work.

[ereks mom]

...when they were younger. She would come to our house and stay with them when dh & I had to go out of town; this happened maybe once a year, probably less often than that, now that I think about it. I understand just how you feel, though. I remember when the dc were really young how our friends would talk about going to the movies or going out to dinner once a week or more, and how they would drop the kids at Grandma's house across town (or down the street). I longed for a night out with dh, but we couldn't afford babysitters very often, and both his parents and mine lived too far away for us to be able to do that.

[Kathleen in VA]

Not very often. In fact I am having a c section on wednesday and I have no one to watch my kids. My inlaws told us yesterday that they were going to be too tired that day.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

When mine were small my sil would be there for me in emergencies, but she had 6 small children herself so I didn't ask for her help unless it really was an emergency. She lives about 7 miles away. I also have a wonderful church family that has helped out a lot through the years after I injured my back and had several surgeries. My own family was too far away to help.

 

I do know how exhausting it can get on a daily basis, though. My dh works about 14-16 hours a day (two jobs) and has as long as we've been married. When I had just my two oldest boys the days seemed to last forever. By the time their bedtime rolled around I was often so tired I could barely get them bathed, in their jammies and in their beds.

 

Some days I was so exhausted I would take them into their room, put a few toys on the floor, and then lie down in front of the door to nap while they played. I just couldn't keep my eyes open another minute!

[MaMa2005]

No help and the grandparents are just 5 miles away. However, they think we were crazy for adopting at our ages and thus, we can lie in the beds we have created for ourselves. We have been married 30 years so it is not the extended families place to help financially, etc.

[Carrie12345]

Not very often. In fact I am having a c section on wednesday and I have no one to watch my kids. My inlaws told us yesterday that they were going to be too tired that day.

 

:grouphug:

I'm probably having an induction in 2 weeks. I finally got my in-laws (well, dh did) to commit to watching the kids on that day, but they're "not sure" they can be available if I go into labor before then. Neither of them is working. They just don't want to be inconvenienced.

[KatieH]

The only family we have that helps with the kids is my mom (dh's parents are both deceased and my father is in prison). She usually watches at least a couple of the kids for an hour or more a week. When she doesn't have to work on the weekend she'll take the older ones for the night.

[Jilly]

Mostly never.

 

And I can't wait to be a gramma so I can change that for MY kids.

 

This is how my mom felt when she was raising my brothers and I. Her parents never helped out, and I have very few memories of them. She always said that she would be a different type of grandparent than them, and she has been. She is very involved with all her grandchildren, and she easily puts in eight hours a week helping me. :)

[Rosie_0801]

Mostly never.

 

And I can't wait to be a gramma so I can change that for MY kids.

 

 

:iagree: Except for the can't wait bit, I can wait. My kids are only preschoolers :D But I'll certainly be doing my best to make sure my kids grow up be those middle aged persons who coo and say "Enjoy every moment, they just aren't babies long enough!" because I'm sure not going to be one of them.

 

 

Rosie

[AHASRADA]

I voted "1-8 hours per week", because that was typical when my kids were small. We lived 15 minutes from my parents, and my mom was constantly stopping by to play with the kids, teach them their ABCs, take them outside to play and for walks, etc. About once a week I would leave them with her for the afternoon while I shopped, and any other time I needed a sitter.

 

We moved away when my dc were 7 and 4, so the help became less frequent, but they would still visit, take them for weekends periodically, and even longer if we were packing and moving, etc.

 

Now that we are 2 hours away, we visit as a family about one weekend per month, and the kids spend a weekend or week with their grandparents from time to time, and at least a couple of weeks in the summer.

[MrsBasil]

I didn't vote, because it varies but I get lots of help.

 

Bear in mind I have one toddler and he's the first grandchild on either side. I suspect as my kid gets older, if we have more, and if my brother has children the level of help I get will decrease. Not to mention they'll be older. My parents and in laws are all in their early 50's.

 

Once every 6-8 weeks my parents take DS for the entire weekend. They'd like to do it more, but other family stuff and my mom's health issues have made that tough.

Until recently they liked having him for an overnight during the week, but again that probably won't happen until after the first of the year.

 

We are almost always welcome to drop him off before church. Our church has no cry room, a tiny narthex, and he's loud. They loved having me bring him over for dinner and both of us sleep over when DH is working late once in awhile. They get up with him in the morning and want me to sleep in.

 

When my mom is healthy she comes over here 1-3 times a month and plays with him while I clean or just relax. Dad comes to pick her up and we all have dinner together.

 

My mom and dad are excited for DS getting older because they have more plans for him. My mom loves the idea of homeschooling and hopes we have a second child. She wants to do the baby/toddler stuff while I teach the older one.

 

My in-laws live 12 hours away. When we get together they are always kicking us out of the house(including ours) and wanting Grandparent time.

 

We always bring or leave clean sippy cups, whole milk, clothes, diapers, and all that. We used to try and provide all the food, but they got insulted. :tongue_smilie: I was trying to be helpful.

[Celia]

Thanks everyone for your replies - it's so nice to know that there are so many more out there in a similar situation. I agree with all the mom's who have plans to help out with the grandkids when they're kids are grown!

[IsabelC]

I don't get any help (none of my family lives around here), and lately I've been having a bit of a pity party about it! I find myself a bit jealous of my friends who have so much help from their families in taking care of their kids. I love hs'ing, and I love having my kids around so much, but sometimes, it just feels overwhelming to be needed so constantly. I rarely finish a thought, never mind a task, without inturruption! I think it's doing my head in! I'm actually contemplating hiring a sitter for a few hours a week to get some alone time in.

 

My kids are roughly the same ages as yours, and our situation is pretty much the same.

 

We don't have much family to start with. My parents will help in an emergency (eg earlier this year they took one child while I went to see another child in hospital) or for a special occasion (a few years ago they babysat two children so dh and I could attend the wedding of close friends), but they are very much involved in their own lives and don't see us regularly. We don't have inlaw support (MIL has chronic health problems and lives in another state, FIL is dead). My only sibling lives several hours away. Dh has only one sibling in this state, but they are very busy and have a parenting style such that I wouldn't be willing for them to are for our kids regularly even if they could.

 

 

I do have fabulous friends who step up and help in a pinch, but it sure would be nice to have all the perks that come with living near family- family birthday parties, sleepovers at grandmas, playtime with cousins. I can't tell you how much it bothers me that my kids don't have that.

Yep, that's us too. I hate that my kids don't see any of their cousins more than once or twice a year at most.