S/O My Post RE: Stress...so what's a girl to do?

[Mommyfaithe]

I am reading with interest the thread I posted yesterday on stress. I thank everyone for their replies and I am mulling over my own response.

 

My next queary is: So, what do i do about it??

I suffer from stress. It is real. My responsibilities are great. I am falling short of them all. I am sick and it is because of stress. My dh is sick: stress related.

 

How do we beat the stress? How do we do what needs to be done with a quiet and gentle spirit?

 

How do you get past what IS and do what needs to be done, but NOT in emergency mode.

 

I have been in emergency mode for so long, my body is crapping out.

 

Let's discuss this now, as I know from the posts I read here that many of us are in this boat.....

 

Faithe (who is looking to turn over many new leaves this New Year.)

[Karenciavo]

You control the things you have control over and let go of the things you don't. Some things that help me when I'm stressed: taking walks with my husband, getting a good workout in (sweating/80% max heart rate kind of exercise), eating right (limiting carbs and sugar.) Those are all things I can do, not always easy, not always what I want to do. Something else that helps is facing my problems, not hiding from them. My natural inclination when faced with big stresses is to turn away from them. Not helpful. Praying helps and reading through the Psalms. I also write my own psalms. I try not to vent to my husband, we discuss things openly, of course, but when I want to have a good pity party I turn to a dear friend who is a great listener and knows I'm just blowing off steam.

 

HTH, :grouphug:

Karen

 

ETA: I also try to remember my signature. I truly believe it. "...this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal

weight of glory beyond all comparison." God is working and I'm being sanctified. I know my sanctification happens much faster and the roots grow deeper when I'm being refined with fire.

Edited December 3, 2010 by Karenciavo

[GoVanGogh]

We have had a real crummy year - unemployment, three deaths, numerous ER visits, surgery, etc.

Some things that have really helped me:

1.) Focus on eating right - lots of fresh fruits and veggies. We try to have several meals a week that are just raw veggies, with a large side of fresh seasonal fruit.

2.) Exercise. This is the hard one for me. I took last December off from school to focus on getting back into the workout routine. It really helped. I now workout first thing in the morning. Yes, it pushes back our start time for school and pushes back our afternoon errands. But it has been well worth it!

3.) Learn to say "No." This has been the hardest one for me. :tongue_smilie: I just told my neighbor that I would no longer be able to have her child over for extended play dates that felt to me more like babysitting. She's furious with me at the moment, but I don't care. I was just telling my DH last night how much more "free" I felt without that constant feeling of, "Ugh. He's going to come over today."

4.) Get organized and on a schedule. This is another toughie for me. Still working on it. :tongue_smilie:

[MicheleinMN]

 

Faithe (who is looking to turn over many new leaves this New Year.)

 

At least you want to turn over a new leaf (or two), right now I just want to run away.

[Mejane]

Rephrasing a pp, learn to say NO. Especially to your kids.

 

I had a very hard time saying no to anything my kids wanted to do. They're such good kids, I always felt guilty. If they wanted to go to a party at a friend's house that happened to be an hour away, I'd drive them there, fill my time for three hours, then drive them home for a total of five or six hours. One day I really looked at some of the things I was doing and thought, "What am I, crazy?" So next time I said no. There was a bit of grumbling, but no one died. Now they don't bat an eye when I say no.

 

I also say no to hubby, friends, neighbors, family, etc, when I just can't/don't want to do something. It's very empowering and has lowered my stress level tremendously. As Peela said in the other thread, we're not meant to be ON all the time. Sometimes we just need to BE.

[Stacia]

Rephrasing a pp, learn to say NO. Especially to your kids.

...

I also say no to hubby, friends, neighbors, family, etc, when I just can't/don't want to do something. It's very empowering and has lowered my stress level tremendously. As Peela said in the other thread, we're not meant to be ON all the time. Sometimes we just need to BE.

 

I haven't read all of the other thread. But, I was just going to post what Mejane said. Saying NO goes a long way to helping, imo.

 

I think when you're in crisis mode (i.e., you're shutting down completely because of overload/stress), stop doing things that aren't absolutely essential. Take a hard & realistic look at what is 'essential'; do so & make some drastic changes. Pass the monkey too (lol) -- ask others to help, to do things, to take care of things. They may or may not do it well (or at all), but get some things off your plate. Once you pass it off, don't think about it or worry about it anymore; it is no longer your responsibility.

 

If it helps, tell yourself that you will just cut things/say no for 3 months to see how it goes. Stop doing as much as you can & pass off as many things as you can during those 3 months. (Use any time you free as quiet &/or exercise time for yourself.) Reevaluate after the 3 months have passed.

[justamouse]

Have you read A NEW EARTH by Eckhart Tolle? It really is good, and just about this.

 

Learn to say no. I opt out of everything. Homeschooling and writing takes a lot out of me. Unless I see that my kid is a prodigy in some area, they are not going into season after season of sports, dance, whathaveyou. I don't sign up for anything.

 

If I want to have time for meaningful interaction with my dh, my children and my friends, I can't be strung out running hither and yon. I pick what I do very carefully and I don't let anyone guilt me into things--ESPECIALLY church.

 

doing things this way gives me time to have friends stop over for coffee, I can have people for dinner, we can walk to the library, I can stroll down main street to the yarn store. I have the time to garden and I bring them all out with me and we do nature study. No one is going to respect my time unless I respect it first.

Edited December 3, 2010 by justamouse

[MamaT]

I am reading with interest the thread I posted yesterday on stress. I thank everyone for their replies and I am mulling over my own response.

 

My next queary is: So, what do i do about it??

I suffer from stress. It is real. My responsibilities are great. I am falling short of them all. I am sick and it is because of stress. My dh is sick: stress related.

 

How do we beat the stress? How do we do what needs to be done with a quiet and gentle spirit?

 

How do you get past what IS and do what needs to be done, but NOT in emergency mode.

 

I have been in emergency mode for so long, my body is crapping out.

 

Let's discuss this now, as I know from the posts I read here that many of us are in this boat.....

 

Faithe (who is looking to turn over many new leaves this New Year.)

 

I don't have any answers, but I will be :bigear:. I could have written your post, Faithe. I feel like I am at the end of what I can do. This morning my thought was that I would like to run away to a foreign country, live in a shack on the beach, be responsible to no one, and do NOTHING.

[Jean in Wisc]

Life is a journey. You have to go through the dark parts of life to get to the other side.

 

What you learn today will help you tomorrow.

 

Today you know all about the rush-hurry-stress-stress. And now you've decided that you don't like it. When you get to the bottom (that place where you are willing to let go and make changes, even if it isn't what you thought you wanted when you first started this journey), you begin to see things differently--you begin to toss off the activities, chores, responsibilities, guilts, requirements--and begin seeing them in a different way.

 

Your wants, beliefs, requirements of how life should be--those things you were certain you could not live without-- now is a reality that you live peacefully with--a mil, a parent, a husband, a child, a job, a way to homeschool, a church commitment, your definition of a clean house, Christmas traditions --suddenly you've "had enough" and you decide you are not going to let it rule you and leech your life away from you. So you toss off what you do not want and you quit striving to change what you can not change--and you choose to live in peace. You place a wall around your inner core. Inside you find peace--for me it is peace with God, peace with the way it is going to be whether I chose it or not, peace that I choose to abide within even when I am with others or am living life. It gives me freedom.

 

You choose serenity.

 

But no serenity comes until you've gotten to the point that those things you think are important are re-evaluated and those things that you thought you could not give up and have held tightly in your grip have suddenly been given up.

 

So now the hardest part is choosing to stay inside where there is peace. I want to change what I cannot change. I want things to get done faster. I want people to be less obnoxious. I want it now!

 

Or I can decide that I want to be content. Sometimes I would rather be stressed than accept what I've been given. My choice.

 

Your choice.

 

At least that is my reality.

[JoyfulMama]

For me:

 

Exercise (or some sort), and fresh air - every single day. No matter what.

 

Minimize worry. Realize that I am not in control of everything.

 

Enjoy the now moments.

 

Be willing to say no, so that I can say yes to something else.

[Peela]

How good are you at asking for help? At letting the house be messy?

Do you have routines? Do you get enough sleep? Do you have healthy habits or self destructive ones (these are things we DO have control over- such as eating well, getting exercise- even a 15 minute walk- and going to bed early and getting up early rather than staying up late on the computer).

Are you having to work a lot at the same time as homeschooling? If so...man, I don't know how people do it but you can ask everyone else to pitch in.

 

As someone else said, you control the things you CAN and let the rest go.

ANd you deal with the guilt monster, and the perfectionist monster. That is something else under your control.