How can I word this?

[K&Rs Mom]

My kids have too much stuff. I'd love it if relatives could give them experiences instead of toys for Christmas. For example, my brother is a member at their local zoo, so he & sil could take them there for a day, or my dad could take them to a hockey game. But I don't know how to ask that without sounding pushy or demanding. Thoughts? Thanks!

[Tammy]

The same you said here.....they have too much stuff....and would prefer your 'time' this year (like taking them to the zoo, etc). Tell them you are trying to scale back all the 'toys'....

 

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[Parrothead]

Email subject: Christmas presents for the kids

 

Hi, This year we would like to suggest unique gifts for the kids. They so love to spend time with family. This year for a gift would you consider a gift of yourself. A hockey game, trip to the zoo, afternoon tea (insert other ideas) would be big hits.

 

Hugs and kisses etc and so forth,

Your Name

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

In my experience, the aunts and uncles have complied, but good luck getting the grandmas not to buy "stuff"!

[MotherGoose]

I gave up, I tried to be nice but they ignored me. My dd are 4 and 1, and so they are really overwhelmed with too much stuff. I told them this. I told them that half their stuff is in the attic. I told them I am tired of picking the stuff up. I really tried to be nice, and I still was nice, but I was firm.

[katilac]

I gave up. If they don't want to take our space and the kids' interests into account, then they will just be wasting a great deal of money, and I'm trying really hard to not let that bother me :tongue_smilie:. We 'clean house' on toys every six months, right before their birthday and right before Christmas. This means that a lot of stuff is in and out within that time frame . . . and, yes, some of it gets quietly put to the side and donated after a while, without ever being opened.

 

My kids rarely remember who bought them a particular piece of junk, but they WOULD remember a shared experience with a loved one. They appreciate the fact that someone gets them a gift, even if it's not to their taste, or won't fit in their room, lol, but junky gifts they never showed interest in just aren't memorable, kwim?

[K&Rs Mom]

I gave up. If they don't want to take our space and the kids' interests into account, then they will just be wasting a great deal of money, and I'm trying really hard to not let that bother me :tongue_smilie:. We 'clean house' on toys every six months, right before their birthday and right before Christmas. This means that a lot of stuff is in and out within that time frame . . . and, yes, some of it gets quietly put to the side and donated after a while, without ever being opened.

 

That's exactly what happens here. I still have a bag of stuff in the attic from last Christmas that is going straight to Toys for Tots whenever they open for this year. With one bday in November, she doesn't even have time to play with her bday gifts before there's more of the same for Christmas. I know they like to see the kids open gifts, but I'm hoping they'll realize that seeing the kids have fun all day is even better.

 

And, Chucki - well said - mind if I just copy & paste that? :)

[Hedgehog]

I'm not sure how it started, but some time ago we actually got this fixed in my family. One of the few things that everyone agrees on :hurray:

 

I have 4 DC, and my sisters have 2 DC each. We exchange "virtual money" for 2 DC apiece, which takes care of all but their presents to 2 of my DC. Then, I send them an email with a list of possible gifts; they pick 2 and buy them and send them to us. I think originally we may have just discussed it when our DC were small. None of us care to waste money, or to get something for someone that they won't appreciate or use.

 

I'm not sure that it's pushy or demanding to let family know that buying yet more gifts for your DC is not what you want. Surely they'd be happier knowing that their gift was greatly appreciated?

[Starr]

My mother always tells me I have too much stuff and then sends the kids a box of little goodies she's collected over the year. lol When I tease her about this she just laughs. Good luck!

[katilac]

I know they like to see the kids open gifts, but I'm hoping they'll realize that seeing the kids have fun all day is even better.

 

 

And it only takes a tiny amount of effort to "wrap" an experience and watch the kids open it.

 

Surely they'd be happier knowing that their gift was greatly appreciated?

 

You'd think so, wouldn't you? But some people simply won't listen, even when it's the kids themselves talking about what they like and what they're interested in. In my family, it's kind of a big deal if you like/want something that's atypical. They seriously canNOT believe you truly want it :001_huh:.

 

As a matter of fact, I can still clearly remember not getting the chemistry set I wanted as a child. The reaction to seeing it on my list went roughly like this: Did you mean to circle that? You don't want that, do you? You don't really want that, right? Are you sure? Did you see the glowing balls of crap on page 67, wouldn't those be fun? And so on, until I mumbled I guess at the fiftieth thing they asked if I would like better.

 

I was traumatized, lol, and now dd1 gets alllllll the books she wants for Christmas :D

[OrganicAnn]

We were talking about this subject recently. One thing that we thought about was that sometimes 'experience' gifts are more expensive than the 'stuff'. Another thought is that if they see you giving your kids 'stuff' but expect them to give them experience, they might feel you are hogging all the glory.

 

Anyway to combat this in our family, we've started to make a list of 'experience' things that we know of along with the cost. We can then give anyone ideas based on $. We are going to try to do experience gifts ourselves. We are also making a short list of 'stuff'. One thing that helps us is that DD doesn't like or want a lot of the typical kids toys (at least not at the moment). Relatives know that they can't buy just any plastic popular stuff and have her like it.

[RanchGirl]

I think it's a lovely idea. If they don't want to give a day, here are some other non-tangible stuff ideas:

 

itunes/kindle gift cards

museum memberships

movie gift cards

concert tickets

 

And don't forget things that are still tangible but would get used up, like cookies, craft supplies, etc.

[lovinmyboys]

We were talking about this subject recently. One thing that we thought about was that sometimes 'experience' gifts are more expensive than the 'stuff'. Another thought is that if they see you giving your kids 'stuff' but expect them to give them experience, they might feel you are hogging all the glory.

 

 

:iagree:

 

I try to not give our kids the stuff, but let grandparents do it instead. Both sets of grandparents LOVE to shop for the kids and watch them open things, so I hate to take that away from them. It really does bring them joy. So, I will get the kids zoo passes for Christmas this year-so not so fun to actually open since you can't play with it right away-and let the grandparents get the "fun to open" gifts.

[ThatCyndiGirl]

You can't.

 

IMO, there is no nice way of saying, "I don't like the gifts that you have given to my kids. Here is a list of what I'd PREFER that you give".

 

I totally agree with your reasoning, btw and would wait until you get any questions on what the kids WANT.....then speak up.

[WarriorMama]

You can't.

 

IMO, there is no nice way of saying, "I don't like the gifts that you have given to my kids. Here is a list of what I'd PREFER that you give".

 

I totally agree with your reasoning, btw and would wait until you get any questions on what the kids WANT.....then speak up.

 

:iagree:

 

Gifts are gifts...there's no nice or polite way to tell someone what they should or should not purchase (although I totally sympathize and really wish there was a way!).

 

When people ask for ideas, though, that's when you can throw in all your suggestions and really play up how GREAT it would be and how much the kids would LOVE experience-type gifts. I wouldn't even bother with the 'we have too much stuff' conversation - nobody ever seems to listen to that, for whatever reason. Just say that there's not a ton of 'stuff' they want, but they would just adore going to the movies/museum/zoo with a relative, etc.

 

I hope it works! My MIL always harasses me for a list of ideas for the kids and then buys epic amounts of crap and NOTHING I suggested. :glare: I think she's doing it just to mess with me... :tongue_smilie: