Kids of different ages/temperaments/different activities, working in the same room?

[melissel]

How does this work? I see lots of pictures of people with two or more kids working in the same room, and I would love to know how you can accomplish that. Is it something that comes with age? My DD5 is a noisemaker--she's always whispering/humming/talking to herself, even when she's studiously working on something. My DD8 needs SILENCE to focus, and it drives her insane when her sister is muttering three feet away (especially when we're doing math). Plus, the great majority of our work is teacher-intensive, so it's hard to focus on teaching a lesson when DD5 is done in 5 minutes but DD8's math lesson takes 35-40 and we're talking and analyzing the whole time.

 

Can someone tell me how you make this happen? I feel terrible relegating DD5 to another room while DD8 and I work in the schoolroom, but she causes such repeated distractions that I can't get anything done otherwise, and she's just being her cheerful, exuberant self. I can imagine this will only get more difficult as time passes and both of their work levels ramp upward. I would love some advice before I'm in the thick of it.

 

TIA!

[melissel]

It doesn't yet work for us either (I have an 8 year old and a 5 year old as well). Neither one of my kids works quietly. The 8 year old hates reading with any noise, so he needs to go off and hide somewhere to get away from my loud 5 year old. It's sometimes quite chaotic.

 

Well, I'm so glad to know I'm not alone at least! I was just looking at another lovely blog with pictures of smiling children all around the school table, and my heart just sank :( It's not such a big deal now because DD5's work takes all of 45 minutes, but it will be a much bigger deal in the next year or so, and I don't expect that she'll get any quieter. She's just a chatty kid--she's been playing by herself now for an hour, and she's talked nonstop the whole time!

[AngelBee]

Maybe people drug their children? Seriously, I have no idea!

:lol:

[nova mama]

I separate my DC for LA and math. After we finish Bible time (through which they often giggle, stare at each other, etc.), one child stays at the school table, one goes to the kitchen table, and one goes to the dining room. I go from table to table as I'm needed. Younger DD finishes her "work" first--puzzles, coloring pages, tracing letters. She is then free to play in her room until the next group time. She plays alone well, but sometimes it's hard on her. She wants to do big-kid math or play with someone. When I can, I will do the puzzle/activity with her. I do feel badly that she doesn't get more time with me. But I have found that older DD and DS8 work better without distraction from other siblings.

[Anne]

Noise cancelling headphones for the one who likes silence??

 

Mine were in separate rooms quite a bit.

 

Anne

[prairie rose]

I try to balance it. Sometimes we all work together. Sometimes I send the littles off in another room or in the backyard to play if we need some quiet. Sometimes I ask the young noise maker to quiet down a bit because they are distracting others. Sometimes I tell the person being annoyed to learn to deal with the noise or go in another room with their work and call me if they need help. I think young children need to learn that sometimes even happy noise is inappropriate and inconsiderate of others but big kids also have to learn that it can't always be perfectly quiet and they have to learn to work through some distractions. We have 5 kids in a 1200sq ft or so house. The only time it is absolutely quiet is when they are all sleeping. So at our house, it really is a necessity that they learn to be considerate of each other and learn to deal with noise.

[razorbackmama]

http://www.amazon.com/Peltor-97010-Ultimate-10-Hearing-Protector/dp/B000PW98WO/ref=sr_1_5?ie=UTF8&qid=1289198524&sr=8-5

 

One of the best $60 I've ever spent. (I bought 3 pair.)

[Laura Corin]

I taught my noisemaker to be quiet. I knew that he might be going to school in the end and would have to learn. Even if not for school, one day he would be working in a university library or an office and would have to be silent.

 

Laura

[The Girls' Mom]

I think it comes partly with age, and partly with training. In our case, my oldest is the noisemaker, and my youngest twin is the one that needs silence. We've worked a lot on comprimise. Mostly that the younger one needed to learn to cope with some distractions, and the older one needed to quit being so fidgety. The first year we HS'd it was hard, but with time and age it has gotten much, much better.

[razorbackmama]

I taught my noisemaker to be quiet.

 

We do this too. We have no plans to send them to school, but it's just common courtesy.

[NanceXToo]

My 5 y/o absolutely gets relegated to another room while I'm working on something with my 10 y/o, who gets easily distracted. If I let the 5 y/o stay in the room the whole time, my 10 y/o would get nothing done.

 

Fortunately, my 5 y/o has no interest in just sitting there while his sister does school anyway.

 

Certain read alouds, certain crafts/hands on activities, they can do together, but when it's something like a writing assignment or her math or whatever, I send him in to play and do his own thing.

 

If it's something she can do independently, I'll leave her for a bit and go interact with him in another room. But if it's something she needs me for, I help her, and he entertains himself.

 

I figure it'll get easier, not harder as he gets older and can be a better listener/a bit calmer etc.

[JudoMom]

How does this work? I see lots of pictures of people with two or more kids working in the same room, and I would love to know how you can accomplish that. Is it something that comes with age? My DD5 is a noisemaker--she's always whispering/humming/talking to herself, even when she's studiously working on something. My DD8 needs SILENCE to focus, and it drives her insane when her sister is muttering three feet away (especially when we're doing math). Plus, the great majority of our work is teacher-intensive, so it's hard to focus on teaching a lesson when DD5 is done in 5 minutes but DD8's math lesson takes 35-40 and we're talking and analyzing the whole time.

 

Can someone tell me how you make this happen? I feel terrible relegating DD5 to another room while DD8 and I work in the schoolroom, but she causes such repeated distractions that I can't get anything done otherwise, and she's just being her cheerful, exuberant self. I can imagine this will only get more difficult as time passes and both of their work levels ramp upward. I would love some advice before I'm in the thick of it.

 

TIA!

 

I guess because mine are so close in age (6.33 years between the oldest and youngest), they've just had to learn to adapt. However, there has been a lot of training involved (and it's ongoing). They aren't supposed to interrupt. They aren't supposed to be needlessly noisy. They are supposed to give grace and be patient with their siblings. Eventually, they'll be in an environment well they'll have to focus with distractions or work without being distracting. I view working together in the same room as an opportunity to practice some life skills :).

 

I will say that my older 2 will sometimes go work in their rooms, but that's rare and has only been allowed in the last year.

[Karen in CO]

I guess because mine are so close in age (6.33 years between the oldest and youngest), they've just had to learn to adapt. However, there has been a lot of training involved (and it's ongoing). They aren't supposed to interrupt. They aren't supposed to be needlessly noisy. They are supposed to give grace and be patient with their siblings. Eventually, they'll be in an environment well they'll have to focus with distractions or work without being distracting. I view working together in the same room as an opportunity to practice some life skills :).

 

I will say that my older 2 will sometimes go work in their rooms, but that's rare and has only been allowed in the last year.

 

:iagree:

I only have two which are 4 years apart, but JudoMom said it well. They are supposed to give grace and be patient. They have to learn to work with distractions and learn to not interupt. Life isn't always going to cater to my dd9's preference for complete silence while she thinks. I think it is part of life training to teach them to be more flexible and work together (and in the same space as others).

[MyLittleWonders]

I think it comes partly with age, and partly with training. In our case, my oldest is the noisemaker, and my youngest twin is the one that needs silence. We've worked a lot on comprimise. Mostly that the younger one needed to learn to cope with some distractions, and the older one needed to quit being so fidgety. The first year we HS'd it was hard, but with time and age it has gotten much, much better.

 

This is us too - my oldest is the noise maker and my middle son is highly sensitive to noise. It can be hard some days, but we work on both sides of the equation - ds#1 has to learn to be considerate of the others and keep the noise at the school table as low as possible (I honestly think half the time he has *no* idea he's doing it), and ds#2 has to learn to deal with a little noise. Ds#3 just throws an extra dimension to the whole mix. ;) He is often sent out of the room to play or watch a DVD because he's only PreK. But the other two are learning how to work with each other's issues rather than constantly falling apart of them.

 

We also bought cardboard privacy dividers, which also seem to help. It makes things a bit more difficult for me because I can't just sit by one child and see what the other two are doing (we school at our kitchen/dining room table, which is 3' x 5', max). But, it helps ds#1 focus better on his work, which somehow helps him stay quieter. It also helps ds#2 not get on his older brother's case all the time because somehow not being able to see ds#1 as well helps him not hear him either. :lol:

 

But overall, it's just constant training, reminding, and occasionally removing someone for just being obstinate.

[fastforward]

Hi Melissa, :)

 

We have a similar issue in my house where Big A requires quiet in order to focus or else she just doesn't get her work finished in a timely manner, and Middle A is more chatty and makes more noise. My toddler is a noisemaker, as well, so it makes things extra interesting!

 

What has worked (other than my raised voice reminding the younger two to play a bit more quietly :glare:) is to definitely keep them in separate rooms. I also use their differing body clocks to my advantage -- I work with Middle A separately before Big A wakes up, then once Big A is up, Middle A is finished and free to play with the baby in the other room. If it's really bad, I ask them to play upstairs from us which works out ok most of the time. Over time everyone has sort of gotten used to needing to be quiet for the other child to work (Big A isn't generally noisy, but she can forget to not laugh too loudly if I'm working with her sister).

 

Are there activities that J can do that will keep her attention focused so much that she doesn't make as much noise? Maybe a computer game with headphones in another room?

 

Good luck!

[carriecs]

Well, I'm so glad to know I'm not alone at least! I was just looking at another lovely blog with pictures of smiling children all around the school table, and my heart just sank :( It's not such a big deal now because DD5's work takes all of 45 minutes, but it will be a much bigger deal in the next year or so, and I don't expect that she'll get any quieter. She's just a chatty kid--she's been playing by herself now for an hour, and she's talked nonstop the whole time!

 

I totally do the same thing! I love that I can see how others do school/activities through their blogs, but I end up feeling bad because I start comparing their photos to my reality. I try to remember that none of us is going to post a picture of the worst times; we all like to put our best image forward. But the happily & harmoniously gathered around the table school day photos usually pierce right through that effort. ;)

 

We have some lessons we all do together. For the ones that require more concentration I tell whoever is the noise maker that they can work/color at the table with us, or move to another room. Make no mistake, this is repeated often and does not always work! But while I do think my kids need to learn to deal with some distractions, I also know they are young and if they need quiet during math or reading I will try my best to provide it. I am hoping I'm also teaching the noise maker(s) to learn respect for another's needs and work time.

 

Someone else posted that their house is only quiet when everyone's asleep. That is true for my house, too! :)

[love3es]

In our home we've had the same distraction issues, but things have slowly improved! For us, at least, I think it has been a combination of teaching the child to stay on task/be respectful of others who are working, maturity and finding strategies that work for our family/situation. All my dc work together in the schoolroom part of the time, but we also spread out to the dining room table or couch for other projects/reading.

 

My 5 yo sits in the schoolroom with us during prayer, devotions, pledge and calendar time, and he is expected to participate. After that though, he is free to come and go from the schoolroom and play quietly in the family room (just around the corner as he pleases). I do his school as I can fit it in with the other boys schedules. I try to keep computer games and a basket full of library books for him to use during school hours only.

 

My middle ds is distracted easily, and the first two years of hsing w/ him were more difficult. He has improved with time. In the past, he has used tri-fold foamboard display board used as a privacy screen. We also take short "recess" breaks. We use one large table for times we are working together, and the older two have their own smaller desks facing opposite walls. This has helped immensely!

 

In addition, each of my boys keeps paper and drawing materials in his desk. He is welcome to draw or look at a picture type book while he is waiting on me to finish with another child. They also have some small "gadgets" they keep in their desk... similar to Rubik's cubes, etc. So, they have something to do with their hands while they wait. I also allow them to do these things while I'm reading to them as long as they are listening quietly.

 

With 3 boys in a four year spread, things are rarely "quiet" at our house either!

 

Just my $.02 worth...

[MerryAtHope]

We actually had to make a rule--"No singing during school," because it caused such issues here! My kids don't often work in the same room--it just isn't feasible here. Personally I like quiet when I study too, and I go find a quiet place--so if a child needs quiet, they go find a quiet place. Work together with mom takes place in our "school" area.

 

When I was first incorporating my youngest with school, I told her she could be in the school room and play quietly, but if she talked or sang while I was reading out loud or teaching, she would need to play in another room. It wasn't a big deal or a punishment--just the rules of that time. Gradually she was able to stay in the room longer and longer.

 

Hang in there! Merry :-)