I'm raising sheltered children

[Mom-ninja.]

and I'm ok with it. I have turned into "one of those moms" that over protect their children. That's ok. I'm doing what I believe is best for my kids.

 

We are invited to a Halloween/Birthday party. There will be kids of all ages from Kinder to 6th and 7th grade. My boys are 9 and 6. I fully intend to stick close to my boys during the party.

 

We go to this party (same host) every year. The parents there don't parent as I do to put it mildly. ;) I was wondering if we should continue going.

 

Anyway, the party is held in a big back yard at night. So it's dark. Did I mention it's a big back yard? Last time we were there (two years ago as last year we were sick) I noticed that the older kids would disappear into the dark places in the yard. None of the parents paid attention.

 

This year I will make sure that my boys don't disappear in the dark. I'm not comfortable with the thought of my boys being exposed to any possible language/behavior issues from 12 to 14 yr old public school boys.

 

No, not all public school boys would have unacceptable (for me) behavior. I have a friend whose boys go to public school and I would have no problem letting my boys hang out with her boys. My friend and I have the same values and rules for the most part.

 

However, this group of kids....I don't know all the parents and the parents I do know...we differ.

 

I've been wondering if we should even go. We've gone in the past because I used to be friends with the host. Now, we don't talk very much anymore as we've grown apart. She invites us more as tradition I guess. My boys look forward to going because it's a party after all.

 

Anyway, that's my plan. To hover. I'm a hovering mom. :tongue_smilie:

[Impish]

There's a difference btwn 'hovering' and 'parenting'. Parenting, to me, includes trying to preserve your child's innocence as long as possible, to shield them from situations that they aren't mature enough to deal with.

 

If that's hovering, then count me in!

[ChristusG]

I'm right there with you!

[VBoulden]

I'd either go and hover or stay home altogether. :001_smile:

[Binalina]

My very own sister hosts a Halloween party every year and we don't attend. Mostly because I dislike Halloween and all the morbid stuff that goes with it. I am a protective Mom too and I have no problem admitting that to anyone. I would NOT be ok with kids disappearing into the dark recesses of a yard with kids (girls or boys) that I know are parented extremely differently than I do - if I feel that could have a negative impact. I feel it is blatant ignorance for parents to let their children "run wild" for the sake of "socialization" I am all for letting kids be kids but not for abandoning my responsibility to them for protection just because "all the other kids ae doing it" I say - go with your gut. If you feel like this party is just something you do out of tradition but doesn't line up with your parenting style - don't go. If she is a true friend then she will understand. My kids didn't understand why I wouldn't allow them to go to Auntie's Halloween party at first but now that they are older they have adjusted to it and they are on board.

[Mom-ninja.]

There's a difference btwn 'hovering' and 'parenting'. Parenting, to me, includes trying to preserve your child's innocence as long as possible, to shield them from situations that they aren't mature enough to deal with.

 

If that's hovering, then count me in!

 

 

Exactly. I used the word "hovering" in a tongue and cheek way because I've been called a hovering mom by others. It's a title I wear proudly. :D

[Jean in Newcastle]

Have you told her that you are coming? If so, then I would go this year and I would make sure your kids know to stay in the lighted areas only.

 

Have you not RSVP'd yet? Then it sounds like you dread this party. Give your regrets and make a new tradition at home or the mall or. . .

[kristavws]

There's a difference btwn 'hovering' and 'parenting'. Parenting, to me, includes trying to preserve your child's innocence as long as possible, to shield them from situations that they aren't mature enough to deal with.

 

If that's hovering, then count me in!

 

:iagree:

 

Well said.

 

Krista

[Nakia]

Life's too short to spend our time doing things we don't feel good about. I can't remember if you are a church-goer, but there are always tons of fall festival trunk-or-treat type things in my area that we hit up. That ight be a good idea this year and a fun alternative for you and your boys.

Edited October 27, 2010 by Nakia

[Sophia]

Just a thought~if you know you are not going to want your dc going off into the woods in later years, then maybe you want to find a new tradition for them to enjoy on Halloween now.

 

Your nine y.o. will want to follow his friends in a couple years, who will want to follow the older kids, who are going into the woods, etc.

I think I'd just nip that potential problem in the bud now, and find something else to do.

[gaillardia]

I wouldn't go.

My children are too sheltered too. ;)

Our kids (9 and 10 dd) were invited one Sunday to a family's home in our neighborhood because the parents were going to have their friends over for the football game and the kids didn't have anybody to play with, they didn't invite me and dh. :confused:

"No, we just hang out at home on Sundays," dh responded.

Really?1 I don't even know the names of these people! I guess that's a little different than a Halloween party.

 

On Halloween our tradition is to have Chinese food!:D

Home made or carry-out, doesn't matter.:lol:

I'm sorry if it seems like I changed the subject! I have attention deficit, sort of, maybe.

[Kate CA]

Just a thought~if you know you are not going to want your dc going off into the woods in later years, then maybe you want to find a new tradition for them to enjoy on Halloween now.

 

Your nine y.o. will want to follow his friends in a couple years, who will want to follow the older kids, who are going into the woods, etc.

I think I'd just nip that potential problem in the bud now, and find something else to do.

 

100% agree with this! :001_smile:

[Peela]

I think of hovering mums as those who stand right next to their kids on play equipment and constantly tell their kids to "be careful"."you might fall", "dont go any higher". To me that breeds fearful kids- the mother is always fearing the worst, rather than instlling confidence in their kids with "you can do it". "Oh dear, you fell- heres a hug, wanna try again?" (or watching from a safe distance and pretending not to notice when they fall so they dont make a fuss). Or, they don't give their kids much personal space because they are too enmeshed and fearful. A mother who listens to her fears out of proportion to allowing kids to have a healthy freedom and take age appropriate risks, will breed underconfident kids who learn to overly depend on mum's judgement rather than slowly develop their own.

 

However...I don't live in the U.S., and I dont live in the OP's area, and I read Protecting the Gift. The single most important thing I got out of that was how important it is to trust your instincts- and teach your kids to trust theirs. Always. I think there is a dfferennce between that and trusting your fears all the time....but only you can say which it is.

Edited October 28, 2010 by Peela

[bettyandbob]

if you feel this way, I don't think you should go to the party. You aren't really friends with the hosts. It doesn't sound like you want your dc to spend much time with the children at the party.

 

Find another fun thing to do as a family.

[OleanderRain]

Just a thought~if you know you are not going to want your dc going off into the woods in later years, then maybe you want to find a new tradition for them to enjoy on Halloween now.

 

Your nine y.o. will want to follow his friends in a couple years, who will want to follow the older kids, who are going into the woods, etc.

I think I'd just nip that potential problem in the bud now, and find something else to do.

 

:iagree:

[kalphs]

I think of hovering mums as those who stand right next to their kids on play equipment and constantly tell their kids to "be careful"."you might fall", "dont go any higher". To me that breeds fearful kids- the mother is always fearing the worst, rather than instlling confidence in their kids with "you can do it". "Oh dear, you fell- heres a hug, wanna try again?" (or watching from a safe distance and pretending not to notice when they fall so they dont make a fuss). Or, they don't give their kids much personal space because they are too enmeshed and fearful. A mother who listens to her fears out of proportion to allowing kids to have a healthy freedom and take age appropriate risks, will breed underconfident kids who learn to overly depend on mum's judgement rather than slowly develop their own.

 

However...I don't live in the U.S., and I dont live in the OP's area, and I read Protecting the Gift. The single most important thing I got out of that was how important it is to trust your instincts- and teach your kids to trust theirs. Always. I think there is a dfferennce between that and trusting your fears all the time....but only you can say which it is.

:iagree:

I've noticed this within our local hs groups, church and family.

Consequently the "hoverers" have produced one of two types of children, the fearful and the rebellious.

I've dealt with both of these types in the form of young adults.

Child A is fearful of everything and at the age of 20 is still clinging to their parents, still living at home and is unable to make decisions on their own.

Child B at the age of 18 is rebellious. According to Child B their parents are "Bible thumpers," everything they do revolves around the Bible, reading the Bible, and having a theology lesson. The child has attempted to talk with their parents about how they feel, but the parents are too busy reading their Bibles to take notice. Consequently Child B has rejected their parents "Christian faith" and is in the process of discovering who they are, what they believe/why/why it makes a difference. Child B can not wait until it is time to start college, when they can start thinking for themselves/making their own decisions.

As a pastor friend of mine has said "Parents need to insulate their children during the young years. As time goes by the parents need to peel the insulation off of their children so they will be able to function in the "real world."

Edited October 29, 2010 by kalphs