Does it offend you? (vent)

[2smartones]

Maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm hormonal. I don't know. I just get SO offended (inwardly, without reaction) when people ask me how I taught my kid to do this or that... meaning, "what's your trick", and "can you teach me how to do that for my kid", and "oh, it's because you used to be a real teacher, right?". I didn't *DO* anything and a high school teaching degree doesn't teach you how to homeschool children younger than high school age! It makes me sick to see moms throwing fits when their 2 year old isn't reading as well as the baby on their DVD collection or their 4 year old can't draw a horse. They come to me for curriculum advice or teaching tips, but I have nothing to give them, and then they get offended at ME because (apparently, although unspoken) I want my children to look smarter than theirs even though all kids are equally gifted. :tongue_smilie:

 

Please pass the :chillpill:. I'll take two and call you in the morning. :glare:

 

(Mumble, mumble, mumble... try to walk a day in my shoes. You'll probably be ready to have your normal children back before that day is done! Just because my kids are bright doesn't make them easier to teach.)

Edited October 22, 2010 by 2smartones

[Cindyg]

That sounds like a compliment to me. If somebody said to me, "How did you teach your son to be so well behaved and mature for his age?" first I would look around to see who they were talking to, then I would pick myself up off the floor, then I would laugh and say, "Well, what a nice thing to say! Thank you! He just takes after his mama, is all!"

[2smartones]

Oh, no... I agree that would be a compliment, and I definitely teach behavior. I'm talking about things they've picked up on their own like early academic milestones. Early reading, grade skipping, maturity of thought in an academic sense, etc. Things that are clearly not normal for their age, have been self-taught, and shouldn't be pushed upon any child.

 

Like I said - I'm probably just overwhelmed with life right the moment and letting the little things bother me. People see what my kids are doing and assume I've forced it upon them or have a trick up my sleeve to help them learn faster than other kids. They want my "secret", but the only secret is in the DNA God gave them.

Edited October 16, 2010 by 2smartones

[Kates]

Yep, that used to bug me to no end...like my 10yo being beyond me in at least two subjects (and yep, I'm a teacher's kid and college-educated) was some magic trick I performed. Heck, half the time I'm learning right along with him!

 

I guess I've just gotten used to it, or maybe I just don't talk about the details of what he does except with people who understand what it's like. In other situations, I either don't give his age (so people usually assume he's a few years older than he is) or I give a vague explanation of what he's studying (such as "algebra", rather than saying he's on track to finish his book inside of 6 weeks, start to finish).

 

Sometimes I do get people who think I'm pushing him to do what he does...and, well, I guess they'll think what they're going to think. I can tell them otherwise, but I can't stop them from doing so. There are times when it's annoying, but then I look at him and see how he's able to grow and develop because he's allowed to learn in his own way and at his own pace...and it's all worth it :)

[ShutterBug]

Nope, haven't encountered it much :) .

 

When ds was younger and was very articulate..or was reading a book..or drew or wrote something beyond his years folks took notice and would ask questions, but there was never any pressure for me to "give up my secret" so to speak.

 

Ds is 8 now...so it's been quite a few years since I was in the "Toddler and Preschool Mompetition Lion's Den", lol. Things may have intensified in the years since, lol.

 

Maybe it's your past life as a teacher that causes them to think you're holding out on them with some secret formula.

[Staceyshoe]

I guess that kind of comment doesn't bother me. I just tell them that he craves learning and is basically self-taught. What gets to me is when people assume that you're a pushy mother because of your kid's academic skills or that his natural perfectionism (that you've been actively trying to work on for years) is because he's under so much pressure to perform academically. Drives. Me. Crazy.

[regentrude]

Does not bother me. It is meant as a compliment.

There are some things they can just do without any influence from me- I can just smile and say that I did nothing special.

Then there are things that we have worked on ( such as behavior and manners) where it is obvious whether a kid had this from home or not.

And then, to be honest, there really are certain subjects we teach better than most other parents, just because of our professional background.

[Guest TheBugsMom]

I guess that kind of comment doesn't bother me. I just tell them that he craves learning and is basically self-taught. What gets to me is when people assume that you're a pushy mother because of your kid's academic skills or that his natural perfectionism (that you've been actively trying to work on for years) is because he's under so much pressure to perform academically. Drives. Me. Crazy.

:iagree:

[Dmmetler]

My answer is "I wish I knew!". And it's true.

[Embassy]

I've had the "you are pushing" comments so much that I started to think I was pushing. But those people have not walked a mile in my shoes. They have not lived with my kids and sat in on a school day. I don't push academically. But I do believe every child has the right to be educated. I do believe every child should encounter some challenge in education.

 

Because my son is reading x at age x doesn't mean I am pushing. Because he is studying x doesn't mean I am pushing. I don't push my children academically. I challenge them. They deserve to have an educational experience where they learn and not one where they just float along in order to fit in.

 

I do push my children though. I don't push them academically. I don't need to. They soar that way. I push them physically. Their motor skills are far below average. I push them to get exercise. I make PE a priority in our homeschool. But no one ever assumes I push them physically. Maybe they would if my kids were star athletes. Funny how things work.

[love2read]

I wouldn't be offended by that, I think they are genuinely interested in what is working for you. I've asked my own older teens how they learned certain things so that I can repeat it with the younger ones. My oldest and youngest are academically gifted and I do get the same type of questions. When they just pick things up, it's hard to offer a definite answer but over the years I've learned to just tell them what related material and tools I keep around the house. It makes them happy and offers some direction that they often really do need.

[2smartones]

I've had the "you are pushing" comments so much that I started to think I was pushing. But those people have not walked a mile in my shoes. They have not lived with my kids and sat in on a school day. I don't push academically. But I do believe every child has the right to be educated. I do believe every child should encounter some challenge in education.

 

Because my son is reading x at age x doesn't mean I am pushing. Because he is studying x doesn't mean I am pushing. I don't push my children academically. I challenge them. They deserve to have an educational experience where they learn and not one where they just float along in order to fit in.

 

I do push my children though. I don't push them academically. I don't need to. They soar that way. I push them physically. Their motor skills are far below average. I push them to get exercise. I make PE a priority in our homeschool. But no one ever assumes I push them physically. Maybe they would if my kids were star athletes. Funny how things work.

 

I could've written that!

[2smartones]

I wouldn't be offended by that, I think they are genuinely interested in what is working for you. I've asked my own older teens how they learned certain things so that I can repeat it with the younger ones. My oldest and youngest are academically gifted and I do get the same type of questions. When they just pick things up, it's hard to offer a definite answer but over the years I've learned to just tell them what related material and tools I keep around the house. It makes them happy and offers some direction that they often really do need.

 

Yes, I can see how that would be helpful. Sometimes I DO make suggestions, but it's hard when someone asks for, for example, reading help for a 4th grader or Latin help for a middle schooler. I can suggest something like Explode the Code because quite honestly, I really like it, but when they ask how my kids are doing with it or how they handled all the extra writing, I get into a sticky situation. We did ETC when they were 3 years old. All of it. They didn't do any writing at that time. I've only recommended it once to someone with a 2 year old, and only because I knew that particular 2 year old could handle it. When people find out my kids were reading by the time they turned 2, they assume I used the baby reading DVDs. I didn't use anything. They taught themselves. ETC was just for my own sanity to make sure nothing was overlooked.

Edited October 16, 2010 by 2smartones

[StephanieZ]

Nope, didn't bother me. I took it as a compliment.

 

Although you aren't pushing, you are providing a rich home environment. Kids can't learn to read w/o books. They can't learn to count w/o someone counting with them. . . Sadly, there are many kids who grow up w/o the basic intellectual stimulation that you probably take for granted. . .

 

So, you could easily mention that "It was a complete accident! We read a lot of books, and somehow he just starting reading them on his own! He keeps me on my toes!" or similar. . .

[Guest]

I'm always asking my daughter, "Where did you learn that?" because most of what she comes up with I had nothing to do with (other than providing library and bookstore trips).

[zaichiki]

My responses are usually along the lines of

1. (S)he spends a lot of time doing that, so I guess all that practice adds up.

2. (S)he just came that way.

3. *I* didn't teach her. She figured it out on her own.

 

Gotta smile big when you say it and shrug. Then change the subject. :001_smile:

[Storm Bay]

Maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm hormonal. I don't know. I just get SO offended (inwardly, without reaction) when people ask me how I taught my kid to do this or that... meaning, "what's your trick", and "can you teach me how to do that for my kid", and "oh, it's because you used to be a real teacher, right?". I didn't *DO* anything and a high school degree doesn't teach you how to homeschool children younger than high school age! It makes me sick to see moms throwing fits when their 2 year old isn't reading as well as the baby on their DVD collection or their 4 year old can't draw a horse. They come to me for curriculum advice or teaching tips, but I have nothing to give them, and then they get offended at ME because (apparently, although unspoken) I want my children to look smarter than theirs even though all kids are equally gifted. :tongue_smilie:

 

Please pass the :chillpill:. I'll take two and call you in the morning. :glare:

 

(Mumble, mumble, mumble... try to walk a day in my shoes. You'll probably be ready to have your normal children back before that day is done! Just because my kids are bright doesn't make them easier to teach.)

 

 

I used to have that problem, but since puberty started about 5 years ago (puberty last a long time here, & menarche comes in Tanner stage 3 or 4 out of 5) my eldest is so lazy that she's not ahead in anything but math (used to be 2 grades ahead and could be done high school by 16 or earlier had she had the drive), my second one has always hidden it in public and my third doesn't really do much to show his (plus he's a reluctant scholar).

 

It was awkward at times, but people are like that with many talents and coping with that is part of having a gifted dc who is excelling.

 

All this said, I'm sending my eldest to ps high school in Feb and that ought to help my younger two take off again (my middle one is a grade ahead in everything except math & art, where she's more advanced than that. She's artistically gifted in visual arts, too, and is a natural at acting.)

[CarrieF]

Just wink at them and tell them that it's a super, homeschoolers' secret and if you shared it, you'd then have to shoot them. Ha! Ha!

[Belacqua]

I'll admit, I'm a little jealous. I usually get a version of, in varying degrees of diplomacy, "Where did he get that? Certainly not from you!"

 

True enough. But, really! :)

[FaithManor]

For me, it's the snide comments indicating that I must be some sort of whack job mom who pushes ds soooooo hard to be a "genius" that he's obviously being mentally abused. There is a mom in our 4-H group who homeschools her children as well and makes very rude comments about me in relation to ds's intelligence. I am having a very hard time keeping my temper but DH is the 4-H group leader and well known at both the county and state levels for 4-H so I know it would be very bad for him if I "PUT HER IN HER PLACE!" Something that I would dearly love to do.

 

One thing that I have stopped doing is discussing ds's education with anyone outside of my family and a couple of other homeschool mom's who get it. I get VERY ALOOF when the topic is brought up and am hoping that this woman gets the message that I will not discuss it and that I am not tolerating her comments. Her three children are all very behind academically, one due to reading disabilities and visual processing delays related to having been quite premature, and the other two, well, even by her own estimation...laziness. So, I guess getting snarky with me is some how a defense mechanism for making herself feel better about her situation. I don't know...sigh...I've tried so hard to keep everything conversational superficial so I don't see how she could believe that I was conceited about ds's abilities. GRRRR

 

I do SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO understand the OP's frustration. It would be nice to not have people making a lot of assumptions.

 

Faith

[2smartones]

For me, it's the snide comments indicating that I must be some sort of whack job mom who pushes ds soooooo hard to be a "genius" that he's obviously being mentally abused.

 

Yes. That. :iagree: I often have to remind people that I've never even once locked my kids in a closet with a stack of flash cards. :tongue_smilie: Heck, we don't even use flash cards! (Although I once saw a joking type of YouTube video about a homeschooling mom who did that. It was about socialization, though. :lol:)

[justasque]

When people find out my kids were reading by the time they turned 2, they assume I used the baby reading DVDs. I didn't use anything. They taught themselves.

 

BTDT. What I hated even more was when adults who saw my little one looking at a book felt it was important for them to tell my child that he wasn't *really* reading. Speaking directly to the child! Now even if the kid *wasn't* really reading, what would be the point of making a big deal about it? Isn't pretending to read a healthy, desired stage in the process? This happened surprisingly often. I didn't really know how to respond, without being rude or snarky or putting the child on show.

[Bostonian]

The existence of large, innate differences in intelligence is a very politically incorrect fact. Most in the media, government, and academia ignore this fact. Thus it should not be surprising if mothers you know assume that you are somehow teaching your children better, rather than those kids being superior in intelligence.

[Storm Bay]

The existence of large, innate differences in intelligence is a very politically incorrect fact. Most in the media, government, and academia ignore this fact. Thus it should not be surprising if mothers you know assume that you are somehow teaching your children better, rather than those kids being superior in intelligence.

 

This is correct. I should add, though, that I'm a firm believer in the multiple intelligence theory and that no one is gifted in all 8 areas, especially since there are subcategories in at least some of them. This doesn't mean that everyone is gifted in something, though; that's a politically correct myth.

[Guest dorramide7]

I guess that kind of comment doesn't bother me. I just tell them that he craves learning and is basically self-taught. What gets to me is when people assume that you're a pushy mother because of your kid's academic skills or that his natural perfectionism (that you've been actively trying to work on for years) is because he's under so much pressure to perform academically. Drives. Me. Crazy.

Does not bother me. It is meant as a compliment.

There are some things they can just do without any influence from me- I can just smile and say that I did nothing special.

Then there are things that we have worked on ( such as behavior and manners) where it is obvious whether a kid had this from home or not.

And then, to be honest, there really are certain subjects we teach better than most other parents, just because of our professional background.

[PentecostalMom]

Just wink at them and tell them that it's a super, homeschoolers' secret and if you shared it, you'd then have to shoot them. Ha! Ha!

 

:lol::lol::lol: