Potty training question

[mo2]

What do you do with a 3-1/2 yo who won't potty train? Is he just not ready? He won't tell me when he pees or poops. If I ask, "Did you poop?" he always says no, while backing against a wall trying to keep me from checking his pants. It would not bother this child to sit in a full diaper all day. I've tried putting him on the potty, but I would have to literally hold him there kicking and screaming, and I won't do that. If I let him go bare-bottom, he just pees and poops on the floor. No biggie to him (and I do make him help wipe it up).

 

Any advice? My 1st child pretty much trained herself, so there wasn't much "training" involved.

[lisamarie]

Spend the next year beating your head against a wall??? Ya, I had one of those kids. I tried everything with him. He was perfectly content to sit in his own waste even with underwear on.

 

The only suggestion I have that I didn't try with him that seemed to be the thing that worked with my DD3 who I just trained is to have him go around the house with a long shirt on and nothing on the bottom. Chances are he's not going to just go on the floor. I could be wrong, but it is worth a shot. My DD would go in her diaper, pullup and underwear, but she ran for the potty if she had nothing on.

 

My DS did not stay dry until he was 4. He was #2 trained about a month before he started school at age 4 3/4. He wasn't night dry until a week before he turned 5. I never thought he would PT. I thought I was just the worst PTer ever. But then #2 was easier and fully trained in 6 months. DD3 trained in 1 month.

[Carrie12345]

My 3.5yo will only use the toilet if he's naked, and it did take a few weeks to even make THAT progress.

Even though he's usually okay at home, we do still require quick visits to the bathroom every hour or so, even if he walks in, says he can't go, and walks back out.

 

Since yours sounds opposed to the actual toilet (not just *using* it), I might consider getting him a training potty, or a different one if he already has one he hates. My older ds was absolutely terrified of the whole bathroom, so we had set up a potty in the hallway for him. :001_huh:

 

 

FWIW, I have yet to have a child completely potty trained before age 4, yet the older 3 all manage just fine these days!

[lionfamily1999]

Maybe you could schedule potty time. That's how I started with all three of my children. They would sit on the potty at a certain time (like five to ten minutes at the top of the hour). They didn't have to stay until they went potty, but this was how they started going on the potty.

[TammyinTN]

Our girls trained early, but our son..nope not until he was 4 and then he did it in one week...no looking back. Hang in there!

[NanceXToo]

Right around the time when I was thinking 'wow, okay, he's going to turn 4 and not be potty trained- my son was finally ready to potty train.

 

I had tried stickers and smiley faces and small bribes, I had tried letting him pick out underwear, I had tried setting a timer and bringing him in every X amount of time leading up to that, I had tried leaving a little potty seat in the living room, I had tried conversations and reminders and reasoning with him, I had tried a kid's book about potty training and a kid's video about potty training and everything else I could think of. And it all "sort of" worked- but in the meanwhile he'd keep having accidents, too, and he couldn't care less if his underwear got wet or whatever.

 

I ended up going back to pullups because I got tired of the laundry, and then one day not very long before he turned 4, I woke up and saw him in his bedroom putting a pair of underwear on by himself, and he was pretty much fully potty trained from that point on.

[lionfamily1999]

Right around the time when I was thinking 'wow, okay, he's going to turn 4 and not be potty trained- my son was finally ready to potty train.

 

I had tried stickers and smiley faces and small bribes, I had tried letting him pick out underwear, I had tried setting a timer and bringing him in every X amount of time leading up to that, I had tried leaving a little potty seat in the living room, I had tried conversations and reminders and reasoning with him, I had tried a kid's book about potty training and a kid's video about potty training and everything else I could think of. And it all "sort of" worked- but in the meanwhile he'd keep having accidents, too, and he couldn't care less if his underwear got wet or whatever.

 

I ended up going back to pullups because I got tired of the laundry, and then one day not very long before he turned 4, I woke up and saw him in his bedroom putting a pair of underwear on by himself, and he was pretty much fully potty trained from that point on.

You know, we had to take a break from potty training with all three kids (Mom was tired of being chained to the potty). And all three finished their training on their own, right after I instituted the break.

 

I forgot all about :p

[MamaBirdX7]

My experience may be different from yours but I have 4 boys. Mine didn't do random house squatting, but at least two of them pooped in the yard before they would in the toilet. I think it shows that they do "get it" but on their own terms - trying it out until they are comfortable.

[mo2]

Chances are he's not going to just go on the floor.

 

Ah, but he does just go on the floor. At least we don't have carpet.

 

Maybe you could schedule potty time. That's how I started with all three of my children. They would sit on the potty at a certain time (like five to ten minutes at the top of the hour). They didn't have to stay until they went potty, but this was how they started going on the potty.

 

He won't even sit on the potty. I would have to physically hold him there, and then he would be so stressed out and combative, I don't think he would be able to relax enough to pee.

 

I had tried stickers and smiley faces and small bribes, I had tried letting him pick out underwear, I had tried setting a timer and bringing him in every X amount of time leading up to that, I had tried leaving a little potty seat in the living room, I had tried conversations and reminders and reasoning with him, I had tried a kid's book about potty training and a kid's video about potty training and everything else I could think of. And it all "sort of" worked- but in the meanwhile he'd keep having accidents, too, and he couldn't care less if his underwear got wet or whatever.

 

I've tried all of this (except the video), and none of it has even "sort of" worked. He has not once gone on the potty. Not for me, although grandma said he did one time at her house. I've had dad and his older cousin model how "big boys" go to the bathroom. We have discussed the fact that Diego doesn't wear diapers or pee in his pants.

 

Sounds like I just need to be patient. Thanks for the stories and advice!

[lionfamily1999]

So it's already a bone of contention? Ugh.

 

:(

 

You might want to chew on your pediatrician's ear then. They could (hopefully) give you some fresh ideas.

[Dinsfamily]

My middle guy was similar except he never pooped on the floor...he'd just hold it. I really thought we'd see diapers at 4. We didn't. Instead, we went and picked out his very own potty (cute frog one for $7) even though we had a perfectly good one from when my oldest potty trained. Then, we talked about being a big boy but didn't pressure him. He wasn't interested in treats or stickers so I just didn't push. I did encourage him to ride the frog either clothed or not clothed. Eventually, he decided to start using it to go potty and received a lot of praise and was in underwear all day in less than 2 weeks.

 

Like you, I didn't want to make it a battle so I had to find ways to motivate him while making him think it was his idea.

[mo2]

So it's already a bone of contention? Ugh.

 

:(

 

You might want to chew on your pediatrician's ear then. They could (hopefully) give you some fresh ideas.

 

I already spoke to our ped. His advice was that what works best with "smart, stubborn kids" like mine is to simply take away diapers and put them in underwear. When they have an accident, don't scold, just say, "Oh, I'm sorry that happened" and then have the child clean it up. Don't talk about potty training at all. Once the child realizes the parent doesn't care whether or not he uses the potty, he will want to. It puts all the responsibility on the child and not on the parents, which apparently these independent-type children like.

 

Tried it....didn't work. :banghead:

[Wheres Toto]

My daughter is the same way. Doesn't care if she's wet or dirty (including in underwear), will just go on the floor if naked or bottomless, kicks and screams if you make her sit on the potty. We've tried the one day method, the three day method, stickers, Silly Bandz, candy, charts, special outings - pretty much every method except punishment.

 

I've backed off except for the occasional comment about big girls using the potty. Our pediatrician has just advised that she'll do it when she's ready.

[lionfamily1999]

I already spoke to our ped. His advice was that what works best with "smart, stubborn kids" like mine is to simply take away diapers and put them in underwear. When they have an accident, don't scold, just say, "Oh, I'm sorry that happened" and then have the child clean it up. Don't talk about potty training at all. Once the child realizes the parent doesn't care whether or not he uses the potty, he will want to. It puts all the responsibility on the child and not on the parents, which apparently these independent-type children like.

 

Tried it....didn't work. :banghead:

:grouphug:

 

You might want to invest in a carpet cleaner.

 

Wow, I wish I could help. I guess just do what the other poster said and wait until he decides. My nephew took a long time to potty train too (he liked to hide and poop, that was fun) so you are not alone. As long as he's in briefs by five you're fine ;)

[ChristusG]

Hey, you must have my three and a half year old daughter who refuses to potty train! I'm tired of cleaning a 3.5 year old's poopy diaper! And we're on size 6 diapers and have been for a while....there's no next size up!

[6packofun]

Oh, just take a little break. Really, if he's not ready and it's a battle, let it go for a bit. This is one area where I do not buy into the idea that the child must bend to the will of the parent.

 

My 4yo just trained in less than a week and it was NOT fun changing a 4yo's diapers, but I waited (impatiently but with a positive attitude! LOL) and now he is completely night/day dry. Not sort of potty trained with accidents and with little to no work from me. I bought him big boy underwear and talked about how great it would be when one day he decided to use underwear instead of diapers! Everyone got on board and ds9 would let ds4 come into the bathroom and see how great it was to use the toilet. LOL!! This child WAS motivated by stickers on a chart that led to a prize and so that worked for us, BUT none of my other kids bought into that. :tongue_smilie:

 

I think that some kids just rebel a bit against the whole tactic that mom is ready for them to go potty and so she goes out and brings home a potty and lets the dc have little or no say in it. At this age, I think it should be something that they take responsibility for and pride in when they're ready. If it means saying things like, "When you're a big boy and using the potty instead of diapers, we'll be able to stay at the park even LONGER because they have a potty right there to use!!!" then DO IT. "Did you know they have a little potty JUST FOR KIDS at the McDonald's play place??!!!!" Like that. ;) All positive and touting the benefits of being a big boy. That's all it took for our ds and he was the latest to train, but the fastest.

 

It always sounds easier when explaining it after the fact, I know. But as soon as the kiddo decides that it's worth it, the battle ends...it's just our job to convince them. ;)

[fairytalemama]

Thank you so much for your post! Now I know I'm not alone---phew.:tongue_smilie:

 

My 3 year old son is really not into it either. After having my daughter be completely trained (night and everything) by 2 1/2, it was a rude awakening when he flat out told me NO.

 

We're baby stepping and I'm crossing my fingers that we'll be done before he turns 4.

 

Hang in there. I'm right there with you. :001_smile:

[mo2]

Thank you so much for your post! Now I know I'm not alone---phew.:tongue_smilie:

 

My 3 year old son is really not into it either. After having my daughter be completely trained (night and everything) by 2 1/2, it was a rude awakening when he flat out told me NO.

 

We're baby stepping and I'm crossing my fingers that we'll be done before he turns 4.

 

Hang in there. I'm right there with you. :001_smile:

 

Hey, you must have my three and a half year old daughter who refuses to potty train! I'm tired of cleaning a 3.5 year old's poopy diaper! And we're on size 6 diapers and have been for a while....there's no next size up!

 

Glad to know I'm not alone! It makes me feel (slightly) better.

[fairytalemama]

Hey there-

I just wanted to post a follow up to my response on this thread.

 

So today we have been trying the "no more diapers" approach. He's spent half the time in underwear and half the time bare bottomed (his choice). We reminded him every 15-30 minutes to try to use the potty and if he sat on it for a minute we gave him an M&M. From 830AM until 1PM he had 4 accidents (luckily all on hard surfaces or in the underwear) and he peed on the potty once (high fives all around, although I'm pretty sure it was just by chance that we caught the pee).

 

He's taking a nap right now in a Pull Up. I have a feeling this is going to be a very very long road. I'm glad I'm not in it alone.

 

By the way---I forgot to mention before that maybe you just need to find his motivation. I still haven't found what makes my son really excited to use the potty (although the chocolate seems to be a minor hit). My friend's son got a Thomas train every time he pooped on the potty---I'm sure that got expensive after a while. My daughter was very motivated by Gwen Stefani music videos on You Tube ("The Sweet Escape" was her favorite song at age 2) :lol:

[duckens]

Motivation:

I bought my kids (both dd and her friend C3 that I babysat) each a bank. They did not get money for sitting, although I did remind them (or require them if too much time had passed) to sit periodically. C3 needed to sit every hour, and even that wasn't enough sometimes. Dd was a camel.

 

Each child received 25c to put in their bank whenever they pooped or peed. It was worth 25c to me to not have to change as many diapers. We looked at catalogs, and they each picked out nice toys on which to spend their money when they hit $10 or more.

 

I was also lucky because both were ready to potty train at the same time. Each wanted to be the one to put a quarter in their bank.

 

--------------------

We also did what we called "naked C3 days" or "naked dd days" when the kids wore no underwear (just as you are doing). Don't be discouraged by the number of accidents today. The first several days with C3, I thought we weren't going to make it! (Many, many accidents on the carpet!)

 

For some kids, they need to see the pee coming out of them and landing on the floor to say, "....Oh......THAT'S how that works!!!"

 

If this period lasts more than a week (or more than you can stand), then do diapers for another month or two, and try again.

 

Very few children leave for Kindergarten not potty-trained.

 

:grouphug: