ma23peas Posted October 11, 2010 Share Posted October 11, 2010 We're all broken up to pieces and sooo emotionally drained today...last year my grandmother (87) asked me to take her maltese home with us (she was only a year old) and my youngest dd adopted her as her own...they've been inseparable..."L" slept with both girls every night and was always in someone's lap. Last month my grandmother put herself in assisted living, leaving her home of 68 years! So Friday I felt we really needed to take "L" to go see her..."L" jumped right up in her lap and laid there..it was precious and made my grandmother soooo happy. Today, we found her...she had followed our beagle into a pasture and was hit by a car...she has NEVER crossed the street in this whole year....there was too much damage and we had to decide to put her down...head trauma and 5 breaks in her pelvis...we just couldn't put her through the multiple surgeries and doc wasn't sure of the extent of her brain damage... I just don't feel I should tell my grandmother...I know I couldn't anytime this week b/c I just break down...but should I tell her? She's not in the best of health and very frail...I"m so sad... Tara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1bassoon Posted October 11, 2010 Share Posted October 11, 2010 Aw, Tara. . . . . :grouphug: I'm so sorry. I wouldn't, not yet. I'd wait until our family had time to grieve and mourn. Maybe next week? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted October 11, 2010 Share Posted October 11, 2010 I wouldn't unless she asks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nakia Posted October 11, 2010 Share Posted October 11, 2010 I wouldn't unless she asks. I agree. I'm so sorry. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthwestMom Posted October 11, 2010 Share Posted October 11, 2010 I agree with Kalanamak, especially if she has any dementia at all. Keep it positive. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonshineLearner Posted October 11, 2010 Share Posted October 11, 2010 So sorry!! That's so sad for all of you! :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plucky Posted October 11, 2010 Share Posted October 11, 2010 No, I wouldn't. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NanceXToo Posted October 11, 2010 Share Posted October 11, 2010 Aw I'm so sorry. That's hard. :( I don't see how you are going to be able to avoid telling her though, now that you have brought the dog there to visit her and doing so made her happy- I would expect that she might ask you to continue bringing the dog there now? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted October 11, 2010 Share Posted October 11, 2010 I am so so sorry - for you and your girls and for the poor dog. I'm sure you are drained, so take care of yourself. I personally think that you probably should tell your grandmother - or have someone else tell her. Maybe your husband could make a trip and tell her if you are feeling too emotional. If your grandmother is mentally competent enough to put herself in assisted living, she is deserving of the respect of being included in basic family news, even bad news. She's a big girl, and even though it's hard for you to deal with it, I am not sure that hiding news from her is the right thing to do. She probably would find out eventually anyway. She could live for many years in assisted living. The truth, to me, is always safest. Once the truth is told, it can be retold as needed. But not telling the truth sets up years of hiding and builds resentment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoyfulMama Posted October 11, 2010 Share Posted October 11, 2010 I am so so sorry - for you and your girls and for the poor dog. I'm sure you are drained, so take care of yourself. I personally think that you probably should tell your grandmother - or have someone else tell her. Maybe your husband could make a trip and tell her if you are feeling too emotional. If your grandmother is mentally competent enough to put herself in assisted living, she is deserving of the respect of being included in basic family news, even bad news. She's a big girl, and even though it's hard for you to deal with it, I am not sure that hiding news from her is the right thing to do. She probably would find out eventually anyway. She could live for many years in assisted living. The truth, to me, is always safest. Once the truth is told, it can be retold as needed. But not telling the truth sets up years of hiding and builds resentment. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*Inna* Posted October 11, 2010 Share Posted October 11, 2010 I'm sorry. :( :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Georgia On My Mind Posted October 11, 2010 Share Posted October 11, 2010 Since she has just had the major move and adjustment, I wouldn't tell her now unless she asks to have him visit. I am so sorry for you, your girls and your grandmother. My favorite kitty of 18 years died a couple of years ago and within a month, I had a heart attack. I believe the grief over him was a contributing factor. Shortly afterwards, I read about the broken heart diagnosis, especially in women. Grief of any kind goes straight to the heart. I will pray for you all. I now am nursing my other almost 17 year old cat who is having trouble walking and will pass or be put down soon. I love him dearly but he is not my favorite like his brother. I will grieve but it will not let it break my heart this time. How do animals get so into our hearts? Carolyn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Momling Posted October 11, 2010 Share Posted October 11, 2010 I am so so sorry - for you and your girls and for the poor dog. I'm sure you are drained, so take care of yourself. I personally think that you probably should tell your grandmother - or have someone else tell her. Maybe your husband could make a trip and tell her if you are feeling too emotional. If your grandmother is mentally competent enough to put herself in assisted living, she is deserving of the respect of being included in basic family news, even bad news. She's a big girl, and even though it's hard for you to deal with it, I am not sure that hiding news from her is the right thing to do. She probably would find out eventually anyway. She could live for many years in assisted living. The truth, to me, is always safest. Once the truth is told, it can be retold as needed. But not telling the truth sets up years of hiding and builds resentment. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ma23peas Posted October 11, 2010 Author Share Posted October 11, 2010 Thank you all so much, my grandmother lives 2 hours away so we are not able to visit her often...it was just felicitous luck that we were able to take her there on Friday...her heart is not strong and that's what worries me...she was hospitalized 2 weeks before for a 'weak' heart and extremely low blood pressure...I just can't tell her yet...in my mind, I know I will tell her, I just don't know when. Tara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ZeldaRules Posted October 11, 2010 Share Posted October 11, 2010 Think if you don't tell her for 2 weeks and you then decide to tell her and somehow one of your kids mentions the dog has been gone for more than what you decide to tell her...she will be one very upset grandma that you didn't tell her when it happened. It is sad that this happened, but please tell her soon. If you feel you can't tell her, have your husband do it. I'm sorry. Losing a pet is very hard. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gaillardia Posted October 12, 2010 Share Posted October 12, 2010 I keep looking at this thread and wondering how you're doing with your thoughts on telling your grandmother... My grandmother was in frail health after my mother died of cancer. She was in frail health mentally as well. I didn't mention anything about my mom when I would go to see her or call her. I don't know if my uncles ever told her about my mom. We would just sit and chat and giggle while she was recovering from surgery in a rehab place. Then she was put into a rest home because there was no one to help her and she was too frail. She was two hours from me as well (you mentioned that's the distance you travel to see your g-ma). One day as we visited she said she didn't understand why X (my mom) didn't come to see her much anymore. I gulped hard and reminded her that X had died, "don't you remember?" I said. Well, slap me around. She went through the grieving process all over again. She looked terrified. Okay, different situation, yes. But not long after that she asked the same thing. (Dementia perhaps, and maybe your grandma doesn't have this, but still)... This time I said I was surprised X hadn't come to see her. (I believe in spiritual visitation from those who have died). I said nothing about X's death, but we chatted about X and I let it go, she let it go. To me, nothing that I said was untrue. Another poster mentioned a grieving heart, a weak heart. Take it easy on your ol' granny. She's not surrounded by family to chat with 24 hrs. a day, to reason things out, to feel comfort from them. Just thought I'd throw my 2 cents in.:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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