Giving up the dream

[chris's girl]

At least for now.

DD 12yo is a learner like I was--able to handle reading and writing with ease, memory like an elephant, loves to think deeply and just really enjoys schoolish stuff.

 

DD 9yo and DS 8yo? Well, let's just say that my head is no longer full of lying under a tree by a babbling brook while my children read William Shakespeare and then act it out perfectly for me, and recite Alfred Lord Tennyson with feeling, and have the ability to translate the Latin Vulgate, and......the dream of academic excellence is dead/on hold/....??

 

I have perfect peace that God made them who they are and that it's really ME that has to adjust. I know that He knows who they are and that any LDs they have will be part of the plan for their lives and that maybe they will even excel in other areas *because* of them. I guess I just want to look into the future and see that it did, in fact, all come out okay. That they don't HAVE to spout references from "the GREAT books" to fulfill their purpose in life.

[anissa]

I hear you, sister, and well said!

[PollyOR]

Stephanie, thank you for sharing. I needed to "hear" this.

[claussenpc]

I love it when someone else admits to having "real" children who are just normal. Exactly who they were created to be!!

 

You never know though...many are just late bloomers.

 

I never thought my dd10 would read or love to read. She was still sounding out words at the beginning of this year. Now she is devouring Little House on the Prairie !!! Yeh God!! Note: God will use her greatly....without "the great books". All she will really need is The Great Book .

[claussenpc]

You have just been given a new dream. I believe that it is probably better than the first one.

[Mom_Abear]

Such a beautiful post!!!

 

I love your perspective and outlook on life!

 

I believe God knew just what He was doing when He chose you to be their mother, too! ;)

[chris's girl]

Thank you all for your kind words. I am so glad I am not the only one. :)

I will embrace my "new dream" and maybe still hold a place in my heart for a "late bloomer".

[MtnTeaching]

I found out the end of this past year that my dreams for my 11 yo little girl were also going to need to be "re-routed", so to say. She isn't going to be the book-devouring phenom that her brother is, independent work is very hard for her and remembering the steps to long division seems beyond her grasp.

 

I sniffed about my departed dreams for a few days, then realized that my sweet girl is artistic, loving, logical, and still likes to learn new things. Like you said, we are the ones who need to adjust. I am the one who learns differently than she does, not the other way around.

 

You and I are now beginning a new adventure - stepping out of our comfort zones of books and papers. Our children need us to be strong, to fight for them, to find that talent or gift that is unique to them, and to capitalize on it. Most of all, our children need to know they are perfect in our eyes and that our arms will always be there wide open and ready to hug when the going gets tough.

 

I'll be thinking of you.:grouphug:

[cin]

And this is WHY we homeschool. So that each child can be educated according to their learning style. So we can help strengthen their strengths, and allow them their weaknesses. We are not made alike. The world would be sooo boring if we were!

[Jennefer@SSA]

Beautiful post and something every parent needs to read when you have a child for whom the road will look different.

 

It reminds me of the story that floats around the world of special needs families about planning a trip to Italy but ending up in Holland. Holland really is an amazing place but if you've been dreaming about Italy all your life it takes some time to adjust to this new yet amazing country. Here is a link to that if you have never read it. It's beautiful.

 

Thank you for sharing and your girls are lucky to have you!

[Country Mouse]

And this is WHY we homeschool. So that each child can be educated according to their learning style. So we can help strengthen their strengths, and allow them their weaknesses. We are not made alike. The world would be sooo boring if we were!

 

:iagree:

 

Well said.

 

To the OP :grouphug:, your children will be so grateful that you accept them for who they are.

[prairiegirl]

Stephanie, thank you for that post. Beautifully said. I am not as far along as you are in being at peace with the relingquishing of the dream but I am getting there. :001_smile:

[michaeljenn]

I am right there with you!! It is hard to let go of our homeschool fantasies!! Lol. My oldest is headed to public high school, which is so hard for me! But, it is the right thing for him. My other 5 will be home and I just don't think we will get around to learning Latin. Ha. But we do know quite a few Latin/Greek roots!! Also, my kids love each other and we are happy and very close knit. What more could I want???

[chris's girl]

Jennefer--what a beautiful story! I had never read that, but it is spot on! My oldest son is an Aspie so I relate to that story anyway, but I think even more so with his and his sister's education.

I keep reminding myself "will they know what 2+2 equals?" Yes, they will. "Will they know who God is?" Yes, they will. Like a PP said, THE great book is more important, as well as their knowing I love them just like they are. Fact is, they will know a whole bunch of other stuff I don't even know how to describe, so who am I to be the judge of intelligence? My husband is not good with books either. His eyes glaze over when I ask him to read a section of a book I am in. He doesn't know history like I do. But boy, can that man fix anything! And when it comes down to it, when I have a dead car in the garage, I don't want someone to come and read War and Peace to it. I want someone to fix it. His knowledge is useful where my own is useless sometimes. Boy, how thankful I am that he's NOT like me! If my children turn out to be like their dad, the world will be a better place. :)

[Sahamamama]

And they are only 8 and 9, so it's probably too soon to tell how they will "turn out." FWIW, my nephew struggled when he was 10 -- absolutely clueless, that boy was -- and he's doing much better now at 13. :001_huh:

 

He's 13? When did THAT happen. :crying: I feel old.

Edited July 26, 2010 by Sahamamama

[Sahamamama]

And this is WHY we homeschool. So that each child can be educated according to their learning style. So we can help strengthen their strengths, and allow them their weaknesses. We are not made alike. The world would be sooo boring if we were!

 

:iagree:

[jelbe5]

Thank you for posting this. My oldest dd is very smart, but so not an "academic". When I finally began to adjust MY thinking and changed MY picture of "how things should be" our relationship began to flourish. Took a while though. She will be 15 this week. She becoming a wonderful person and I trust her future will be a good one.

 

Adrianne in IL

[dtonito3]

I don'tthink you are giving up the dream..... I think the dream goes on. I have a son with ADD and another who has ants in his pants. I swore I would never homeschool the 2nd one and of course God sat back and giglled. I loved yoru post and think you are wise to adjust to accept and to move on to another way for the time being... our dreams are a long journey and I hate to be the one to burst your bubble , so to speak.... as long as youare home and you have kids.... you are homeschooling..... you are just placing different academic standards on yourself..... good luck and be proud to listen to God's direction for you and your family...

[chris's girl]

Sahamamama,

Yes, I do hold out hope that the literature bug will bite them one day. Within the next month they will be 9 and 10, but yes, still very young. I think it might have more to do with me and my standards, though, rather than them. THEY are not worried about who they will be. lol.They know it will work out and look forward to growing up.

[Catherine]

Without getting into the nitty-gritty details, our issues were different from some of yours, but the similarity is in how *I* needed to change.

 

Just for a bit of encouragement, he is 17 now. He's a good kid-has a plan for life, far more driven, organized and happy than I ever thought possible during the long years when......he wasn't any of those things, or even close to it.

 

I so agree with CIN: thank goodness we can homeschool them and honor the perfectly wonderful little people they actually ARE. Homeschooling saved my son's life. I don't think it's an exaggeration to say that. Chin up! You are doing a good thing for your children and for the world.

[kittysmom]

We have the same dynamic here. Child #1 was practically born reading and loves all things academic. Child #2 doesn't. It's hard to let go of those ideals, especially when you have one child that excels in the traditional route.

 

I just can't wait to see what's in store with my child #3! :)

[Aludlam]

I had a moment much like that this past weekend. I was driving a leg of our weekend trip and was in silence (something I don't get very often!) for quite awhile ... I thought about one of my children and the differences between that one and the other two. When I have those thoughts, I always think back and think that maybe it was something "I" did while I was pregnant. Well, Saturday it finally dawned on me ... Who am I to think that insignificant "me" could have done anything that would have changed HIS plans for my child? I am only his servant and will gladly work to raise this child for HIS glory. All is HIS time and in HIS plan.

[iammommy]

At least for now.

DD 12yo is a learner like I was--able to handle reading and writing with ease' date=' memory like an elephant, loves to think deeply and just really enjoys schoolish stuff.

 

DD 9yo and DS 8yo? Well, let's just say that my head is no longer full of lying under a tree by a babbling brook while my children read William Shakespeare and then act it out perfectly for me, and recite Alfred Lord Tennyson with feeling, and have the ability to translate the Latin Vulgate, and......the dream of academic excellence is dead/on hold/....??

 

I have perfect peace that God made them who they are and that it's really ME that has to adjust. I know that He knows who they are and that any LDs they have will be part of the plan for their lives and that maybe they will even excel in other areas *because* of them. I guess I just want to look into the future and see that it did, in fact, all come out okay. That they don't HAVE to spout references from "the GREAT books" to fulfill their purpose in life.[/quote']

 

Very well said, and you're not alone. I am right here with you.

 

Nan:001_smile:

[chris's girl]

Thanks, everyone! You have been a great encouragement.

Angela, I have said the same thing about pregnancy. I think God knew I was not going to eat enough for them (I was pregnant 2x in a year with them), and made His plan to *include* the difficulties they would have. Regardless of any superficial stuff (in the grand scheme of things), He loves them like they are and WILL use them if they submit to Him. It's a great comfort that God can use anyone and everyone brilliantly for His plan.