Motivating young child to stop playing and do school

[MotherGoose]

First, let me say that I know it's perfectly normal for my 4 yo to want to play instead of read. I do not push her--if she's obviously done, then we stop. I try not to be frustrated with her because I know she's intellectually able to read--began with cat sat etc before she was 4 but is a normal 4 yo and would rather play. So this year I am following her lead and I read lots of books aloud to her, do artwork, play with pattern blocks, etc. 4-K is not important. I don't want to turn her off to anything school-like. My question is, when she's 5 or 6 and she really does have to do school, maybe for only an hour or two a day, but she really does have to do something, how do I make this happen? I imagine I could force her to do school, like I have to force her to take a bath or clean up her room sometimes, but I don't want to have to do that on a regular basis. What's people's experience with this?

[athena1277]

First off, make sure you don't give her any reason to think of school as a "chore". Keep everything about it positive. Say things like "Next year in K we will get to learn all about X!" Realize too that in a year she will have matured a lot and when those colorful books arrive she will be "chomping at the bit" to "start school" so she can use/read them.

[bry's-gal]

My daughter does best when she has a deadline. For example, you need to read for 30 minutes, I'll sit the timer. Or, xyz and need to be finished by the time the timer goes off. I also let her know what she does if she finishes by the time the timer goes off.

[coffeegal]

I like to start school at the age of 4, just to start the habit. What worked best with my 7yo was to put 'school time' just before his snack. We'd do 5 minutes or so of phonics, and then I'd give him his snack. His school time gradually increased to 20-30 minutes at 5 & 6. When he finished phonics, I no longer put school at snack time, but the habit is there. He doesn't have a fit when I tell him it's time for school. ;)

 

If you decide to start at 5 instead of 4, go right ahead. Just start with a super short & easy school day, and gradually build from there. (Keep up with the informal schoolwork, since young children learn a lot from it.) Do 5 minutes of schoolwork that's about 3 months or so behind where she is, right before snacktime. At this age, the habit of sitting down and getting her schoolwork finished is most important. It pays off later, when you have 12 & 13 yos who can be counted on to get their schoolwork done. :D

[ChristusG]

My just turned 6 year old is like this. For the past year we've been doing kindergarten. It's hard to take her away from playing with her little sister. I try to give them as much playtime together as possible. They play in the mornings before we even begin school. Also, I tell DD6 that "When we finish reading and math, you get a break to go play with sissy. Then after the break, you will come back and we'll do some science and Bible, then you'll get another break." And so forth. She likes to be able to "see" the future breaks.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Make it part of your routine - your daily life. Some chores are part of our daily routine, same as some hygiene habits. I can't say that I get excited about brushing my teeth, but I don't throw a tantrum either. I just do it. Same with much of our school routine. It is just what we do.

 

Now the content. . . that we do find ourselves getting excited about. When that lightbulb goes off for myself, I will tell the kids "Wow, I didn't know that! I just figured this out!" They catch my excitement and I find them telling the rest of us about their own lightbulb moments.

[myfunnybunch]

I imagine I could force her to do school, like I have to force her to take a bath or clean up her room sometimes, but I don't want to have to do that on a regular basis. What's people's experience with this?

 

Actually, this is exactly what it's like sometimes. We bathe so that we will be clean. It's not optional. We pick up toys so that the room is neat and safe to walk in. Not optional. We brush teeth so our mouths will be healthy. And we do school so that our minds will be healthy. It's just what we do.

 

Of course, as moms we want it to be fun. We can try our best to make it motivating, challenging, interesting. I think I'm a pretty fun teacher a lot of the time, and I try to make school a great experience. But the crux of the matter is that school is what we do, even when they (or I) would rather do something else.

 

When we create a school routine, it's just like brushing teeth, taking a bath, picking up toys. Just like taking a bath or picking up, once the routine is established, it's a habit and you're not having to battle over it every single day. It won't happen magically at age 5-6, but if you're firm, gentle, consistent, positive, fun it will happen gradually as it becomes a habit.

 

For now, have fun and give her lots to look forward to. And when you and she are ready, start working on the learning routine that suits you best. :)

 

Cat

[Joanne]

First, let me say that I know it's perfectly normal for my 4 yo to want to play instead of read. I do not push her--if she's obviously done, then we stop. I try not to be frustrated with her because I know she's intellectually able to read--began with cat sat etc before she was 4 but is a normal 4 yo and would rather play. So this year I am following her lead and I read lots of books aloud to her, do artwork, play with pattern blocks, etc. 4-K is not important. I don't want to turn her off to anything school-like. My question is, when she's 5 or 6 and she really does have to do school, maybe for only an hour or two a day, but she really does have to do something, how do I make this happen? I imagine I could force her to do school, like I have to force her to take a bath or clean up her room sometimes, but I don't want to have to do that on a regular basis. What's people's experience with this?

 

My kids are now 15, 13 and 11 and test at or above grade level. They've been homeschooled (often under difficult circumstances) from the beginning.

 

My advice?

 

 

1. Stop globalizing. Children at 4, 5, 6 and 7 are developmentally very different. Don't base fear of your child at 6 based on what they do at 4.

2. Readiness for formal academics varies widely. The truth is you can spend a year teaching phonics and they'll get it. Or you can wait a year and teach the same stuff in 60 days. And they'll get it.

3. Short, frequent lessons work well. And I mean short. 5 minutes of phonics, math, social studies, writing here and there throughout the day is a lot and sufficient.

4. Read aloud a lot from literature.

5. There is a place for "imposing" and "forcing school". I did so with my crew today for our summer studies. But they are teens.

6. Drop the idea that the "real world" needs to mimic or mirror her life in early elementary. Sure, someday she will have to get to work on time and not make mud pies. But not this year or the next or the year after that. She'll have many more years of schedules than she will of being little.

7. Character and discipline can not be forced or imposed through punishment. It can be shaped and influenced. And then it can only be shaped and influenced to the extent of developmental ability. She can't be made more mature than she actually is.

8. Enjoy her. I wish I had enjoyed mine more and worried less.

 

[dirty ethel rackham]

My kids are now 15, 13 and 11 and test at or above grade level. They've been homeschooled (often under difficult circumstances) from the beginning.

 

My advice?

 

 

1. Stop globalizing. Children at 4, 5, 6 and 7 are developmentally very different. Don't base fear of your child at 6 based on what they do at 4.

2. Readiness for formal academics varies widely. The truth is you can spend a year teaching phonics and they'll get it. Or you can wait a year and teach the same stuff in 60 days. And they'll get it.

3. Short, frequent lessons work well. And I mean short. 5 minutes of phonics, math, social studies, writing here and there throughout the day is a lot and sufficient.

4. Read aloud a lot from literature.

5. There is a place for "imposing" and "forcing school". I did so with my crew today for our summer studies. But they are teens.

6. Drop the idea that the "real world" needs to mimic or mirror her life in early elementary. Sure, someday she will have to get to work on time and not make mud pies. But not this year or the next or the year after that. She'll have many more years of schedules than she will of being little.

7. Character and discipline can not be forced or imposed through punishment. It can be shaped and influenced. And then it can only be shaped and influenced to the extent of developmental ability. She can't be made more mature than she actually is.

8. Enjoy her. I wish I had enjoyed mine more and worried less.

 

 

:iagree: My oldest was ready and willing to do school at age 3. I had to make him go play. My middle child was wasn't quite so ready. I learned that his attention span was completely different and that it, indeed, was a developmental thing. Dd loves to one-on-one attention, but is not crazy about doing school - she would rather write stories or read than sit down to do school. I've learned to worry a lot less about her.

[MotherGoose]

Thanks for your comments, everyone. Helpful! I think part of it is my issue, because I am looking forward to teaching her and think it will be fun to see her learn to read and do everything else under my tutelage, and I've read up on the subject since before she could walk, and so I'm ready--and add that to the fact that she's definitely intellectually ready to read, does know her sounds and the concept of c-a-t being cat, and so I'm excited! We have plenty to do besides read in the natural world, and I read her lots of good books, many a day usually.

[Guest]

Thanks for your comments, everyone. Helpful! I think part of it is my issue, because I am looking forward to teaching her and think it will be fun to see her learn to read and do everything else under my tutelage, and I've read up on the subject since before she could walk, and so I'm ready--and add that to the fact that she's definitely intellectually ready to read, does know her sounds and the concept of c-a-t being cat, and so I'm excited! We have plenty to do besides read in the natural world, and I read her lots of good books, many a day usually.

 

This is very honest! I was much the same when I began with my daughter; but it's a fine line between excitement and pushing because YOU are eager to get at it (and I say this with total empathy because I've been there and done that). Your daughter may be intellectually ready, but there's more to it than that: there's the physical development of vision, attention and focus, and emotional readiness too. There are so many ways for her to learn besides turning to formal reading lessons now. It sounds like you're doing a wonderful job, having lots of fun together! There's no need to ramp it up further.

 

If you truly feel she has a desire to learn/do more yet resists being pulled away from her play, it's possible to introduce an element of "school" into your day yet keep it completely developmentally appropriate for a child so young: make your activities a form of play. This is how my daughter definitely liked her early learning. Peggy Kaye's series of books Games For Reading, Games For Math, Games For Learning, etc. are wonderful treasure-loads of examples of how to turn acquiring and practicing skills into really fun things you do together.

[alpidarkomama]

I don't make learning "mandatory" until they're 6, and they all know that's the magic age so the transition is no problem at all. Until then, they are invited to do Hebrew, reading, and math, but if they don't feel like doing it on a particular morning that's fine. I'd say they choose to learn with me 4 out of 5 days.

[Parrothead]

For Kinder and 1st grade school doesn't take long. For us formal Kinder lasted 15 minutes twice a day. I didn't give dd any choice about it. About 11a I told her that it was time to do school. We toke care of reading lessons, had lunch, took short rest then started the next 15 minute session with math.

 

Part of our every day schedule prior to fitting school in always included some kind of educational craft that I could call science or history so it wasn't anything formal until 1st grade.

 

For 1st grade school started a little earlier, lasted 15-20 minutes longer for each session and science and history got a bit more formal. In 2nd grade I added grammar and spelling and another 20 minutes to our school time.

 

We really had a natural progression. Our biggest problem getting work done occurred this past year. After missing her outside activities due to dawdling that hasn't happened again.