s/o sailor girl...driving a car and sailing

[ktgrok]

I was one of the ones that wouldn't let their daughter sail aound the world. This could be because I grew up on boats, and my father was a commercial fisherman, and I have a healthy fear of the open ocean and what can happen, even if you are very experienced. I also personally think "experienced" would mean many years of solo sailing and at her age I don't see how that is possible, but maybe it is. What really got to me was people comparing it to driving a car, which is dangerous, and why would I allow one and not the other. I thought about it and this was my conclusion.

 

I would allow my teen to drive a car, and I would allow my daughter to sail. However...I wouldn't allow my teen to drive cross country by herself and I wouldn't allow my teen to circumnavigate the wold by boat herself. To be even more controversial I wouldn't want my husband to drive cross country by himself, and I know for dang sure he wouldn't want me to do so. I'd be ok with he or I doing it with a friend though, although he'd probably still be nervous if I did it without a male friend.

 

 

Thoughts?

[Lolly]

I wouldn't let a beginning driver drive across the country. I don't believe this girl was anywhere near a beginning sailor. I would have no problems with my dc who have plenty of driving experience drive across the country. I would not think twice about dh doing it. I have done it myself, well with 4 youngsters in tow which some would think would make it worse/harder. My almost 18 yo dd would probably have no problems with a solo cross country drive. My 15a would most likely be ready for it by the time she is 17. (My kids get a lot of driving time, including long distance interstate.) I seriously doubt that they would want to do it though.

[SailorMom]

That makes sense - i can understand the rational - but I don't know if the comparison works for the same reason as the last post - she had been sailing her whole life....

Also - keep in mind - most car accidents happen within a mile or so of home.

[AngieW in Texas]

The statistic (most accidents happen within a mile of home) is because statistically that is the start and end point for most of your trips. The place where you most often are driving is where you statistically have the most chance of having an accident because there are many more opportunities for an accident to happen there.

[Sumiller]

To me the question would be. . .would I let my teen drive solo across the country if he had to drive over the Rocky Mountains during the winter months when at any time a blizzard could hit???

 

The answer. . . no.

 

My problem with Abby Sunderland is that she was traversing a section of ocean during a time that everyone seems to admit is potentially hazardous (winter in the southern hemisphere). Also this morning I was reading about just how difficult the rescue was because of the distances from the rescuing countries to where she was stranded. Sure, the rescue was not impossible but definitely difficult and expensive to those involved.

 

Personally, I think that if you as a parent want to allow your child the freedom to try this kind of adventure then you should be required to get some kind of insurance that would help defray the costs if your child needs rescuing. I don't think the taxpayers of any country should have to foot the bill.

[Parrothead]

I've driven across the country by myself. Well I had dd with me. She was 3-years old. We went from Charleston, SC to Yuma, AZ. I was 2 hours shy of coast-to-coast. I've also almost done the north-south version alone.

 

I suppose there is a different mindset that allows some to do things that others think is stupid or extremely dangerous. If there weren't sailors willing to take risks Americans/Australians would be living mostly in Europe.

 

 

(I'm not going to touch the "without a male friend" with a 10-foot pole.;))

[Mejane]

My friend and I drove cross-country and back in her rattle-trap car when we were 19. We were gone for two months. We saw so much of our amazing country and met great people along the way. I still consider it one of the greatest experiences of my life.

[Danestress]

and she and her family should choose what feels right to them.

 

I personally would not have a problem driving cross country by myself. I am not afraid to camp by myself or go for a walk alone on the greenway, though I know women who wouldn't do those things because they feel scared. I am not, willing, however, to sleep in a hotel with room access from the outside. Reasonable? Probably not. But I am glad I get to make my choices and you get to make yours.

 

My mother was held at gunpoint in our local family run pharmacy. I am sure there are men some places in the world who would say, "That is why we don't allow women to leave the home without a male family member." And those people might actually think that my mother should have paid for the costs of a police response because she shouldn't have been out by herself in the first place.

 

It's just a cost benefit analysis, and people don't estimate the costs and benefits of things based solely on statistics. We are not necessary good at accurately guessing the relative risks of various activities and we use emotions along with sense. What I see as the costs and benefits of Abby's adventure are probably very different than how she and her parents see them. How oppressed you feel by not taking a walk at night may be minimal. For me, it would have to be a pretty objectively dangerous neighborhood for me to be willing to limit myself that way. So I think these things are not just "how risky is this" but also, "How much do I want to do it anyway?" If something seems scary to me (cheap hotels, answering the door when I am home alone) and I don't really want to do them, I don't do them. If something seems scary but desirable, I might do it anyway.

 

With teen drivers, it's clear that there is a higher risk for teen drivers, and not just because all new drivers are more at risk. Young new drivers are more at risk that older new drivers. Car accidents are the leading cause of death of teens. But parents continue to let their 16 year olds drive at night because they really really want to. They know the costs. They know this is the most dangerous time in their child's life. They understand that it would be safer to delay driving by a few years. But their benefits seem to out way the costs in their minds. It's legal for a 16 year old to drive, so they do it. It makes the parents like easier and give the child independence, and they figure it's worth it. What Abby did was also legal. I might think it was an unnecessary risk, but she might see the benefits as much greater than I do.

Edited June 17, 2010 by Danestress

[katemary63]

To be even more controversial I wouldn't want my husband to drive cross country by himself, and I know for dang sure he wouldn't want me to do so. I'd be ok with he or I doing it with a friend though, although he'd probably still be nervous if I did it without a male friend.Thoughts?

 

Wow! If I hadn't been willing to drive across country by myself or if my DH hadn't been willing to let me, He wouldn't have seen me or our daughters for 8 months. That sure wouldn't have been fun. My DH changed jobs from IL to AR and our house took 8 months to sell. I drove the 13 hour trip once a month 8 times by myself with a two year old and a 12 year old to visit him and our son in AR. No big deal.

 

I have continued to make the trip yearly to visit my oldest daughter. It's a piece of cake. I've done it alone, with my kids and with only the little one. I've never had a problem. There is absolutely no place I wouldn't drive if I had a good reason. I am a confident, grown woman and it would take a lot to scare me into being restricted in what I want to do. I don't in any way consider long distance travel any riskier then local travel. How? If you have a cell phone and a credit card, you are good to go! (And nowdays, a GPS is helpful too!) But really, what could happen on a long distance trip that couldn't happen just down the road?

 

In fact, both my older kids (1 boy, 1 girl) made the same 13 hour trip alone at age 17. And I mean ALONE, not with each other. My oldest daughter went to college in Nebraska. If she wanted to come home, she had to drive - nine hours. She did it many times her freshman and sophmore years. (Then transfered closer)

 

The difference between long distance driving and sailing alone is obvious. On the road, there is help all around you at all times. You are never more then a few minutes from a law enforcement officer, towtruck or hotel if you need to stop. Sailing around the world is not in any way similar and obviously a totally different kind of risk. What did it take, 2 DAYS for someone to reach that stranded girl? I think it's redicuous to compare the two, no matter what the "statistics" say. If I or my kids were caught in a terrible storm, we'd just stop at a hotel and wait till it was over in complete safety. Not so in the middle of the Indian ocean.

 

I try not to limit myself out of fear. I also try not to take unreasonable risks. There is a good middle ground each person needs to find for themselves. But, personally, I find being afraid of a long distance road trip a bit on the overly fearful side. Next fall, I am taking my DD10 on a road trip to the East Coast, alone - just the two of us. We will be visiting some family and friends and stopping at historical sights along the way. We plan to be on the road about a week to 10 days. I can't wait!

[katemary63]

Personally, I think that if you as a parent want to allow your child the freedom to try this kind of adventure then you should be required to get some kind of insurance that would help defray the costs if your child needs rescuing. I don't think the taxpayers of any country should have to foot the bill.

 

:iagree: I was SHOCKED to find out they did not have insurance for a possible rescue or even a rescue plan in place. They just hoped other's would rescue her if needed? Absurd.

[elegantlion]

My dh has drive across country by himself, on a motorcycle. I drove on a long distance trip, going through seven states in one week. The only reason it wasn't more because I only had a week off.

 

I wouldn't let an inexperienced driver go across country by themselves, but yes, I do hope my ds will someday take a journey like that for himself.

 

There's nothing like driving through the beautiful hills of West Virginia and hearing John Denver on the radio. Ironically it was the same weekend he died. It added a bittersweet element to the memory.

 

How about driving to the top of Snowy Range in WY in July to find it still covered in six feet of snow.

 

I remember the first time I saw the Pacific ocean. I was about nine and my dad had driven an ungodly amount of hours per day (in a station wagon) so we could get from MO to CA and back again in two weeks. We saw a ton of stuff on that trip. It was freezing, but it was wonderful.

 

We've driven off the beaten path in North Carolina and found where the road literally ended.

 

Ironically the highway near our house is dangerous, there are always accidents. However, life doesn't always happen on the highway, sometimes you have to focus on the stopping points along the way and explore the back roads. yes, the road less taken is the better choice.

[TravelingChris]

My issue is with the dangerousness for her but with the irresponsobility of the family. I can see why Australians are livid about paying for some American teenagers foolhardiness and the parents who let her do this. WHat hubris! People should pay for themselves if they want to do irresponsible things. I don't think driving is irresponsible by itself but there we have insurance to pay for potential damage to others and hopefully, insurance to pay for medical costs to our children if they have an accident. Expecting others to pay for foolishness is the height of irresponsibility and the fact that the kid wants to do it is no reason to let them. My kids had all sorts of crazy plans that they couldn't do and they accepted our arguments that things are too dangerous or too expensive or whatever the reason was.

[Spy Car]

It serves well to remember that even a ship as venerable as the Pequod, with a Captain as able as the great Ahab, managed to lose her three masts overboard in a typhoon off Japan.

 

Bill (who dreams of returning to sea)

[ktgrok]

I should have clarifed that my concern with driving cross country is not so much a car accident, but other issues, such as staying in campgrounds or hotels on their own, stopping at gas stations in remote areas all alone, etc. I WOULD allow such a trip if it was a group of friends, just not a solo trip. And of course i would drive such a trip if I needed too, i just don't think DH would be happy if I wanted to do it all alone. He also would not be happy with me staying alone in motels in the middle of nowhere. The thought of my 16 year old daughter in a foreign port on her own makes me VERY nervous!

[Lolly]

I should have clarifed that my concern with driving cross country is not so much a car accident, but other issues, such as staying in campgrounds or hotels on their own, stopping at gas stations in remote areas all alone, etc. I WOULD allow such a trip if it was a group of friends, just not a solo trip. And of course i would drive such a trip if I needed too, i just don't think DH would be happy if I wanted to do it all alone. He also would not be happy with me staying alone in motels in the middle of nowhere. The thought of my 16 year old daughter in a foreign port on her own makes me VERY nervous!

 

The risks are much lower than perceived. I would actually be less inclined to allow it with a group of friends than alone. I would be most comfortable with just one buddy along.