Ok...That WORD...What do your kids do to "Socialize." Especially teens....

[Mommyfaithe]

This was never a biggie with me...and I NEVER EVER worried about it with my older kids...I actually steered away from socializing because quite frankly, I wasn't too happy about what they picked up @ social time...even @ church.

 

So, anyway, my very soon to be 16 year old has been a competitive swimmer since he was 9. Nature has not agreed with him in this area as he is not tall and as thin as he needs to be to compete at a higher level...and I think he is a bit burnt out by the whole process. It is very difficult to train really hard for YEARS and not progress while you see all your friends moving ahead and into a more competitive field. He is good...he is just not GREAT. And he is TIRED.

 

I think he may need a break...and somehow pulling him out of a routine he has had for years and years would be stupid without some kind of back-up plan. Swimming and swim team is where his social activity is. This last year was really hard for him because some of his friends left the team, and the others are very cliquish....often only hanging out with only the very best swimmers on the team. I feel like his esteem has really taken a beating and I would like to have him do some other things next year.

 

SO...if you had an athlete who needed a break from his sport, what other activities would you choose for him to do? What other social activities do your kids do?

 

Thanks,

Faithe

[Parrothead]

I don't have a teen but I once was one. My first thought after reading your post was, "Have you asked him what he wants to do?" I also thought that you've already done this age way more times than I ever will so be gentle when you shoot me down.

 

I'd have to think that if my dd at 16 no longer wanted to dance or take Karate any more I'd have to let her quit. And after 13 years of dance and/or 8 years of martial arts if she did not want to do any more than hang around with friends I'd have to let her.

 

If your ds has friends that are good kids, let them have at it for a while. Eventually something will spark an interest again.

[NanceXToo]

Well, I find it a little funny, really, that you are asking what other activities I would choose for my 16 year old to do. I wouldn't choose an activity for a 16 year old. He's definitely well past old enough to choose his own activities. So I'd chat with him. Does he want to stay in swimming despite what you've said? If so, I'd leave that up to him. Does he want to stop? If so, I'd leave that up to him. Does he want to just chill out at home and do nothing for a while? Fine! I'd try to find out, if I wasn't already sure, what he was interested in other than swimming and then I'd do a bit of research and find out whether there was any sort of club, activity, class, or whatever geared around those interests he mentions, and then I'd bring it to his attention and ask if he wanted to check this or that out, assuming he hadn't already told me what he wanted to try, do or check out.

 

My daughter is younger, only 9 1/2. She is in Girl Scouts, 4H, and we belong to a homeschool group that has frequent get togethers and planned outings and field trips. In the summer she also takes swim lessons, goes to free summer library programs, and attends a couple of weeks of art camp/classes because she really likes art. Over this past winter/spring we joined a homeschool bowling league. In the fall she's going to return to gymnastics which she's done here and there, as I'm going to bring her AND her little brother at the same time. After school hours, she plays with neighborhood friends and cousins who live on our street. We visit with family. I'll have to play by ear how all these things change as she reaches her teen years.

 

In your son's case, at his age, like I said, I'd find out what his interests are. Is he interested in another sport? Does he want to try something else that's not a sport, maybe some sort of art camp or drama/theater class, or music lessons? Does he have something he's good at that he might want to start trying to teach to other people? Is there something he might be interested in doing along the lines of volunteer work? Does he want to get a part time job? Does he want to try apprenticing himself somewhere? All of these things can lead to social opportunities. But I'd leave it largely up to him.

[Hockey Mom]

My first thought was, has he looked into being a lifeguard for the summer? Or what about teaching younger kids how to swim?

[Osmosis Mom]

My first thought was, has he looked into being a lifeguard for the summer? Or what about teaching younger kids how to swim?

 

I think these are excellent suggestions. I sympathize with the OP. She does not mean that he can't find an activity on his own. The issue is when you have done something for years and need to move on; breaking the pattern is hard when you still like the sport, but some logistics are not working out. Also, how is it going to be working out X amount of times pr. week to doing nothing? It's a huge change. My ds has done soccer since age 4, competitively since age 7 and on private teams the last few years so I totally understand your dilemma.

[Skadi]

My first thought was, has he looked into being a lifeguard for the summer? Or what about teaching younger kids how to swim?

 

This was going to be my suggestion! If he's still interested in swimming, transition him out of competitive sports and show him how all those years weren't "wasted" because he can use those skills to earn extra money. I'm especially keen on the idea of him giving swimming lessons to other homeschooled kids. The value of running your own business and working with kids is indispensable!

[dansamy]

When I was a teenager, I had acquaintenances at school. My friends were at church. So, for my perspective, I never will understand the great "socialization" debate. I was raised in a very conservative Pentecostal atmosphere that my introverted self really did thrive in. I imagine it would have been more difficult for me in a more liberal environment.

 

I agree with a pp who stated she wouldn't choose activities for her 16yo. They are more than capable of choosing appropriate pursuits for themselves, within reason. Ask him what he'd like to do. Support him in his choice as long as it's legal/moral.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I would suggest that he look up some of his friends who left the sport too and get together with them.

[Danestress]

Would he be interested in trying triathlons?

 

Many triathlon competitors would say that swimming is their weakest element. Maybe he would enjoy cutting back just a little on the swimming and adding running and biking to his schedule. Then he could continue to be on the team, but with just a different goal - and an impressive, cool goal. Would his coach/swim team support him in that type of thing? I'm just envisioning telling the coach "We are going to start taking Mondays and Thursdays off for other training." Some swim organizations would be okay with that. Others might only have spots on a team for kids who are truly committed to the swim racing.

[Cedarmom]

When my son grew out of baseball, he joined debate. Not only has debate been great, but he made a lot of fantastic friends.

[smrtmama]

My oldest isn't a teen, but is almost 10. He has a few close friends that he sees regularly. I don't think he needs a large social group to be happy or well-socialized. In fact, I think the best socialization is across multiple generations, through interaction with younger and older people.

[Mejane]

It's tough when your kids have one over-riding passion. If that goes... :confused:

 

My kids dance; almost all their friends are dancers. One of the girls in daughter's class became too large to dance, so she started assisting the teacher with the littles. She loves it so much she's thinking of pursuing it as a career. Such twists and turns can often lead to self-discovery and a path one might not have thought of.

[jujsky]

Mine are little, but they've always been in activities. DS is doing Learn To Play Hockey, and we plan to keep him in it all next year. He is also doing gymnastics. DD takes 3 dance classes. Both kids are in a theater class & both will be starting Spiral Scouts together in a few weeks once the charter comes through for the circle my friend is starting. We also do a small, weekly co-op where the kids get to do a lot of the fun, group activities they would miss out on by being homeschooled.

[myfunnybunch]

I get it. :) It's not that you're choosing for him, he just may need some guidance or suggestions. Sometimes it's hard to think of other options when you've been doing one thing exclusively for a long time.

 

I think staying involved in swimming by lifeguarding or teaching is an excellent suggestion. The staff at our local pool seems very close-knit and they're a fantastic group of young people. (I play cards in the lobby with one ds while the other does swim lessons, so I overhear their conversations, lol.)

 

If he wants to transition to another sport, I'd look for activities that people do into adulthood: Karate or another martial art, hiking or cycling or running clubs, rock climbing. Something with a sense of community beyond just practicing the sport.

 

I also second the idea of getting in touch with his friends who have left the swim team. Maybe one or two of them would be interested in lifeguarding with him.

 

Cat

[Tap]

DS had the same experience with swimming. He plateaued, his friends went on to national times. He found Crew instead and really likes NOT competing. He specifically told me that he doesn't intend to compete for a long time.

 

He did join the high school swim team which was wayyyyy easier (almost annoyingly so) but he liked the camaraderie and the fun of it.

 

Otherwise, church is his outlet and his friends that he already had from the neighborhood. They have moved away but they still spend a lot of time together. He plays Warhammar- a miniature war game so that gives him one outlet. He is also still friends with some of the swimmers, and they have LAN parties (computer gaming where they are all linked) so he sees them there.