My kid is conceited.

[rootsnwings]

And it drives me IN. SANE.

 

I don't know why he acts like this. The only thing I can think of right off hand is that he was an only child for 6.5 years and basically got ALL of our attention. We've always been very AP with him, used gentle discipline and positive parenting. It just all seems to be backfiring on me now! :(

 

Is this just something 9 year olds go through? Is he compensating for something? He is a bit overweight (always has been 2-3 sizes ahead in clothing from the time he was 6months old & wearing 18mo clothing). He currently looks about 12, or maybe a smaller 13 or 14 year old. He's always just been really big. Is the conceitedness some sort of power play? Something along the lines of, 'I'm bigger & better than you'...???

 

IDK, but it is REALLY starting to bug me! :( I don't want him to be that type of person, yk?

 

Any help or advise would be GREATLY appreciated!!!!! :)

[IsabelC]

Could it be the pre puberty testosterone increase starting?

Maybe he's acting out because he feels insecure?

It can take a while to get over no longer being the only child, and sometimes it hits all over again when younger sibs reach milestones - eg all is fine with baby but toddler = threat, or more verbal preschooler, or whatever. Or it could be friend related rather than sibling related insecurity. Or the result of a change in family circumstances.

It might help people to offer comments if you could give some examples of how he acts conceited?

[Rosie_0801]

I remember my brother getting rather self righteous at that age. There was one argument where he insisted the street directory was wrong. It can be wrong about minor roads, I agree, but the next suburb is where it had always been.

 

Rosie

[rootsnwings]

ALL OF THE ABOVE!!!!!

 

Definately see the hormones starting to rage! He's never been violent, or even mean-spirited but lately he has started with the backtalk. :(

 

Definately self-righteous. He is ALWAYS right. Will argue with you til you're blue in the face if he really believes he's correct.

 

I think it's spot-on, what was posted about the siblings reaching milestones. Our baby just turned one so of course there has been great celebration for her birthday and, in hindsight, I can see him being a little peeved about it all. :( I just want him to ENJOY the babies, yk? I don't want him to feel like he has to compete with them.

 

Also spot-on with regards to social changes & possibly even peer pressure. He started playing baseball with the ps kids a little over a month ago and there are a few on his team that act like this too. I'm sure that's influencing him, and probably the most.

 

I just don't know how to curtail his behaviour before this becomes a part of who he wants to be, yk?! :(

[Rosie_0801]

I just don't know how to curtail his behaviour before this becomes a part of who he wants to be, yk?! :(

 

I think it's just part of hitting logic stage. Like toddler tantrums, they grow out of it. I think a kiss on the forehead and "do try to be charming" is all you can do.

 

Rosie

[NicksMama-Zack's Mama Too]

I think it's just part of hitting logic stage. Like toddler tantrums, they grow out of it. I think a kiss on the forehead and "do try to be charming" is all you can do.

 

Rosie

 

Rosie, I do enjoy having coffee with you every morning. You are a hoot and offer up some real gems.

 

BTW, I will be employing the "do try to be charming" into my daily conversation with my outrageously conceited teen.

 

Thanks!

 

K

[Peela]

I think it's just part of hitting logic stage. Like toddler tantrums, they grow out of it. I think a kiss on the forehead and "do try to be charming" is all you can do.

 

Rosie

 

I love that, Rosie :)

 

I do think it's a part of growing up for many kids. I am hoping ds14 grows out of it at some stage, though :)

 

You just have to love them anyway. I am finding teens a challenge and I had really hoped I would be the exception and my particular teens would not argue and push boundaries day after day.

[lionfamily1999]

Join us. We are the parents of 9yo that used to be well behaved kids (honest) until they started getting puberty. Lots of puberty. At least that's what we're telling ourselves.

 

All joking aside. Ds has started needing to be the best at everything. His best friends are both going through this too. The boys go between playing together to running home in angry huffs, to playing together. They can see the faults in each other, but not themselves. As of right now I just say, he's having puberty. Lots of puberty.

 

 

(fans of Monster House should appreciate that. My 3yo brought it to my attention, "Mom, Dew's having puberty. Lots of puberty.")

[Guest mrsjamiesouth]

I think it must be Puberty. My 9 year old son argued with me the other day about a math problem. He insisted that he was right and I was wrong for 20 minutes. I told him I think that I know my times tables better than you and 7X7 is not 42. I had to pull out the times table to prove that I was right.

[simka2]

Okay...wow...I'm in the middle of this!!! dc 9,8,8 and I was begining to think it was just me ;) You mean most kids at this age think their math book is wrong and they are right?! ;) They can argue about anything and everything!!!!! Oh well, good to know I'm not alone!!!

 

For the OP, one thing I thought of in regard to the more specific "conceited" issue. Sometimes, pride is a mask for feeling insecure. If dd just hit a milestone, ds may be feeling a bit insecure. Although, I don't know many at his age that don't feel some measure on insecurity. Includeing my own!:)

[Camy-7 boybarians 1 lady]

Perhaps he is actually a bit insecure and tries to cover it up by acting overly confident. One of my boys is like that, and I try to be very encouraging. I don't want to shoot down his self-confidence. However, I make sure to challenge him as much as possible. Maybe he needs a judo, karate, or wrestling activity.

 

Actually, boys, in general, tend to be overly self-confident. Some are just a bit more verbal about it.

 

If I were you, I'd start playing a lot of games with him, and show him no mercy...LOL... It would be a lot of fun, and maybe his attitude wouldn't aggravate you as much.

 

Blessings,

 

Camy

[Tutor]

Our dd13 tends to be the same way. I've always seen it as an "oldest child" thing... at least in our house. She has always shown herself very responsible, so we have given her a lot of freedom. When puberty hit, we realized that maybe she wasn't emotionally able to handle all of the freedom we have given her and have had to rein her in some. She is very comfortable around adults (good) but also sees herself as an adult (not good). Because of this view of herself, she tends to look down on younger children, those being immature (even if she is too), and speaks to adults in a tone that she thinks is joking or indignant (depending on the conversation) but comes across rude or conceited.

 

Sigh. When you figure out how to deal with it, let me know. I am trying to be diligent yet compassionate in dealing with her, but it's very tiring.

[Tree House Academy]

I don't know, but my almost 11 year old has already started into some kind of pre-puberty. It seems to be happening faster these days than it did when I was a kid.

[bookfiend]

A very interesting book is Why Gender Matters by Dr. Leonard Sax. His latest publication is Boy's Adrift, also thought provoking. Both books heavily cite scientific studies/research.

 

It was the first time I had read about the legitimate need for boys to release aggressive tension (in positive ways). I sometimes wonder if these braggadocious (sp?) statements aren't a seeking of conflict to release some of that tension and need to compete. There are few places in society for our boys to match themselves up against one another.

 

After reading this book, I agreed to letting our son play contact football. Despite my trepidation, the experience was positive and beneficial. You might consider putting him in competitive situations (sports/debate/leagues) outside of the family? Just a thought.

Edited May 12, 2010 by bookfiend

[rootsnwings]

Oh wow. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off

my shoulders reading these responses. I feel so much better knowing I'm not the only one dealing with this and others have actually lived to tell about it! (only partially kidding).

 

Thanks so much for the book recs. I will be reading both of them in the very near future!!!

 

The idea for more agressive sport is a great one too. He would be REALLy good

at wrestling but I'm not sure where any open-to-the-public wrestling teams are. He is starting flag football in June, in preparation fir tackle fiotball in the fall. We're having trouble finding a tackle league for him though because they all seem to play by weight & the highest category is 125. He weighed 125 at age 7!!!

 

Thanks for the responses ladies! I really appreciate the candid views into your children's ever-changing personalities! :)

[*********]

We're having trouble finding a tackle league for him though because they all seem to play by weight & the highest category is 125. He weighed 125 at age 7!!!

 

Oh, wow. That's a BIG boy you've got there. Zee just had his 7 year check up last week, and weighed around 43 pounds. Now, he's only around the 25th percentile for his age, but still; 125 pouns at age 7 HAS to be at least double the average weight.

 

Perhaps he's feeling a bit of insecurity because he stands out physically from other children his age, and this is his way to compensate?

 

(Just FYI, I'm not saying there's anything wrong with his weight; his height may be perfectly proportionate and his health just fine. Just didn't want you to feel I was picking on his weight. :))

[fairfarmhand]

Our dd13 tends to be the same way. I've always seen it as an "oldest child" thing... at least in our house. She has always shown herself very responsible, so we have given her a lot of freedom. When puberty hit, we realized that maybe she wasn't emotionally able to handle all of the freedom we have given her and have had to rein her in some. She is very comfortable around adults (good) but also sees herself as an adult (not good). Because of this view of herself, she tends to look down on younger children, those being immature (even if she is too), and speaks to adults in a tone that she thinks is joking or indignant (depending on the conversation) but comes across rude or conceited.

 

Sigh. When you figure out how to deal with it, let me know. I am trying to be diligent yet compassionate in dealing with her, but it's very tiring.

 

We're there too. I've pointed out other children who speak to adults in a rude manner when I've had the chance and said how abhorrent adults find this. For instance, a young man in his early teens was teasing a grown woman about her weight. I was repulsed...the lady did not care at all, but I pointed out later to my daughter that this kind of sparring with an adult is considered rude. I've also pointed out others who are arrogant, adult or child and talked about how people don't like to be around others like that.

[LibraryLover]

I agree. I think there is soemthing else going on, and I wouldn't say that all kids go through this to such a degree.

 

Oh, wow. That's a BIG boy you've got there. Zee just had his 7 year check up last week, and weighed around 43 pounds. Now, he's only around the 25th percentile for his age, but still; 125 pouns at age 7 HAS to be at least double the average weight.

 

Perhaps he's feeling a bit of insecurity because he stands out physically from other children his age, and this is his way to compensate?

 

(Just FYI, I'm not saying there's anything wrong with his weight; his height may be perfectly proportionate and his health just fine. Just didn't want you to feel I was picking on his weight. :))

[rootsnwings]

Oh, wow. That's a BIG boy you've got there. Zee just had his 7 year check up last week, and weighed around 43 pounds. Now, he's only around the 25th percentile for his age, but still; 125 pouns at age 7 HAS to be at least double the average weight.

 

Perhaps he's feeling a bit of insecurity because he stands out physically from other children his age, and this is his way to compensate?

 

(Just FYI, I'm not saying there's anything wrong with his weight; his height may be perfectly proportionate and his health just fine. Just didn't want you to feel I was picking on his weight. :))

 

Yes, he is BIG!! He is literally the size of what you would think of a 13-14yo teen. He comes from BIG people, so its just in his genes. I was "fullgrown" 5'10" and 175lbs at age 10. I've never grown since then in either height, or weight, unless I am pregnant. Braden's dad, as well as my dad, are both over 6', so he's bound to be a big boy! :) I think it does, to some degree, bother him. But I have btdt (I was a big kid too--like head AND shoulders above EVERYONE until they girls started hitting their growth spurts around 11-12)... so I've btdt and know what he feels but--well, I was never UGLY to people because of it, yk?

 

After talking to dh (and Braden) about it, I REALLY think the boys on his baseball team are influencing him the most to act this way. I think he had a touch of it anyway, and to be around these boys at baseball who are so competitive has just kicked it into high gear. I honestly don't think he realized the impact they were having on him, but after pointing some things out to him today he has REALLY seemed to slack off on the attitude and has been a sweet kid all day today! :001_wub: Maybe now that he realizes what he's been doing he'll be able to keep himself in check! ;)

 

Thanks again ladies, for your support and understanding!!! :grouphug: