I hate entertaining kids that are picky eaters....

[Janet in WA]

 

My mom started telling people at restaurants that I was allergic to pickles and tomatoes so they would not put them on my burgers, because if she didn't tell them that (I think severe nausea and possible vomitting are a "reaction", so-to-speak) they would automatically put them on, and just take them off and I could still taste the pickles and or tomatoes on the burger and I just couldn't eat it that way. I am 31 years old, and I can FINALLY eat raw tomatoes in certain dishes.

When my son was about 4, he started telling people he was "allergic to crunchy green things."

[Mrs Mungo]

I understand the other side too. I was once a young mother with one son who was an adventurous eater. I, too, congratulated myself as being responsible for that. And I'm sure I scorned other parents who "allowed" their children to be picky, and I probably described them as having "never seen a vegetable." But God apparently had much to teach me, so he sent me an Aspie son next. Now I'm an old and very tolerant lady ready to spoil my grandchildren, should God see fit to give me any.

 

You know, it's funny. I raised in a family with tons of kids. Our eldest was *such* an easy baby, she really was, like a *dream baby.* So, when I was pregnant with my second I was always telling my husband "you realize not all babies are like eldest? That is just her personality, it isn't my superior mothering skills." But, I think he was really judgemental until #2 was born. Oh yes, then he was singing a different song.

 

I've seen picky and adventurous eaters come out of the same womb and raised in the same family. Some of it is sensory issues. Some of it is super-tasters v. non-super-tasters (I'm a super taster, I can't eat certain things) and some of it is just personality.

 

However, I stand by my first post. It's kinder to everyone to ask the mom to send along something the kids will enjoy (or at least eat!) or ask the mom for concrete suggestions.

[amy g.]

I agree about moms just packing a meal for their picky eaters. I have several friends who do that when their kids come over, and I appreciate it so much.

 

I take food for my vegetarians everywhere we go, so other people aren't put out by them.

[Elaine]

What I was wondering about was why you would feel absolutely awful if you thought a child was just a picky eater as opposed to knowing he had a sensory issue. Doesn't matter. :001_smile:

 

OK, Janet. :001_smile: You have made me think and I am very tired. I spent the entire day painting 700 sq. ft. of ceiling for a friend. :sleep:

 

I would feel awful because, in my experience, kids with special issues about food are not always vocal about them whereas kids that are just picky are. If I thought that a child was just picky, I would cook something else for them and not mind doing that. If a child has food issues and doesn't tell me what they are and I am not able to feed them anything, I would feel badly that they were hungry.

 

My goal has always been for my boys' friends to enjoy being in our home and to create an atmosphere of love and acceptance. I do this for selfish reasons. I want to have them here so I can keep an eye on them.;) Seriously, I just want people to feel at home here.

 

I see where what I said originally could be confusing so thanks for letting me clarify. :001_smile:

[Jenny in Atl]

I have two with Celiac, and I always send food with them if they are staying elsewhere. This solves a lot of the confusion over what they can and cannot eat.

[Whisperlily]

 

I would feel awful because, in my experience, kids with special issues about food are not always vocal about them whereas kids that are just picky are.

 

 

You know... I don't know if this is true for all or most kids with sensory/food problems, but it sure is for mine.

 

The two with sensory issues would probably sit down and thank you for the food you served... and simply NOT eat. They're not complainers, just non-eaters. ;)

[Laurie]

My daughter has had digestive issues since she was a baby, and she was tested for celiac disease but doesn't have it. Since the two girls both deal with celiac, they may have "delicate" digestive systems like my daughter does. She likes most foods, but there are some foods that definitely do not agree with her (as in terrible bouts of diarrhea). And beans are one of those foods! Maybe this is the reason the girls don't eat a lot of beans (and didn't finish the chili that you made). Maybe spicy food bothers them just like it bothers my daughter? Some fruits also bother my daughter, and maybe this explains why the girls only ate certain fruits in the mix? Maybe it's more a case of what they CAN eat than what they WANT to eat?

 

Given what I've experienced with my daughter, I just wish people wouldn't be so pushy and/or judgmental about food! It would be nice to not have to explain private things to the whole world, but I've found that it's better to be pushy right back and insist that, "No, she really CAN'T have that popcorn" when someone was being pushy rather than risk her having an acute attack of explosive diarrhea all over someone's fancy oriental carpet. (which is why I brought a snack that was safe for her in the first place...)

 

Anyway, I'm tired of the food fights, but here's my .02 anyway.

[Angel]

And fist off, after a night of rest, I want to apologize if I came across harsh yesterday, it was not my intention.

 

"The two with sensory issues would probably sit down and thank you for the food you served... and simply NOT eat. They're not complainers, just non-eaters."

 

This would be my dd. Even more so now that she is older and feels bad that she CAN'T eat what she feels is "normal."

 

I do appreciate being able to get this out somewhere, which is why I may have overreacted last night. We are surrounded by close friends whose kids eat anything and though it is not spoken that we indulge, sometimes it is perceived (of course that may be MY being sensitive).

 

Angel

[Plaid Dad]

My dd has sensory issues...real issues that interfere with her eating habits. [...]

Many of my friends certainly don't understand why I cater to my dd's sensitivities. They are much like you in that "kids should eat what is put on their plate." Well, hurray for those kiddos who can do so. Not all are blessed with this.

 

Thank you for saying this. This is our dd's situation as well. We do pack food for her for this exact reason. She really is not being a prima donna. Before we figured out what was going on, we took the "eat it or starve" route. She...starved. She fell so far off her growth curve that even our super-laid-back pedi was worried.

 

While I don't know all the details of the OP's situation, I can say that children with health problems are probably not just being pills. I still think the best solution is for the parents to be pro-active in sending acceptable food with the child - particularly for a child with a serious health problem like celiac.

[Jenny in Florida]

. . . the mother didn't send food or help prepare you.

 

We're vegans, and I always have a conversation with the parents before my kids go to a new house explaining that my kids probably won't eat much and that, with the combination of the vegan thing and the fact that they are picky, it's just not worth the host family's time to worry about feeding them. I offer to send snacks or lunches if the host would like, but mainly reassure them that they just don't need to worry a lot about feeding my kids. They are there to socialize and play, not to eat.

 

Over the years, my kids have had friends who had a variety of food issues, including one girl who had both celiac and diabetes. My son's best friend for the last several years has multiple severe food allergies that flare up not only when he eats but when certain things come into contact with his skin. So, we're all pretty used to doing food as a BYO thing.

 

I'm pretty surprised the mother of these two wasn't more helpful. And I'm sorry you had a rough day.

[Murphy101]

I think there's 2 seperate issues here:

 

1. the kids with sensory/diet issues that simply can't be helped. their mother should give a heads up to the situation, possibly even packing a meal for them just to be safe.

 

2. rude guests of any age at the table of another. I do not make guests eat my food, but I do not prepare another meal either. If they just don't eat it or say, "no, thank you." I'm not bothered in the least.

 

I don't know how I feel about them bringing their own food? Kind of rude to refuse to dine with us and sit there eating who knows what? (Also what if what they bring affects the sensory issues of a member of the hosting family?) Are they bringing enough to share with the table? We do that even with my in-laws. We aren't sure what kind of foods she's going to serve, so we bring a big dish to share figuring at least we'll have that to eat, kwim?

 

I don't think it's really about the food in the case of a rude guest. I think it's about having a rude guest. At least that would be the case for me. It wouldn't be the food not eaten. It'd be the manners not used that bothered me. And honestly, the first time wouldn't bother me much, I'd view it as an fyi for future reference. If they were going to be regulars in my home, I'd think twice about inviting them during meal times b/c I think it'd start to annoy me over time.

 

iow, I'm perfectly fine with a kid not eating at my table as long as he's not rude about it.:)

 

I've got 8 kids and some are "picky" eaters. One won't eat cheese, one won't eat anything red or even pink-ish, 2 won't eat pbj - not an allergy, they just don't like it and so forth. None of them are "spoiled" or eat lots of junk, it's just a literal difference of tastes. I've learned that if there's more than 5 people, no matter what you make at least 1 isn't going to like it. Such is life. No big deal. We still have pbj sandwiches and cheese pizza. I figure it doesn't matter if a meal isn't eaten because there's at least 2 other meals in the day. It all evens out at the end of the day. :)

 

ETA: I guess the bring their own foods for no health reason bothers me because at least twice I had kids show up with a sack lunch of basicly "goodies" for themselves. So my kids are sitting there eating steak and baked potatos and this other kid says something along the lines of "yuck! I'm not eating that! and goes to get their good bag and proceeds to eat a hostess apple pie in one case and a bag of hot fries in the other case. I thought that was terribly rude to do in front of my kids.

[KristineIN]

Wow, I didn't expect quite the response. I've been gone and haven't had a chance to read everything, but I know this family really well, have made them gluten free stuff to the point that the kids almost expect it. :glare: It is really not their fault that they are picky, I blame their mother even though I love her dearly. She admits to being a picky eater herself and we have a fellowship dinner every week, every week I have to hear her children complain of not liking something and picking out the foods that they don't like (like picking out beans out of the chili) She has six children, and so asking her to pack food for them is really asking a lot, they girls aren't over much, so it isn't a big deal. I just hated that they took too much, (even though I helped, the one daughter kept breaking more chips up into her chili and I sat there and kept thinking, she's not going to eat that) Then a while later they wanted dh's candy that was in his candy dish, always a great excuse "that's Mr. xx's you can't have it!") Anyway, I left out their juice and the mixed fruit and made them eat that later when they did tell me they were hungry. That was all I would serve them.

 

Kristine

[Joanne]

I've got 8 kids and some are "picky" eaters. One won't eat cheese, one won't eat anything red or even pink-ish, 2 won't eat pbj - not an allergy, they just don't like it and so forth. None of them are "spoiled" or eat lots of junk, it's just a literal difference of tastes.

 

To me, this doesn't speak to what I think of when I think of picky kids. When I use the term, I think of the kids I've had in the daycare who are difficult (and often rude) to feed due to more than preferences and some dislikes. They are kids like in the OP.

[Snickerdoodle]

Whenever we have guests I go out of my way to prepare food that they like, even if it's something we wouldn't normally eat. I wouldn't prepare a dish and say, "eat it or leave it" to any guest young or old.

[Murphy101]

To me, this doesn't speak to what I think of when I think of picky kids. When I use the term, I think of the kids I've had in the daycare who are difficult (and often rude) to feed due to more than preferences and some dislikes. They are kids like in the OP.

 

I don't know that I consider it "picky" either. I think it's just a different tastes issue? Not sure of my wording there, but can't think of a better way to describe it.

 

I know what you mean though. It's not that they won't eat. It's that there's a LOT of kids these days that if it doesn't come fried, in a McD bag, or sugar coated - they won't even try to taste it. I've seen kids say food is nasty, gross, and throw fits because they weren't given what they are in the mood for.:eek:

 

Whenever we have guests I go out of my way to prepare food that they like, even if it's something we wouldn't normally eat. I wouldn't prepare a dish and say, "eat it or leave it" to any guest young or old.

 

hm. I guess it depends on what we view as guests? Is it anyone that enters our home? This may be a personal style kind of thing?

 

I constantly have people of multiple ages in my home. Probably 3+ plus times a week they arrive for a meal of some sort. Kids? Oh my, I think there's only 1 day other than Sunday where I don't have kids visiting w/ or w/o their parents.

 

We simply go about our lives and are happy to have others join us on the journey. There is absolutely no way I can afford the luxury of catering to the food preferences and whims of everyone in MY family, much less all people comming in the door.:confused:

 

Now I've had more formal invites in my home for a meal or whatever, and I'll note what they don't like if possible. Even then I've never had an adult say, "UG! that's disgusting! Don't you have any normal food? Can we have burgers instead?!"

 

I think the burden here is on the parents of the guests. If they know there's going to be a problem, then they should mention it to the hostess so they know how to avert it.

 

Was it a planned event or just a drop in kind of thing? My dad once dropped in on us at breakfast. I was making scrambled eggs and toast. Of course, I offerred him a plate and seat at our table. He accepted and proceeded to say that my biscuts were too moist and my eggs too dry and why didn't I have something other than milk and water to drink? I said I was sorry my cooking wasn't to his liking, took the plate and washed it and offerred to brew a pitcher of tea. Fine. Oh wait. Now that I'd brewed the tea he wasn't happy because I didn't have artificial sugar for it and he doesn't like it unsweetened or with regular sugar or honey.

 

Now if he'd told me he was comming I would have tried to afford donuts and a 2 liter of coke JUST FOR HIS ROYAL HIGHNESS. (his preferred breakfast.:tongue_smilie:)

 

But I think if it's an informal event or a drop by thing? No, in that case you get what you get. It's never occurred to me that if I was invited into someone's home, it was also a de facto invite into their pantry?:confused:

[Janet in WA]

 

I know what you mean though. It's not that they won't eat. It's that there's a LOT of kids these days that if it doesn't come fried, in a McD bag, or sugar coated - they won't even try to taste it. I've seen kids say food is nasty, gross, and throw fits because they weren't given what they are in the mood for.:eek:

Where are you people finding all these children? I can't think of any that I know (let alone "a lot of kids") who will eat only things that are "fried, in a McD bag, or sugar coated". Even the pickiest eaters I know aren't picky in that way.

[Murphy101]

Where are you people finding all these children? I can't think of any that I know (let alone "a lot of kids") who will eat only things that are "fried, in a McD bag, or sugar coated". Even the pickiest eaters I know aren't picky in that way.

 

There are a lot of kids like this. There's a lot of families like that.

I don't think there are lots of homeschool families like that neccessarily, but I know many families in general like that. They are not bad people. And their kids aren't bad kids. I don't view it as rude neccessariliy either. They are simply used to ordering their food and not used to eating a home cooked meal at the table. The ones that are just used to eating like that aren't annoying to me. It's when they are rude in their refusal to try what is at my table that I get annoyed. After all, I'm not making them eat it so there's no reasons to be rude, right?

 

I have in the past offerred other items to eat. Only to have item after item turned down and to find it boiled down to wanting something high carb and/or sweet or junk food that we just don't keep stocked b/c a. my dh is type 1 diabetic and b. I can't afford to feed my family like that. Now, I don't do anything other than say I'm sorry what we are serving isn't to their liking and maybe the next meal will be better for them.

 

To me this is just like all the electronics and movies and such. We don't have cable/satellite, and altho we have some electronic games we do not live attached to them or whatever is ont he tv. I've had more than one neighbor kid gripe that they're "bored" and there's nothing to do.

 

We have air hockey, foos ball table, a koi pond, bikes, dog, a backyard full of swings and sandboxes and other toys. Not to mention 5 bedrooms full of various boardgames and toys. And not to mention 8 children to play with. How the heck can they be "bored" is beyond me and my children. Turns out all they want to do is sit in front of the tv or computer and we just don't work that way. :confused:

[Whisperlily]

Where are you people finding all these children? I can't think of any that I know (let alone "a lot of kids") who will eat only things that are "fried, in a McD bag, or sugar coated". Even the pickiest eaters I know aren't picky in that way.

 

 

LOL, well... as a staunch supporter of your point of view on this thread... having some children with sensory issues and food trouble pickiness... I do have to say there are kids out there like this.

 

I *also* have a child who would live solely on a junk-food diet if I let him. ;) I don't let him of course... But given a choice, he'd choose the fast-food/fried/sugar coated foods every time. ;)

 

But, I don't know if I'd describe him as picky... if he was given something else, he'd eat it. He would prefer the convenience food diet hands down.

 

That's why I don't lump them into the picky eater group... They will eat something else if they're hungry.

[Storm Bay]

. She...starved. .

 

Yes, my eldest, who has always been thin (but overall healthy) lost weight when I tried to make her eat what I thought she should be eating. And I was already being relatively lenient since I was a "picky" eater.

 

In my personal experience (this is re: a different post), not all kids with real needs will quietly sit and not eat.

 

It's been scientifically demonstrated (okay, my evidence is from a NOVA episode, although I've read it elsewhere) that people don't all taste equally as well. Some people cannot taste bitter. Hot peppers? Some people have more receptors than others. Etc. Same with smell. I have a very sensitive nose for some smells, and since most of what we eat is by smell, it fits.

 

Also, as an adult, I found that many of the foods I had to teach myself to like cause me problems. Not so much the ones I naturally grew to like. I can't say that this is always true, of course, but when I was a kid no one talked about food sensitivities. If it wasn't an allergy, a food problem didn't exist (okay, my dad is a surgeon, so if you couldn't see a cause for a symptom or the symtom itself it it doesn't exist;) okay, that's a bit of hyperbole, but you get the drift).

[Storm Bay]

ETA: I guess the bring their own foods for no health reason bothers me because at least twice I had kids show up with a sack lunch of basicly "goodies" for themselves. So my kids are sitting there eating steak and baked potatos and this other kid says something along the lines of "yuck! I'm not eating that! and goes to get their good bag and proceeds to eat a hostess apple pie in one case and a bag of hot fries in the other case. I thought that was terribly rude to do in front of my kids.

 

Now that is rude. That's nothing to do with sensory issues or health needs. If my kids didn't have real needs (bonafide, medically determined sensitivities and true sensory [from birth] issues) I wouldn't ask to send other food. Especially not fries and pies. I usually ask to bring a gf/cf cake for my kids (and I bring enough for others) to eat at a birthday party because they really and truly cannot eat the cake. Or something like that.

[Joanne]

ETA: I guess the bring their own foods for no health reason bothers me because at least twice I had kids show up with a sack lunch of basicly "goodies" for themselves. So my kids are sitting there eating steak and baked potatos and this other kid says something along the lines of "yuck! I'm not eating that! and goes to get their good bag and proceeds to eat a hostess apple pie in one case and a bag of hot fries in the other case. I thought that was terribly rude to do in front of my kids.

 

Bold mine. This is why when I ran the daycare and now still do after school care, no outside food is allowed.

[Guest Lorna]

We had one little girl visit who would only eat chicken. We cooked it for her and she still wouldn't eat anything.

 

My mother, a primary school head teacher, told me about a parent who filled out the special dietary needs form for a school camp with the instruction 'pizza'. She insisted that the child could only eat pizza for a whole week. My mother didn't see the funny side. We thought it was hilarious!

[Tami]

Whenever we have guests I go out of my way to prepare food that they like, even if it's something we wouldn't normally eat. I wouldn't prepare a dish and say, "eat it or leave it" to any guest young or old.

 

 

That is really nice of you if you can do it. Do you entertain often? Do you have an unlimited food budget? We have last minute company here several times a week and I have no way of knowing what special food to make. I do not have the energy to prepare several fresh, healthy meals, so they can take it or leave it (politely). Of course this is unspoken. After HSing all day, working all afternoon, coming home to prepare fresh food, and having last minute guests - they can take it or leave it, cuz honey, I'm not cooking two meals. Apparently I am not too ornery, cuz they keep coming back!:D

 

The vast majority of kids do not have sensory issues - it is a tiny minority. The fact is that many American kids are unfamiliar with anything but junk and fast food and have not learned manners. We have have found that time and patience has turned several around. A couple kids in my neighborhood now ask to come over when I am making fish, and before they said it was "gross." I have also introduced them to the concept of vegetables of all types, and over time they begin to like them.

 

THe issue HERE is that they are not exposed to a wide variety of food at home, and are used to high salt, high fat, quick foods. It takes time for their palate to adjust. These are NORMAL kids, no medical/sensory issues.

 

I try to keep an open mind to other points of view.

[Snickerdoodle]

We have people dropping by all the time and we don't have an unlimited food budget. I have one child with multiple food allergies and oral motor issues so I am used to not everyone eating the same meal.

 

That doesn't mean I always prepare a whole new meal, but if someone doesn't like what I've prepared, I am happy to make a pbj or a cheese tosti or a quesadilla, or serve some yogurt or something like that. I have one little guest who likes mayo on bread. I keep a can of hot dogs around for those kids who like them (mine don't).

[Murphy101]

We have people dropping by all the time and we don't have an unlimited food budget. I have one child with multiple food allergies and oral motor issues so I am used to not everyone eating the same meal.

 

That doesn't mean I always prepare a whole new meal, but if someone doesn't like what I've prepared, I am happy to make a pbj or a cheese tosti or a quesadilla, or serve some yogurt or something like that. I have one little guest who likes mayo on bread. I keep a can of hot dogs around for those kids who like them (mine don't).

 

See now, I have 2 kids who simply wouldn't eat any of those alternatives. And I would never expect anyone to empty their pantry trying to find something they liked. In fact, my kids would get a talking to if they even asked for something else. I try to always feed them at least a little something if there's any doubt about the food where we are going, so they aren't "starving" and if they come home and say they are hungry, I'll give them something then too. But I'd be horrified to find out they complained in any way about the food provided in another's home. I've told them to just say, "No thanks. I'm good for now." and leave it at that.:)

[Storm Bay]

The vast majority of kids do not have sensory issues - it is a tiny minority. The fact is that many American kids are unfamiliar with anything but junk and fast food and have not learned manners. .

 

This is a point to be considered, and last minute company has to take what's there, obviously.

 

But I'll tell you about my kids to give another side. I am very anti-junk food, although I let my kids have it maybe once a month before I found out about dd's food sensitivites. My kids were fed (still are, with what they can eat) whole grains, fresh fruit (dried fruit is their "candy"), fresh vegetables, etc. I even developed a very tasty recipe with green peas in muffins (sounds gross, but even people that only ate "normal" food liked them) when my dd, at 14 months, stopped eating them (turns out she can't have them or most legumes, but we didn't know that.)

 

I avoided nuts and nut butters until they were 3 because my sister, whose son has an anaphylactic (ie life threatening) allergy to peanuts, told me that children don't digest nut protein until they are 3.

 

Overall, most people considered me extremely crunchy. And yet, I still have picky eaters. I was a picky eater way back when it was cheaper to eat fairly healthy (white bread excluded as it was cheap), and healthy we ate. I see many parents who cave in to their young kids and feed them junk, or low quality food and I wonder whey they started giving it to them so soon. I don have one who will starve herself if I don't give her enough of what she likes, but I make sure she gets healthy choices that she likes.

 

My kids might be picky, but they're picky with healthy food. Actually, my ds isn't very picky at all and likes a lot of things, but has texture issues and has since he was too young to make it up. Not just with foods, either. So, for eg, I give him raw spinach rather than cooked, because he really cannot eat cooked spinach without gagging. Not because he's making it up--I know the difference. He doesn't want to eat any spinach, but I work with him and make him eat what doesn't cause his gag reflex to kick in. Even when he was tiny he had the strongest gag reflex that I've personally seen. I force my kids to eat things they don't like when I know there's no real issue, but not when I know they really truly hate a food or that they really, truly have a sensory issue.

 

I think some sensory issues are caused by food additives. But not all. There were a lot more kids with sensory issues than most people realized when I was a kid, but it wasn't a buzz phrase back then. IMO, the pendulum tends to swing to one extreme or the other with so many things in our society, and it's the opposite of what it was way back when now.