SonshineLearner Posted March 7, 2010 Share Posted March 7, 2010 (edited) I didn't explain well... No problem... Done crying on here.... :) Edited March 7, 2010 by NayfiesMama I can't explain that my mom is not related to the ex.... except through my husband.... and his daughters.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TXMomof4 Posted March 7, 2010 Share Posted March 7, 2010 I don't think I could handle a *friendship*. Now, being polite to her at the grocery store MIGHT be acceptable, but friendship? Yuck! But - I do have to say she's probably a much better person than I am. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb_ Posted March 7, 2010 Share Posted March 7, 2010 (edited) My first reaction is to say, "Yup, that would bother me." Then I remembered that I am still very close to my ex's mother. Oops. :001_huh: I mean, she isn't the current wife's mom and I was never married to her son, so the situation is a little different, but I admit I never thought of it from the current wife's POV. Still, I could never give up my relationship with her because she has been a very dear member of our family for 20 years. I'm sorry for your pain. :grouphug: Barb Edited March 7, 2010 by Barb F. PA in AZ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OHGrandma Posted March 7, 2010 Share Posted March 7, 2010 Hey there... I can't complain IRL so I thought I'd complain a bit and ask you all... "Would it drive you crazy if your mom decided to be friends with your husband's ex-wife?" The situation is that we live in the same small town as both my mom and his ex. He has two older girls (17 and 14) and now his ex has a new husband and 1 yr old daughter. They are nice enough and such.. but as "ex's go... I've dealt with having the girls half time for over 8 yrs... and love them... but we are SO different than their mom... so it's been a bit of a pain. My mom wanted there to be a bridge between the girls... and their sister... who she's not technically a "grandma" to.... So.. it's to be nice... but it seems like another weight to... them on the other side. Can I say that having a family that you have to share kids with is a constant irritant? A relationship with an ex, is like a splinter you can't get out. Now, of course, we've both tried... and it's not as bad as many families that deal with this.... But... my mom being friends with he is just one more sliver... for me.... nice for the kids.... :crying: I think your last statement is the bottom line, it's "nice for the kids". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Haiku Posted March 7, 2010 Share Posted March 7, 2010 nice for the kids Yep. That's really all that should matter. Divorce is super tough on kids. Anything that can make it easier for them is a good thing. Were it me, I would try to be glad that there isn't bitterness and acrimony floating around. My parents hate each other, and even at 36, it's tough for me. Tara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ravin Posted March 7, 2010 Share Posted March 7, 2010 I can do you better. My MIL is friends with DH's ex. Well, at least insofar as DH's ex thinks she can get things out of her. MIL knows where ex and DsD are--DsD who DH hasn't seen or had any contact with in ten years because he doesn't know where they are. Must I add that I don't much like my MIL, and limit DD's contact with her, esp. ever since she tried to go through BIL to set up a playdate for DD with her sister--WHO SHE HAS NEVER MET AND WHOSE FATHER DOESN'T KNOW WHERE SHE IS??? I certainly wouldn't let DD go anywhere with her alone. I could add that DH's ex hasn't collected child support in over a year, it just goes up to Idaho and sits in the state's coffers, and that we know they're in the local area back here in AZ and have been for a couple of years now (hence the playdate idea of MIL's). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarlaS Posted March 7, 2010 Share Posted March 7, 2010 I think it would bother me a lot. I'd feel betrayed. Your girls are older, capable of using a phone and staying in contact with their mom themselves. Your mothers is YOUR mother and raising these kids is for you and your dh (& his ex) to handle--not her. Their new little sister is one year old for crying out loud. There is lots of time there for them to get to know her. Maybe they'd like to babysit. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KidsHappen Posted March 7, 2010 Share Posted March 7, 2010 (edited) Families tress are hard especially when they are all dark and twisty. My hubby is still very close to his ex IL. As in we send them money each month and talk to them on the phone. We visit when we can and will go to their funuerals when the time comes. Through a very strange set of circumstances my hubby and all of his family is very close to my ex-husband (we are talking family close here). I still consider my step-son from my first marriage to be my child although he never legally was. I have thought about this a lot. If either of my dds split from their current SO, those boys would still be part of my life. They have been part of my life for pretty close to a decade already. I love in them in and of themselves. It would be hard enough if they ever suffered a break with my dds but devastating to my family to lose them entirely. I know that when you are the one hurting, it is very hard to consider the feelings of the other poeple involved but sometimes there are multiple strings attached and you can not severe them all without hurting other people involved. I hope that you can find a way to make piece with this and come to and acceptable resolution.:grouphug: Edited March 7, 2010 by KidsHappen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted March 7, 2010 Share Posted March 7, 2010 She is the mother of her grandchildren? I would think it very difficult to just drop someone you probably love/d. If my ds were to marry the young woman he is dating and have a child with her, and years later divorce, I don't know that I could ever stop loving her (unless she was cruel to my son). I think she is a lovely girl, and if she became the mother of my grandchildren, I think that would seal the deal on my love for her. I think. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3littlekeets Posted March 7, 2010 Share Posted March 7, 2010 YOUR mom -- YES. His mom --NO! I think I'd tell my mom how I was feeling. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarlaS Posted March 7, 2010 Share Posted March 7, 2010 She is the mother of her grandchildren? I didn't get that from her post at all. Did I miss something? :confused: I thought the OP's mother had no blood ties whatsoever to this woman and her new husband and 1 year old child--which is why I found it odd. The OP's stepdaughters are teens. Why would their step-grandmother (the OP's mom) need to help them have a relationship with their mom and baby sister? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted March 7, 2010 Share Posted March 7, 2010 I am actually quite confused. ;) Maybe the OP's mom is just odd? lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JoyfulMama Posted March 7, 2010 Share Posted March 7, 2010 My mom wanted there to be a bridge between the girls... and their sister... who she's not technically a "grandma" to.... So.. it's to be nice... I would talk to your mom. Does she have concerns that the two older girls will not have a relationship with the younger sister because she feels you and dh will keep them away? So she needs to fill this perceived void? I would think that the older girls are old enough to decide if they want their time with their mother to change as a result of the younger sister, or if they would want to volunteer to babysit if that would be an option. Or have the girls expressed that they want to get to know their sister, but don't want additional time with their mom, and your mom is aware of this? If in the normal routine of their lives, your mom and ex end up in an activity together or something, I wouldn't be bothered about that. I would be bothered that your mom feels a need to create a bridge, and why she feels that way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovemyboys Posted March 7, 2010 Share Posted March 7, 2010 I didn't get that from her post at all. Did I miss something? :confused: I thought the OP's mother had no blood ties whatsoever to this woman and her new husband and 1 year old child--which is why I found it odd. The OP's stepdaughters are teens. Why would their step-grandmother (the OP's mom) need to help them have a relationship with their mom and baby sister? I think you've got it right. That's what struck me too. OP's mom has been the step-grandma to her son-in-law's girls for the time that OP&dh have been married. (Several years?) Now that those girls have a new baby step-sister, OP's mom wants to jump in to forge a relationship for these teens with an infant? Most teen girls I've known enjoy playing with a baby -- at least for the sweet fun parts. Do you and dh have kids together, OP? Does she just want to be around a baby again? It does seem like a stretch, and it's unfortunate that you're hurt in the process. I think I would be too. It's different than if they're just in the same bowling league, your mom is going out of her way to make this happen. If it were my case, I think I would say something.....:grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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