If you grew up 'poor', did you know it?

[nandmsmom]

We were poor, but I din't realize it until I was older. We went 'camping' one summer, becuase we had no place to live. I honestly never realized it until I was an adult. My mother sewed our clothes. I wore dresses because that was what she could make, but everyone else was wearing corduroys and polos.

 

It's funny, Hubby grew up with everything he ever wanted. His parent's always lived (and still do) way above their means. They think I'm ridiculous, trying to save money and stay out of debt. He has learned over the years that my way is better.

[Jeannie in NJ]

I had forgot about salmon patties. My mom would make them as a special treat using a can of jack mackeral with lots of saltines mixed in. We would have it with corn bread covered with red beans. My mom used to mix corn bread in a glass of buttermilk, she said that was a common meal when she was little.

[LNC]

My mom is in her 70's and grew up truly poor. No running water - pump off the back porch, outhouse, no electricity and woodstove to cook. They ate only from their garden and eggs and milk from their farm animals. Every year my grandpa butchered a hog and they had a smokehouse and root cellar. She said it was "Little House" but in the 40's and 50's. My Grandma would work in a factory if they ran out of food in the winter, but usually stayed quite busy with chores, sewing (their clothes were from feedsacks) and cooking. My mom had 8 brothers and sisters. She was the youngest and finished high school. Her brother joined the military and her sisters dropped out of high school to go to work for factories or clerical. It was expected that even the girls would room in Christian boarding houses for girls in the city and work to send home some money.

 

What is wierd to me is that every one of the children ended up quickly uppper middle class throughout my childhood until now. None of the siblings or their spouses went to college. They treated my grandparents like royalty throughout the rest of their lives, although they lived on the farm until they died in their 90's. They respected and honored their parents always. When they sold my grandparent's property they all inherited a huge amount of money. Even the story about how they became renters to owners of their land back in the 40's is an amazing story.

 

I don't know what my point is, but I've been writing my family history and I have been so touched by the details. What their marriage was like, and how their family related. And amazed at what they all accomplished. My mom has always been embarrassed for anyone to know how poor she was, though at the time she says she didn't really know. My parents overemphasized education while we were growing up, and pride themselves on my siblings' educational accomplishments. I don't know... I just think about the character growth that suffering brings, and I am thankful we can't provide "everything" for our children. I don't know if I'm making sense!

Edited February 4, 2010 by LNC

[Scarlett]

We were poor. And I knew it.

 

I'm poor again---relatively though....poorer than I was as wife of successful businessman, but richer than daughter of single mother living in poverty.

 

It hurts to have less than everyone else. Just does.

 

After reading everyone else's comments I thought I'd share some more. My life growing up with my mom and brother was poor but happy. I knew too much about the details of our finances (or lack of), but mom was always so cheerful. We had free medical care through the gov, food stamps at times and even gov housing for a VERY short time. She moved us to a small house in the country in order to get us away from a rough group of people who lived in the gov housing in town. Mom could sew and she gardened and canned. We always ate well. I HATED gov cheese and still do...but we used it when we had to. We ate southern food because that is how mom was raised...fried potatoes, cornbread, greens, M&C (with extra cheese added) beans...garden food in the summer. Meat rarely, but mostly because we didn't want it...

 

My mom was not in debt. She took advantage of every program she could to provide for us and improve herself including going back to college and becoming a teacher. Everyone who knows hers says she gets the award for managing her finances the best. We did not have family to help---not even my dad who was/is a deadbeat. We did have a loving spiritual family and there are a few stories of them helping my mom when they saw a need. For instance, once a brother in the congregation saw she had bald tires and gave her $200 for new tires. Insisted really. Wouldn't be paid back. Said, 'how would I feel if my sister had a wreck because of those tires when I have the means to help her.'

 

I don't remember being made fun of, but I always felt so darn different. It is only in the last few years that I've spoken with classmates and discovered that some of them were just as poor as me if not more so. For instance this one kid my age had a mother and father and 3 siblings. They lived on the nicest street in a big old victorian house. Talked to him recently and discovered that they were poor as church mice and didn't own that home...constantly got evicted for not paying their rent at various places.

 

I think many people are poor because they make bad choices, but some are poor by circumstance and can never seem to break out of the cycle. My mom made early life poor choices (baby out of wedlock, poor husband choice) but then wised up by her late 20s and took charge and made things better for us. She didn't smoke or drink or run around trying to find a man. She paid the bills and what was left over was what we had until next payday.

 

Today there is a widespread entitlement attitude going on...trying hard to pass on good values to my own son. He is an only child and until now, the divorce, he has had an excess of stuff. I have talked to him about how our situation is changing--smaller house, less money to blow....and he is doing ok with it. I have explained that even post divorce he and I have more materially than 95% of the world (anyone remember that program that let you put income in and compared you to the rest of the world?). That sobered him up a bit to realize how much we have compared to others.

 

I am a little bitter right now that I have less materially after working so hard my whole life---I think I'm bitter about it though because it didn't have to happen...XH didn't have to cheat on me and destroy our family. But he did, so that is my own attitude to work on.

 

I am struck by the differences in attitude of all the posters parents. Some were happy and cheerful like my mom and others were all 'woe is me' and blaming everybody and everything on their plight. It impresses upon me to be more cheerful myself because kids do remember this stuff and it shapes who they become.

[lynn]

Looking back, I guess I did grow up poor. We always had food, clothes and heat. It never bothered me nor did I envy what I did not have that others did. Thought it was normal that some kids has something and I just didn't. My parents never let on how bad things were, it just was what it was.

Edited February 4, 2010 by lynn

[TravelingChris]

WE weren't poor but definitely made less money than many folks. While we had a car and did go on a vacation each year, it was usually to a state park cabin. We lived in an apartment and as time went on, less and less families like us did. But my father died and my mother had just started a job that paid a lot less then his. We did get Social Security and survivor's benefits but thngs were particularly hard when those didn't start for about four months after my dad's death. I was so completey worried and my mom went into a depression. It was a very bleak time. I didn't ask for new shoes although I needed them because I was very well aware that there was a problem with the checks. We moved after my ninth grade and went to live in another area. Again, we were living in an apartment. The only two of my friends who did live in apartments were daughters of widows just like me. So what did this deprivation mean to me- nothing like many of you are describing. Just the odd girl out feeling from living in an apartment and not being able to buy as nice a wardrobe as others. Only my oldest has ever lived in an apartment and that ended when he was three. My kids have much more nice lives than either of us did have growing up. BUt I had it much better than my dh. While my parents' and later my mom paid for things like Girl Scouts, swimming lessons, and tennis lessons, my dh wasn't even taken to the free library. I think he only learned to swim because of school. He never did a single sport or extra activity at all. It wasn't simply that they didn't have money because they did have some extra. But he was the fourth and last son and was born 15 years after the first. For some very strange reason, they just didn't care about him. They had done typical things with the first two but had almost completely given up by the time he was born.

[Night Elf]

I don't know what my point is, but I've been writing my family history and I have been so touched by the details.

 

I understand. My family history is likely 'poor' by today's standards, yet my family didn't feel out of place because everyone else they knew was in the same situation. I have loved talking to my parents and grandparents about their lives. My paternal grandfather hopped trains trying to find work. I thought that was really cool. My mom remembers her grandpa killing a chicken every Sunday for dinner. She was terrified everytime. She ran and screamed thinking it was going to come after her. It's something that is so far out of my personal experience that I cannot even fathom it!

 

The only person in my family to get a college degree was my dad, and it didn't really do him alot of good. He was laid off about 3 or 4 years after graduated and never found another job. Well, technically he searched for a year and then gave up. (sad story from there, but he passed away when I was 21)

 

Oh, and when I was a little girl, I remember my mom and grandma talking about my mom's cousin who "married up" when she married a veterinarian. They called her house the fancy house!

[Hedgehogs4]

I grew up poor, I knew that we were poor, and I could see the strain it put on my mom.

 

However...my mom was a woman of great faith, and I saw the Lord provide miraculously several times when things were severe, and I saw my mom give thanks in hard circumstances, and not allow despair to take over. We lacked for nothing--we had just what we needed and no extra, and so I learned to take care of what I had and not be wasteful.

 

Her strength and example provided the solid foundation for my own faith. I wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

[justamouse]

Yup. The utilities weren't being turned off, though. I remember ALWAYS being aware of the money problems. If we got a chance to go out for dinner for some odd reason (never until I was in HS) I ordered the cheapest thing on the menu and was terrified with every bite. I went to work at 14 so I could buy clothes and food I wanted. I DO appreciate the resourcefulness it gave me, which I carry as one of my best character traits. I can find a way to do things, and I have no problem working my rear off. I don't like the way I carried the burden of it as a child. And it wasn't my parents fault I was aware, they were always grateful and happy. I've just always been very sensitive like that.

 

I'm another one that has a fire in her to never live like that again but I also make sure my children are grateful for what we have and they are made to give of what they have to those who have less.

[dsmith]

I guess we fluctuated between lower middle class and poor. I remember powdered milk, no frills food, no butter, very few sweets, etc. My dad did most of the cooking, and it was usually a big pot of stew with mostly vegetables, or chopped meat with gravy served over mashed potatoes (powdered), scrambled eggs, etc. I didn't have steak until I was in my twenties. I think I first had Burger King when I was 13 with my paper route money. I was teased that my pants were too short, or my shoes were out of style. I don't recall having clothes that weren't hand me downs until I was in 7th grade. Except for the teasing at school (I HATED school!!) I remember having a great childhood. We had an above ground pool that someone gave us, a large yard with a swingset and sandbox, lots of brothers and one sister to play with along with the neighborhood kids, etc. I never had hot lunch tickets, but we always brought lunch from home. My parents always managed to pay for things like braces and eyeglasses, and even managed to send us to day camp or dance classes occasionally. I will never forget my mom's car - a brown Gremlin with a hole in the floor in the back seat. I think that and the clothes were the only things that embarrassed me. Some of my friends envied me - my parents weren't divorced, we had dinner on the table at 6 every night, and there was always something to do at home. My mom told me how hard it was to not let us know how bad things were at times, and I know they got a lot of help from my grandmother. Things were better financially when my mom went to work when I was about 14. My younger sister remembers this time as traumatic for her, but I was so happy to be able to have Jordache jeans.

[bbsweetpea]

Considering we got evicted every 6 months ... yeah I knew it. We also lived with my grandma or had a grandma live with us several times. When my dad left and my mom was on her own ... things got MUCH better. I remember my first visit to the dentist at age 10, first bed with a boxspring (age 10) and getting to buy new clothes at a store. When my mom married my step dad I thought we were RICH compared to where we had been with my bio dad.

 

Honestly though .... I really did not care that we were poor. My mom worked hard at trying to make sure our life was good.

[chaik76]

I did. I had NO IDEA that my mother averaged 12K a YEAR when I was growing up. When my grandparents were alive, they helped us all they could. I had everything I ever wanted. We lived in a crappy house and I did notice that my friends had nicer homes, but I never wanted for anything - not shoes, not clothes, nothing.

 

 

This part of your post is exactly how it was for me. The year I left for college my mother made $5000...now there were other years she made more...$10,000 or $12,000...but there was definitely not much money. My grandparents made sure the rent was paid, that we always had a place to live, that our utilities were on, paid my doctor's bills (although I didn't go very often), bought me presents from both them and my mother, I always had clothes for school etc. The only times we were without were times when my mother would decide that she was angry with them and wouldn't let them be involved in our lives. Later on I went to live with them.

 

I am exceptionally grateful to them, because my life would have been very, very different without them always being there.