Can you actually play board games with your children?

[Rhesa]

Ok, I really, really try. But here's what unfolded this morning around a game of Trouble. This is typical, by the way:

 

ds7: Mom, would you play trouble with me?

 

me: Sure, will you set it up?

 

dd5:I DON'T WANT TO PLAY!!!

 

me: Ok, you don't have to.

 

(Game begins)

 

dd5:WAIT!! I WANT TO PLAY!!

 

me: Ok, what color do you want?

 

(Game starts again, several turns are taken)

 

dd5: I'm done. (Proceeds to go brush her doll's hair)

 

(Game starts up again. Ds sends one of my "men" back to the starting line)

 

me (dramatically): Oh, no! You really got me! You sent that guy back to the beginning!

 

ds: (laughs with glee and rolls around on the floor)

 

(A few more rounds played, I land on my son's "man" and send him back home)

 

ds: (stomps off, crosses his arms, throws himself on the couch) I'M NOT PLAYING ANYMORE!

 

**silence**

 

me: (putting game away) Hon, I'm your mom and I will always love you. But if you behave that way with friends, they will not want to play with you.

 

 

HELP! I feel like a slacker mom who can't get her kids to play games- or be good sports about it! (Meanwhile, in my head I see a Monopoly commercial playing with a family around the table, everyone laughing, and music in the background.)

 

If any of you have ideas, I'm open. How have you helped your sons be better sports?

 

And if you made it all the way to the end of this post...

 

Thanks!:thumbup:

[Mama Lynx]

Talk, talk, talk. Explain that that is not being a good sport, and if he can't be a good sport, he can't play.

 

Next time he wants you to play a game with him, explain that up front, and talk about how he will handle it if the game does not go his way. Explain that he will not always win, and, in fact, he will often lose. Explain that that's just how games are, and winning and losing them are not a big deal, and not to be taken seriously. It's just a game. It's supposed to be fun. And if he stomps off then it's not fun for him, or for anyone else.

 

This really takes a while for some kids. My 7 year old is still working on it, too.

[Kelli in TN]

No. I detest board games. My husband will play with them, but they won't play with him because he is too aggressive and a bit too celebratory when he wins.

[gandpsmommy]

I have been intrigued by the concept since I heard about the them, but haven't purchased any yet. The idea of cooperative games is cooperation instead of competition. Every participant works together toward a common goal. Success is not ensured (so there is the element of realism), but instead of working to thwart each other's progress, the players are working together to overcome obstacles and accomplish something. Try googling cooperative board games if you are interested.

[WTMindy]

the option of quitting at that point. This is a perfect time to teach great life lessons (which you did!) Was it Patty who used to play round after round of Uno with her son so that he would learn how to lose graciously?! It was part of his "school", if I remember correctly. I would also make the 5yo finish the game to teach that we finish the things we start. And, I would make them clean up the game when we were done. :-) I'm just mean when it comes to things like that!

 

By the way, it does get much more fun playing games with the kids as they get older!

[Mrs. H.]

With my 10 yr. old dd? Yes, all day long. Monopoly, Scrabble, Rummikub, Card games, Chess, Dominoes, we have them all and play often. Especially when the weather is crummy.

 

With my 7 yr. old ds? I do play with him (or allow him to play with dd and me) but he often gets distracted, has to be reminded it's his turn and about the rules, needs help with the money, runs his mouth, etc. He's not a good strategist, often loses out early, and bugs the other players. However, if I never let him play, he will never get any better, so yes, but only when I'm feeling really patient and have all the time to devote to keeping him straight.

 

The just turned 5 year old, just turned four year old, and the one year old are not allowed to play board games. They are too young to understand the rules, pay attention to the game, be good sports about losing, etc.

 

I definitely think there is an age when a child becomes fun to play board games with. For dd it was nine. Before that I had to play both sides and help her with everything. Hopefully ds will become more fun to play with in a year or two.

[PrairieAir]

I can play board games with the kids now that they are older. When they were younger there was one child in particular who was just too competitive. Then that child got older and decided a game was just a game but that it would be funny to cheat all the time.

 

Besides that, I never could stand kid games. Parcheesi and Trouble and checkers are boring. I don't have the patience for Monopoly and Life. Risk is super boring and as long as Monopoly and Life. I don't like cards unless we're playing ducky. I loathe chess.

 

Now that my kids are older and do not get upset over losing and know it is not funny to cheat, I can play games with them occasionally. They have to be games I like though. Dh prefers cards and strategy games, so he can play those with them. If it's a word or trivia game, I'll play.

 

My brother jokes that that's because I can win at that kind of game or that I've read all the Trivial Pursuit cards. In fact, I've often lost or come in second, though I do generally do pretty well at this type of game. I don't avoid strategy games because I can't win. (I'm pretty good at card games when forced to play.) It's just because they bore me senseless.

 

If you're playing Trivial Pursuit (never happens), Scattergories, Taboo, Scrabble, Fictionary or something along those lines, I'm game.

[angela in ohio]

One of the biggest things that has helped make games enjoyable here is this: I don't separate games into some sort of special discipline-free zone. Games can be ended at any time by mom or dad, discipline meted out, etc. We take a zero tolerance policy with any behavior that makes the game less enjoyable. Thanks to this policy, we play games happily as a family now with 11, 9, and 5 yo.

[Beth in Central TX]

My husband will play with them, but they won't play with him because he is too aggressive and a bit too celebratory when he wins.

 

My oldest son is like this. He loves to play board games; well, actually, he loves to win board games. Everyone in the house knows when the game is over, and he has won. My middle son doesn't like playing with him anymore, and I've stopped encouraging him to play because of the behavior of DS#1. I've tried to explain to my oldest that no one wants to play with a braggart, and someone who has to win everytime. Of course, his reasoning is that it's hard to let someone win a game of chance. I told him that I did for him all the time when he was younger...

 

We usually play board games as a family (DH too) because even at their ages it's still a time of modeling gracious attitudes and expressing a desire to be together rather than a desire to win.

[HollyDay]

I love board games. We have an entire area in our pantry filled iwith all types of games and puzzles. But, we do not tolerate a poor player (attitude wise). If you commit to the game, you finish the game. If you lose, you lose with some degree of grace and look forward to the next game.

 

Sounds like your little guy needs a little more time to mature before he is ready for family board games. How does he do with some fast paced card games? What about the traditional preschool games - age 5 is right on the edge in some cases?

 

Maybe a family puzzle would be a better idea. He could wander in and out helping periodically but moving on when he is bored.

[Lorna in the boonies]

No ideas, but I hate board games, and my 11 year old is constantly asking me to play with him.

 

My kids are spaced just far apart enough that they have different interests in board games. What one wants to play, the others aren't interested in. I am forever trying to get ds to ask his sisters instead of me, but they generally refuse.

 

We do better with things like Uno and Skip-Bo and Phase 10 (all card games) than with board games.

 

Jigsaw puzzles work well, too.

[Rhesa]

This is a perfect time to teach great life lessons (which you did!) Was it Patty who used to play round after round of Uno with her son so that he would learn how to lose graciously?! It was part of his "school", if I remember correctly. I would also make the 5yo finish the game to teach that we finish the things we start. And, I would make them clean up the game when we were done. :-) I'm just mean when it comes to things like that!

 

 

It's good to know that I'm not the only "mean mommy" around!:D

[rafiki]

.

[Rhesa]

I definitely think there is an age when a child becomes fun to play board games with. For dd it was nine. Before that I had to play both sides and help her with everything. Hopefully ds will become more fun to play with in a year or two.

 

Ahh...my questions often seem to come back with the answer to "wait". Ugh- that's a hard one for me.

 

I have such a hard time seeing my children be...well...childish! Many times I find myself shocked- shocked!- when they act like a typical 5 or 7 yo.

[profmom]

We've worked on this too. I think a good time to talk about how to win and lose graciously is when the child asks to play -- so ahead of time. My dd used to get very upset if the game wasn't going her way, so I started talking to her about it up front and then asking her, "Are you going to cry if you lose?" She would answer no and act like, "of course not, Mom!" This cut the problem down dramatically!

 

Next I added this and explained it all ahead of time. (Sometimes we win and sometimes we lose, but we can have fun either way...etc.) If you win, don't make a huge deal out of it -- "I WON! YOU LOST!! HA HA...." If you lose, don't be upset (easier if the winner isn't dancing and gloating!) And this part -- it may sound corny, but it has really helped! If you lose, you say, "Congratulations!" If you win, you say, "I hope you win next time."

[WTMindy]

Ahh...my questions often seem to come back with the answer to "wait". Ugh- that's a hard one for me.

 

I have such a hard time seeing my children be...well...childish! Many times I find myself shocked- shocked!- when they act like a typical 5 or 7 yo.

Now, I disagree with this. I don't think 5 & 7 year olds should wait to have good behavior. I think those ages should be perfectly capable of playing a game to the conclusion and having a good attitude about losing. I look at it as a training opportunity. Sure, they will make childish choices at that age, but I would spend time practicing this skill.

[Jenny in Atl]

Ya, we play pretty often, but my husband is a play to the death kind of guy, and it can get old with him. I found cards are also a good way to go when board games are too much.

[TCoppock]

We LOVE playing board games. My DS learned early on about being a good sport. He always says good game and shakes hands even if he loses. I think the next time your child wants to play you need to set the rules in the beginning. Monopoly Jr. was a good game when learning about winning and losing because it was quick and we could play a number of times. It showed him that not everytime would he win and in the same not everytime would he lose.

[Aubrey]

the option of quitting at that point. This is a perfect time to teach great life lessons (which you did!) Was it Patty who used to play round after round of Uno with her son so that he would learn how to lose graciously?! It was part of his "school", if I remember correctly. I would also make the 5yo finish the game to teach that we finish the things we start. And, I would make them clean up the game when we were done. :-) I'm just mean when it comes to things like that!

 

By the way, it does get much more fun playing games with the kids as they get older!

 

Ditto.

[Janet in WA]

Oh man, BTDT. It just takes lots of practice and coaching.

 

My first pointer would be: Do not allow your children to quit the game. It's rude to the other players, and they'll not learn any of the skills or sportsmanship ethics you want them to if you continue to allow them to quit the game whenever they feel like it. I wouldn't force them to play, but if they choose to play at the beginning of the game, it should be with the understanding that they'll play to the end. (Of course, if you're sort of relieved when the game ends early, I'll understand completely.)

[Aubrey]

Now, wait a minute, guys. What's the point of having children, other than to have enough people to play board games with *you*?

 

We play serious stuff around here w/ our 7yo & 4yo & have been for at least a year, maybe 2.

 

Sure, we had to start easy w/ dd4--stuff like 12dot dominoes (forget Candy Land unless it's in Spanish & counts as school) & Wahoo. But ds7 has been playing chess for a few mos & Risk for years. Because dh & I were tired of waiting on other people's schedules to allow them to play w/ us.

 

I'm really looking forward to Taboo & Pictionary, but I'm afraid dh is grooming ds exclusively for strategy games. :( ;)

[Holly IN]

We have problems playing board games at our house. We have one son that is very competitive which ruins it for everybody. You are not alone in this.

 

We have banned it for awhile. The last game we played was yahtzee and it was a disaster. :glare:

 

Holly

[KAR120C]

And we started early. :D I think starting with chance games like Candyland made it easier -- it wasn't a reflection on anyone that they won or lost, just luck. Also in the beginning we really avoided the games that had one person attacking another (like sending your man back) because it just seemed too personal. Uno was our first foray into that, and it was a little shaky at first, when your own Mom of all people gives you a Draw Four... eeek! (lol) But the further we get into skill games and the better he is at it, the better he can hold his own when faced with competitive opponents.

 

I think in our case it has also helped that he has witnessed plenty of poor sportsmanship (not just among kids, unfortunately!) and observed how it puts a damper on things. So with that experience he can pretty well navigate between "competitive" and "obnoxious" without too many missteps.

[BMC]

I'm not a particularly good looser, but I suppress it unless the kids gloat too much (and it takes quite a bit). I play to win. I have never ever (well past the kids' 6th birthdays) thrown a game while playing with them.

 

DS17 plays to win, but is philosophical about the entire process of winning or loosing. I have played all kinds of games with him since he could talk and count.

 

DD12 is neither a good looser nor a good winner and her mind wanders during play. She started playing later than DS, but she is a large factor in our decision to stop having family games night. She is very very competitive (jealous?) with her DBro. Her gaming skills (loosing and winning) are getting better with time, unfortunately she mostly looses still.

 

DH will only play games that are completely chance with no pretense of using skill (he'll play Life). He also refuses to give a reason even when asked directly. I assume that he can't stand to loose, but I suppose it could be that he can't stand to play with anyone who doesn't give him a challenge. Either would fit his personality.

[6packofun]

I don't really love playing board games myself, but if someone decides to be a poor sport about a game, they're out. Plain and simple. If it's just me and Mr. or Ms. Poor Sport, the game immediately gets put away without much ado and I move on to whatever I was doing before. If another player is involved, I'll either do the same if I'm pretty sure they won't be upset or we toss out Mr. Poor Sport's piece, etc. and move on without him.

 

There are consequences for making a hasty emotional response and so our kids learn to think before they decide to quit over something silly because they know it stinks to have to sit out and watch the rest of the game or see it put away when really, they wanted to continue...if only their mouth had waited for their feelings to catch up before opening. LOL

 

In other life situations, quitting and then getting back in the game whenever one feels like it isn't even an option.

[Mama Lynx]

the option of quitting at that point. This is a perfect time to teach great life lessons (which you did!) Was it Patty who used to play round after round of Uno with her son so that he would learn how to lose graciously?! It was part of his "school", if I remember correctly. I would also make the 5yo finish the game to teach that we finish the things we start. And, I would make them clean up the game when we were done. :-) I'm just mean when it comes to things like that!

 

By the way, it does get much more fun playing games with the kids as they get older!

 

 

I give the option of quitting, but I make it clear that if he takes that option, then I have the option of saying "no" when next he wants to play. He usually chooses to stay in the game.

[Rhesa]

Now, I disagree with this. I don't think 5 & 7 year olds should wait to have good behavior. I think those ages should be perfectly capable of playing a game to the conclusion and having a good attitude about losing. I look at it as a training opportunity. Sure, they will make childish choices at that age, but I would spend time practicing this skill.

 

Actually, I think we're on the same page- I just don't always express myself clearly. I was thinking of maturity when I mentioned waiting. I can take every opportunity to train, but some things simply come as a child grows up. (Agh. I'm not sure if this is making any sense. That's why I try to keep my posts short. Like 3 sentences and under.)

 

Training children is important- well, actually it seems to be the whole point. But in this instance, I felt that it was in MY best interest to stop the game. I was playing for him in the first place!:tongue_smilie: If he didn't want to be there, quite honestly, neither did I.

 

But I do need to find opportunities to address this proactively.

 

In my dream world, my children don't have meltdowns over childish things.

[Nestof3]

Sounds JUST like our house! :lol:

[fishnoises]

That's what grandparents are for!

 

:ack2:

[Gailmegan]

Now, wait a minute, guys. What's the point of having children, other than to have enough people to play board games with *you*?

 

We play serious stuff around here w/ our 7yo & 4yo & have been for at least a year, maybe 2.

 

Sure, we had to start easy w/ dd4--stuff like 12dot dominoes (forget Candy Land unless it's in Spanish & counts as school) & Wahoo. But ds7 has been playing chess for a few mos & Risk for years. Because dh & I were tired of waiting on other people's schedules to allow them to play w/ us.

 

I'm really looking forward to Taboo & Pictionary, but I'm afraid dh is grooming ds exclusively for strategy games. :( ;)

 

:iagree: We had Rabbit playing "grown-up" Monopoly when he was 3. My mom just taught them (and me) how to play Mah Jong. Comes in handy when it's a 4-player game. Yes, I admit sometimes they get upset when they don't win, but we talk about good sportsmanship, and they are getting better.

[Mrs Mungo]

I was the oldest of four kids. I had 6 uncles and aunts who were young enough to be more like older siblings (3 of them were under 12 when I was born). Yes! I play games! I LOVE games!

 

In Ron Clark's "The Essential 55" book one of the rules he has for his classroom is as follows: "If you win or do well at something do not brag. Instead, say something like, 'I really enjoyed the competition, and I look forward to playing you again.' or 'Good game.' or don't say anything at all. To show anger or sarcasm, such as 'I wasn't playing that hard, anyway. You really aren't that good,' shows weakness." Not following the rule means you don't get to play the game.

[WTMindy]

Actually, I think we're on the same page

 

In my dream world, my children don't have meltdowns over childish things.

 

I live in that same dream world! :-)

[Whisperlily]

I *love* board games!

 

I didn't even see this thread when I posted on the other board game thread.

 

I'm thrilled now that my older kids can play older games. I'm also thrilled that they're still young enough to play the younger games with the younger kids! :D

 

I will play, and enjoy the younger games, but only once they reach a certain point. I'll play Sorry! or Connect 4, etc. But I don't like Memory, unless it's on the computer...

[WTMCassandra]

We have had a family game night for YEARS, and it's only this last year or so that it has become fun most of the time. I can relate to the people in a dream world where children didn't melt down over games. I used to get so aggravated/discouraged that this supposed "fun" time was one discipline issue after another. It was very tedious.

 

HOWEVER, after much working on sportsmanship, conduct, relationship, and with TIME, things are much better. When they were younger, we too stayed away from games where you send each other back to start or wherever. Some games where that didn't have any strategic value, we took that feature out of our family rules. Now the children can play Sorry and Trouble without pouting when sent home.

 

We rarely have discipline issues now, except that DS still has to be reminded almost. every. turn about passing the DICE ON TO THE NEXT PERSON! That gets old.

 

But for a long time the supposed fun game night was little fun for Mom and Dad. Now we are starting to reap the benefits, so I'm glad we hung in there. They are good sports now.

 

Hope this helps.