Son not retaining- help!

[Hebrews3:13]

I have 4 children and my 2nd is now in K-5 and this year has just been a disaster! I almost cry thinking about it.

 

The year started out well enough, but about a month or so in he just cannot seem to retain material. It is the most bizarre thing I have ever seen. We had been cruising along in Math- he can count by 10's, count to 100, was learning basic addition facts- then wham! We will do flashcards and one day he suddenly doesn't know any answers. We had been doing them daily and I know he knows the answers. Moreover, he cannot seem to "figure" them out. Even on the worksheets the same thing is happening. We have been learning the addition 1 and 2 families for months! What is happening in his brain?

 

The same thing with phonics. He knows the sounds and we are working on blends. One time he does the sounds fast as a whistle. I time him for fun. The next day or later that day when I am trying to get him to blend it is excruciating and he will just say he doesn't know the sound. He finally will bumble through sounding out the first 2 letters of a three letter word, then by the time he figures out the 3rd sound he cannot remember the first 2 sounds to say the word.

 

I try desperately NOT to get frustrated. I realize he is 5 and a boy and anticipated things going slower than with my DD when she was young, but this is scary. (We did first grade at K-5 and she breezed through it).

 

I find it extremely difficult to ascertain his learning style. He has an attention span of 30 seconds it seems. So with Math we go over the facts now orally, write them (although not much as handwriting is very hard for him) and use manipulatives. I have just continued with the sounds and trying to blend, but we seem hopelessly stuck.

 

I have backed off some since Christmas thinking he would catch on and reading would take off, but it hasn't happened and now I am worried as the year is drawing to a close and we are not far from where we were when we began.

 

We go to the library a ton and he loves for me to read to him, which I do on all sorts of subjects. We have taken some interesting field trips and he has learned a lot this year, just no reading and not enough Math.

 

I would appreciate any suggestions. I am concerned and wonder are we just going to be a year behind and I need to get over it or what?

 

Thanks,

Laurie

[Ellie]

You're right: he's 5 years old. Nothing you have said makes me think that he's going to be "a year behind" or that you should consider this year to be a disaster, other than your pushing too much, too early. In fact, I'm thinking that when you backed off, you didn't back off nearly enough. If I were in your position, I'd be backing off completely until at least some time in the summer--no flash cards, no worksheets, no manipulatives, no blending, no nothin' except reading aloud to him from good books and letting him be a 5yo dc.

[angela in ohio]

Many of the milestones (blending words, addition, etc.) at this age are actually physical ones, and you can't make them happen. You can lay the ground work, constantly surrounding him with the opportunity to learn it, but until his brain hits the point where it is ready, it will not happen no matter what you do. You have to just keep putting it out there, and eventually the light will come one. You cannot let him see you fristrated, and you can't overwork him, though.

 

He sounds like he has learned plenty in Kindergarten, and he will not in any way be behind next year.

[Melissa in CA]

You're right: he's 5 years old. Nothing you have said makes me think that he's going to be "a year behind" or that you should consider this year to be a disaster, other than your pushing too much, too early. In fact, I'm thinking that when you backed off, you didn't back off nearly enough. If I were in your position, I'd be backing off completely until at least some time in the summer--no flash cards, no worksheets, no manipulatives, no blending, no nothin' except reading aloud to him from good books and letting him be a 5yo dc.

 

:iagree:

[Sue G in PA]

is just now learning his letters and sounds. When I start to worry, I remember back to my ds8 at that age. NOT interested in academic work AT ALL! He would run screaming at the mere mention of "reading". When HE was ready, he picked it up rather quickly. That was probably 1st grade? Now, he reads way above level. As for math...I think he'll "get it" eventually. Take some time off. He's only 5. Let him play w/ manipulatives. Play some fun math games. Lay off the memorization of facts for a while. He has plenty of time.

[Sunkirst]

My first thought is please don't push the reading. I did, and my son Hated reading for a long time (to the point that panic was setting in and all the relatives were suggesting sending him to school). We eventually found that my ds is Mildly dyslexic (translation: it took him longer to cotton on to reading). My brilliant husband and my brilliant father were on the same schedule. They both finally started to read high interest material at 8 or 9, and never looked back. There have been studies about brains "maturing" later in late readers. My 10 yo son finished up his first big book ever today, a whopping 200 pages. He is so proud of himself.

 

So what can you do?

 

Games for reading by Peggy Kaye

 

Create a Reading Town

Word Family Village

 

Get him to tell you his stories and then type them out and have him illustrate them (some kids will practice reading Their book)

 

Just keep reading to him.

 

For math, he might enjoy some of the activities from "Family Math," or the Right Start card games. We play Addition War (use Ace thru 9 from 2 decks, then each person flips two card at once and adds them, highest wins), and Go to the dump (use ace through 9 and play like Go Fish. The goal is to find pairs that add up to 10).

 

Good Luck!

[M in Canada]

I suggest some John Holt as a good medicine for what ails you. Holt is as far from my general world view as you can get, but he has such a good heart and he trully makes good observations of children. He is the father of "unschooling". I am just reading "Teach your own", but I think " How children Fail" or " How Children Succeed" would be better for you.

 

Leave the little boy to be and take your newly found free time and let John Holt talk you out of pressuring your child. Believe me I've been there many a time. My poor oldest started having to deal with my enthusiasm to teach at all costs when she was three!!

[ArwenA]

You're right: he's 5 years old. Nothing you have said makes me think that he's going to be "a year behind" or that you should consider this year to be a disaster, other than your pushing too much, too early. In fact, I'm thinking that when you backed off, you didn't back off nearly enough. If I were in your position, I'd be backing off completely until at least some time in the summer--no flash cards, no worksheets, no manipulatives, no blending, no nothin' except reading aloud to him from good books and letting him be a 5yo dc.

 

Here here!:iagree:

 

Some kids are ready to do bookwork at 5, other's aren't. Reading books will help to show him how much fun learning is. You can get books that are math themed, your ds is probably learning more than you realize!

[prairiegirl]

I totally agree with Ellie. Back off everything entirely. Just read lots and follow his interests, even if those interests are playing. I learned this the hard way.

 

My oldest was/is a smart cookie so when she was in K, I started doing school things with her. I forgot that she may know things that a 6 or 7 yr. old may know, but emotionally she is still only 5. Thankfully, I didn't kill her desire to read but I did create a math phobic. She started to hate math because I made her do things that she wasn't ready for emotionally. It has taken me a very long time to undo that damage.

 

With my ds, I did things differently. He had no intereste in doing anything related to academics. So I didn't push. I let him do 5 yr. old things; we read lots, baked, played, played and played. This year he is in Gr. 1. He still didn't have much interest in reading so we started out very slowly.

 

The strangest thing happened, though, on his 7th birthday (in Jan.) It was if someone gave me a new child. This boy is interested in reading now. Mind you, we are still going very slowly still, but he is interested now. He is interested in learning about pirates, animals, dinosaurs. He told me tonight that he doesn't want to print anymore, he wants to learn cursive. He told me that he was going to do this tomorrow. He may have some learning difficulties when it comes to reading. I can see that we will have a long road ahead of us. But, and this is the big thing, he is eager to do these things now. The interest is there.

 

I am so glad that I did not push him when he was in K. I know now that I did the right thing in waiting. This is all paying off now.

 

I want to encourage you to ease off right now. If you have a strong desire to do something, then make it game related. Someone suggested Games for Reading and Family Math. There is also a Games for Math that is quite helpful. If you do these things, you will not behind.

 

 

Julia

mom of 3 (8,7,5)

[Kimber]

Sometimes they just need a few months off so that the information can sink in. My dh and I call it soak time. We find that after a break they either really know it or if they don't they catch on really quick after a review. We've noticed this with our older kids especially around that age.

 

However, always follow your own gutt. You know your children.

[mominbc]

I totally agree with these ladies. The fact that he gets it one minute but not the next shows there is nothing wrong with his learning ability, its just overload for him. My youngest is this way also, and its amazing how much he will learn on his own when he is ready (he is 4) but if I push he shuts down. Its important at this stage to make learning fun because its a long haul. My ds(15) seemed really eager in kindergarten so I gave him as much as I could and it seemed to go well but by grade 1 he had had it so I backed off, followed his lead and he is now a self motivated, love to learn teenager, and I have been cautious of this ever since. Don't let these precious years be in frustration, enjoy them while they are young and let them explore while you guide. Learning can be so much fun. They will get it all in time.

[Testimony]

I can totally understand how you feel. I struggled in the same area because my first born got things quickly. I believe that it may be because she is your first born and there was more time to spend with the first born. My oldest son got reading and math instantly. He still gets it. He is very strong academically.

 

However, my second born was the opposite. He was not getting the math. He is in second grade and I dropped all the textbooks this year and I am just playing games with him. I will tell you how that turns out.

 

I want tell you though that there is something to dropping everything and going back to it later. He is young enough that you can.

 

Here's my testimony:

 

My son at 6 years old could not read. I dropped all phonics lessons and I just read stories to him everyday. He memorized scriptures. We were in AWANA. They have all these verses to memorize. Well, I had him do body movement to memorize the scripture.

 

When we started the new year, he started reading. He could do the phonics lesson. He did not fly, he soared with his reading.

 

I hope that that helped you.

 

Blessing to you and your family! He will soar, soon!:thumbup:

 

 

Soli Deo Gloria,

Karen

http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/testimony

[Nestof3]

Five is a great time to introduce these things, but I personally wouldn't worry that things are not sticking. It can be rather daunting to see all that other people's 5 year olds are doing, but remember that your child is unique.

 

My youngest was always worrying me -- more because he wasn't on par with the "norm." He did not really talk until he was 3. I could not get him to remember the colors! He wanted to read like his big brother, but I could write a letter over and over and ask him what it was, and he had no clue. I bought the Leap Frog Lettery Factory and he had learned all his sounds in a couple of weeks.

 

I remember giving up on teaching him his colors when it dawned on me: who gives a hoot when he learns his colors. Is he really going to be walking around in life as a 12 year old and not know his colors. Who decided that these things NEEDED to be learned at a certain age. I relaxed. I learned to enjoy my son eventhough he wasn't accelerated like his older brother.

 

One day he learned his colors, and I don't know how long he knew them before I realized he had learned them.

 

I would like to say that I personally wouldn't be doing flash cards with a 5 year old. At that age, we did no formal math. We would talk about numbers, count things, and I would create easy little oral word problems (I always did oral word problems before ever introducing flash cards or paper and pencil) -- but no formal math, no pencil & paper and no flash cards. We played games. We had fun.

 

For langage arts: I read good books to him, talked to him, introduced phonics, he watched Leap Frog DVDs, he watched some Between the Lions, we played games while standing in line somewhere like "I am thinking of an animal that starts with a "B" -- or name an animal that rhymes with "bat."

 

I honestly didn't use any formal schooling at all at age 5 for either of my boys. Our accelerated learner was busy immersing himself in everything he could get his hands on. We read books and played games. We talked a lot. We did crafts together.

 

Just to conclude the story, Ben -- our 6 year old -- has completed AlphaPhonics, finished the second book in the first grade Pathway Readers (I skipped the first one because it was too easy, when he realized he missed the good stories, he said he wanted to read the first one next), so now he's been begging to do more than one reading lesson.

 

For math, I still let him use place value cubes, counters and the abacus for solving math problems. It's all about understanding first, memorization last.