happyWImom Posted December 2, 2009 Share Posted December 2, 2009 How neccessary is it really for our dc to get together to "play" with other dc? Mine are constantly playing together, and we belong to 2 HS groups that get together at least 3 times a month, Sunday School, 4H, and misc. field trips. So, basically, they are around/with other kids 1 to 2 times per week. Also, once a month, a friend and I get together with all of our kids and they play. Isn't that enough????? Sometimes I feel so much pressure to do even more, and feel guilty when I don't. And, I hate over-scheduling, because we don't get our work done, everone is cranky.... I could go on and on. I want my dc to want to be with family most, not friends. Am I alone here?:confused: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Irene Lynn Posted December 2, 2009 Share Posted December 2, 2009 My first thought, when this sort of thing comes up, is Laura Ingalls Wilder. I think she survived and turned out quite well, in spite of a lot of isolation with just her family. I always enjoyed having playdates, but then I have two only children effectively. They are 13.5 years apart. I loved letting dd have the interaction and I loved the opportunity to play with new toys without having to buy them. :) And it didn't mess up my house most of the time. If I had more children and more things filling my days, then I am sure I would have limited the playdates. We didn't have that many anyway. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommyto3 Posted December 2, 2009 Share Posted December 2, 2009 We don't do playdates really. The kids are in Sunday School, AWANA, Leanna takes ballet, and Jacob does PE, all weekly. They do a monthly class at our science museum. Our HS group meets for park day once a month. They get plenty of interaction and they enjoy playing with each other at home. My sister's kids are 2 minutes away from us and while they are in school so their time is limited, it is the best thing ever when they see their cousins. We do occasionally get together with friends, but it's not a set thing. I can't overschedule myself or I won't get school done with the kids. Right now as I type, all 3 are in the boy's bedroom quietly building with Legos. Apparently each other is good enough for them and it is for me too. You're not alone! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted December 2, 2009 Share Posted December 2, 2009 My kids always played/play together. At the ages of your children, if they are happy, I'd leave it, unless you want to socialize with others. Your kids will let you know when/if their needs change. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emmy Posted December 2, 2009 Share Posted December 2, 2009 I don't think it becomes necessary unless you need it to hang out with other moms or the kids start asking for it. My kids have each expressed a desire for 'friend' playdates as they have gotten older. When that starts happening I know they are wanting to develop their own autonomous friendships and I try harder to make that happen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alpidarkomama Posted December 2, 2009 Share Posted December 2, 2009 I also totally leave it up to them how much they want to do. My kids are 6, 4, 3, and 2 and DD6 has a friend over once a week or so, then we just see people during the normal course of the week. Everyone is happy with how things are! It's nice not to be busy, busy, busy all the time. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChristusG Posted December 2, 2009 Share Posted December 2, 2009 I want my DD's to be best friends and know they are there for each other.....so I want them to play together the most. My girls are 3 years apart and play together constantly. We do not do playdates, mostly because I'm pretty shy and do not really have friends, and both my DD's are shy as well. We actually got invited to a birthday party in a few weeks for a little girl in our homeschool group. I guess we will attend. DD wants to go.....but I have a feeling it will just be us three, sitting in our own little corner together LOL. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted December 2, 2009 Share Posted December 2, 2009 You feel guilty for not making everyone over-busy and cranky? No need for that :) Like the others said, the kids will let you know what they need. If they are happy, you are providing what they need. If they are cranky, you aren't. Don't feel guilty for maintaining a harmonious lifestyle :) Rosie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cera Posted December 3, 2009 Share Posted December 3, 2009 I think it depends on the kid. Mine love playdates. Luckily we live on a dead end street with lots of other kids they enjoy playing with. Most afternoons they head out to play while I sit on the front porch and watch. A few times a month we invite friends over that do not live in our neighborhood. I don't think activities are the same. They are a great opportunity to be with other kids but it is generally a structured time, not free play. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dawn in OH Posted December 3, 2009 Share Posted December 3, 2009 I'm so torn on this one. We don't get out of the house a lot. We've got that one car family thing going on right now, I'm pregnant which involves being tired and/or nauseated. We haven't really been doing co-op because some of the other parents have displayed extremely poor judgment with bringing sick children to co-op. And frankly, I like staying home. I'm not a social butterfly and even not pregnant I'm not one of those Energizer Bunny Moms that can go and go and go. But I recognize the children's need for friends and social interaction. I should not force my introverted homebody ways upon them. We have one family that we see on a weekly basis, when they aren't ill. Last week this family came over still contagious with a cold and now we all have it (I'm none too pleased about this). Their table manners aren't quite what ours are. The oldest child is bossy and snotty and selfish, and I feel these things are all encouraged by her mother. The mother feels the need to structure the entire visit, whereas I feel that we should let the kids have their own fun and only structure their play time if they have difficulty getting along or agreeing on an activity. One of my kids always ends up getting their feelings hurt or feeling left out due to the bossy child. The mother admits she's bossy (takes after Mom) but does nothing to correct the behavior. My children are picking up bad habits from these other children. When the other family goes home, at least one of my children is cranky. I'm fairly cranky, and exhausted. Is this benefiting any of us? I know my 2 year old has fun. He loves their 1 year old to bits. He's learning to share and how to be nice to a baby (as he refers to him). He even plays with their 3 1/2 year old a bit. Sorry, I didn't mean to ramble. Apparently I had deeper issues with this play date than I realized. I don't really see the importance of it though. Maybe this is the wrong family for us. But as I see it, my kids are mostly just learning how to be tolerant of a spoiled little bully. I do feel pressure to do more also, and frankly, I don't want to, unless it's an activity that the kids or I are really interested in, but not just any group activity because "they" all think we should do it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happyWImom Posted December 3, 2009 Author Share Posted December 3, 2009 You feel guilty for not making everyone over-busy and cranky? No need for that :) Like the others said, the kids will let you know what they need. If they are happy, you are providing what they need. If they are cranky, you aren't. Don't feel guilty for maintaining a harmonious lifestyle :) Rosie Thank you!:001_smile: I think the guilt comes in when I compare our schedule to others, and I let "them" make me feel guilty. But that's the thing, I let them. Why do we care so much what others think? Immaturity? I'm 42-when will I grow up?:001_huh: The funny thing is, the only time either of my dc mention wanting to get together for a playdate is after we've been at a function and one of the other kids says something about it. Otherwise, they never bring it up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2squared Posted December 3, 2009 Share Posted December 3, 2009 I guess I'm on the other side of the fence. I try to keep our calendar clear of structured activities so my kids can have playdates. At these young ages, I have not found structured activities to be of any real value. My kids learn stuff, but it's not earth shattering or necessary stuff. They also don't get to really interact with the other kids. It's not social time at all. So, I push play dates. I try to host them, and it works for us. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted December 3, 2009 Share Posted December 3, 2009 Hmm. Tough question. I haven't read the other replies, except for the one about Laura Ingalls. Yes, Laura was alone with just family. But what about all those best-friend couples? What about Anne and Diana (of Green Gables fame?) or Betsy and Tacy? What about forming a bosom buddy? The way to make a friend (a true friend) is to have lots of one-on-one time with the friend. That doesn't happen in a classroom type setting (church, hs co-op) where you have to turn your attention to the instructor most of the time. I guess it depends on your kid's personality, your time constraints, and whether or not they seem to be developing an enriching bosom buddy type of friendship. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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