What would you say to those who.....

[mommy25]

You guys are cracking me up!!!! This is great!

[babysparkler]

I'd tell them that I wish I hadn't ever exposed my children to the public school system because it is taking me FOREVER to break them of the poor grammar that they learned there (they had perfect grammar before going, and now it is terrible), and from the lack of "drive" that my dd learned there when she wasn't expected to ever apply herself beyond "average".

 

For us, it was a BIG mistake to send her there. DD spent the past 3 months with me in homeschool catching up on what the ps school system SHOULD HAVE taught her so that we can start 2nd grade work. (BTW, Isn't it crazy that it only took her 3 months to learn what the ps couldn't teach her in 9 months?)

 

If the only advantage to PS is "social", "other authority figures" or "learning structure", we cover those with co-op classes, sunday school, soccer, boy scouts, etc. And with homeschooling I can guarantee an excellent education and don't have to just hope for the best.

[Danestress]

and some people really feel kids need to participate in that 'almost universal in American' experience of some kind of brick and mortar high school. They may not articulate well why, but I think they are entitled to think that.

 

If I really don't want to hear someone's opinion about something controversial, I can change the subject. But if we are going to talk about school, then I feel like I have to accept that other people are going to have opinions that don't match mine, and even if I feel I have greater experience, they are still entitled to think what they think. I have lovely friends who have, in my opinion, completely stupid opinions about things ranging from politics to finances, schooling to theology, marriage, child raising and the proper way to roast a turkey. I respect that we don't have to agree.

 

Now if the comments are directly related to my own children and from someone who is really part of our lives, I will try harder to change their minds. I do actually care what my parents think, so I will try to explain things and hope they will change their minds. But just neighbors? Women at tennis practice? They can think whatever they think and unless they are seriously trying to change the law, I'm not bothered by that.

[Sasha]

People can think what they want, but it can be rude to say so and I don't have to sit and listen to people being rude.

 

I have all kinds of opinions that I keep to myself. Why? Because nobody asked my opinion. Because it's none of my business.

 

People who disagree with homeschooling are free to disagree. They are free to send their kids to school. They are free to discuss me and the decisions I make behind my back. They are not free to confront me with their opinions because, frankly, I don't want to hear it. My life is not a democracy and I haven't passed out comment cards.

[Danestress]

I personally don't think it's rude for someone to express a parenting opinion that is different from mine. Educational choices are just one of many decisions. I didn't get bent out of shape by parents who thought that it was "cruel" not to hold a baby all the time or nurse until the age of three or who found it shocking that someone would let her toddler watch Telly Tubbies. I have friends who think private school are elitist and friends who think that public schools are a joke. Every mother has her opinions, and sometimes women find themselves sharing opinions. To me, negative opinions about homeschooling can be much like that. So when I mom starts talking about how she thinks kids need to go to high school, it could be in that kind of context, and I personally don't feel offended, though I would prefer to avoid those discussions and other discussions about parenting preferences because (1) they are so so so boring and (2) they have the potential to hurt feelings.

 

Obviously it could also be confrontational and rude. I don't care to be personally confronted about what kind of choice is right for my children. I didn't want friends to call and needle me about whether to circumcise or not, just as an example. So I would be annoyed at someone looking for chances to question me and my parenting. But in the general "free exchange of parenting ideas," I don't really care if someone doesn't agree with my choices. I don't agree with a lot of theirs, and I might say so in a general way.

[AuntPol]

What is it with Walmart? It must be the lights or something, because I witness more out-of-control parenting nowhere else. It's like , " OK, I am in Walmart, time to smack around and yell at my kid". The time of day does not seem to matter (because I can certainly see how trying to shop in the eveing could be a big problem for everyone with little kids).

 

SOmething about Wal-Mart and Blockbuster makes my kids go beserk. Definitely not the places where my best parenting moments happen. It got to point we simply had to stop Blockbuster because they just lost their minds every time they entered. They don't do this at other stores though.....

[Hikin' Mama]

and now attend the public high school, I have some thoughts. My oldest is a senior, my middle child a freshman. The senior has gone there all four years.

 

-That they somehow will be in shock when they go to college or when they are on their own if they don't experience "culture" and what it is really like to function with society.

 

Both of them have adjusted very well. They get good grades. At every parent teacher conference, I've been told that they are great to have in class. One teacher told me that my (oldest) son was different from the other kids in that he was a lot nicer. Now, this is the child that can be challenging at home, but he does very well at school. They always have their work done on time, unlike many other students, who don't finish by the deadline. At which time, the teacher gives everyone more time. :glare:

 

-That these kids need to have exposure to kids that are messed up.

 

Well, they've seen messed up and they don't like it. Maybe because they've seen normal at home, and they have something to contrast it with. And I'm not saying we're a perfect family, but we're on the normal side. My oldest recently told me that he was glad I was his mom, because his friends' moms are crazy. (Not all of them are.)

 

Also, I went to public school and didn't realize that anyone was messed up. Didn't get that until I entered "real life."

-That they need to see the structure/discipline/routine that the school system provides.

 

My 14 yos was so frustrated this week because they started a new trimester. The whole first day was a waste, in his opinion, because they had to fill out "getting to know you" info. And they had to practice what "not to do" in class. We laughed hysterically as he recounted the teacher-required role play: one girl going up to the teacher's desk while the teacher was talking, someone else going to get the hand sanitizer in the middle of the lecture, and my son coughing loudly in his seat, interrupting the teacher. He said, "We're in ninth grade. We should already know not to do these things."

 

Also, my experience in college was totally different than in public school. I took two years off before I finished my college degree, and my experience just doing life was totally different than public school. So these arguments just don't hold water.

 

Sorry this was so long!

 

P.S. I still homeschool my youngest, and she will probably never go to school.

 

 

[AuntPol]

My kids experienced public school before homeschool. My dd had 4.75 years and my son 3 years. Overall, I say the bad outweighed the good. I am still deconstructing some negative patterns they picked up, especially the oldest who went longer and was more conformist.

 

 

The only good that I see coming from their experience is my kids don't have the "grass is greener" syndrome. They know what they are missing and don't have a romanticized view of public school or any desire to return. Additionally, I feel like my kids are more excited about many of the opportunities they get to experience by being homeschoolers. When we are out at homeschool day events at museums and such, I can usually tell which kids have homeschooled their whole life as they looked bored, irritated with their moms that they "have" to do this, etc and don't have the "joy" that my kids have. That was a shocker to me because I expected the opposite.

[plimsoll]

um... Nothing?

 

Or: I disagree.

[LibraryLover]

But I don't think it dismisses any benefits to point out flawed logic. In order to argue the point you *would* probably wind up dissing schools. If you just blast their logic, it doesn't say anything about schools.

 

I am not suggesting that pointing our flawed logic is wrong; it's not. I was questioning whether we want to be big- guns snarly-snarky. I don't think this approach benefits the hsing movement.

[Plucky]

I am not suggesting that pointing our flawed logic is wrong; it's not. I was questioning whether we want to be big- guns snarly-snarky. I don't think this approach benefits the hsing movement.

 

I agree. How many of us that homeschool now were hostile or ignorant of homeschooling before we began our journey? I know some will remain hostile and ignorant no matter what someone says, but there are parents out there on the fence about homeschooling and don't know they'll be doing it yet.

 

I remember asking a group of homeschoolers about socialization and was met with a snarky response at first. I was really surprised, but I asked a couple more questions and got nicer responses. It made me think and I started reading about homeschooling. Now most people may not be open to the idea of homeschooling, but I try to keep that in mind when someone asks me a stupid question or makes an ignorant statement about homeschooling.

[iquilt]

You could argue that everyone should experience the military or jail for the same reasons. It just doesn't wash.

:iagree: I have a friend who tells people that she can also just push her kids down and steal their lunch money for the same effect.

[stripe]

You know, I sympathize with the frustration, and I actually found msjones' answer to be quite funny, but I do think that one has to not jump to assume that someone is asking because they are hostile. (I've had really wacky people ask me other inappropriate questions, and some I've regretted being a bit short with. Others continued to rant on and on and I was glad to have not engaged them further.) I've mentioned before on here that I have a relative who is homeschooling, and to this day, she won't really talk to me about it except very briefly and very vaguely. I've asked questions! And she knows I'm interested. Maybe she's even a member of this board and talks to me on here, who knows?! But some people are just super-secretive.

 

I always feel that when someone asks me a question, that, no matter how rude it is, it is more rude to question it or not answer. I think that is the fundamental problem, perhaps. Sometimes we have to stand up for ourselves. But other times, it's a way that someone starts a discussion who actually has an interest in whatever they're asking about.

 

But having friends has nothing to do with being homeschooled or being in public school. Not everyone in public school has tons of friends. And school has changed since the "old days," too.

[Chris in VA]

Well, I hope you all know I was just having a bad day when I posted my previous response. I would never in a bazillion years talk to someone irl like that.

I agree that there's a way to make your point while staying kind. I never want to give an impression that leaves others unable to process the idea of home education, because it might close the door to that possibility for them, and it would be sad to be the cause of that.

[stripe]

I wasn't criticizing you, by the way. I've been frustrated too! :)

[Impish]

Honestly, I get frustrated. I get frustrated with perfect strangers walking up to my kids, and upon hearing they're homeschooled (both Diva and Tazzie have answered the 'why aren't you in school today?' question before I could) questioning them and I on why, extolling the virtues of ps, and asking if they wouldn't miss it, etc. So yes, I *have* answered very snarky. I don't see why I need to be Pollyanna all the time, a paragon of homeschooling virtue. I get to be a human mother, frustrated with unsolicited criticism of her parenting choices from time to time. ;)

[lionfamily1999]

think/say that children who are homeschooled most of their life need to, at some point, experience the public school system.

 

-That they somehow will be in shock when they go to college or when they are on their own if they don't experience "culture" and what it is really like to function with society.

 

-That these kids need to have exposure to kids that are messed up.

 

-That they need to see the structure/discipline/routine that the school system provides.

 

 

I would like to hear your thoughts......

My kids are hanging out with you, isn't that enough dysfunction?

 

But really ;)

 

One thing that took me awhile to learn is that adult life is NOTHING like school. Adults, for the most part, behave like adults. There are 'mean girls' and 'bullies,' but they are laughed at or scorned by the general adult population. Unlearning the social system of high school took awhile and once I was done with that I was shocked at how NICE life can be, how people in general are GOOD. As for the structure... college life is structured around a schedule the student builds. More like hsing than ps, imo.