Macrina Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 Why do you or why don't you allow sleepovers? And I mean sending your child TO one. I would have no problem hosting, but I am not sure how I feel about sending her off to one. Even with a trusted family. Seems like there are folks our there who NEVER do it. Does that make my kid more of one of those weird homeschooling kids though? Isn't sleeping over one of those rights of passage for kids? At the same time some of my worst and most uncomfortable childhood experiences happened at sleepovers. I could have stood to do without them. But dd has been invited, multiple times, and she really wants to go. She's 8 and has stayed over at Grandma's/Aunt's house but no where else without me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChristusG Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 My oldest is only 5, but I'm leaning towards NOT doing sleepovers....and that probably includes hosting them as well. Too much trouble can come from sleepovers....most parents probably do not monitor their children as closely as I do. I've heard of kids getting into alcohol, sneaking out, watching things they shouldn't, and generally just getting into things they should not be doing. Even if your kid is a good kid, it can still happen. And honestly, I have just found that you cannot REALLY know a family, no matter how well you think you do. You can only see what they choose for you to see. And not to mention, sexual abuse seems way too common. And that's another reason for not hosting them too....I know someone who was accused of inappropriately touching a child, but I'm nearly sure the child was lying. The child was just that type of child. But I would not want to put our family in harms way of some sort of accusation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amy g. Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 If I do not know well, or trust the family, I'll ask what time they are going to sleep, and pick up dd at that time. I always plan something for early the next day, so I can use that as an excuse to pick her up the night before. There are other families that I feel completely comfortable with. I let my kids stay with those friends as many nights as they want. My son just spent the weekend with my sister. I felt fine about it, until I wondered if she would take the opportunity of having him alone to try to talk to him about her political agenda. On the way home, I asked Ds if anything had been said. He said, "No, in fact, she said, 'I'm terrified of what your mother will do if I do anything that makes you uncomfortable.' " In my opinion, that's how it should be. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovetobehome Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 At the same time some of my worst and most uncomfortable childhood experiences happened at sleepovers. I had the same experience; I do not allow my children to sleep over. They have asked, but the rule is firm, so they have now stopped asking. I don't think it has to be a rite of passage---I have known too many people who were s*xually abused or introduced to inappropriate -reading- (ahem) materials. Too many hours with too little supervision, for my family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 We never did them except with one other family. I especially wouldn't let me dds sleepover if there were older boys in a family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest janainaz Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 I do allow my ds to go to someone else's house, but I have to know the people VERY well. I'm never really comfortable with him going, but I know that I'm probably on the extreme side of worry and concern and I have to back off a little (just a little). My ds has only had a few sleepovers at another person's house. I MUCH prefer him to have kids over at our house. He met a new friend in our neighborhood a few weeks ago and the boy spent the night at our house last weekend. Now the mother has suggested my son spending the night at her house and I'm totally not comfortable with it. I don't know enough about her or her husband and it's hard to say, "Your son can come to our house, but mine can't come to yours." She hardly knows us and just automatically trusted us to take her son to the game (they are on the same football team, too) and let him spend the whole day with us. I am NOT comfortable with my son hanging out with people I hardly know. I hate to be the mom that says no all the time. I want my ds to spread his wings a little. It's just difficult. It's definitely a situation by situation basis. I won't ever say, "No sleepovers!" but I also won't send my kid off and just trust someone blindly. I would be even more protective with a girl for sure! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tricia Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 We don't do them anymore here. With our older children we allowed our daughters to stay at a church friends house often. Only with those we knew and were fond of. One of the families father, a leader in our church approached us the Sunday after our daughter slept over at his house and informed us that when he woke in the middle of the night the girls, his daughter, mine and others were online chatting with some older guy. And it happened because all the other girls knew exactly how to do this online. Our daughter didn't even have an email addy, our home computer is constantly monitored, and so her wonderful, experienced public school friends (from church) were more than happy to teach her a thing or two. Our sleep over days ended right there. Our 5 youngest daughters 11 and down have never known one, nor will they ever. I just think that things with sleepovers can go too far. We are a very conservative homeschool family and find that even the "best families" from church have children we prefer NOT to have our children be with outside of our watchful eye. That's just our experience. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cougarmom4 Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 We haven't done sleepovers either...although I have lots of fun memories of them, so occasionally I start wondering...hmm, what is the big deal. But anyway, our compromise right now is to do "Late Nights" and that keeps my kids satisfied. Every once in awhile they can choose to invite a friend or two over for dinner & movie & games...and they get to stay 'til late (9:30 or 10:00 :)). It's kind of become the 'trend' around here--so most birthday parties for the tween years aren't slumber parties, but Late Nights. There are certainly families we know that I would feel comfortable allowing my kids to sleep over at their homes, but the problem I see developing is kind of how/when to draw the line. For example, if a neighbor asks my dd to spend the night and I say yes (because I feel comfortable with them) but then someone else asks another night and I say no--well, I can explain it to my dd but don't know how I'd explain it to the friend. KWIM? It's much easier just to say...Our family doesn't do sleepovers. And then...there's the whole issue of the possibility of someone doing something to kids at slumber parties...you know how they say that quite often it is people that they know & trust. I figure if we can just avoid the situations where it is likely to happen, we can cut our chances of it happening. Maybe I'm just overprotective, I don't know. I'd imagine we might let the strings a bit looser as they get older--only then I know there are even MORE things that might happen. :glare: So I guess we'll cross that bridge when we come to it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coralloyd Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 I had the same experience; I do not allow my children to sleep over.They have asked, but the rule is firm, so they have now stopped asking. I don't think it has to be a rite of passage---I have known too many people who were s*xually abused or introduced to inappropriate -reading- (ahem) materials. Too many hours with too little supervision, for my family. Yep. I wish I HADN'T gone to sleepovers. I did the things I am most ashamed of at them. My children will not be particitpating. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
plansrme Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 Yes, my kids frequently host and attend sleepovers. Our major precaution is that they are each given a code word, and if she feels uncomfortable about something that is going on, in any way, at any time of the day or night, she is to call us and insert the code word into the conversation. We will immediately come get her, no questions asked, and make up an excuse for the host parents that places any blame or embarrassment on us, not the child. The child will be free to explain her reasoning to us, or not, and we will attach zero blame even if we disagree with her decision. Terri Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daisy Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 We don't host and we don't send our children to sleepovers. Although in our circles it is fairly uncommon anyway. We are mostly school teachers which leads into our number one reason for not having them. And that's another reason for not hosting them too....I know someone who was accused of inappropriately touching a child, but I'm nearly sure the child was lying. The child was just that type of child. But I would not want to put our family in harms way of some sort of accusation. 1. We've just decided that since hubby is a school teacher we would prefer to avoid any possibility of the above happening. Frankly, one FALSE accusation can ruins a teacher's career forever. This explains why we do not host sleepovers. And honestly, I have just found that you cannot REALLY know a family, no matter how well you think you do. You can only see what they choose for you to see. 2. Having grown up in an abusive home, I really agree with the above statement. I just can't send my children to sleep at another person's home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jujsky Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 I'm not against sleep-overs, but my kids are too young for them right now, other than with family. When they're a bit older I will allow them, but only if I know and trust the parents. I have fond memories of sleep-overs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jujsky Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 Yes, my kids frequently host and attend sleepovers. Our major precaution is that they are each given a code word, and if she feels uncomfortable about something that is going on, in any way, at any time of the day or night, she is to call us and insert the code word into the conversation. We will immediately come get her, no questions asked, and make up an excuse for the host parents that places any blame or embarrassment on us, not the child. The child will be free to explain her reasoning to us, or not, and we will attach zero blame even if we disagree with her decision. Terri I like this! I'm stealing this from you in a couple years :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michelle T Posted November 12, 2009 Share Posted November 12, 2009 My DS loves to have friends spend the night, and loves sleeping over at their homes. They stay up late, joke around, make videos, play games, run around the yard, eat pizza and snacks, just generally have fun. I liked sleepovers as a girl. The only "bad" thing that ever happened to me at a sleepover was catching chicken pox. I also spent a couple weeks at a sleep away camp one summer, and that was fun too. Michelle T Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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