Please give me your opinion about my son's writing

[nukeswife]

I have a 10 year old, who has had little writing instruction, but I really wasn't sure how to go about doing it. He has been doing copywork, narration and dictation ala WWE 2 for the past 10 weeks. This week he suddenly decided to write a story. I know the spelling needs work, that's been one of his weak areas which is part of why is writing has suffered because I was more worried about spelling.

 

I'd appreciate any constructive criticism or advice you have for me.

 

The Adventures of Supper Echidna

Chapter 1: the great begining

one day supper echidna sprang into action! to find out he was in a trap. oh no i'm traped in this cage. "he said" a ha ha ha traped you at last me cat of doom ha "Supper Echidna said". I have Ice vison zzzap he froze the whole cage then crrrack the cage was destroyed and the cat of doom used her cat bombs kaboooom. ha ha I'v finaly did it. thinck again cat you can't stop justis becas i am justas. pow bam. II give up. said the cat of doom. relly no zap zap ahhh. two hours latter oar spicky froind fond him self in the lair of doom.

 

It should be read as SUPER not Supper, but I didn't want to edit it. That's just the first chapter. Which took up about 1 page because he writes pretty large. He did go on and wrote 6 more chapters each about 1 page long. He's never attempted to write more than 3 sentences at any given time. I did not edit this at all. I realize we need to work more on remembering to capitalize the first word of a sentence, and he really needs work on where to put the quotation marks when writing dialog. Anyway, please let me know what you think.

Edited November 11, 2009 by nukeswife

[ondreeuh]

I would be thrilled to pieces. The fact that he voluntarily wrote this for his own enjoyment is a wonderful thing.

 

I would make a big deal of how cool the story is, and how you can't wait to find out what happens next. I would not edit it directly - it might undermine his joy. Save this story and in a few months, bring it back out and let him see for himself which mistakes he made after he's had more practice.

 

If you've already covered those things (capitalization, use of quotation marks), I would make sure to point them out in his dictation work. If you haven't really covered them yet (I'm not terribly familiar with WWE) then I'd go ahead and introduce them ... but I wouldn't refer to his creative writing. Let that stand as a source of pride, not something that needs to be fixed.

 

ETA: his poor spelling may have been because he was in a rush to get his thoughts down. As he practices proofreading, he will have a chance to correct misspellings, so I wouldn't worry too much about the spelling in his first draft.

[Tam101]

I would be thrilled to pieces. The fact that he voluntarily wrote this for his own enjoyment is a wonderful thing.

 

I would make a big deal of how cool the story is, and how you can't wait to find out what happens next. I would not edit it directly - it might undermine his joy. Save this story and in a few months, bring it back out and let him see for himself which mistakes he made after he's had more practice.

 

If you've already covered those things (capitalization, use of quotation marks), I would make sure to point them out in his dictation work. If you haven't really covered them yet (I'm not terribly familiar with WWE) then I'd go ahead and introduce them ... but I wouldn't refer to his creative writing. Let that stand as a source of pride, not something that needs to be fixed.

 

ETA: his poor spelling may have been because he was in a rush to get his thoughts down. As he practices proofreading, he will have a chance to correct misspellings, so I wouldn't worry too much about the spelling in his first draft.

 

:iagree:

 

Let him enjoy the process and get his story on paper. Work on the grammar and spelling with your regular assignments. I think it's great! and it's even more great that this is the first time he is showing interest in creative writing. Let him run with it!

[5LittleMonkeys]

Does he draw? This would make a wonderful comic.

 

This might not be what you are looking for but my first reaction was to think how great it would be for him to illustrate this comic book style (actually they are called graphic novels now) and have him rewrite one or two sentences as a caption for each box of action. His little sound affects could go into action bubbles. You could work on one sentence at a time that way.

 

Just a thought.

[at the beach]

Does he draw? This would make a wonderful comic.

 

This might not be what you are looking for but my first reaction was to think how great it would be for him to illustrate this comic book style (actually they are called graphic novels now) and have him rewrite one or two sentences as a caption for each box of action. His little sound affects could go into action bubbles. You could work on one sentence at a time that way.

 

Just a thought.

:iagree: As I read his story, it did remind me of a comic book. I love this suggestion of having him turn this story into a comic book.

[southmetromom]

my ds is 10 also, and we did not do any writing until a few weeks ago -- due to many things, one of which was his difficulty spelling.

 

Your son's creativity and enthusiasm are priceless!

 

I agree with everyone -- and I remember the Suzuki method, which encourages the child and praises him much -- and then just work on ONE thing... perhaps capitalization.

 

We are using IEW, and one thing I really like about Andrew Pudewa's approach is that he has the children write with a pen -- and cross things out -- and "messy is okay for writing" -- it keeps the creativity coming. I have to catch myself to not critique EVERY LITTLE THING -- but perhaps just one thing.

 

How exciting that he is writing and enjoying it!

 

Sandy in CO

southmetromom

[calandalsmom]

If you want to address any issues in the story Id pick one small one and have him address that. I guess Id go with the capital leters isue probably. Then have him type it and get a fancy binder to make it into a book.

[Pongo]

I have a 10 year old, who has had little writing instruction, but I really wasn't sure how to go about doing it. He has been doing copywork, narration and dictation ala WWE 2 for the past 10 weeks. This week he suddenly decided to write a story. I know the spelling needs work, that's been one of his weak areas which is part of why is writing has suffered because I was more worried about spelling.

 

I'd appreciate any constructive criticism or advice you have for me.

 

The Adventures of Supper Echidna

Chapter 1: the great begining

one day supper echidna sprang into action! to find out he was in a trap. oh no i'm traped in this cage. "he said" a ha ha ha traped you at last me cat of doom ha "Supper Echidna said". I have Ice vison zzzap he froze the whole cage then crrrack the cage was destroyed and the cat of doom used her cat bombs kaboooom. ha ha I'v finaly did it. thinck again cat you can't stop justis becas i am justas. pow bam. II give up. said the cat of doom. relly no zap zap ahhh. two hours latter oar spicky froind fond him self in the lair of doom.

 

It should be read as SUPER not Supper, but I didn't want to edit it. That's just the first chapter. Which took up about 1 page because he writes pretty large. He did go on and wrote 6 more chapters each about 1 page long. He's never attempted to write more than 3 sentences at any given time. I did not edit this at all. I realize we need to work more on remembering to capitalize the first word of a sentence, and he really needs work on where to put the quotation marks when writing dialog. Anyway, please let me know what you think.

 

It's hard to compare this to my ds, only because he has had writing, spelling and English as formal courses from K, and if he wrote this I would be really upset.

 

Now please, I am treading lightly because you said your son has not had writing instruction. I am just basing this on my older two. I would expect my 10 year old to produce sentences with proper sentence structure at this age. I expect it from my 2nd grader...maybe I am to tough?:)

 

I do however, love the ideas and creativity of what he wrote. And the fact he took it upon himself to write so much is wonderful. I would tread lightly and encourage his creativity but I would help him learn to self-edit.

 

Again, I am from the camp of making these formal subjects early on, which is why, in theory, I always liked copy work and dictation, I just could never let myself give up the formal subjects because I wanted this stuff (spelling mostly) to be mastered by 5th/6th grade.

[PeterPan]

I think it's sweet!!

 

I don't see the dichotomy between working on spelling and writing. If you do dictation daily (serious amounts), you're going to be working on his spelling AND improve his writing, nail conventions, etc. I'd find something relatively high interest for him (sounds like an action story, hehe), and use that as the source.

[Susie in CA]

Does he draw? This would make a wonderful comic.

 

This might not be what you are looking for but my first reaction was to think how great it would be for him to illustrate this comic book style (actually they are called graphic novels now) and have him rewrite one or two sentences as a caption for each box of action. His little sound affects could go into action bubbles. You could work on one sentence at a time that way.

 

Just a thought.

 

Yes! This is exactly what I thought, too.

 

Susie

[radiobrain]

I would say it is important that he INDEPENDENTLY wrote, and did it with such enthusiasm. If this were a formal paper, if he already had shown that he was good at all the mechanics and rules of writing, THEN it would be an issue. But that's not the case. And a first draft IS a first draft, that stuff isn't supposed to matter much.

 

I would be jumping up and down if I were you! That is a big step. Remember that writing has SO MANY rules that can be fixed later. I think that since it is his first real independent writing leave it alone. You will miss those charming mistakes (I like Supper Echidna) one day. You can use this as a tool for you to see what he does and doesn't understand in writing. Choose one and work on it, then choose another. I would say Capitalization is pretty easy but the quotation marks might be a big guy to tackle first. Capitalization is just a matter of remembering to do it and is easily fixed, the quotes are a different beast.

 

I am happy for you!!!

[Tidbits of Learning]

I agree that it would make a great graphic (manga) novel. I think the creativity and enthusiasm in the story are great.

I would praise him for it and not use it to teach the grammer/spelling. I would just note his weak areas and begin to work on them. I have never used JAG, but I am sure with time he will see his errors on his own.

I know I have looked back at drawings that I did as a child and cringe, but my mother wouldn't change a thing b/c she saw the potential even way back then that I loved drawing and could be good at it given the chance to practice.

I appreciate all of my immature drawings that she placed into photo albums. My daughter loves to draw and sometimes I want to nudge her in the direction of a more finished product than she is capable of right now. I have to step back and realize how long it took me to get to that point and the freedom my mom gave me to expand my potential on my own.

I would encourage and praise his work and creativity and refrain from using it as a reference for school. IF it were a school assignment, then I would point out the errors; but, it is something of HIS he decided to create. One day he will look back and cringe at the errors and you will be there to tell him that even then you saw his potential.

[rafiki]

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[nukeswife]

Thanks everyone for your replies. I'm very happy that he even attempted to write anything on his own. I got a lot of great advice here, that I'll think on and figure out how to implement.

I too thought it would make a good comic, he's not a drawing kind of kid, but he did ask his sister to draw some illustrations.

I will definitely not edit this copy unless he asks to, but wanted to figure out if there were any other issues besides the ones I saw to work on.

 

I know for some this would be a complete failure for a 5th grader, but he was in PS for K and most of 1st where they focused strictly on "journaling" where it didn't matter what they wrote or if it was spelled wrong, etc. He hasn't wanted to write anything on his own until now. I know we need to work on spelling, because he doesn't realize that a lot of his words are wrong so he would never think to look them up in a dictionary.

 

I like the idea of doubling up the WWE 2 lessons, I thought it was moving a bit slow for him but wasn't sure how to move it along.

 

I have tried IEW stuff for him in the past and although he liked the beginning he didn't like it past unit 2 and it became a fight. We have only been using Sequential Spelling for about 2 months, but he recently asked for a more traditional program with a list to study and workbook pages to do, so I ordered Spelling workout to try.

[Capt_Uhura]

The Adventures of Supper Echidna

Chapter 1: the great begining

one day supper echidna sprang into action! to find out he was in a trap. oh no i'm traped in this cage. "he said" a ha ha ha traped you at last me cat of doom ha "Supper Echidna said". I have Ice vison zzzap he froze the whole cage then crrrack the cage was destroyed and the cat of doom used her cat bombs kaboooom. ha ha I'v finaly did it. thinck again cat you can't stop justis becas i am justas. pow bam. II give up. said the cat of doom. relly no zap zap ahhh. two hours latter oar spicky froind fond him self in the lair of doom.

 

 

I skimmed the other responses and I have to say I definitely agree. Praise Praise Praise Praise. Have you looked at http://www.bravewriter.com? I love her philosophy on writing. If you can afford it, I'd recommend the Bravewriter class, Kids Write Basic. It will teach you how to tease our more from your sons writing in a very constructive way.

 

I'd start by pointing all the GREAT things about this story. First all, the onomatopoeia is fantastic! The dialogue is also fantastic! And I absolutely love he didn't repeat the characters name, Echinda, but instead wrote, "our spikey friend." VERY VERY clever!

 

The first thing Julie teaches is that don't READ the story. Have DC read the story to you. That way you're aren't colored by the spelling errors, lack of grammar etc. Then put it away for several days and let DC bask in the glory. Then you can come back and say, "Gee I wonder what happened once he was trapped in the X?" Let DC sit and free write about that. IF DC chooses not to answer that question but go another direction that's fine. Once DC feels he has added all that he wants to add, then give DC a red pen and have him mark it up for errors and ask you for help in correcting. After that, you mop up anything else w/out discussing it w/ him, and then have DC type a clean copy or hand write a clean copy to give final ownership over the piece. You make notes on the errors and then address those using copywork and dictation.

 

OH WWE2 - yes we double up lessons. In the last part of WWE2 that gets harder b/c it's a dictation each day but you can double up day1 and 2 (narration, dictation.). Also when I needed to double up, if it was 2 dictations, I'd do one the AM and one in the PM to break it up.

 

Tell your son how much I enjoyed reading his story! I'm working w/ my 9yr old in writing. The KWB class really sparked in him a desire for writing and he begged to take another writing class. We're taking Bravewriter's Just So Stories class where DC analyzes Kipling's Just So Stories and then writes one of his own.

 

Capt_Uhura

[irizarry4]

WWE seeks to get the student to connect the act of thinking of language to the act of writing down the thought. With all its flaws, this piece of writing is the first time your son has seen the value of connecting those two. I think it's great! Does it have a lot to improve in the way of mechanics? Yes. But the big deal is that he wrote something because he wanted to!!! Hip, hip, hooray!

 

I like the idea of turning it into a comic book. You can praise him for his fabulous first draft, and suggest that you do a project together of getting it 'published'. When finished, you can make a few copies and distribute them among family and friends. When he has to re-write it, you can sit with him and explain the mechanics. "Okay, this is your draft, and I know it's hard to keep all the sentence rules when you're in the middle of creating the story. Now let's take the first sentence that is going to go in this box. All sentences begin with ....? " So you are repeating the WWE concepts but in the context of Super Echidna. :D

 

Are you using FLL also? FLL4 is working great with my own writing-challenged 10yo.

[rafiki]

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[nukeswife]

I was thinking of adding in something from Evan Moor books for the mechanics but need to get out and see them in person. I can get an idea from their site but not as much as I need to make a decision.

 

Have any of you used something like that. We tried FLL 3 and he just wasn't liking it, he really likes his Jr. AG and we're about to start unit 7, but that hasn't gone into the mechanics of writing very much, so I'm thinking I may need to bring in something else for that. Things like what to capitalize and when, where to place commas, etc.

 

Thanks for all your encouraging words. I certainly don't want to stifle he creativity. I talked to him this morning about how much I liked his story and how good I thought it was. He did ask if I could show him how to type it on his computer because then it would at least help him to know if a word is spelled wrong so he would know to go look it up. I thought it would be a good idea, so I'm going to show him how to use MS Word tomorrow.

[rafiki]

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[tdeveson]

Hey, this is a great story. So it needs some editing -- professional writers need editing too. I love the idea of making it into a comic book. My ds will turn his stories into comics with much more enthusiasm.

 

I'd talk to him about the fact that even grownup professional writers do at least one draft before going to final. Then encourage him to write another one with the understanding that you'll help him polish it for publication. You can take his first printout and help him with capitalization, punctuation and spelling. Praise him for such a good job and make a big deal of the story and a little deal of the errors. If he becomes frustrated, remind him again that professional writers have editors that plague their lives too. He's much more likely to continue putting pencil to paper if he feels a sense of accomplishment.

[nukeswife]

It depends on your goals whether it's a good fit for your family. It's only half a page per day and each day has a variety of exercises. My kid's liked that it was short and didn't have a lot of writing. I only had them edit with a red pencil, and not rewrite the sentence as my goal was for them to identify mistakes. If your kids take or need state testing, this is good for filling in those gaps and keeping them up to grade level compared with a traditional, public school sequence. The sentences they edit in DLR are more public school/average kid type sentences, definitely not as sophisticated as Editor in Chief or Fix It!. So it depends, clear as mud, eh?

 

I think we each go through a maturation process as teachers through our oldest "test children", experience, learning a variety of methods, reading the boards here, etc. For me, it's just this week, I'm realizing grammar and writing aren't individual subjects, but go hand in hand, actually all of language arts does. Looking back, I think I started picking individual materials I liked, but didn't see the whole picture and the approaches I was using for each, really didn't compliment each other or work towards a common goal, YKWIM? If we only knew then what we know now. - LOL.

 

So true, he really is my guinea pig in all this. He does enjoy his Evan Moor Daily word problems math book so maybe the DLR would work for him. I know what you mean about trying to make sure the parts add up to the whole. My dd's program is all in one for now which gives me a little more peace but it only goes through 3rd grade at present, so I will need to figure this out again for her when the time comes.

 

Hey, this is a great story. So it needs some editing -- professional writers need editing too. I love the idea of making it into a comic book. My ds will turn his stories into comics with much more enthusiasm.

 

I'd talk to him about the fact that even grownup professional writers do at least one draft before going to final. Then encourage him to write another one with the understanding that you'll help him polish it for publication. You can take his first printout and help him with capitalization, punctuation and spelling. Praise him for such a good job and make a big deal of the story and a little deal of the errors. If he becomes frustrated, remind him again that professional writers have editors that plague their lives too. He's much more likely to continue putting pencil to paper if he feels a sense of accomplishment.

 

Thanks, I like the suggestion of treating it like a writer/editor relationship and not a son/mom one. He took all of my suggestions really well this morning, so who knows, maybe there will be more stories about Super Echidna in the future. I sure hope there is.

[Tree House Academy]

My 10 year old struggles with spelling and punctuation/capitalization too. It is a process and some kids just have to work harder at it than others. I think it is wonderful that your son wanted to write a story. I wouldn't even edit it too much since he is writing it for fun and not for school. If he ASKS for you to help edit it, then do help him. Otherwise, I would let it stand as is and just praise him for doing such a great job creatively. :)

[Jan in SC]

I have a child with an ld in written expression and he responds well to my editing when I allow him to type the next draft. We edit it together and he doesn't get upset about it!

 

It's a great story!