Politics of high school sports vent

[unsinkable]

I thought all these years of boys being picked for teams because who they were, not how they played, were over. I thought the boys would be evaluated on talent and not on what team they came from.

 

I was wrong.

 

My son didn't make the list to tryout for the team he wanted at school and another boy did. My son is so much better than this boy (other people tell us this, it is not JMO.) People tell us my son is such a great skater, puck-handler, thinker, worker. "No one has a bigger heart for the game." And yet he got passed over for a boy who plays for a better team. And the kid is a poor sport.

 

My son played this boy's team. My son faced 47 shots and let in 7. Five were on power plays. This boy faced 5 shots and let in 1. His team won the state championship a couple years back (this boy wasn't on the team then.) The next day the boy told DS that he s*cked and the day after that, this boy got picked to tryout for their high school team (the highest level team. There is more than one team.) And DS didn't.

 

DS has worked and worked for years and I finally thought he'd get a chance to play for a strong team. I just hope he'll get on one of the other teams.

 

This is a vent. I'm feeling so icky about it right now.

[Pink Fairy]

That really stinks. :sad: How is your son taking it?

[Jennifer in MI]

I'm SO sorry. I know how it goes. And, unfortunately, it's not just at the high school level.

 

My son is an excellent baseball player. This year he had the highest batting average and on base percentage on the team. He had one error in the field all season. He let in 0 runs all season as a pitcher (and allowed 2 in the playoffs). He was constantly overlooked by his own coach. His coach put his own son in over mine. His ds had a batting average of ZERO!!! It was a joke. My ds was also overlooked when it came time to pick the tournament teams too. People were SHOCKED when my ds wasn't on it.

 

One of my child's coaches told me that it was because my son isn't cocky enough. My son goes, plays the game like a good sport, and was overlooked because he wasn't cocky. But, you know what? He was RIGHT!!! I looked at the names on the lists and every one was either a coach's son OR was really very cocky. Do those kids just get noticed more?

 

I also wonder how your ds is taking it? Mine would come home and break down. It was heartbreaking. Dh and I are currently trying to decide whether we have him play on a different team next year. It's just so hard as it was our social life in the spring!

[unsinkable]

I'm SO sorry. I know how it goes. And, unfortunately, it's not just at the high school level.

 

My son is an excellent baseball player. This year he had the highest batting average and on base percentage on the team. He had one error in the field all season. He let in 0 runs all season as a pitcher (and allowed 2 in the playoffs). He was constantly overlooked by his own coach. His coach put his own son in over mine. His ds had a batting average of ZERO!!! It was a joke. My ds was also overlooked when it came time to pick the tournament teams too. People were SHOCKED when my ds wasn't on it.

 

One of my child's coaches told me that it was because my son isn't cocky enough. My son goes, plays the game like a good sport, and was overlooked because he wasn't cocky. But, you know what? He was RIGHT!!! I looked at the names on the lists and every one was either a coach's son OR was really very cocky. Do those kids just get noticed more?

 

I also wonder how your ds is taking it? Mine would come home and break down. It was heartbreaking. Dh and I are currently trying to decide whether we have him play on a different team next year. It's just so hard as it was our social life in the spring!

 

Thanks. We did go through this all through grade school ages of sports (even though we homeschooled.)

 

I thought it'd be different. No more Coach Daddy. No more take my drinkin' buddy's son over a better player.

 

Urgh.

[unsinkable]

That really stinks. :sad: How is your son taking it?

 

He was really down yesterday. After the steam-rolling loss and then the notice that he didn't get asked to the tryout, he was as down as I have ever seen him about sports.

 

Thanks.

[Spy Car]

There is more than one team.

 

Maybe this story will help (a little).

 

I played football. My Junior year my best friend (who played left tackle, while I played right tackle) made the Varsity team, and I did not.

 

I was crushed! I'd always been a "starter" on very good teams and I could not believe I had not been picked for the Varsity. I was bummed.

 

So I played Junior Varsity. Where I was the captain of the team, played "both ways" and "special teams", so there was perhaps not a moment all season when I wasn't in the game.

 

I had a blast that year! Maybe the most fun I had in my 10 years playing football. Not to mention we won the league championship (going undefeated).

 

My friend who was a very good football player was on the "Varsity", but he got to "ride the bench" most of the year. His playing time was slight, and he didn't enjoy his Junior year one bit.

 

The next year we both played Varsity (and started) he actually went "All City" (a big deal in Los Angeles). While he appreciated the "honor" of making the Varsity his Junior year (only 2 Juniors did that year) he often said he wished he was playing with me on JVs, rather than sitting the bench.

 

HTHs

 

Bill (who still remembers that "WHAT???" moment when I found out I was playing JVs)

[jazzyfizzle]

Oh boy, do I know exactly where you are coming from. :mad: We went through that for so many years in the PS with our oldest son. He stuck it out and played all the way through. It was often so blatantly obvious. It makes a parent on the sidelines want to :boxing_smiley: .

Now, we are already seeing it in pee wee Junior football w/ middle son. ARGGGG!

 

 

Just wanted to tell you I know exactly how you feel. :grouphug:

[unsinkable]

I'm SO sorry. I know how it goes. And, unfortunately, it's not just at the high school level.

 

My son is an excellent baseball player. This year he had the highest batting average and on base percentage on the team. He had one error in the field all season. He let in 0 runs all season as a pitcher (and allowed 2 in the playoffs). He was constantly overlooked by his own coach. His coach put his own son in over mine. His ds had a batting average of ZERO!!! It was a joke. My ds was also overlooked when it came time to pick the tournament teams too. People were SHOCKED when my ds wasn't on it.

 

One of my child's coaches told me that it was because my son isn't cocky enough. My son goes, plays the game like a good sport, and was overlooked because he wasn't cocky. But, you know what? He was RIGHT!!! I looked at the names on the lists and every one was either a coach's son OR was really very cocky. Do those kids just get noticed more?

 

I also wonder how your ds is taking it? Mine would come home and break down. It was heartbreaking. Dh and I are currently trying to decide whether we have him play on a different team next year. It's just so hard as it was our social life in the spring!

 

DS never made a tournament A team in baseball. I am really sorry. I know how you feel. The same boys made it every. single. year. And all the dads were/are coaches.

 

Sickening.

[unsinkable]

Maybe this story will help (a little).

 

I played football. My Junior year my best friend (who played left tackle, while I played right tackle) made the Varsity team, and I did not.

 

I was crushed! I'd always been a "starter" on very good teams and I could not believe I had not been picked for the Varsity. I was bummed.

 

So I played Junior Varsity. Where I was the captain of the team, played "both ways" and "special teams", so there was perhaps not a moment all season when I wasn't in the game.

 

I had a blast that year! Maybe the most fun I had in my 10 years playing football. Not to mention we won the league championship (going undefeated).

 

My friend who was a very good football player was on the "Varsity", but he got to "ride the bench" most of the year. His playing time was slight, and he didn't enjoy his Junior year one bit.

 

The next year we both played Varsity (and started) he actually went "All City" (a big deal in Los Angeles). While he appreciated the "honor" of making the Varsity his Junior year (only 2 Juniors did that year) he often said he wished he was playing with me on JVs, rather than sitting the bench.

 

HTHs

 

Bill (who still remembers that "WHAT???" moment when I found out I was playing JVs)

 

Thanks. This does help.

[jazzyfizzle]

Maybe this story will help (a little).

 

I played football. My Junior year my best friend (who played left tackle, while I played right tackle) made the Varsity team, and I did not.

 

I was crushed! I'd always been a "starter" on very good teams and I could not believe I had not been picked for the Varsity. I was bummed.

 

So I played Junior Varsity. Where I was the captain of the team, played "both ways" and "special teams", so there was perhaps not a moment all season when I wasn't in the game.

 

I had a blast that year! Maybe the most fun I had in my 10 years playing football. Not to mention we won the league championship (going undefeated).

 

My friend who was a very good football player was on the "Varsity", but he got to "ride the bench" most of the year. His playing time was slight, and he didn't enjoy his Junior year one bit.

 

The next year we both played Varsity (and started) he actually went "All City" (a big deal in Los Angeles). While he appreciated the "honor" of making the Varsity his Junior year (only 2 Juniors did that year) he often said he wished he was playing with me on JVs, rather than sitting the bench.

 

HTHs

 

Bill (who still remembers that "WHAT???" moment when I found out I was playing JVs)

 

 

 

Wonderful post Bill, thank you for a different perspective!

[unsinkable]

Oh boy, do I know exactly where you are coming from. :mad: We went through that for so many years in the PS with our oldest son. He stuck it out and played all the way through. It was often so blatantly obvious. It makes a parent on the sidelines want to :boxing_smiley: .

Now, we are already seeing it in pee wee Junior football w/ middle son. ARGGGG!

 

 

Just wanted to tell you I know exactly how you feel. :grouphug:

 

Thanks so much.

 

What sport(s) did your older son play?

[unsinkable]

I'm SO sorry. I know how it goes. And, unfortunately, it's not just at the high school level.

 

My son is an excellent baseball player. This year he had the highest batting average and on base percentage on the team. He had one error in the field all season. He let in 0 runs all season as a pitcher (and allowed 2 in the playoffs). He was constantly overlooked by his own coach. His coach put his own son in over mine. His ds had a batting average of ZERO!!! It was a joke. My ds was also overlooked when it came time to pick the tournament teams too. People were SHOCKED when my ds wasn't on it.

 

One of my child's coaches told me that it was because my son isn't cocky enough. My son goes, plays the game like a good sport, and was overlooked because he wasn't cocky. But, you know what? He was RIGHT!!! I looked at the names on the lists and every one was either a coach's son OR was really very cocky. Do those kids just get noticed more?

 

I also wonder how your ds is taking it? Mine would come home and break down. It was heartbreaking. Dh and I are currently trying to decide whether we have him play on a different team next year. It's just so hard as it was our social life in the spring!

 

Gosh, Jennifer. I am sorry I keep quoting you but I keep hitting enter too soon. My DS's goalie coach (an independent coach who coaches as a business, not with a team) says that my DS lacks that world beater, cocky swagger attitude that great goalies have.

 

How do you teach cockiness? Is there a curriculum? :001_huh: :lol:

[jazzyfizzle]

The worst was football in our case, baseball did not seem to be quite as skewed.

Edited October 28, 2009 by jazzyfizzle
typo

[Sebastian (a lady)]

There are two scouts in my troop who play football. One is a tall, quiet, helpful, unassuming Eagle scout. The other one is also sort of quiet and reserved, but makes up for it with a loudmouth dad who makes sure that everyone knows just how busy his son is with sports, especially football.

 

The kid with the loud dad has sort of stalled out at Star scout. The dad has a list of reasons why his son's failure to advance has everything to do with this or that adult, but never with his son's losing his merit badge cards, waiting until the week that merit badge counselors are moving to call them up, not going on camp outs, not providing paperwork from his previous troop etc.

 

But everyone else see that the issue lays with the kid, not other adults.

 

All of this is sort of round about way of saying that even if your son wasn't picked for the team you'd wish for him, it doesn't mean that other adults don't see what is going on.

[Miss Sherry]

I thought too that things would not be too bad in sports but it really was not so great. My son, who was homeschooled, but is 21 now, played basketball starting in grade school. He played for the YMCA, various private teams, and for public school Junior High, and High School.

He played for 2 different high schools. We moved after his Freshman year, so then he played for the other H.S.

 

One of the coaches was incredibly mean to the kids, cursed at them using the "F" word, played obvious favorites, etc. etc. At that school, the Senior basketball team actually went on strike one year and said they refused to play basketball unless the school got them a different coach. :lol: It actually worked, and they got a new coach, but the new coach was not that great either. :sad:

One of the things one of the coaches did at the second H.S. was, when he was mad at one of the players because the player did something while taking the ball down the court that the coach had told him not to do , was tell the kid to go sit on the bench and the coach had him sit there with a garbage can on his head. That coach liked to humiliate the kids. He once told my son to shave his head because the coach didn't like the color my son had bleached his hair and my son very sternly said to the coach " I AM NOT GOING TO SHAVE MY HEAD." My son didn't put up with manipulation or humiliation from the coaches.

Well, I could go on and on but I'll just say that there is a lot of pride, selfish ambition, and ego's involved in sports and it can get very nasty , even at the Junior High, High School, and younger levels.

 

I want to add this : If you have your children involved in sports, I think it is VERY important to be involved as much as you can, and to keep open communication with them. Things can be going on that are very inappropriate and you need to know about them so you can help your children and put a stop to detrimental treatment of your children. With some children, there seems to be a mind set of trying to deal with things on their own and not telling adults. I think because our children were homeschooled and not use to being isolated with just their peers all day, they told us a lot of things that went on when they were away at other classes , sports,etc. My son told us things the kids weren't telling their parents and my oldest daugther told us some things too that sometimes I had to go let the principal at one school she took classes at know because no one else was saying anything.

Edited October 29, 2009 by Miss Sherry

[Home'scool]

This type of stuff is very common.

 

My daughter plays softball. When they have tryouts for the travel team about 50 girls tryout and every year the same 12 girls get on (my daughter is one of them.) This year there were a lot of parents who complained during the tryouts because basically the team was already picked. And it was. This year we actually had one girl who was new but only because one of the regulars was having her foot operated on and could not play.

 

Some get on because they play well.

Some get on because they have been playing since they were 8 and no one wants to be the one to boot them off.

Some get on because their parents are front-and-center involved and no one wants to cross the parent.

 

There is so many good lessons learned from playing a team sport, but there is sooo much cr*p that goes on, too. I don't know if that will ever change.

[Ravin]

The thing I don't get is that tryouts for what I assume is a public-school team are invite-only? Shouldn't trying out be open to all who want to play? It would stink if politics led to not getting picked for the team, but every kid who wants to should at least be able to try out. :confused:

[MBM]

We also don't participate in team sports anymore. As my son has said, they're not fun. He fences and swims and has a great time doing both.

 

The coach of my son's former basketball team in fifth grade liked to tell kids they were losers and that the team would be better off without them. (This guy is a teacher/counselor at a local high school, unbelievably.) So, a number of the kids on the team quit, leaving just five players. They lost every game, and the next year, only three tried out.

 

My eldest two grew up in Chicago. They had coaches who stressed that kids should have fun, everyone gets to play, and not to stress if they lose. As a result both -- now in their early 20s -- still play hockey and soccer.

 

The suburbs where we now live are cut throat, and children begin serious training as toddlers. Nuts if you ask me.

[unsinkable]

The thing I don't get is that tryouts for what I assume is a public-school team are invite-only? Shouldn't trying out be open to all who want to play? It would stink if politics led to not getting picked for the team, but every kid who wants to should at least be able to try out. :confused:

 

Ravin,

 

It is a private boys Catholic school.

 

What happens is that all the freshman have a "skate". It is a tryout/weeding out process for the top team but it is called a skate.

 

Then, select freshman are asked to try out for the top team. There are 5 teams. Only a couple freshman make the team; it is really hard.

 

Now, given my DS's skills, I didn't think he'd get an invite. DS said it would have been so cool just to tryout as a freshman. There is one freshman goalie there who is clearly better than my DS. I was certain he'd get asked and he did. But then a 2nd goalie was asked and my DS is better than this kid. A few people at the skate were saying that my DS was so much better than the kid that was asked.

 

Now, freshman can't play for the #2 and #3 teams. So DS will go to the #4 & #5 team tryouts. I don't know what is going to happen there.

 

I probably muddied the waters more than explained. Actually, my head is spinning b/c I can't figure out why & what it means that this other kid was asked. I think, if the top team takes these 2 freshman goalies, my DS's chances for getting onto this team ever plummets. Because once you are on the team, you are on for 4 years, to the best of my knowledge.

 

Urggh.

[unsinkable]

This type of stuff is very common.

 

My daughter plays softball. When they have tryouts for the travel team about 50 girls tryout and every year the same 12 girls get on (my daughter is one of them.) This year there were a lot of parents who complained during the tryouts because basically the team was already picked. And it was. This year we actually had one girl who was new but only because one of the regulars was having her foot operated on and could not play.

 

Some get on because they play well.

Some get on because they have been playing since they were 8 and no one wants to be the one to boot them off.

Some get on because their parents are front-and-center involved and no one wants to cross the parent.

 

There is so many good lessons learned from playing a team sport' date=' but there is sooo much cr*p that goes on, too. I don't know if that will ever change.[/quote']

 

This is so familiar, it hurts.

 

And it also reinforces my thinking that I wrote to Ravin. If this kid that I think my DS is better than gets on the #1 team as a freshman, he's on for the next 4 years. And will my DS ever get a chance?

[unsinkable]

I'm sorry. That's rotten. And that is why we don't do "team" sports--we stick with running, shooting and swimming. Ya' are either in front of the kid or ya' aren't. Doesn't matter if mommy bought team sweatshirts, so-and-so hunts with the coach, etc. We dropped gymnastics because of the subjective nature of the scoring, too. You have my sympathy.

 

Thank you!

[unsinkable]

There are two scouts in my troop who play football. One is a tall, quiet, helpful, unassuming Eagle scout. The other one is also sort of quiet and reserved, but makes up for it with a loudmouth dad who makes sure that everyone knows just how busy his son is with sports, especially football.

 

The kid with the loud dad has sort of stalled out at Star scout. The dad has a list of reasons why his son's failure to advance has everything to do with this or that adult, but never with his son's losing his merit badge cards, waiting until the week that merit badge counselors are moving to call them up, not going on camp outs, not providing paperwork from his previous troop etc.

 

But everyone else see that the issue lays with the kid, not other adults.

 

All of this is sort of round about way of saying that even if your son wasn't picked for the team you'd wish for him, it doesn't mean that other adults don't see what is going on.

 

I told my son he did everything he could to position himself for hockey this year. He worked out & went to goalie camp every Sun. night in summer. He also went to the high school's Sun. night skates. (Neither which the other goalie did). He played other sports, too.

 

We try to keep a balance. We don't believe in 12 months of the year training. He took a couple months off from April-June, then got back on the ice in July.

[unsinkable]

I thought too that things would not be too bad in sports but it really was not so great. My son, who was homeschooled, but is 21 now, played basketball starting in grade school. He played for the YMCA, various private teams, and for public school Junior High, and High School.

He played for 2 different high schools. We moved after his Freshman year, so then he played for the other H.S.

 

One of the coaches was incredibly mean to the kids, cursed at them using the "F" word, played obvious favorites, etc. etc. At that school, the Senior basketball team actually went on strike one year and said they refused to play basketball unless the school got them a different coach. :lol: It actually worked, and they got a new coach, but the new coach was not that great either. :sad:

One of the things one of the coaches did at the second H.S. was, when he was mad at one of the players because the player did something while taking the ball down the court that the coach had told him not to do , was tell the kid to go sit on the bench and the coach had him sit there with a garbage can on his head. That coach liked to humiliate the kids. He once told my son to shave his head because the coach didn't like the color my son had bleached his hair and my son very sternly said to the coach " I AM NOT GOING TO SHAVE MY HEAD." My son didn't put up with manipulation or humiliation from the coaches.

Well, I could go on and on but I'll just say that there is a lot of pride, selfish ambition, and ego's involved in sports and it can get very nasty , even at the Junior High, High School, and younger levels.

 

I want to add this : If you have your children involved in sports, I think it is VERY important to be involved as much as you can, and to keep open communication with them. Things can be going on that are very inappropriate and you need to know about them so you can help your children and put a stop to detrimental treatment of your children. With some children, there seems to be a mind set of trying to deal with things on their own and not telling adults. I think because our children were homeschooled and not use to being isolated with just their peers all day, they told us a lot of things that went on when they were away at other classes , sports,etc. My son told us things the kids weren't telling their parents and my oldest daugther told us some things too that sometimes I had to go let the principal at one school she took classes at know because no one else was saying anything.

 

Wow, that's awful.

 

Thank you for sharing.

[Spy Car]

If this kid that I think my DS is better than gets on the #1 team as a freshman, he's on for the next 4 years. And will my DS ever get a chance?

 

Remember, if your son starts on any team he will sharpen his skills and get noticed. If this other boy (or he) is on a team, but doesn't play there is no fun, no skill sharpening, and no notice from coaches.

 

I can't say it isn't hard on the "ego" (see earlier post) but playing is better than sitting.

 

Bill

[unsinkable]

Remember, if your son starts on any team he will sharpen his skills and get noticed. If this other boy (or he) is on a team, but doesn't play there is no fun, no skill sharpening, and no notice from coaches.

 

I can't say it isn't hard on the "ego" (see earlier post) but playing is better than sitting.

 

Bill

 

Yes, sir. You are absolutely correct.

 

And my DS will play goal 'til he can't move. He loves loves loves his little world between the pipes.

[Tam101]

I thought all these years of boys being picked for teams because who they were, not how they played, were over. I thought the boys would be evaluated on talent and not on what team they came from.

 

I was wrong.

 

My son didn't make the list to tryout for the team he wanted at school and another boy did. My son is so much better than this boy (other people tell us this, it is not JMO.) People tell us my son is such a great skater, puck-handler, thinker, worker. "No one has a bigger heart for the game." And yet he got passed over for a boy who plays for a better team. And the kid is a poor sport.

 

My son played this boy's team. My son faced 47 shots and let in 7. Five were on power plays. This boy faced 5 shots and let in 1. His team won the state championship a couple years back (this boy wasn't on the team then.) The next day the boy told DS that he s*cked and the day after that, this boy got picked to tryout for their high school team (the highest level team. There is more than one team.) And DS didn't.

 

DS has worked and worked for years and I finally thought he'd get a chance to play for a strong team. I just hope he'll get on one of the other teams.

 

This is a vent. I'm feeling so icky about it right now.

 

Preach it! My daughter played high school sports and the politics made us red in the face every year! Luckily, she didn't run into the same prejudice in club sports and is now playing in college.

[chiguirre]

This is so familiar, it hurts.

 

And it also reinforces my thinking that I wrote to Ravin. If this kid that I think my DS is better than gets on the #1 team as a freshman, he's on for the next 4 years. And will my DS ever get a chance?

 

If that happens, can you switch schools to get him a chance to play on a top team when he's older? If hockey's an important reason for him to attend an institutional school, I'd look for one that will let him reach that goal.

 

Good luck to your son at his tryouts!

[JenAL]

The thing I don't get is that tryouts for what I assume is a public-school team are invite-only? Shouldn't trying out be open to all who want to play? It would stink if politics led to not getting picked for the team, but every kid who wants to should at least be able to try out. :confused:

 

I was thinking this, too. When I was in high shool, anyone could try out for anything...no invite needed. Only a certain number of kids actually made the team, but everyone had the opportunity to try out.

[unsinkable]

I was thinking this, too. When I was in high shool, anyone could try out for anything...no invite needed. Only a certain number of kids actually made the team, but everyone had the opportunity to try out.

 

I elaborated in another post. It is kind of hockey talk the way I put it. Another way to say it is that he didn't make it to the next level of tryouts.

 

It is a private school, BTW.