Homeschooling the resistant child--need advice

[Rosy]

Hi all! I could use some perspective on my homeschooling situation.

 

My son (7 years old, 2nd grade) has an extremely contrary personality. Gaining compliance is always work. He hates any formal schooling. I can't get him to do anything unless I'm sitting right with him. Occasionally I can get away with leaving the dining table to do something in the kitchen without him, at best, getting distracted (and at worst, destroying his paper or picking a fight with his sisters). He does ok with history, science and Bible (we do those together), but I don't know that he's actually paying enough attention to retain anything. When we ask him questions that night at dinner, he's forgotten virtually everything.

 

He tends to need a lot of repetition. On the other hand, school is painful for him, and he makes it painful for me (and his sisters, by extension). If we hit on a book series or educational computer game that he likes, he'll grudgingly do that for school. When I started giving him cheerios to use as manipulatives, I could give him a math page without him throwing a fit. But then he stopped using the cheerios as manipulatives and just ate them and didn't do his work.:banghead:

 

Lately I've been taking more of a "modified unschooling" approach--I have cut his schoolwork back to a minimal amount in the core subjects, and we still do our history, science and Bible together. I let him make books, write, draw, etc. as much as he wants and will put off schoolwork if he's engaged in something of value. But he still reacts badly to having to do schoolwork.

 

In general, he has an extremely volatile temper. His anger issues are something we're constantly working on. He's great with other kids for the most part (he can be a little immature, but he's got a heart of gold when it comes to his friends), but it takes almost nothing to set him off into a fit of rage at home. He has no sense of "do to others what you would have them do to you". When he's in a good mood and no one is making him mad, he's fun and interesting and talented.

 

If you've made it this far, I'd appreciate any advice, particularly from those who have difficult children. I don't want to put him in school (and he doesn't want to go)...but doing even a minimal amount of school with him is completely emotionally draining, and it keeps me from doing more of the fun school stuff with the other kids that I'd like to do. Thanks!

[Joanne]

Rosy,

 

Well, aside from the anger issues, he sounds more average 7 year old boy than you might have guessed.

 

My son (7 years old, 2nd grade) has an extremely contrary personality. Gaining compliance is always work. He hates any formal schooling.

 

Honestly, although it can seem otherwise on this board full of readers, latin speakers, researchers and decicated homeschoolers, most 7 year old boys have a limited capacity for *formal* learning.

 

I can't get him to do anything unless I'm sitting right with him. Occasionally I can get away with leaving the dining table to do something in the kitchen without him, at best, getting distracted (and at worst, destroying his paper or picking a fight with his sisters).

 

It is very common to have to sit near 7 year olds, especially boys, to keep them on track. I had to do this when I worked at public schools as a Site Director for the before/aftershool program for the YMCA. I had to stay near and "on top of" the early elemantary boys to do their homework. Work they were certainly congnitively able to do. It wasn't a work/curriculum issue. It was a developmental/maturity one.

 

 

He does ok with history, science and Bible (we do those together), but I don't know that he's actually paying enough attention to retain anything. When we ask him questions that night at dinner, he's forgotten virtually everything.

 

Again, common and expected. This is his "first pass" through this material. He'll meet it again in several cycles and, truly, will have a basic foundation.

 

He tends to need a lot of repetition.

 

 

Yes. Common and expected. (Boring, tedious and sometimes infuriating, but still.........common and expected.)

 

I'd stop expecting so much of YOURSELF as his homeschool mom. I think your expectations combined with his age/ability are the real source of your frustration. Do frequent, short, lessons. In between, have him do physical rather than cerebral things. When I say short, I mean SHORT. 5, 10 minutes max. Come back to formal work for another 5 - 10 minutes after a 15 minute break.

 

In a few years, his capacity for seated learning will have grown.

 

As an aside, how does he sleep and how did he sleep as an infant? Is he allergic to dairy by any chance? Dairy allergy can manifest as rage and lack of focus.

[Carol in Cal.]

(No surprise there!)

 

He sounds quite normal for his age.

 

At that age, I would have to be in the room with DD while she did skills work, or it would pretty much not happen. And it had to happen before around 11AM, at which time apparently her brain went to sleep, no matter what time she got up in the morning. Also, she needed a kinesthetic 'hook' every so often to keep her brain in gear. Every so often I would ask her to run laps around the house outside. She would always come back in with a 'reset' ability to focus.

 

I also started the ticket approach when she was that age. It took the arguing pretty much down to nothing--it was remarkable. If you haven't seen one of the ticket posts before, let me know and I will either find it or reconstruct it. Works great and you don't have to fight.

[herbalgirl]

Thank you, Joanne! I have a 7yr. old exactly like this, and it is SO frustrating most days to get homeschooling done. Your words of wisdom are very comforting and encouraging! :)

[Laboroflove]

I hope you give yourself wonderful kudos. We have a similar daughter, age 14, who has been this way always. She's wonderful as long as everything goes her way even though we are consistent with rules/consequences. We decided to put our older two girls in public school once it was time to homeschool this one. To this day, I regret my decision, yet still don't know how I ever could have homeschooled this one. You are doing a wonderful job I'm sure. Best of luck.

[Rosy]

Thanks for your encouragement, everyone! I'll try to :chillpill:--sounds like it would make school and life easier and more enjoyable for everyone. :)

 

As an aside, how does he sleep and how did he sleep as an infant? Is he allergic to dairy by any chance? Dairy allergy can manifest as rage and lack of focus.

 

He sleeps really hard and has always been a good sleeper. He is a bedwetter, which I've heard can be a sign of a sleep disorder...we haven't pursued it yet though (the doc said we would when he turns 8).

[TxMama]

Sounds like a pretty normal 7yo! I don't know many 7yos who would choose to do schoolwork.

 

You mentioned that he "hates formal schoolwork", distraction, needs repetition and you are unsure if he is retaining. You also mentioned that you were emotionally drained and not getting to do the fun stuff with the other kids. So it is worthwhile to address these issues now with a 7yo and not later with a 10yo ......13 yo....etc.

 

I kinda guessing that he is vastly different than your other kids? He might need a little training or structure that your other children did not need. Some version of workboxes might work for him. If you read through my blog on our schedules you can see how I trained my 7yo to do his school work without the 'tude and distractions. We are now starting to work on independance but I don't think I would have any luck having a independant 7yo if he had the attitude. Trust me.....if I let him ...my 7yo could have an attitude that will make your 7 yo look mild-mannered!:tongue_smilie:

 

Hang in there, mama! Make a plan and get the attitude about schoolwork improved now when it is relatively easy...

[Wee Pip]

(No surprise there!)

I also started the ticket approach when she was that age. It took the arguing pretty much down to nothing--it was remarkable. If you haven't seen one of the ticket posts before, let me know and I will either find it or reconstruct it. Works great and you don't have to fight.

 

Please share the ticket approach:) I did a quick search but came up empty handed. I'd love to hear more!

 

My 1st dd (now turning 9!) was/is quite resistant, and she puts on a really good "ignorant" act - so good that I've often considered LD until she's accidentally proved me wrong:) I've finally determined that her learning style is "Sociable Sue", which *should* work well with games, discussions, & anything relevant to real life. But if she even smells a faint hint of "schoolwork" she shuts down, LOL. I had to really discipline her, every single day, lots of arguments and yelling to get her to sit and do the work. I finally stopped trying to make school fun, stopped the games, because she had this smug "I'm just trying to get out of doing bookwork" attitude. I finally just gave her workbooks and discipline to ensure she does it. Eventually, I'd like to shift more towards games and relevant learning again, but I think we've gotta get past the attitude. Anyhow, it's gotten better. And I think she's secretly quite smart: she can memorize Bible verses very quickly for AWANA, or do very well when she desires to. The trick for her is motivation. Since I can't always motivate her, the next trick is mean and nasty mom:) LOL.

[Rosy]

That's the thing, though--I feel like I've been working on his attitude every day since he was born. I expect him to do what he's told with a good attitude. I enforce my expectations with appropriate consequences, I think. My issues aren't with schooling him, they're with his personality. However, they have carried over into our schooling and now effect his sisters (who, since someone asked, are 9, 6 and 4 and are much more academic than their brother...but even when we're working on something they don't like, it's not hard to gain compliance).

 

He is an extremely willful child and he has a very intense personality--there is no sense of keeping things in perspective. Any wrong done to him is the end of the world. Any wrong he does to someone else is deserved, or not a big deal. He still jumps up and down with anger at least 3 or 4 times a week. He is corrected every time, but he doesn't seem to learn. I do have people who have worked with him in Sunday School tell me how much he has improved since he was about 4 (he was a holy terror then).

 

I am sure that my parenting isn't perfect--and he's the 2nd of 4 that are all space 18 mo. apart--but I don't feel that I can "work on his attitude first" before we make progress with school, because I've been doing that since he was 2. At this point, my sense is that I need to make some changes in how I educate him to see if we can figure out a way of making progress in a way that allows us to preserve our relationship...and if that doesn't work, maybe get professional help.

 

I guess what I'm wondering is whether anyone has a child like this, and how you approach school with him/her. Wendy, I looked at your blog, and saw your schedules....but I missed where you talk about how you trained him? Or are the schedules your means of training him? We have schedules....but I would say that in reality, half of our time is spent with me making him do his work, redirecting, giving consequences, etc. and half is where he's actually working.

[Joanne]

Rosy,

 

Did you grow up with boys? Is he your only boy? What kind of personality do you have? I'm asking because I think it's possible that the combination of your expectations and personality and his temperment and gender are offering a challenge rather than something inherently wrong, more, or intense about him.

 

If you are as consistent as you've described, then the "training" is taking place. Know, however, that discipline (of any kind) does not mature children. You can't discipline (or punish) them into a more advanced stage of development.

 

Maturity, by definition, takes time.

 

I did offer some schooling ideas: many short lessons with physical outlets in between. The need for refocus and redirection is common to many young children - a lot of them boys.

 

He's still VERY young in terms of formal schooling. You really can do plenty of rich learning using a method of frequent short lessons.

[TxMama]

Yes, the schedules were how I trained him.

 

In particular....very short lessons that gradually increased in length. When he lost interest and started to dawdle instead of an argument or consequences I would switch subjects. I alternated subjects he didn't especially enjoy and subjects that he really likes. We would then come back to the subject that he was struggling with. I also split our individual work into 2 different times so we wouldn't get overwhelmed with time....it also helped me to keep my cool if I got frustrated. We gradually worked up to doing the full load without the switching subjects and without the dawdle. Lots of positive reinforcement.

 

The solution for my older son was exercise.....lots and lots of exercise. I would have him run 10 laps around the yard then do math.....do 20 jump and jacks and do writing.....read while walking around the sofa.....that sort of thing.

 

 

Hope you find your solution!

Edited October 13, 2009 by Wendy B.

[Carol in Cal.]

Please share the ticket approach:) I did a quick search but came up empty handed. I'd love to hear more!

LOL.

 

The Ticket System (from another post. This is kind of the short version, but I don't seem to be able to find the long one.)

 

 

I made them from 3 by 5 cards.

 

The Rules:

 

10 to start each day fresh, 1 awarded for 3 skills done by 10:30, 2 awarded for 2 skills done by 10:00.

 

Tickets calmly rescinded for repeated arguing past the 'asked and answered' point, evil face-making, and whining about having to do schoolwork.

 

Ticket numbers at days end recorded on a calendar--100 tickets means a special treat--in our case, a trip downtown to Ben and Jerry's on the light rail.

 

Something horrible and dire would have awaited losing all 10 tickets in the same day. Thankfully I never had to mete that out, as I didn't really have anything in particular in mind.

 

I did not award extra tickets routinely for good attitude, but occasionally I did so for working ahead on her own.

 

This was extremely effective!

-------------------------------------

I want to add that I introduced this system very carefully. I sat down DD and told her gently that we were spending more than half our time discussing whether to do things or complaining, and that we just need to get some stuff done without talking about it so much. That this would give us happier days.

 

I was very careful to stay pleasantly matter of fact in taking tickets. She would complain, I would say 'May I have a ticket please." and then I would continue right where I had left off. I allowed her to ask me questions about assignments, but once we had discussed them I would take tickets away if she brought up the same thing over and over. Within a pretty short time (no more than a couple of weeks) she was visibly catching herself before complaining. The bottom line was that this system gave her quick feedback without the angst and drama, and she was able to learn from it. ETA: And it was pleasant--we did not fight anymore! It kind of took the pressure off of our relationship--it wasn't me, it was the rule that was making her do this. It's hard to explain, because really, the rule was from me, but it really made a big difference.

Edited October 14, 2009 by Carol in Cal.

[lynn]

Hi all! I could use some perspective on my homeschooling situation.

 

My son (7 years old, 2nd grade) has an extremely contrary personality. Gaining compliance is always work. He hates any formal schooling. I can't get him to do anything unless I'm sitting right with him. Occasionally I can get away with leaving the dining table to do something in the kitchen without him, at best, getting distracted (and at worst, destroying his paper or picking a fight with his sisters). He does ok with history, science and Bible (we do those together), but I don't know that he's actually paying enough attention to retain anything. When we ask him questions that night at dinner, he's forgotten virtually everything.

 

He tends to need a lot of repetition. On the other hand, school is painful for him, and he makes it painful for me (and his sisters, by extension). If we hit on a book series or educational computer game that he likes, he'll grudgingly do that for school. When I started giving him cheerios to use as manipulatives, I could give him a math page without him throwing a fit. But then he stopped using the cheerios as manipulatives and just ate them and didn't do his work.:banghead:

 

Lately I've been taking more of a "modified unschooling" approach--I have cut his schoolwork back to a minimal amount in the core subjects, and we still do our history, science and Bible together. I let him make books, write, draw, etc. as much as he wants and will put off schoolwork if he's engaged in something of value. But he still reacts badly to having to do schoolwork.

 

In general, he has an extremely volatile temper. His anger issues are something we're constantly working on. He's great with other kids for the most part (he can be a little immature, but he's got a heart of gold when it comes to his friends), but it takes almost nothing to set him off into a fit of rage at home. He has no sense of "do to others what you would have them do to you". When he's in a good mood and no one is making him mad, he's fun and interesting and talented.

 

If you've made it this far, I'd appreciate any advice, particularly from those who have difficult children. I don't want to put him in school (and he doesn't want to go)...but doing even a minimal amount of school with him is completely emotionally draining, and it keeps me from doing more of the fun school stuff with the other kids that I'd like to do. Thanks!

 

What worked for my ds when he got like this is writing out his days work and what needed to be completed. I gave him the list and told him to start working on it, if he needed me call me and I'd sit with him, go through instructions, lessons etc. When he gets through the list he was finished for the day. Oh and one more thing ds what does not get completed will be homework. Lunch is in 3 hours. and leave it at that. or Give him one task at a time and give him a reasonable amount of time to complete it set a timer, when the timer goes off it was time to move to the next subject and what is not complete now becomes homework and will be completed at the end of the school day. Also, if he completes his work in the given time he was free to play until the timer went off. I went off to do housework and peak around the corner now and then. I did not say anything if he goofed off, got up, sat up side down in the chair, expectations were clear. It did not take long for him to get back on track.

[Rosy]

Rosy,

 

Did you grow up with boys? Is he your only boy? What kind of personality do you have? I'm asking because I think it's possible that the combination of your expectations and personality and his temperment and gender are offering a challenge rather than something inherently wrong, more, or intense about him.

 

If you are as consistent as you've described, then the "training" is taking place. Know, however, that discipline (of any kind) does not mature children. You can't discipline (or punish) them into a more advanced stage of development.

 

Maturity, by definition, takes time.

 

I did offer some schooling ideas: many short lessons with physical outlets in between. The need for refocus and redirection is common to many young children - a lot of them boys.

 

He's still VERY young in terms of formal schooling. You really can do plenty of rich learning using a method of frequent short lessons.

 

Joanne--yes, he's my only boy, and no, I didn't have any brother growing up (and Dad died when I was nine, so really, no males period). AND I was in the gifted program, so the boys I was around were all high achievers. I've been around boys in school-type settings, but never lived with them. So I hear you about my expectations being out of line.

 

I did appreciate both of your posts...I'll give the shorter lessons a try. :)

 

And maybe a better schedule will help...being more relaxed works for me and the girls, but something's gotta give with my son, and I'm thinking it's me. <sigh>

 

Thanks for posting the ticket idea...I may have to try that!

[Garga]

I've only skimmed thru the other responses, but I agree with Joanne. As soon as I started reading what you wrote, I was thinking the exact same stuff that Joanne responded with.

 

I almost NEVER leave my 7 yo alone. It's only been in the past 2 weeks that I've started giving him his MUS worksheets and ETC worksheets to do alone. Before then, it just wasn't happening. For everything else I have to sit right next to him and prompt him to go to the next problem. (I really don't know why he started doing his MUS and ETC by himself!)

 

The only way to get my 7 yo to retain is to constantly rope in his attention. Constantly. I think my hair will go completely white in the next year at this rate. I read a few sentences, rope in his attention (because he's daydreaming out the window or starting to jump on the couch, or sliding off his chair), read a few more sentences and then rope in the attention again.

 

And last night at dinner my dh tried to get a sentence out of the boys (the other is 4) about what they did in school all day, but the boys were so busy making up senseless elephant jokes that we couldn't get anything sensible out of them. When I reminded them what they'd learned they gave me blank expressions for the most part. After much prompting and firmly telling them to settle down, they finally remembered a smattering of what we taught. Very frustrating! However, Mondays are often like that because I often introduce new material on a Monday. By Friday--after being exposed to the material all week, they usually remember more. But anyone eating dinner with us on a Monday would be convinced that I was a horrible failure as a homeschooler.

 

Anyway, I'm only posting this so that you know that I'm here in PA every day going through the exact same things you are and I'm pretty sure it's normal for many 7 yo boys.

 

Incidentally, this flightiness and hyperactivity is a big reason for why I homeschool. I just don't believe that kids like ours can learn anything with all the distractions of a classroom and a teacher who simply can't take the time to rope in these reluctant wiggle worms enough for them to learn.

[Garga]

Yes, the schedules were how I trained him.

 

In particular....very short lessons that gradually increased in length. When he lost interest and started to dawdle instead of an argument or consequences I would switch subjects. I alternated subjects he didn't especially enjoy and subjects that he really likes. We would then come back to the subject that he was struggling with. I also split our individual work into 2 different times so we wouldn't get overwhelmed with time....it also helped me to keep my cool if I got frustrated. We gradually worked up to doing the full load without the switching subjects and without the dawdle. Lots of positive reinforcement.

 

The solution for my older son was exercise.....lots and lots of exercise. I would have him run 10 laps around the yard then do math.....do 20 jump and jacks and do writing.....read while walking around the sofa.....that sort of thing.

 

 

Hope you find your solution!

 

Oh--I do all this, too! I often tell him "Run to the dining room and back...twice!" And I alternate hard subjects with easy subjects.

[kalanamak]

 

I almost NEVER leave my 7 yo alone. It's only been in the past 2 weeks that I've started giving him his MUS worksheets and ETC worksheets to do alone. Before then, it just wasn't happening. For everything else I have to sit right next to him and prompt him to go to the next problem. (I really don't know why he started doing his MUS and ETC by himself!)

 

The only way to get my 7 yo to retain is to constantly rope in his attention. Constantly. I think my hair will go completely white in the next year at this rate. I read a few sentences, rope in his attention (because he's daydreaming out the window or starting to jump on the couch, or sliding off his chair), read a few more sentences and then rope in the attention again.

 

 

 

My son, currently, does work alone ONLY if he asks. If he hits something he feels he can "do", he asks me to go away, and I do. He is doing it more and more. :)

Also, we school in the afternoon, AFTER hubby has taken him for a 3 hour play outside or the gym. Even then he is wiggly.

 

I did have a pack of brothers, but out-boyed them with the wiggles, so I sympathize.

 

I'm thinking of getting those wiggle seats Laura In China mentioned :)

[Rosy]

This is good to hear...my daughter has been working independently practically from day 1. She asks for help when she needs it, which is rare. I expected that he would need me more than she has, but I wasn't prepared for never leaving his side, even for a moment. I guess it's good that it's normal??? At least it's not just me. :)

[tdeveson]

I feel like I've been working on his attitude every day since he was born. I expect him to do what he's told with a good attitude.

 

Good luck.

 

Your little guy sounds like a typical 7-year-old. I was raised by my divorced mom with just one sister. There were no boys in our family. When I married I had a daughter. Everything was so normal and expected.

 

Seventeen years later I had a boy. Boy, was I in for an education!

 

Boys can be extremely challenging. Other than the anger issue which needs to be addressed, everything else sounds like all the little boys I've met and worked with. They can be willful, stubborn, and just plain rude sometimes. And wait until he gets into bathroom humor.

 

Take deep breaths and know that by the time he's 10 or 11 he's going to be fine company. You just have to tough it out now. Keep working on discipline and focus, but know that you won't get overnight results because he's just not there yet.

[tdeveson]

The solution for my older son was exercise.....lots and lots of exercise. I would have him run 10 laps around the yard then do math.....do 20 jump and jacks and do writing.....read while walking around the sofa.....that sort of thing.

 

 

This worked really well for us. When ds was 7, we'd do a 10 or 15 minute lesson, then go jump in the pool for some laps and splashing around. Come back in, do some math, then go outside and run around with the dogs.

 

While it took longer to do the subjects with so many breaks, by the end of the day I'd gotten much more work out of him and I wasn't all stressed out. Little by little we shortened the breaks, and lengthened the lessons.

 

Even now that he's 10 and in fifth grade, I know to give him a "go outside and blow off some steam" break every hour or so. Fifteen minutes later he comes back inside and we're good to go. Sometimes he makes it through an entire session (we do 3 am hours and 2 pm hours) with no breaks. And in the past few months he's gone straight through with no breaks because he wanted to be done so he could do something else. You could have knocked me over with a feather. But still, every once in a while I have to stop for a break after half an hour. You just have to play it by ear.

 

Your little guy is such a young age. You could completely unschool him for a year until he's ready for more formal study and it wouldn't hurt him at all.

[LibraryLover]

Rosy,

 

Well, aside from the anger issues, he sounds more average 7 year old boy than you might have guessed.

 

 

 

Honestly, although it can seem otherwise on this board full of readers, Latin speakers, researchers and dedicated homeschoolers, most 7 year old boys have a limited capacity for *formal* learning.

 

 

 

It is very common to have to sit near 7 year olds, especially boys, to keep them on track. I had to do this when I worked at public schools as a Site Director for the before/aftershool program for the YMCA. I had to stay near and "on top of" the early elementary boys to do their homework. Work they were certainly cognitively able to do. It wasn't a work/curriculum issue. It was a developmental/maturity one.

 

 

 

 

Again, common and expected. This is his "first pass" through this material. He'll meet it again in several cycles and, truly, will have a basic foundation.

 

 

 

 

Yes. Common and expected. (Boring, tedious and sometimes infuriating, but still.........common and expected.)

 

I'd stop expecting so much of YOURSELF as his homeschool mom. I think your expectations combined with his age/ability are the real source of your frustration. Do frequent, short, lessons. In between, have him do physical rather than cerebral things. When I say short, I mean SHORT. 5, 10 minutes max. Come back to formal work for another 5 - 10 minutes after a 15 minute break.

 

In a few years, his capacity for seated learning will have grown.

 

As an aside, how does he sleep and how did he sleep as an infant? Is he allergic to dairy by any chance? Dairy allergy can manifest as rage and lack of focus.

 

 

Yo! Let me buy this girl a drink! :lol:

 

A boy at 7 is a creature needing to run and move . He needs water, mud, stories, and adventure.

 

I worry when little children are set upon the path of being labeled 'difficult' when all they are are normal, little , wonderful *children*!

 

Because some little children cannot sit still for bookwork and writing does NOT mean they are not excited about learning about the world! Engaged and loved children are sponges.

 

Read to him, listen to music, play in the mud with sticks, tell stories, visit museums, run and play games--- this is learning.

[Rosy]

And wait until he gets into bathroom humor.

 

 

Oh yes, bathroom humor. My favorite.:001_rolleyes:

[EthiopianFood]

I'm not a "boy" kind of person, so I can't tell you what is normal for boys. I do have experience and interested in the disability field. I will say that the anger issue MAY be a red flag for an underlying issue. Try what all these wonderful experienced moms have suggested. Hopefully that will take care of the problem! If it doesn't though, and ESPECIALLY if you still have this nagging feeling in the pit of your stomach that something just isn't "right," I think you should get him evaluated by a psychologist. Completely off the top of my head, does this sound like him? http://www.aacap.org/cs/root/facts_for_families/children_with_oppositional_defiant_disorder I'm not going to try and diagnose your son because I'm not qualified to do so. ;) I just want to urge you to trust your intuition. So many families suffer for years with undiagnosed issues, and when they finally get help, they wonder why they didn't do it sooner.

[Kate in Arabia]

I can't speak to the anger issue, but my 8 yr old has always been squirrely -- as in it's difficult for him to sit still for a long time, or focus on one thing for a long time. Also, his learning style is different in that while his older brother can simply sit quietly and read or write, ds 8 seems to need different types of stimulation at once. He can't just read without also moving his legs, or he can't listen to a story without doing something with his hands.

 

For daily drill work, he honestly does a lot better when I have something playing in the background, music or in our case the audio of schoolhouse rock. If I gave him a couple pages of math problems alone I would often get resistance; but if I couple it with listening to something, suddenly he's humming to himself and bouncing around in his seat, and flying through the problems. Yesterday we read about the Ottoman Empire (SOTW 3) and I had some Ottoman-era Turkish music playing from YouTube while he was working. It almost doesn't seem to matter what it is, somehow having a variety of stimuli helps him focus.

 

Also, he takes lots of short breaks -- run to get a glass of water, go to the bathroom, etc.

 

Just something that works for us, don't know if it would be helpful to you or not...

[tex-mex]

I'm not a "boy" kind of person, so I can't tell you what is normal for boys. I do have experience and interested in the disability field. I will say that the anger issue MAY be a red flag for an underlying issue. Try what all these wonderful experienced moms have suggested. Hopefully that will take care of the problem! If it doesn't though, and ESPECIALLY if you still have this nagging feeling in the pit of your stomach that something just isn't "right," I think you should get him evaluated by a psychologist. Completely off the top of my head, does this sound like him? http://www.aacap.org/cs/root/facts_for_families/children_with_oppositional_defiant_disorder I'm not going to try and diagnose your son because I'm not qualified to do so. ;) I just want to urge you to trust your intuition. So many families suffer for years with undiagnosed issues, and when they finally get help, they wonder why they didn't do it sooner.

 

:iagree: The other red flag to me is short term memory if he cannot recall what he just learned? (JMO) As a former schoolteacher, I'd have kids like this who just needed good exercise before sitting down to study. Sounds like the type of child who needs a tree fort, skipping rocks in a creek, or running like mad through a meadow. He may enjoy learning how things are made -- taking apart a clock and putting it back together? Kinesthetic learner?

Edited October 15, 2009 by tex-mex

[Catherine]

If he's any indication, you'll see some significant changes in the next year. He had the same aversion to seat work, inability to work unsupervised, etc. He is my youngest of three, and my eldest was exactly the same. Now, 16 yo is acing CC and AP classes, so don't lose heart.

 

Sit with him, insist on compliance, within reason, encourage him, keep lessons as short and as oral as possible. Please remember he is NOT a girl. I don't even have a girl, but, I've heard the stories! Read to him a lot. My son loves this and also listens to a lot of recorded books. Keep talking to him about character. It will improve!

[Rosy]

Well, we redid the schedule so everything is 15 min. or less, except a couple read-aloud lessons, which aren't a problem for him. If yesterday is any indication, the new schedule will really help everyone (except me--it takes me a lot longer to get everything done, but that's life, right?).

 

As far as the anger issue...I'm hoping that a more consistent schedule and reasonable workload will help him. I also am going to be following up on a book recommendation...and honestly, I think the less frustrated *I* am, the more present I'll be, which should help. Thanks, RaeAnne, for the link--it doesn't sound exactly like him, but I'm not going to rule it out either. TexMex--you're right about the taking things apart bit, I'm planning on switching to a manipulatives-based math curriculum (MUS, probably) and seeing if that helps.

 

Thank you everyone for your ideas and encouragement! I am positive that homeschooling is our best option...and determined to make it work. :)