Jolash Posted October 5, 2009 Share Posted October 5, 2009 Ds and I just seem to be going at it all the time lately. Having only the one, I don't know if it's normal, boy behavior or something I need to address. As an example, today, during spelling, he took his pre-test (orally, mind you NO writing) and because he got all of them correct, I said he could just copy the spelling rule and skip all the busy work of the lesson. There were three parts to the rule and he needed to copy them all. Well, he copied the first one, then proceeded to pitch a fit over having to "copy all that in one day." After going back and forth with him over it, I finally told him to forget copying the rule and just do the lesson. I wasn't mad and I didn't yell, but he knew he'd pushed it past the limit. Then came the pleading and begging for one more chance. I finally just got up and left the room. When he followed me, I sent him to his room to clean it. He'll be doing the rest of the lesson for homework tonight when he returns from his piano lesson. All of that is to say, what do you do to keep the situation from turning into a battle of wills. This happens with every subject (except science, he loves that!); not everyday of course, but more than every once in a while! Any advice from seasoned BTDT moms? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HappyGrace Posted October 5, 2009 Share Posted October 5, 2009 :lurk5: Same thing happening here with 9yo dd! My stomach gets into knots because I know almost everything I say to do will be tested! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pie Posted October 5, 2009 Share Posted October 5, 2009 Sounds very familiar!! I have 4 kids, but 3 are gone and youngest is 10 and I am homeschooling her. Since she is like an "only", and this is only my 2nd yr to hs, I have been too lenient at times. I haven't been consistent. But I am working on it. She pushes me as far as she can. Also, sometimes she needs more sleep and less sugar. I am looking at that right now. Also, it may be that hormones are starting to show their nasty faces already... My dd is a super kid. I really enjoy her - most - of the time. I play a part in her attitude sometimes, though, so I try to be consistent in my expectations and in consequences. HTH! :) pie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted October 5, 2009 Share Posted October 5, 2009 There must be something about 9, because this year has been harder for me, too! I have a feeling there are prepubescent hormones running around. What has worked is being consistent, remaining calm, and having everything organized--dd is a little less patient and a little more challenging. I'm also trying to get her to sleep a little earlier--we are not starting until after nine, as she seems to need more sleep in the am. She gets to bed by 9 or 9:15, but isn't up until at least 8:30. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Verity Posted October 5, 2009 Share Posted October 5, 2009 :grouphug: My oldest son is turning 11 this month and just want to send hugs your way - he was just like your son at 9! The good news is that through reasonable consistency, reasonable consequences and some good old maturity he is doing much better these days. I rest in the fact that he would be much more mouthy if he was going to ps and around those kids all day. We pulled him out of ps at age 9 because I couldn't stand the attitudes he was developing (not to mention some nasty teasing) - but I'm starting to think the attitude is part of the age. It will get better but only if you are consistent and start expecting more mature behavior of him. He wants to grow up and is showing some "rebellion" so let him start making a few more choices but at the same time having more responsibilities. We explained to our son many many times how the two go hand in hand and I'm seeing alot less *pushing* from him these days. At age 9 my oldest started being responsible for emptying the kitchen garbage pretty much daily and taking the big cans out to the street and back in. He also started helping more and more with his laundry and personal needs. At the same time I gave a little more leeway in exactly when we do certain things and gave him a little more reading in bed time after his younger brothers have lights out. Just some thoughts. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hoggirl Posted October 5, 2009 Share Posted October 5, 2009 I, too, have an only boy. He is twelve now. Hang in there - it WILL get better. We had a TERRIBLE year (especially the fall) when my ds was nine. He had always been fairly compliant, and he just turned into the most rebellious little thing! I had to call the principal (daddy) to come home from work one day it was so bad! He was standing on his desk! I can laugh about it now, but it certainly was NOT funny when it was happening. It was extremely trying, and I felt like a huge failure. I do think some of it was pre-puberty. He really struggled with self-control that year. All I can suggest is prayer and trying NOT to let him push your buttons. The less you react, the better off you will be, IMO. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tree House Academy Posted October 5, 2009 Share Posted October 5, 2009 We have a school store incentive - and in order for my son to get his money for the day, he must comply with my rules...one of which is NO COMPLAINING. Works like a charm (most of the time!) :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jolash Posted October 6, 2009 Author Share Posted October 6, 2009 So it sounds like it's normal. That makes me feel better AND worse!!! All I can say is, I'm really looking forward to the teen years ;) As an aside, he came home from piano and got right to his 'homework' with very little complaining. Now to work on not letting him push my buttons. Problem is, we are so much alike we tend to do it with each other without trying! When it's good, it's the best. But when we are butting heads, OUCH! Thanks for the encouragement and hugs! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sunshine State Sue Posted October 6, 2009 Share Posted October 6, 2009 All I can say is, I'm really looking forward to the teen years ;) You must mean the late teen years. Because when they are 13 and pitch a fit, they are bigger and stronger than you. Ask me how I know. Now to work on not letting him push my buttons. Problem is, we are so much alike we tend to do it with each other without trying! When it's good, it's the best. But when we are butting heads, OUCH! One thing that works well here is for me to point out the garden that needs weeding and explain to ds that that will be what he'll be working on while his schoolwork waits for him IF he pitches a fit. Follow through several times, and the fit pitching decreases dramatically... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pie Posted October 6, 2009 Share Posted October 6, 2009 "follow through several times".... Sue, you said it! That... is the key! pie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amtmcm Posted October 6, 2009 Share Posted October 6, 2009 Sounds like he's reaching the "logic" stage! Arguing about everything..... :) I'm saying this tongue in cheek of course. I'm right there with you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Verity Posted October 6, 2009 Share Posted October 6, 2009 You must mean the late teen years. Because when they are 13 and pitch a fit, they are bigger and stronger than you. Ask me how I know. One thing that works well here is for me to point out the garden that needs weeding and explain to ds that that will be what he'll be working on while his schoolwork waits for him IF he pitches a fit. Follow through several times, and the fit pitching decreases dramatically... So true! Other options I have used are..."Fine, schoolwork can wait, how about you go get your laundry out of your room." :) And, "You know, your bedroom is a wreck, let's take a school break and you pick up all those toys." School work looks alot better with those alternatives I've found. hehe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tdeveson Posted October 6, 2009 Share Posted October 6, 2009 (edited) First, :grouphug: I feel your pain! Ds gave me a year like that last year when he was nine. He was compelled to challenge everything. In all my years homeschooling, last year was the only time I ever seriously contemplated sending him to public school and letting someone who gets paid for it deal with the kid. This year he seems a lot more reasonable. He still complains about everything, but it seems half-hearted. There is *always* a comment about "too much writing," but he does it anyway. Last year it was like Viet-Nam at my kitchen table every day. Nine seems to be a magic number when boys and sometimes girls just simply out-do themselves being disagreeable. I agree with the PP -- hormones are starting to flow and the brain is starting its last big rewiring job. Don't give up. You just have to push through the nasty stage and have faith that it's not a permanent character trait. Edited October 6, 2009 by tdeveson Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tdeveson Posted October 6, 2009 Share Posted October 6, 2009 There must be something about 9, because this year has been harder for me, too! I have a feeling there are prepubescent hormones running around. What has worked is being consistent, remaining calm, and having everything organized--dd is a little less patient and a little more challenging. I'm also trying to get her to sleep a little earlier--we are not starting until after nine, as she seems to need more sleep in the am. She gets to bed by 9 or 9:15, but isn't up until at least 8:30. Ten or eleven hours of sleep for a 9-year-old is not unusual for some kids. Wait until the teenage years. They can sleep 14 hours at a stretch! When my oldest daughter started doing that, especially on weekends, I asked her pediatrician. He said she's growing at a phenomenal rate right now, lots of things are happening and all that sleep is required for some kids. Now that she's 27, she sleeps 7 or 8 hours each night and that's all she needs. I wish I could sleep 14 hours at a stretch. Just once! ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katiebug_1976 Posted October 6, 2009 Share Posted October 6, 2009 Wow, sounds just like home! Ha!Ha! I have the same issues w/ my 9yo ds. I don't think there is an easy fix to this problem. Just stand your ground, stay calm and as patient as possible, and don't let him cross the line w/o consequences. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chez J Posted October 6, 2009 Share Posted October 6, 2009 I too have a 9YO challenger. What worked here is that the minute she complains about doing something, I "punish" with copywork or math facts drill sheets. Then, she goes back to school work. Those drill sheets got the complaining to stop real fast because she realized how much of her personal free time was being eaten by them. LOL! I now carry fact sheets in my purse for when she complains/argues when we're out and about. Lesley Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Malenki Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 Wow, I sooooo needed to read this thread today. My son is just about to be nine and we have had the worst year. It has been complain, whine, fight, repeat, all year. I thought we'd totally messed him up and just this week said to DH "You need to put him in school and let someone else deal with him." The 5 yo actually said to me, today, "I'm glad I'm not defiant at school, Mama!" Me too, me too! Seems we might get there one day anyway. Now I have a bit of hope that if we grit our teeth we'll make it through the year! LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 Wow, did I ever need to read this thread today! Sometimes, ds9 is fine about doing school, but if he has to do any writing at all (beyond writing his spelling words one time each, or something like that,) it's WAR. Sorry to hear that many of you are going through the same thing, but I have to admit that I'm secretly glad I'm not the only one...:tongue_smilie: Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KarenNC Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 My 9yo is doing a lot of the same thing. I was within half an inch last week of driving up and dropping her off at the local elementary school! What is beginning to work: 1--whining, crying and basically engaging in over the top drama over schoolwork (particularly instead of asking a simple question first) earns sit-ups until one can gain control over oneself and ask in a reasonable tone of voice. 2--a flat out discussion with her over her responsibilities in the learning situation. She has never been to ps and doesn't want to go, so the idea that I was even contemplating it was eye-opening to her. 3--I've started a planner for her so that she sees what she is expected to do each day. I've also divided it into "together work" and "independent work". She is responsible for completing the independent work once we are finished. 4--If one cannot follow a reasonable request, one must not have fully understood the words used, so one can go to the dictionary and copy out the definition of each word in the request. An afternoon spent copying out the definitions for things like "do" and "not" made quite an impression. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MerryAtHope Posted October 7, 2009 Share Posted October 7, 2009 At the first sign of arguing or complaining, I ask them if they would like more work. If they continue to argue or complain, I tell them they MUST be asking for more work, and I give it to them. After a few warnings, I go right to assigning more work if it's a habit to whine/complain/argue. If it's irregular behavior, I ask the question--usually that's all that's needed after a couple of times of getting additional work! They know I mean it! Merry :-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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