bkpan Posted September 11, 2009 Share Posted September 11, 2009 My oldest is now in 7th grade, with 5 younger siblings (including a 2yo who keeps us all moving!). The work load, the stress, seems to have increased SO much this year. I am realizing that in addition to my oldest having more subjects, he is learning so many new skills that he needs my help in. I am needing to teach him to use the internet, a word processing program, how to research, write, organize his time(!), study, take notes.... I cannot seem to find a healthy balance yet. There is always this feeling that everything i do is not done well. I dont give any of the kids enough attention, I dont cook, clean or manage my home well anymore. The poor toddler just seems to get passed from one child to the next so mom can get the other things done. I know that it does not help that I am in my mid 40s, so I feel like I have lost a lot of the energy that I used to have. It just seems so discouraging right now. Are there any words of wisdom out there from moms of large families who have managed to get the first dc or more off to adulthood without ruining everyone else??:001_unsure: Thanks for listening, Kim Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PCA Posted September 11, 2009 Share Posted September 11, 2009 I dont know if I have alot of wisdom. I feel your frustration. I have 4 children 7 and under and I often have felt this discouragement. Some things that others have shared that I have been able to implement and help. First for your older child, you really need to get your husband or a grandparent involved. The plan in our home is that when our children reach a certain grade level, my husband will take over some of the subjects. That may mean doing some things on Saturday or in the evenings. Its a good idea for several reasons. It frees up mom and it is great quality time with dad. For managing the other children, You I have found I have to be VERY organized. I have to have a schedule and a checklist to get everything done. I schedule in special time each day with my 1 year old to play and read to him. There is so much to do you have to schedule it all in! And you have more children than me, I can just imagine you are definitely getting frustrated. Hang in there! Start fresh and get yourself organized! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8filltheheart Posted September 11, 2009 Share Posted September 11, 2009 My oldest is now in 7th grade, with 5 younger siblings (including a 2yo who keeps us all moving!). The work load, the stress, seems to have increased SO much this year. I am realizing that in addition to my oldest having more subjects, he is learning so many new skills that he needs my help in. I am needing to teach him to use the internet, a word processing program, how to research, write, organize his time(!), study, take notes.... I cannot seem to find a healthy balance yet. There is always this feeling that everything i do is not done well. I dont give any of the kids enough attention, I dont cook, clean or manage my home well anymore. The poor toddler just seems to get passed from one child to the next so mom can get the other things done. I know that it does not help that I am in my mid 40s, so I feel like I have lost a lot of the energy that I used to have. It just seems so discouraging right now. Are there any words of wisdom out there from moms of large families who have managed to get the first dc or more off to adulthood without ruining everyone else??:001_unsure: Thanks for listening, Kim I have to be very disciplined and my kids have to carry their weight. I start the day with throwing in a load of laundry before I even do anything else. I plan a lot of crockpot dinners. I don't teach pre-school (I wouldn't anyway....I am philosophically opposed to academics when they are little. :D) I only focus on the basics in K-2......handwriting, phonics, reading, math, and nature studies. I work with my youngest school-ager first so that they are finished quickly and early so that they can play. There have been times in our homeschool when I have had to get up with an older child around 530 or 600 and spend a couple of hours on instructional time while the toddler was still sleeping. My older kids are responsible for all kitchen duties other than cooking. They all clean bathrooms, vacuum, etc. The younger kids are responsible for cleaning up their own toys, making their beds, etc. It is completely doable. It just takes constant structure. The challenge is finding the structure that works for your family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChrisN in NY Posted September 11, 2009 Share Posted September 11, 2009 Hi Kim, What helped me the most was having a routine! I made a schedule using Managers of Their Homes, and the very first one was WAAAAYYY too much for us to accomplish! I prayed (some more) and tweaked it and it was great. (This happened each school year for a few years, fwiw.) Mine aren't all that little anymore, and so I don't remember everything I did, but one biggie was this: I began each day spending time with my youngest child(ren), reading them a book, and playing a game with them. Giving them some "mommy time" first kept them happy for awhile. I alternated having an older child entertain with time spent entertaining themselves. Something else that has worked well for me is putting some easier subjects on alternating days. For example, kiddos do their handwriting page one day, and a page or two in their Building Thinking Skills book the next. I combined kids in a subject as much as possible, and work them into independence, such that by 9th grade they are working on their own (but I am available for help, of course). Sometimes the teaching of certain skills had to wait a year or two. The "youngers" (the three I still have at home now) or getting more than the "olders" (the three that are all graduated now) did at these same ages. Imo, it's the nature of the beast. My house isn't the most picked up after 17 years of homeschooling, but I have more time for that now and it's getting there. It is and always has been clean. Kiddos all have chores to help with meals/table setting, dishes, and cleaning. I had no help from dh or anyone with any of the subjects (though if you can do that, it's great). I did all the driving until one of the kiddos was old enough to drive and even his taking himself to work was a huge help! It was TOTALLY CRAZY for 3 or 4 years, but it's settling down now. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Hang in there! The time will go fast, and how it is this year is not how it is going to be forever -- or even for the next five years. HTH. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lllll Posted September 11, 2009 Share Posted September 11, 2009 (edited) Along with what the other posters said, some things that popped into my head were: - scheduled the set things first (times for naps, bed, meals, etc.) - worked in the next most important things (school, group things, outside things, etc.) - stayed home during M-F and planned outside trips for weekends when dh was home (he was usually gone from 4-6am to about 6-8pm, M-F) - let dh do the bulk of the shopping ... discovered this much later, but wish I had started this when dc were little. He passes right by the grocery store every day, so it's nothing for him to pick up groceries. He usually does Wal Mart once a week or maybe two. During flu/illness season, however, we do this around 6am on Saturday to avoid the crowds, illnesses, loud music blasting throughout the stores, etc. - held babies and toddlers on my lap while working with older dc ... found that the toddlers tired of that quickly and would go off and play, allowing me to work more intensively with olders ... babies would stay awake while I did this, which meant they usually slept through the night much sooner because they hadn't slept most of the day - taught them all at the kitchen table for part of the day ... allowed me to fix quick meals and keep the laundry moving - cooked extra on the weekends when dh was home to watch dc ... froze meals to avoid major cooking during week - all our kids were in bed by 7pm, every night (morning people except for dh) - I was asleep by 9pm which enabled me to get up and have breakfast ready before the baby woke up around 5:30 or 6am. - put the house 'to bed' every night ... threw in a load of whites, did a quick pick up, scanned the kitchen to take note of what to cook the next day, etc. (dc did the dishes) ... When I skipped this, I always woke up feeling 'behind'. - consistency and structure ... when our dc were small, I found that as long as I kept them in some kind of a routine, things went smoothly. When I monkeyed with that routine too much, I began to lose control and things began to unravel. We schooled year-round, only taking off a week or so here and there. I'm sure there's more, but our youngest is 16yo now. It might be helpful if you could describe a little more about your average day. When do things begin to unravel? Are you on the road a lot? How is your school structured now? What do YOU see as the problem(s)? Well, gotta run. Time for the library to close. HTH. Kathy Edited September 11, 2009 by ksva forgot something Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FloridaLisa Posted September 12, 2009 Share Posted September 12, 2009 My oldest is now in 7th grade, with 5 younger siblings (including a 2yo who keeps us all moving!). The work load, the stress, seems to have increased SO much this year. I am realizing that in addition to my oldest having more subjects, he is learning so many new skills that he needs my help in. I am needing to teach him to use the internet, a word processing program, how to research, write, organize his time(!), study, take notes.... It may help to make a list of those skills that you'd like him to master this year and work on them one at a time. You don't have to teach it all right now. You have two years of middle school to build skill upon skill so that he is prepared for high school work. So, possibly start with how to take notes from a text, move on to taking notes from a lecture, then possibly how to study for a test and so on. Also, some resources often mentioned here that may help you here: Study is Hard Work, Armstrong, What Smart Students Know, Robinson and Superstar Students from Teaching Company. I cannot seem to find a healthy balance yet. There is always this feeling that everything i do is not done well. I dont give any of the kids enough attention, I dont cook, clean or manage my home well anymore. The poor toddler just seems to get passed from one child to the next so mom can get the other things done. I know that it does not help that I am in my mid 40s, so I feel like I have lost a lot of the energy that I used to have. It just seems so discouraging right now. In a large family, structure and routine are your friend. I don't have an Excel schedule but I've always had a regular start time, regular morning chores and regular nap time/reading time/quiet time. I would work on a series of modifications rather than changing everything up at once. What is the one change you could make that would make the most difference? A chore chart? Once a month cooking? Moving all outside activities to one day? Training with the toddler or youngers? After you've made that first big change and your routine is working well, re-examine and determine what else you could modify to make streamline your life. It may also be helpful to go back to the basics and weed out all of the distractions that are overwhelming to you: simple meals, routine morning chores to get the house and laundry in order, core school subjects done well and few if any outside activities. Try to carve out time with your toddler. My 2-yo sits on my bed while I teach my Ker his letters, she sits on my lap as I teach Bible with everyone, she plays with toys as I teach one of mine his math. One year, I gave my then-toddler a loooong bath every morning while the kids came to me in the bathroom for their lessons! It worked. He was entertained and happy to play, I was there with him and I actually had a lot of teaching time. Finally, if you are a believer, I would encourage you to cry out to the Lord. He really will lead and guide even in the mundane of managing your house and children. He delights in doing what seems impossible and in meeting our inadequacies. He may meet your needs in a completely different way than He meets mine, but He is faithful. HTH, Lisa Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovetobehome Posted September 19, 2009 Share Posted September 19, 2009 Hi Kim! I don't have a large family, but I was saying the EXACT things you are saying to Lara today....I feel behind on everything, and feel like I don't do anything well, NOTHING! It feels like a life of mediocrity, at best. I guess this isn't very encouraging at all! But, what I mean is, I think the feeling is universal amongst homeschooling mamas. There is just so much to get done, and it is all hard. When I get in these ruts, I beg my husband for a day to myself to really plan out how to make things run smoother. I am doing that tomorrow...I just need some perspective, and a plan, and I need QUIET to be able to make a plan.... Your post helps me with my problem, the co-op poll I posted....makes me realize the importance (as the kids get older) of a good, solid academic co-op. Is there one close to you that you could take advantage of? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jld Posted September 19, 2009 Share Posted September 19, 2009 We have 5 dc, 14 and younger. To keep our sanity, we have a really simple lifestyle; everyone helps; and we have lowered our academic standards. More than anything, I want our kids to come out of our home with healthy minds and hearts. They don't need to have mastered five languages or be math geniuses to do that. Just hang in there. Figure out your priorities. Enjoy that toddler! Your 7th grader really does have time to learn those skills. It can happen a year or two from now if it needs to, especially if he really wants to learn it then. If your heart is in the right place, I think everything will eventually sort itself out. And it always seems like the more we try to control things, the harder life is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted September 19, 2009 Share Posted September 19, 2009 I've written about schedules and being organized many times on my blog. There's a recent post and there's some info under the "nuts and bolts" category too. It'll probably reflect much of what others have told you but maybe there's a nugget you'll fond helpful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyfaithe Posted September 19, 2009 Share Posted September 19, 2009 You know, every time I read one of theses HELP, I am overwhelmed !!! posts, I can just so relate. HELP!!! i am overwhelmed too. Who wouldn't be.... Invariably the posts that follow always talk of routine and schedule....routine and schedule...get organized...adhere to strict policy...plan...plan...plan WELP.....I am BURNT OUT!!! If I could I would man...kwim?? My wheels are spinning...the mud is flying...my kids are out of control...the bathroom is that hole at the end of the hallway in the middle of the laundry pile...we ate pizza 2 nights last week and fish sticks and french fries or pb&j the rest. It is 1pm and my littlest are in pajamas. I finally got the board games away...and the littles dumped them again.... I did strip the beds and wash the sheets...BUT will I have the energy to re-make the beds... Have the kids help??? Did I hear that???? WHEN?? Before and after classes?? Karate? Swimming?? Part time jobs, exams at the CC?? I need to plan school for 4 very differently abled kids... Still stay on top of my older kids college life and married life I have shopping, house cleaning, I run my dh's office (he is a plumber and very busy) I have an aging mother who needs to call me every time her toe nails are too long or she poops or doesn't poop . (I am not kidding) Dh has some health issues that I need to stay on top of. I am supposed to go to church, volunteer my time at swim meets, discipline my very high needs 5 year old without crushing his spirit. Keep the animals cared for , clean and up to date on shots.... pediatrician appointments... Dentist appointments Orthodontist appointments... teens to dermatologist appts. make sure everyone stays on a healthy diet.. .learns their abc's, 123's... is spiritually and emotionally satisfied ...and look good in the bedroom at night. I am supposed to smile...and be cheerful...encouraging....and tireless... NO ONE TOLD ME TO HAVE ALL THESE KIDS ya know..... and now...I am burnt...overwhelmed and THAT is my fault too. :001_huh: And now I find out It is all because I did not have a routine or a schedule. I am not as organized as I should be. I am not as structured as I should be. My meals aren't planned I have no grocery list I have no cleaning schedule I have no time to exercise any more I have been operating in survival mode for so long (at least the last 6 years) that I do not have any idea HOW to get off this conveyor belt.... So, Dear Kim...I hear you and I feel your pain. I wish I could give you great advice. All I have left to give is prayers and hugs.:grouphug: Blessings to you and I do hope you are so much more successful at all this than I am right now.... ~~Faithe (who is off to plan another schedule...probably doomed to failure) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8filltheheart Posted September 19, 2009 Share Posted September 19, 2009 You know, every time I read one of theses HELP, I am overwhelmed !!! posts, I can just so relate. HELP!!! i am overwhelmed too. Who wouldn't be.... Invariably the posts that follow always talk of routine and schedule....routine and schedule...get organized...adhere to strict policy...plan...plan...plan WELP.....I am BURNT OUT!!! If I could I would man...kwim?? My wheels are spinning...the mud is flying...my kids are out of control...the bathroom is that hole at the end of the hallway in the middle of the laundry pile...we ate pizza 2 nights last week and fish sticks and french fries or pb&j the rest. It is 1pm and my littlest are in pajamas. I finally got the board games away...and the littles dumped them again.... I did strip the beds and wash the sheets...BUT will I have the energy to re-make the beds... Have the kids help??? Did I hear that???? WHEN?? Before and after classes?? Karate? Swimming?? Part time jobs, exams at the CC?? I need to plan school for 4 very differently abled kids... Still stay on top of my older kids college life and married life I have shopping, house cleaning, I run my dh's office (he is a plumber and very busy) I have an aging mother who needs to call me every time her toe nails are too long or she poops or doesn't poop . (I am not kidding) Dh has some health issues that I need to stay on top of. I am supposed to go to church, volunteer my time at swim meets, discipline my very high needs 5 year old without crushing his spirit. Keep the animals cared for , clean and up to date on shots.... pediatrician appointments... Dentist appointments Orthodontist appointments... teens to dermatologist appts. make sure everyone stays on a healthy diet.. .learns their abc's, 123's... is spiritually and emotionally satisfied ...and look good in the bedroom at night. I am supposed to smile...and be cheerful...encouraging....and tireless... NO ONE TOLD ME TO HAVE ALL THESE KIDS ya know..... and now...I am burnt...overwhelmed and THAT is my fault too. :001_huh: And now I find out It is all because I did not have a routine or a schedule. I am not as organized as I should be. I am not as structured as I should be. My meals aren't planned I have no grocery list I have no cleaning schedule I have no time to exercise any more I have been operating in survival mode for so long (at least the last 6 years) that I do not have any idea HOW to get off this conveyor belt.... So, Dear Kim...I hear you and I feel your pain. I wish I could give you great advice. All I have left to give is prayers and hugs.:grouphug: Blessings to you and I do hope you are so much more successful at all this than I am right now.... ~~Faithe (who is off to plan another schedule...probably doomed to failure) :grouphug: Faith, you really sound like the rat on the wheel. I am so sorry!! I have been burned out more than once. It is a hard hole to climb out of. If I can make just a couple of simple suggestions...... try getting control of just one thing at a time. Just one. Say dinner for example. Do you own a crock pot? Could you plan 3 crock pot meals for next week? Make double what you need for each of those meals so that you have leftovers for the next night. Keep them really, really simple. For example, this last week I cooked three roasts in my crock pot. I just dumped them in and mixed together onion soup mix, cans of diced tomatoes, and red cooking wine. Another night I cooked 14 chicken breasts and poured a large bottle of Italian salad dressing over them. Another night, I just threw in hamburger and diced tomatoes in the morning and later in the day added in cans of various beans and made chili. None of them took more than 3-4 mins to prepare. I didn't have to think about them all day (except throwing in the beans later in the day). I always throw a load of laundry in when I wake up. Some days, everything else falls apart. But, at least those things are accomplished. Baby steps to recovery! Baby steps to control. FWIW.....I would put school on hold with my youngest kids for a couple of weeks and just get some sort of routine established for myself and the older kids. I wouldn't add them back in until then. :grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovetobehome Posted September 19, 2009 Share Posted September 19, 2009 Faithe, I LAUGHED and practically rolled on the floor reading your post, then I made my husband read it so he could see I am not the only one overwhelmed (and so he could see a list of all we do every day!!!) THANKS SO MUCH for the humor!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MomsintheGarden Posted September 19, 2009 Share Posted September 19, 2009 Faithe - :grouphug: From one mom of 7 to another - I know what you mean (except for the aging mother part). Things have gotten better for me over the last couple of years. My youngest is 5, too! What helps me the most is that we try to be very "home" centered. If possible, we don't do much in the way of outside activities. This doesn't work for everyone! Also, a 15 minute nap does wonders sometimes, even though you might feel you don't have time for it. I'll be keeping you in my prayers. Blessings, GardenMom Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted September 19, 2009 Share Posted September 19, 2009 (edited) I have 7, I think I qualify to answer. Take a deep breath, get a cup of something that will relax you (go for the Chianti) and stop for a few. Seriously. Get to the point that you are RELAXED. Then begin to think about YOUR day and how YOUR family works, because everyone can give you hints, but it always comes down to how your family functions. 1. You will never EVER EVER EVER get it all right. EVER. So just let that pressure roll off your back and don't let anyone put it back up there. 2. 3 things done well are always better than 10 things done half assed. KWIM? 3. Only leave the house when you have to, and make sure you're home at least 3-4 days a week. If kids have to drop events, then so be it. 4. When you are dead no one will care about the dishes you left in your sink, or that you stayed n your PJs all day. No one. They will talk about how you were a friend, how you loved them and what a blessing you were to their lives. 5. I was borderline OCD, overwhelmed with my kids (I had 5 under 5 at one point) and INSANE. Those schedules? Throw them out the window if not getting something done is going to make you cry. It's taken me a long time to NOT CARE that there are blankets on my floor, and piles of laundry but you know what I learned? They will be there tomorrow. And the next day. For the next 20 years. Your kids will not. And then you won't have to worry about the laundry. 6. SLOW DOWN. I know it goes against the OMG I have to get everything done! mantra, but do it. SLOW DOWN. When you stop thinking about the gazillion things you have to do your mind will stop racing. That combined with the pressure you will no longer be putting on yourself will make you sane. Then start being in that moment. Don't worry about tomorrow-tomorrow has enough of it's own? That was wisdom. Just concentrate on what you have to do right now and you'll find your brain slowing down, and that panicked feeling will leave. :chillpill: for a half hour a day if you can and refuse to look at or make up a mental list. Call it prayer, call it centering, read a magazine and really enjoy it. Go for a walk and notice the leaves, the birds and how the air feels on your face. The stuff will get done. I remember kids in their PJs all day, and then they just got on a clean pair before they went to bed. Who cares? They're happy. They're not in therapy now bemoaning how they wore PJs once in a while. Pancakes for dinner is a party. Your kids are happy, healthy, love eachother and thier family and schooling is getting done slow but sure? Then you hit the right priorities and make yourself a cake. :grouphug: Edited September 19, 2009 by justamouse Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pam L in Mid Tenn Posted September 22, 2009 Share Posted September 22, 2009 Faithe: I love your post. I'm right there with you. I've had it. I'm going down. No, I'm already down. I gotta get up. I have to be a smiling face teaching 2 co-op classes in an hour. Help. Help. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TravelingChris Posted September 22, 2009 Share Posted September 22, 2009 I only have three but they were spaced too far to do hardly anything together so here is what I did. Number one priority is always the oldest child, particularly when they are in high school. You need to get them out the door and into college (or wherever) and there is no do-over with them. Second priority was a child who needed to learn to read and do basic math. Once they know how to read, they can read and learn. Get those things done every day. Then you go on to others school, if any. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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