"Quiet or Down time" for children - how do you start?

[robberbutton]

I've read that it's a really good idea to get your children to have some time to themselves in the afternoon, doing quiet playing or reading or whatever, so you can have a break. This sounds brilliant. My 16 month old has an afternoon nap, but my 3 1/2 year old quit his about a year ago, and has had nothing of the kind since.

 

Has anyone managed to teach / train their kids to do this, and how did you do it? Where do I begin with a very active little boy who is "entertained" by either me or my mum (bless her!) all day?

 

Thanks,

 

Clare :)

[robberbutton]

PS - I did try and search, but if this has come up before then please feel free to point me in the direction of a relevant thread :)

[BMW]

Perhaps you can put together a "quiet activity" box (my kids had felt books with felt playing pieces... a forest with lots of animals, etc... could be a couple soft lauri puzzles... a couple new cars...) and during the nap bring it out and start with 15 min. for a couple of days. Add in 5 min. at a time. Set the rules you want... maybe "this is for playing with on your bed during quiet time... you're such a big boy, you don't have to lay down and sleep, but you need to play quietly here" and maybe even start the time with just 5-10 min. the first time, letting him see how it works... ??

[Chris in VA]

I agree with the pp--start with 15 minutes and ramp it up slightly over the next few months until you've got him in there for an hour or so. You can do books on tape, but what I've found is that littles will often finish the 5 minute picture book tape and then come out of their rooms, thinking they are "done" with quiet time! lol

 

Also, if he is truly used to adults entertaining him all the time, I'd actually start having him learn to entertain himself for a few minutes (again, ramping up slowly) while it's not quiet time--you in the same room, or just over in the kitchen, or running stairs with laundry, etc. Get him used to sitting with his own stack of books, legos, books on tapes (and here you can teach him to do these by himself), etc. After a while, you could introduce quiet time in his room--he will be more used to doing something without constant feedback, and that could make the transition to alone time a little easier.

[Ferdie]

Aftter my kids dropped their nap they did their quiet time in their bedrooms. In the beginning I put a baby gate on the door or a piece of red construction paper under the door to remind them to stop and stay in their room.

 

My dd loved to listen to books on tape. My youngest loved to draw and color or play with his trains. Sometimes they fell asleep, too. I love the idea of a quiet time box.

[msjones]

Agreeing with the previous posters...

 

Both my boys, after dropping their naps, did 'quiet play time' in their rooms during the afternoons until they were about 6. Ahhhhh....I loved those days.

 

They did about an hour a day in their room/playroom (they share a room, so I had them switch off) and almost always enjoyed it. We would even do it on vacations or when camping. It was just part of the day, and we all benefitted.

 

Start small and work up to more time. Make it seem special and fun. I remember bringing out certain tubs of toys that were only for quiet play time. Emphasize that they can choose what to do as long as it is quiet. Remind them that they won't have to share the toys during that special hour. One of mine always played music quietly. He loved to choose the CDs, and use the CD player independently. (He is still my musical boy!) One listened to a lot of books on tape. They did a lot of drawing, lots of fantasy play. Playmobil and blocks were great at that time.

 

You won't regret making this a part of your routine. Good luck!

[MOM24WONDERS]

We don't drop the afternoon nap until about age 6, then they move up to the afternoon quiet time. Our children (even the 15 yo) must go to their room from 1-3 everyday. The older ones don't have to go to sleep, but they can either read, watch a movie quietly on their personal DVD player, or draw. They can't get up for any reason other than a bathroom break and it must be quiet and quick.

 

I go in my room and lie down with a book or either spend sometime doing something in the house that needs done. The main objective is to be quiet during those two hours.

 

I don't think it's unreasonable at all to expect a 3 year old to take a nap in the afternoon - he probably needs it. It's recommended that children nap daily until at least age 5 - they just NEED that much more sleep.

 

HTH!

[WiseOwlKnits]

My DS still naps so when he goes down for his nap, I put on a Jim Weiss CD for DD - her favorite is his Bible stories CD. She either falls asleep or listens to the CD. When the CD is over, she can come out. She rarely actually falls asleep these days, but it does give both of us some much needed downtime.

[Guest]

I don't think it's unreasonable at all to expect a 3 year old to take a nap in the afternoon - he probably needs it. It's recommended that children nap daily until at least age 5 - they just NEED that much more sleep.

 

 

It's not unreasonable to expect this, but some kids just.don't.nap.

 

DS gave up his nap at about 2 1/2. My mom told me that it was just a stage and to keep pushing it. Nope. We now have "rest time". He is free to take a wagon full of books/toys into his room for a few hours each afternoon. I think there's a learning curve - we've gone through ruined toys and books but now that he's 4, he knows what is expected. Stories on CD have been fun, too. There are days that he is extremely cranky and will fall asleep, but for the most part, we just make up the sleep time by going to bed a little earlier. I think you've received some great advice on building up the alone time.

 

Good luck - I know I can't live without my quiet time each day!

[Laurel]

We transitioned right from nap into quiet time. Every day after lunch (there are exceptions if we are doing something special), we all retreat to our rooms for quiet time. 3 yo (almost 4) still naps most days, but if he doesn't, he is reminded to stay in his room and play quietly. Almost 6 yo spends her quiet time reading or writing or listening to an audio book, and very rarely will nap.

 

For your ds, as others have said, I would start with a short period of time, and slowly build up. 10-15 minutes can seem like forever to a 3 yo. A routine will help as well, so he always knows when it's coming. We have lunch together, clear our places, and then read books for 20-30 minutes, and then head off to quiet time.

[kmacnchs]

They did about an hour a day in their room/playroom (they share a room, so I had them switch off) and almost always enjoyed it. We would even do it on vacations or when camping. It was just part of the day, and we all benefitted.

 

You won't regret making this a part of your routine. Good luck!

 

I LOVED the ideas of quiet time boxes! My 21 mo has roomtime for 1 hr. while I do school with my 3 yo in the mornings and then in the afternoon while my 21mo is asleep (2 1/2hrs), my 3yo has roomtime for about 30 min and then quiet time (strictly on the bed) for about 2 hrs where she can read and take a nap (we are in transition mode), which she usually does. They share a room but nap in different rooms to accomplish this...I love being complicated:tongue_smilie:

[MamaAkins]

We don't drop the afternoon nap until about age 6, then they move up to the afternoon quiet time. Our children (even the 15 yo) must go to their room from 1-3 everyday. The older ones don't have to go to sleep, but they can either read, watch a movie quietly on their personal DVD player, or draw. They can't get up for any reason other than a bathroom break and it must be quiet and quick.

 

I go in my room and lie down with a book or either spend sometime doing something in the house that needs done. The main objective is to be quiet during those two hours.

 

I don't think it's unreasonable at all to expect a 3 year old to take a nap in the afternoon - he probably needs it. It's recommended that children nap daily until at least age 5 - they just NEED that much more sleep.

 

HTH!

 

We follow this idea in a similar way. When my kids outgrow "nap" or "rest" time around age 4-6 (depending on the child), then they move to "quiet" time. It's generally about an hour to an hour and a half long at our house. They can do anything quiet, as long as it doesn't require mom's help or make noise (we have a little one who still naps during that time frame). Generally at least half of their quiet time is spent reading and then they may play a computer game or listen to a cd (with headphones) or draw. During the summer, I've lifted the rules a bit and let them have their quiet time together (the two older girls and ds). They like to play quietly. During the school year though, I try to have quiet time separately. I find that they are more likely to "rest" when they are alone. I need that hour or so to clear my mind and get ready for our busy evenings.

[myfunnybunch]

We just started one day, out of the blue, about a year ago. One day I told my boys, "It's Quiet Time." It was an instant success. I was surprised. Shocked. After the first three days, my boys would say, "Yay! Quiet Time!" when I announced Quiet Time. They still quickly and willingly grab their things and head to their quiet spots. It lasts for an hour, and we do it every afternoon. We're refreshed after an hour of rest and relaxation.

 

Quiet Time rules:

 

No schoolwork, except for some free reading, even if one is behind on schoolwork.

 

Must stay in one spot--playing quietly, napping, daydreaming, reading, doing puzzles.

 

Mom may not spend the entire Quiet Time doing housework/schoolwork. I must read or rest for at least half the time, no matter how tempting it is to get a start on dinner, catch up on teaching stuff, or clean the bathroom. (All right, I am never tempted to clean the bathroom. But you get the drift.)

 

And the rule I added after the first week: You may not ask "When is Quiet Time over??" Not even once. Not even if you're bored. Not even if your brother asked and you didn't hear the answer. Not at all. I will tell you when Quiet Time is over. :D

 

Quiet Time at Poohsticks

 

Cat

[Gretchen in NJ]

I always kept their favorte toys away from them until it was quiet time. It is a toy that can be played with in their crib/bed. I favorite book or stuffy works great.

[TKDmom]

I started doing quiet time this summer, but I'm really not very consistent. (I need to work on that). I'm most to likely to demand quiet time in the middle of the afternoon when the kids start fighting and acting grumpy. My youngest really does need naps, but he has never gone down easy and I gave up on naptime when he was 2.

 

I have several CDs with stories on them that they can listen to. My BIL gave them a whole bunch of fairy tales on CD from http://storynory.com/ They can also look at books or play quietly with toys (in bed). Dd usually spends her time reading in bed.

 

Anyway, it seems to work best if I tell them to stay in bed, rather than just in their rooms (the fighting will pick back up if they are allowed to get out of bed). I have been surprised at how well they adjusted to doing quiet time. My youngest ds will still complain loudly when he's told to go to his bed, but he does it and usually stays there. My biggest problem is usually that ds's will fall asleep in th late afternoon and then not be able to go to bed until 10 pm. Maybe it will work out better if I manage to become consistent and have quiet time every day soon after lunch.

[ubermomto5]

i can't say much about starting late with it, but he seems fairly young still. i bet in a week he'll think it's just supposed to be that way.

i have 5 almost 6 kids and have done this from day 1. its the only way for me, i need a little time to plan and be alone each day. now that i'm preg, i nap. having a special box for quiet time helps, having a special supply of books, and sometimes books on cd. it's also the only time at home (not driving) that my five year old gets leap pad so he enjoys that. at this point, the olders usually read the whole 2 hours or read for a while and then do a quiet project. the 5 year old is quiet for an hour and then needs to be with someone else or be read to.

[robberbutton]

Thank you so much for all your brilliant replies. I will definitely start implementing the ideas - starting small, having special toys just for that time, etc etc. And also, as one poster said, being consistant! Definitely a big issue for me as well.

 

It's really encouraging to read all your stories and how well it is working for everyone. We're in the middle of moving at the moment and staying with my parents, but I really have to stop thinking that everything is going to start and my life will be completely solved "once we get the new house". That's a terrible frame of mind - life is right now, as we're living it, and so I need to start training my children right now!

 

Thank you again - wish me luck :D

 

Clare