Children with no work ethic

[mom31257]

How do you help develop a true work ethic in your children? Our children do what tasks we ask of them, but they never do anything on their own. I know they don't like to work because they say it. I'm glad that getting them to do chores isn't very difficult, but it would feel nice not to have to tell them to do them.

 

We don't really pay them or reward them for doing the chores. Is that why? There are times that they can't do something until chores are done, but I don't really see that as being like allowance.

 

I just wish they would come up when I'm doing something and offer to help. Our dd does have a "job" at church, and has done well with it all year. She's one of the oldest in our children's church. She helps run the sound, computer, and lights. It gives me a little hope that she has managed to do that all year without being asked not to do it anymore!

 

Does anyone have any advice or hope to give?

[JennifersLost]

You know, I think the thing to aim for with chores is that what you ASK for gets done and done well.

 

There is no shortcut or magic word. No one likes to do work - that's why it's work, LOL. What you are aiming for is that by the time your kids have homes of their own, and become motivated to care for them BECAUSE they are their own homes, they will know what to do and how to do it.

 

The best way to get your older teens to help without asking is by modeling the behavior you seek. Younger kids won't even "see" it, but older teens may begin to notice the favors you are doing for them and return them (once in awhile).

[joannqn]

For me, I have different levels of expectations.

 

At the lowest level, it's that chores are done when you tell them to do them without complaining. This is a matter of training.

 

The next level is that chores are to be done without having to be told to do them each and every day. This is more advanced training and can be accomplished, in part, by limiting what can be done before chores are finished. It's only after chores are done that you can do x.

 

Finally, over the course of a long time, you work on teaching them to offer to help when you are doing something or to just do things that they see need to be done. You can talk about it, model it, and praise/reward it when it happens. Eventually, you'll see progress.

 

My kids aren't of the age where I expect that they offer help or do things on their own yet. However, my son does offer to help and do things on his own on occasion. I make sure to praise this behavior. I try to praise it in front of my daughter as much as possible because she doesn't have the same work ethic that he does. I want her to hear her brother getting kudos, or being rewarded, for going above and beyond what's expected. For example, I give lottery type allowance. They must do their chores and any other tasks assigned. Occasionally, I'll reward them with a small amount of money for doing a good job on the extra tasks that are assigned. Recently, my son went above and beyond on an extra task. The task was to pick up the main rooms as they were VERY messy. My daughter stopped once she finished her part. My son chose to also vacuum, and vacuum thoroughly. She got $1 for her part; he got $3...and she knew he got more and why.

[angela in ohio]

We have children who help out eagerly without being asked. I believe it is because we have never had a "chore system," and I don't nag anyone to do anything. When something needs done, someone does it. If we see them passing work by, we discipline for that as disobedience. I highly recommend it.

 

It took a LOT of training and effort to get them here, but I can now leave for a while and come back to a clean house and dinner made. It is paying off. :)

 

The 13 and 11 yo girls are eager workers, and the 6 yo boy is in training (he still gets caught shirking every once in a while, but he will learn.) The girls are now loaned out to others to help them, too (moms with babies, church activities, etc.)

 

ETA: I aso think modeling is very important. Dh and I try to set an example of helping others, giving of ourselves, and working hard.

[KrissiK]

I was just wondering the same thing. But, I guess it's just giving them jobs, expecting them to do it well and without complaining and also being a good role model. It's tough living in town because besides housework, there's not a ton they can really do right now. They aren't old enough to push a lawn mower or wash the car. But, they have to clean up their toys at night, do their laundry and a few other household chores like dusting and cleaning the bathroom, and my oldest ds (6 yrs.) is learning how to cook, which he loves.

[Kathy in MD]

Some I see as a function of age. It happens more as ds becomes older, but it's never as much as I would like. :D

 

The other part depends on ME. Do I sincerely thank him. Do I secretely wish he'd done it better. Or do I truly wish he'd not done it it all, like reorganise a cabinet or a mess in my room. My ds can pick up on these feelings, even when I hide them and it discourages him from trying again.

[Dirtroad]

Certain chores are expected daily & I try not to remind them. DD is better at this than DS.

 

However, if chores aren't done (without my instruction)... then no fun stuff is allowed. Too bad, should have done your chores is my answer.

 

WE also (occassionally) review our plan for hte next morning at bedtime.... what chores, music practice, etc. That seems to help - but not fool proof.

 

There are some character lessons that I have seen on this subject... teaching of helping others, going the extra mile & doing your best, noticing a problem & fixing it (not waiting on someone else)..... maybe that area could help.

 

Never do it for them - even if they forget & the garbage is overflowing.

 

I still struggle.... hope it improves & I am reading other post for wisdom!

[LaxMom]

FWIW, I'm not sure housework/chores necessarily equate to work ethic. I have a very strong work ethic and have always gone above and beyond in my work, whether professional or volunteer. I hated (and still do) house chores as a kid. There were screaming fights. It was ugly.

 

But I have heard several people over 25 years of employment and volunteer positions (since I was 13) comment positively about my work ethic, from supervisors to co-workers to customers.

 

I think, as Jennifer said, modeling is the best route. It sounds as if your daughter has a strong work ethic, given her position at church; it just doesn't necessarily translate to work around the home.

[HeathenMom]

i was a lazy kid who really only excelled in things i was personally interested in. there were jobs i had to help my dad with from time to time, but i had no chores to speak of.

 

my dad was a strong hard worker who constantly pushed himself to do and achieve more. as i get older i realize every day that i am more and more like him. i honestly believe that my work ethic was developed by his example and nothing else.

[kalanamak]

i honestly believe that my work ethic was developed by his example and nothing else.

 

:iagree: except I think it is in the genes, as well.