Please give advice on relocating or calming my head.

[wagnfun]

Ironically with the market & financial status of these days, it looks as if dh & I have the opportunity to "upsize" to a new location. Although this move would only be a few counties over in the same state, the property value, community, area & such is more upperscale. The houses are bigger & newer and yet I feel unsure about the whole thing. If ever my children had to go to public school, they would NOT be going in the district we live in & was one of the inital reasons we started homeschooling. Financially in the big picture it would be better for us as the area we are currently in is, although safe & middle class on the decline overall. Thats the ying.

 

However, the houses are twice the size as the one I am in now. My boys being polar opposites, share a room & I think this has helped him become closer. We don't have a lot of hang space, & dont' allow the teens to close themselves off in their rooms so we're almost forced to hang together. My girls 18 & 6 share a room. My 18 yr old needs a break from her sister but my 6 LOVES sharing a room w/ big sis. My kitchen & bathrooms are older, worn, plan ugly really.. but I dont' have to freak out about mud on the floor or what baking soda experiment is being done this week. If we move, I know my freak factor will go up with a new house. The houses have twice the bedrooms & most have lofts as well, it makes since giving each child their own room while we'd have a living room, loft & family room to hang in as well. Me staying home still is a given either way. Money will be a bit tighter but completely doable. Homeschooling the youngers is a given while sending the 13 to public high school if we move is a probably. Thats the yang.

 

Why is my head kicking & not letting me sleep with this decision? Advice with these dcisions are the types of things I miss my mom most for. DH has left it 100% up to me b/c he wants me to be happy. He currently commutes to work 45 mintues (no traffic) or 1hr 20minutes w/ traffic while in the new area the commute woud be 15-20 minutes either way. He doesn't care as long as the kids & I are ok with where we are.

 

How do i decide & then be ok with it?

 

corb- who really is freaking out a bit...

Edited May 29, 2009 by wagnfun

[Natalieclare]

How much are you tied into your community? Will the move negatively impact your relationships in church, lessons, teams, volunteer places? Will you miss your neighbors?

 

If it were me, and I didn't have strong local ties, I would move in a heartbeat...just to have that much more time with my dh.

[kaylk in tx]

the commute time would cinch it for me.... i'd move in a heartbeat to cut down on dh's time in the car.

[Danestress]

if you stay where you are, you can homeschool your 13 year old? Why can't you do that if you move? I wouldn't want to lose homeschooling because of a new house, and if you really want to HS this child and would be sad to send him to school, that would be a big factor for me.

 

Getting an extra hour or so a day with my husband would be a very very big deal for me. I would consider moving into a tent for an extra hour a day with my husband. More space is a "plus" for me. YMMV. I just really like space and we have a 3600 square foot house but still don't have kids shut off in rooms away from the rest of us. We all still "hang" together a lot, and did so right through my DS's high school years. So I'm not sure that you are right that you would start to isolate yourselves from each other.

 

My boys do share a room still. They don't really have to, but they share one room for all their "Stuff" though one sleeps in a different room because his brother snores:)

 

But, if you do more, would you suddenly find yourself driving back to your old community all the time to see friends, take music lesson, participate in sports, etc? That's something to consider.

[wildflower]

What about the wide open spaces? (yes, I just took a peak at your blog!)

Do you need to spread the kids out if you're in a new house? Could you use the extra space for work rooms- a science room where you do not care about the flooring.

Instead of how this will change your current lives, how could you use it to reorganize yourselves into a finer working model of what makes you happy already?

What I would ask myself before choosing a property- is this about stuff or quality of life?

What a great opportunity this could be for you, wish we could upgrade (decaffeinated farmgirl here... looking for my not-so-suburban homestead!)

Robyn

[Hen]

no commute for dh would cinch it for me, too. we moved to the city he works in, and it is so wonderful to have him home early, have him stop in for lunch once in a while.

 

We more than doubled our house size when we moved...same number of bedrooms, but I would have had my kids share anyways, we do think that having them share is good for them.

 

good luck with your decision.:D

[wagnfun]

What about the wide open spaces? (yes, I just took a peak at your blog!)

Do you need to spread the kids out if you're in a new house? Could you use the extra space for work rooms- a science room where you do not care about the flooring.

Instead of how this will change your current lives, how could you use it to reorganize yourselves into a finer working model of what makes you happy already?

What I would ask myself before choosing a property- is this about stuff or quality of life?

What a great opportunity this could be for you, wish we could upgrade (decaffeinated farmgirl here... looking for my not-so-suburban homestead!)

Robyn

 

Our move wouldn't be to a wide open space, it would still be very suburban- just different.

 

My 13 yr old goes to a Christian univerity's homeschool program & we're throwing around sticking w/ them or going pubic. They have a location close to the new house. Thanks for all your input!!

[Suzanne in ABQ]

I would be jumping into the move. Everything you've mentioned is a positive, except the amount of control you'll have. :) Right now, you're able to force togetherness because there are no alternatives. It sounds like you're worried that, given more space to spread out, everything will fall apart, and everyone will be scattered. And, you'll lose control of something, a close knit family perhaps?

 

Personally, I believe that true togetherness occurs when the people involved have options, but *choose* to be together. I don't blame your 18 yo for wanting more space. It's more than natural that she would. Forcing her to be with her little sister *may* breed comtempt. She's an adult in many ways. And, she's not the mother of her little sister.

 

Giving people the space they need doesn't necessarily mean that they'll go in their caves and never come out. But, it will give them the time and space they need to become comfortable just being themselves, in their own skin, time to regroup. Then, they'll have more to give when you come together for your family times.

 

I probably shouldn't be posting right now because I'm hungry. I hope I don't sound gruff. I just wanted to say, "Yes! Go for it!" There will be adjustments, but it sounds like they will be overwhelmingly positive!

[Impish]

Put another vote in the move column. I also wonder if the savings in the gas for the commute, and wear and tear on the car wouldn't balance out the extra expenses with the new house...a bit anyways. Plus the extra time with hubby would completely sway me.

[Barb_]

There really isn't any reason why your children couldn't continue sharing a room in the new house. Use the other rooms for playroom/office/study room/ art or music studio/ library or whatever. Same goes for the school/homeschool question. You can still homeschool without the co-op. If you want to send your older one to school temporarily or permanently, that's fine. But the move shouldn't be making these decisions for you. You'll have more options, that's all. No need to feel you have to step through all those newly opened doors right away (or at all).

 

Barb

[Garga]

Ok--I'm not very house savvy-but let's try to think this through.

 

Less payments in gas and car wear and tear.

 

But, will there be higher payments on utilities? (More space to heat/cool/light.)

 

Will the property taxes go up if you're in a nicer neighborhood?

 

Will you have to buy more furniture? You could choose not to, but are you planning on buying more furniture?

 

Is there any other hidden cost like that? Higher homeowner's insurance or something? If you're going to a bigger house in a nicer neighborhood, I think all that goes up. And real estate people don't always factor that in when you're talking with them. They wait until you sit down to start signing stuff, and then you realize what the costs will be.

 

If the costs are still doable, I think I'd move. You have a 3 yo, so you'll be using the house for a lot of people for many years. It's not like your kids will be moving out in 2 years and you and dh will be rattling around in a big house by yourselves.

[wagnfun]

Thanks for all my replys!! The weird thing about posting on a message board is what you don't say, people add their life stories to fill the gaps. What I didn't mention was that dh would be moving to a busier office. He would be gone just as long b/c of added hours, just wouldn't have commute. He has a weird job where he sometimes works from home, yet sometimes travels & can be gone for a week. On office days though, he said longer hours are better then traffic. There is a chance of year end bonus' but not a raise in pay for these added hours. Gas & wear/tear aren't an issue as the company pays for this for dh.

 

The only family I have that I would leave is my grandparents. I have 2 set days a week I care for my grandmother who is well in her late 80's. That commute wouldn't bother me and since one of the days is Sunday, the rest of my family could visit our old church & then we could spend the afternoon visiting old friends. Due to grandmas health, this isn't a long term thing & may work as a nice ease into the new area whiel leaving our current one.

 

Funny to hear I sounded controling. Ive never been told that. Yes I think with more space we will be more spread out. While I don't force the kids to hang out together, it just is what seems to happen b/c my kids don't have video games or tvs in their rooms. The only forced thing is we eat dinner together at the table. We also have a living room that is rarely used. We migrate to the same room b/c that is where all the action is (computers, tv, board games, right off the kitchen) We have an extra bedroom in the house we are in now & yes my boys share a room b/c I think it is good for their relationship; I know with a move, they more then likely would no longer share a room. As far as the 18 & 6 yr old go, sharing a room was the 18yr olds choice when she was 16. Like I said, we have an extra room now but when the 16yr old had her choice & dh moved all the kids rooms around, she wanted her little sister with her. Honestly when all is said & done, the 18 yr old is tired of getting told to clean up her side of the room. 6yr DD is a decoraing neat freak w/ her animals & has issues when 18dd leaves clothing all over the bed or floor. No where did I even begin to state that 18 yr old is responsible for 6 yr old like a mother. 18 yr old is a full time college student working 2 jobs. She isn't home much as it is but when she is home, she is the nail painting, coloring, play games big sister without my saying a thing. She just doesn't want the 6 yr old to tell her to clean up her mess.

 

Barb you are right, the move shouldn't be making these decisions for me. I will look at it as if I have more options; wow, maybe I could have a scrapbooking/craft/ironing room afterall!

 

Garga hit the nail on the head... taxes will be higher, utilities will more then likely go up, water alone will as the new area is a good 12' hotter & dryer. I would have to buy another living room set & an actual dining room set or have empty rooms. There are also association fees & mello roos in the new housing tracks that I don’t' have now. We wouldn't have to change much financially (love Dave Ramsey!) but it is a higher maintenance lifestyle.

 

Jen you have a PM!

 

 

Thanks all who replied. After thinking things through, & working some long term numbers it looks like we're going to look into a few houses. Yikes! I guess my relaxing slow summer will be spent packing!

 

Thanks all!!

[Suzanne in ABQ]

Funny to hear I sounded controling. Ive never been told that. Yes I think with more space we will be more spread out. While I don't force the kids to hang out together, it just is what seems to happen b/c my kids don't have video games or tvs in their rooms. The only forced thing is we eat dinner together at the table. We also have a living room that is rarely used. We migrate to the same room b/c that is where all the action is (computers, tv, board games, right off the kitchen) We have an extra bedroom in the house we are in now & yes my boys share a room b/c I think it is good for their relationship; I know with a move, they more then likely would no longer share a room. As far as the 18 & 6 yr old go, sharing a room was the 18yr olds choice when she was 16. Like I said, we have an extra room now but when the 16yr old had her choice & dh moved all the kids rooms around, she wanted her little sister with her. Honestly when all is said & done, the 18 yr old is tired of getting told to clean up her side of the room. 6yr DD is a decoraing neat freak w/ her animals & has issues when 18dd leaves clothing all over the bed or floor. No where did I even begin to state that 18 yr old is responsible for 6 yr old like a mother. 18 yr old is a full time college student working 2 jobs. She isn't home much as it is but when she is home, she is the nail painting, coloring, play games big sister without my saying a thing. She just doesn't want the 6 yr old to tell her to clean up her mess.

 

I'm sorry! I knew I shouldn't have been posting because I was tired and hungry, and probably a little grumpy, and definitely short on words. I read "18 yr old needs a break from her little sister" and filled in the rest, based on my experience, and typical teenage behavior. I didn't mean to offend. I just thought that was a large age gap, and that forcing them to be together, if she didn't want it, wasn't the best option. You hadn't mentioned the stuff about it being her idea, or about the 6yo's need for neatness cramping 18yo's style. :)

 

Also, briefly reading your op gave me the feeling that you were worried about more space because you wanted to foster togetherness by keeping everyone in the same room all the time, whether they liked it or not. I misunderstood. Again, sorry.

 

It seems like, after spending over 8 years on this board, I'd learn not to post when I don't have the time or the energy to read carefully, or make myself clear. I'll refrain next time. :)

 

I wish you the best, whatever you decide to do. It still sounds like a great opportunity to me. ;)

[ElizabethB]

Are there slightly smaller houses in or near the neighborhood you like that would still be a step up but would be cheaper to buy/rent and pay utilities for?

[Starr]

I think this sounds like a good opportunity but I understand about all gathering together in one room. That happens at our house, because of layout and I really appreciate it now that the children are teens.