@teachermom2834I really like that idea. Thanks. 🙂

Hope you love it!

@Clemsondana I don't expect the photos to take long, but it's a beautiful venue with gardens and indoor/outdoor area so I think some of the time will be going to different locations for shots. But, yes, fewer people and a short ceremony definitely helps!

I've missed @Ann.without.an.etoo! @KungFuPandaglad you get to spend time with your adorable gs. ❤️

Just wanted to echo this. We are here for you no matter what happens for support, information, whatever we can do... I'm sorry about the stress. Uncertainty is so hard. Sending big hugs to you, @East Coast Sue @Garga so glad you got good news, but sorry for the waiting and the stress.

Thank you! This would be best for us. I haven't been to a wedding in a long time and certainly haven't paid attention to how family photos are usually done.

Please Don't Quote: Unfortunately, they haven't thought much out at all. They haven't really done anything at this point and I've taken over gathering all the info and passing it on to them being very very careful not to make any decisions or even influence them on what/who to choose at every step. Ds3 is an Aspie and I think he just got overwhelmed and stuck thinking about it all. His fiance is from Indonesia (he just got there a few days ago and they are coming back together in about ten days) and hasn't done anything yet - she doesn't even have a dress yet. I'm kicking myself for not pushing them to start planning months ago - I just assumed things were moving along. So I am gathering info and sending it to them. I think they are going to want my input on most things but I don't want to be responsible for anything and am being very careful to send them options/thoughts. But good point in how much say I will have. Hopefully little to none. I am gathering photographer info right now waiting until we have a date/time and then will send them all the possibilities of who is available (fingers crossed we have a choice at this stage since it's so late and everyone is booked). Then, once they choose someone, I guess I can back off and just guide them into what they need to discuss with the photographer without actually making the decisions myself. 🙂 But I will bring up the issue of dd's boyfriend because they might just be laid back and say it's fine for him to be in all the photos without really thinking that through... Hope that made sense. 2:30am here and I'm severely sleep-deprived.

I'm so glad I posted - you all gave me a lot to think about. I'll definitely discuss with ds3 and his fiance soon and also with dd ahead of time so we can have it all planned out well before the wedding!

Your whole post was very helpful, but this triggered a memory of something that happened at my own wedding and I completely forgot about it. Our photographer (who wasn't the person we hired, but someone sent out in his place who was absolutely awful) put DH's sister in all of my family photos! I'm an only child, so it was me and DH, my parents, and... DH's sister. DH and I didn't notice at the time since we were just standing in the center with people coming and going around us for photos but I don't know why no one else said anything about her not belonging in the photo!

I didn't pay attention at the time, but reading this reminded me that many photographers mentioned something like this as part of the package. Thanks!

That does sound awkward! Ds2's ex is in a lot of family photos in our albums and I asked ds2 if he wanted me to remove any so it wouldn't make his current gf uncomfortable but he said she was fine with it. Current gf knew ds the whole time he was in the relationship with his ex and they all did stuff together and were friends and have photos together. But we definitely don't have any with the ex framed and on display!

Good point - ds1 and his gf are legal domestic partners. They needed to do that for something a while ago - I forgot what but maybe insurance.

But the girlfriends really are family. Or at least as much family as an in-law would be, but it's not legal. Ds1 and his gf have been together much longer than many marriages.

@Scarlett, I'm sorry. My situation is a bit different, but it's still all brain-related and I hate it and it makes me miserable. No sleep, crazy dreams, so much anxiety and self-loathing, disordered eating/exercise, fuzzy thinking (maybe due to the insomnia)....I hate my brain and I tell DH all the time that I'm suffering with no escape. Just wanted to say you're not alone and send you a big hug. ETA - I get the drowning feeling too. And I get overwhelmed so easily and my brain just shuts down. Mine seems to be worse since my concussion a couple of years ago, but maybe it would have gotten worse anyway with age.

We have two hours with the photographer for the quick informal ceremony and then couple/family photos at the venue. I do expect more weddings in the next year or two, so if the boyfriend is still around then I would feel differently but this relationship is too new for me to be comfortable with him in formal professional family photos. We don't have anyone to take family photos once the photographer is gone if the bf is in them, though. Other than a tripod I guess. I definitely considered that you never know how long relationships will last no matter how long and committed they are.

Ds1 and his gf - 12 years together, living together for 10 Definitely long-term commitment. They've made big moves for each other's careers and have long-term plans but not engaged (yet, but they have to be soon!). Ds2 and his gf - 6 years together "officially" but were together before that, living together for 4. He made a big move last year for her career and definitely long-term commitment. I included ds2's ex in many family photos when they were together (3 1/2 year relationship) and I regret that now.

I guess the problem with that is that we consider the long term girlfriends family at this point. They've all been together for a very long time.

That's a really good idea to talk to dd first and also the thought of "we don't know how long you are going to be around..." A friend of mine also said to put him on the end - lol

Ds3 is getting married soon. It will be kind of a microwedding/elopement with just immediate family. Guests will be me and DH, ds1 and his longtime girlfriend, ds2 and his longtime girlfriend, and dd and her...new boyfriend. I'm not sure how to handle family photos taken by the photographer. I don't want dd's boyfriend in them because the relationship is so new, but I don't know how awkward it will be to leave him out. I assume (hope) he will just know enough to not even consider being in the pictures but I haven't met him yet and have no idea what he's like other than he seems like a nice young man and he's very good to dd (she lives OOS). We only have the photographer for the very short informal ceremony and then after that for photos in the beautiful venue we found. After that it will be just our own pics for cake, dinner, etc. when we go out to celebrate later. I'm kind of hoping he chooses not to come. Dd said she's going to invite him, but I don't know for sure that he'll be there since it is a big trip, he'll have to miss work, and it might be kind of weird for him meeting us for the first time in a full weekend of a special family gathering/celebration. Any idea of how we should handle this if it comes up? I don't mind couple photos of the two of them or some informal photos later, but I don't want him in family group photos taken by the photographer or any other important pics. OTOH, if they end up staying together (doubtful IMO), I'll regret not having him in the pics. If only I had a crystal ball. 😛

I think that's the one I have too. We got ours in 2016 and have had no problems at all. I'm very happy with it.

I will let her know. I did tell her how grateful everyone is for her update.

I'm so glad it's over and your niece had a beautiful wedding. You did a great job with your mom, too. Your dad...ugh, I don't know what to say about his awful comment. 😞

Sounds wonderful! I'm so happy for you!

@Janewaythank you so much for the wonderful update. I've been worried and this is wonderful news. I hope he continues to do well and am glad he's being monitored closely. Big hugs to you.

@teachermom2834my experience is almost identical to yours. You expressed it beautifully.